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Baz
21-08-12, 09:10 PM
For those few about the shoutbox earlier may have seen a brief conversation on Mental Health between a few of us, mainly myself, cam, churky and russo.

I know it's a bit of a taboo subject at times, and many, many people just brush it under the carpet but as Churky rightly stated, undiagnosed depression can lead to serious consequences.

I'm happy to admit i've had a history of anxiety disorders but having depression, which i've been diagnosed with today, is totally new to me. Been given 'happy pills' the generic prozac if anyone is wondering, and have been referred on to the mental health team at the local health board, however long that may well take.

I'll probably end up using this thread to document my journey but please hijack it with questions or if you're a sufferer too then join in the more the merrier, it really is time to stop making this a taboo topic, especially amongst men.

churky
21-08-12, 09:36 PM
Although we're just online friends, I'm sure there are enough of us here ready to help you in whatever way we can. Judging from Facebook, you seem to have a happy family who will be your greatest support, but you can rely on us as well.
I think documenting your progress and your thoughts will help you along the way, as well as the rest of us sharing our experiences with anxiety/depression/generally bad mood over longer period of time. :)

Cam F
21-08-12, 09:42 PM
My mate's sister suffers from mental health issues and has written a few books about it Baz.

Here is her web page.

http://www.thecairn.com/

Erkifino
21-08-12, 10:11 PM
Don't have to much interaction with you Baz but fair play to you for bringing up the subject! I hope this helps you somewhat to get where you need to be and if they are others suffering, hopefully they'll be encouraged to speak about. To be honest, I'm lucky and I know I am, the worst "issues" I'd ever had was just teenage angst. It's ridiculous though how many people I know who are on Prozac, but I've always felt, maybe in my ignorance, that doctors can be a bit quick to dish it out. All the best mate! :ok:

Baz
21-08-12, 10:18 PM
I had to do that silly little test too, forgot to mention that, no idea how they get a 'depression rating' from answering 8-10 questions then using a total, bit confusing that is.

Erk, with regards to the Prozac dishing out, from what I understand that's the starting point for anti depressants, if you need higher strength stuff then they'll boost you up or change your medication.

ebfatz
21-08-12, 10:26 PM
Same as above.
Not really much interaction with you. Apart from you beating me to best defender in AYTN.
But seriously if you need a sounding board, feel free to use us as there are more than enough people around here to have a serious conversation with if needed.

My missus has been on the pills lately. They weren't prozac though. Can't remember what they were called. It's not a nice situation by any means but they certainly helped her out a bit so hopefully, at some point soon, there will be light at the end of the tunnel and you feel a bit better.

Erkifino
21-08-12, 10:34 PM
I just meant that they seemed very quick to offer medication as opposed to counselling, but as I said it's probably my ignorance on the subject.

Goofy
21-08-12, 10:47 PM
We did have a discussion on this topic a while back with various opinions, not all good :8-[:


Glad you have the balls to tackle it head-on mate :ok: My mum was diagnosed with Clinical Depression about 3 years ago........ she'd just been made redundant from a job of 20+ years and was struggling to get back into the workforce. She finally got a job at a care home but just couldnt cope with it at all and basically had a breakdown. She too was prescribed some pills and a few weeks later seemed a lot happier! Got a new job soon after and has been fine ever since :)

Good luck on your journey Baz, talking about it is a good thing :tup:

Redknapp69
21-08-12, 11:57 PM
I wish you well Baz

Pob lwc

Spudiator
22-08-12, 09:00 AM
I just meant that they seemed very quick to offer medication as opposed to counselling
Therein lies the main issue, and it's something I have a big problem. I've been diagnosed with depression on more than one occasion. I had it at its worst about 10 years ago, the docs prescribed me some random anti-depressants without really asking many questions, it was a case of "I'm depressed", "Ok, here, take these tablets". They didn't do me any good, so when I went back to the docs, they changed me onto different medication, and to say they didn't work either would've been an understatement, all the second type did was make me gradually worse, to the point that they very nearly pushed me over the edge. It was only after I was on the verge of ending it all that they finally took my probelm seriously, got some proper understanding of my condition and got me the help I really needed, which was counselling. That had a profound effect on me, took a massive weight off my shoulders and gave me a sense of freedom to carry on my life without feeling burdoned.

The problem is, you can treat depression, but it will never, ever go away completely. Even after I'd finished my counselling sessions and could see light at the end of the tunnel again, there was still always that little niggle, that little bit of depression waiting to be triggered again, and for the most part I managed to keep it at bay almost completely. It started getting to me again last year while I was looking after my baby son. I'd given up work altogether to care for him full-time after my wife's maternity leave was up so she wouldn't have to sacrifice her career, and the feeling of isolation, along with the gradual breakdown of my marriage, started to bring it all back again, and I was struggling badly. Eventually, a short while after I left my wife, I bit the bullet and went back to the doctors about it. I hate the idea of being on anti-depressants, especially when it seems to be so casually prescribed to everyone without any attempt to understand the root causes of depression first, but I needed some help coping, so I did what I had to.

I've since managed to wean myself off the medication again, so I don't become dependent on it, and I'm coping ok at the moment, I'm in a new relationship with a woman who makes me happy, I've got a decent, steady job again and I'm looking to the future, but it's still there, it's always in the back of my mind, waiting for its chance. Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt anti-depressants are exactly what some people need, and it can help a lot of the time, but I do strongly believe that the key to overcoming it long-term is getting to the bottom of the root-cause and, where possible, removing yourself from as much negativity as possible. The world's too full of people who either don't understand, or just don't want to, and are far too content to verbally cut you down to size just to make themselves feel better. I'm looking at doing a psychology course on the Open University as soon as I can afford to get started, so I can become qualified and work towards being able to help others who have been through what I have. Understanding is the way forward, it'll never cure depression completely, because I don't believe anything will, but understanding why makes it so much easier to manage and cope with so it doesn't drag you down to the point of suicide.

Blue Demon
22-08-12, 09:32 AM
Thanks for that Spud. I was about to post the question about what depression actually is, aside from feeling depressed. You explained it very well imo.

Baz
22-08-12, 09:46 AM
I wish you well Baz

Pob lwc

Diolch yn fawr.


Therein lies the main issue, and it's something I have a big problem. I've been diagnosed with depression on more than one occasion. I had it at its worst about 10 years ago, the docs prescribed me some random anti-depressants without really asking many questions, it was a case of "I'm depressed", "Ok, here, take these tablets". They didn't do me any good, so when I went back to the docs, they changed me onto different medication, and to say they didn't work either would've been an understatement, all the second type did was make me gradually worse, to the point that they very nearly pushed me over the edge. It was only after I was on the verge of ending it all that they finally took my probelm seriously, got some proper understanding of my condition and got me the help I really needed, which was counselling. That had a profound effect on me, took a massive weight off my shoulders and gave me a sense of freedom to carry on my life without feeling burdoned.

The problem is, you can treat depression, but it will never, ever go away completely. Even after I'd finished my counselling sessions and could see light at the end of the tunnel again, there was still always that little niggle, that little bit of depression waiting to be triggered again, and for the most part I managed to keep it at bay almost completely. It started getting to me again last year while I was looking after my baby son. I'd given up work altogether to care for him full-time after my wife's maternity leave was up so she wouldn't have to sacrifice her career, and the feeling of isolation, along with the gradual breakdown of my marriage, started to bring it all back again, and I was struggling badly. Eventually, a short while after I left my wife, I bit the bullet and went back to the doctors about it. I hate the idea of being on anti-depressants, especially when it seems to be so casually prescribed to everyone without any attempt to understand the root causes of depression first, but I needed some help coping, so I did what I had to.

I've since managed to wean myself off the medication again, so I don't become dependent on it, and I'm coping ok at the moment, I'm in a new relationship with a woman who makes me happy, I've got a decent, steady job again and I'm looking to the future, but it's still there, it's always in the back of my mind, waiting for its chance. Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt anti-depressants are exactly what some people need, and it can help a lot of the time, but I do strongly believe that the key to overcoming it long-term is getting to the bottom of the root-cause and, where possible, removing yourself from as much negativity as possible. The world's too full of people who either don't understand, or just don't want to, and are far too content to verbally cut you down to size just to make themselves feel better. I'm looking at doing a psychology course on the Open University as soon as I can afford to get started, so I can become qualified and work towards being able to help others who have been through what I have. Understanding is the way forward, it'll never cure depression completely, because I don't believe anything will, but understanding why makes it so much easier to manage and cope with so it doesn't drag you down to the point of suicide.

Totally understand that. Going through anxiety I learned it's all about coping with it as it is a natural reaction that your body has to things, so it's about learning techniques that are useful to you in that situation. With regards to he medication I do have my qualms about the medication but i'm willing to give it a go if it helps with the lowness I am feeling then it's all good. To be honest I am a firm believer in the work of the psychologists and that may well help me more than the medication will by the time it all kicks in, but i'm open to everything at the moment.

ebfatz
22-08-12, 11:08 AM
Sertraline was the ones my missus was on.
She took herself off them in the end. Felt she didn't need them anymore.

wato20
22-08-12, 11:24 AM
Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle - Albert Einstein.

You are not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations, nor should you feel the world must live up to yours

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

If you’re going through hell, keep going – Winston Churchill.

The harder you fall, the higher you bounce

Baz
22-08-12, 09:33 PM
Some insightful quotes there Wato ;)

Have to say today hasn't been too bad as i've been kept busy doing various things throughout the day, had a good chat with my boss who is still insistent that I stay off work until Tuesday, which i'm not going to argue with :) guess i'm lucky to have a decent boss. However I did find myself starting to lose it in Asda with impatient people, but I put that down to being fed up with idiots who have no manners and think their a law into themselves!

Lets see what tomorrow brings :D

WelshRed
23-08-12, 09:30 AM
Nice one Baz, it shouldn't be a taboo subject at all - but it clearly is. I mean we are in 2012, and it's only now becoming more apparent. There are more and more high profile people being diagnosed and facing this head on, which is great and will help people going forward.

My mother in law and my wife both suffer with anxiety and depression. It all started with my first born, and unless you are faced with the situation you don't really understand it - which was the hard part for me. Now 4 years on and my wife still has "bad days" but she can look back and see what she's been through and how she combated it with very little medication and a lot of talking.

:tup: for this thread, will hopefully enlighten people as to what depression actually is...

Topofthekop
23-08-12, 11:05 AM
Depression is a horrid thing to suffer with, Its something that cannot be physically seen by others (inc doctors) and therefore quite often gets dismissed as being a real problem. I have been told by friends previously that I am a liar because I dont let it show while I am around them but I do suffer with it and have done for years. I have been to counselling a few times, but always seem to just go back over things time and time again. Yes sometimes it can help, but then there are times where I wonder why the fuck I went. Coupled with the medication I take I had not been as bad for about a year or so, until just before christmas just gone when I was again struck down by a long standing back problem and on top of that I also started suffering with panic attacks and anxiety. To be out in public and suddenly start to panic for no apparent reason wasn't a nice thing to experience, and while my medication has now been increased to help combat this I still get times when its extremely uncomfortable to be outside.

I really hope for your sake that you are able to learn to cope and deal with the depression, and talking about it with others that understand what you are going through certainly will help you in the long run. Good luck mate

Baz
23-08-12, 03:23 PM
Anxiety is probably the biggest bug bear of the lot isn't it? At least with just feeling down and upset you could still physically get up and drag yourself out for a little bit, but if you're getting anxiety attacks with it, it just cripples you big time as they are horrible to have in public, even more so if you feel like you're going to pass out at any second due to the attacks. I have total sympathy there Toppo, when my anxiety levels were at their worst I couldn't be anywhere other than in my comfort zone, so going out to do basic things I used to dread, however thankfully I learned how to deal with the anxiety issues, and i'm really hoping it doesn't show its ugly head whilst sorting through the depression, but it's normally a double whammy isn't it?

Deej
23-08-12, 03:36 PM
Just 3 weeks ago, one of my friends ended his life due to ongoing depression. I didn't even know he'd ever been diagnosed 'depressed', and his family said he'd said before ending his own life when he felt the time was right, which I guess was one week before his 31st birthday. It's a shame I had to find out today on my birthday how he ended his life, previously not wanting to know.

Not that this is about me of course. But it's a very real thing which the majority are usually quick to just sweep under the carpet and dismiss. If anyone has even the slightest doubt about their life, there are numbers you can ring. Talk to someone, you CAN get help for it.

RIP Nathan Wills

BeezerCeltic1967
23-08-12, 03:48 PM
Depression is not a sign of weakness, far from it in fact. It is a sign that you have been strong for too long.

Baz
23-08-12, 03:49 PM
Sorry to hear that Deej. I had a mate that committed suicide a few years back, the worst thing about that was his girlfriend at the time was pregnant with his baby. Nobody knew he was depressed or down about anything, his flatmate just found him hanging one day out of the blue.

I don't want this thread to turn into something all about me, if anyone else wants to share their problems then do so, we may learn something from eachother in the long run.

Topofthekop
23-08-12, 05:48 PM
Anxiety is probably the biggest bug bear of the lot isn't it? At least with just feeling down and upset you could still physically get up and drag yourself out for a little bit, but if you're getting anxiety attacks with it, it just cripples you big time as they are horrible to have in public, even more so if you feel like you're going to pass out at any second due to the attacks. I have total sympathy there Toppo, when my anxiety levels were at their worst I couldn't be anywhere other than in my comfort zone, so going out to do basic things I used to dread, however thankfully I learned how to deal with the anxiety issues, and i'm really hoping it doesn't show its ugly head whilst sorting through the depression, but it's normally a double whammy isn't it?


It certainly is a double whammy, although the one way I have found I can cope going out is through music on my MP3 player.. Volume up and zone out away from everyone!

In time I guess I will learn other ways of coping, but for the moment this works just fine


On a sidenote.. Back nearly 9 years ago I did try and take my own life.. I was at my lowest of lows, homeless, Family not speaking to me, Had to give up my job as couldnt keep myself clean and tidy for work. So one day while blind drunk I did the stupid thing of trying to do myself in, I was seen by someone who notified police who then sectioned me at the local mental hospital for my own good. 48hrs in there made me realise I wasnt insane, I saw a doctor got medication and arranged my first counselling session. Bumped into old friends who gave me a sofa to sleep on for 3 nights of the week and I slept on another friends sofa the other 4 days so as to not get them into trouble with housing people. Needless to say that was the turning point in my life, I have never attempted something like that again

churky
24-08-12, 01:51 PM
At least you found out how your true friends are. :)

Baz
24-08-12, 05:24 PM
It certainly is a double whammy, although the one way I have found I can cope going out is through music on my MP3 player.. Volume up and zone out away from everyone!

In time I guess I will learn other ways of coping, but for the moment this works just fine


On a sidenote.. Back nearly 9 years ago I did try and take my own life.. I was at my lowest of lows, homeless, Family not speaking to me, Had to give up my job as couldnt keep myself clean and tidy for work. So one day while blind drunk I did the stupid thing of trying to do myself in, I was seen by someone who notified police who then sectioned me at the local mental hospital for my own good. 48hrs in there made me realise I wasnt insane, I saw a doctor got medication and arranged my first counselling session. Bumped into old friends who gave me a sofa to sleep on for 3 nights of the week and I slept on another friends sofa the other 4 days so as to not get them into trouble with housing people. Needless to say that was the turning point in my life, I have never attempted something like that again

A friend of my attempted to take his own life back in Cardiff a few years ago, luckily for him, the car park he choose as his destination to jump off had high wires on the top level which put paid to his plans. Thankfully he got the proper help after being sectioned too.

MrBuckminster
24-08-12, 05:28 PM
It certainly is a double whammy, although the one way I have found I can cope going out is through music on my MP3 player.. Volume up and zone out away from everyone!

In time I guess I will learn other ways of coping, but for the moment this works just fine


On a sidenote.. Back nearly 9 years ago I did try and take my own life.. I was at my lowest of lows, homeless, Family not speaking to me, Had to give up my job as couldnt keep myself clean and tidy for work. So one day while blind drunk I did the stupid thing of trying to do myself in, I was seen by someone who notified police who then sectioned me at the local mental hospital for my own good. 48hrs in there made me realise I wasnt insane, I saw a doctor got medication and arranged my first counselling session. Bumped into old friends who gave me a sofa to sleep on for 3 nights of the week and I slept on another friends sofa the other 4 days so as to not get them into trouble with housing people. Needless to say that was the turning point in my life, I have never attempted something like that again

Thats a great post mate.

nirvana
24-08-12, 05:55 PM
Music on iPod/mps3 player is good advice.

Baz
27-08-12, 03:25 PM
Been finding it hard past few days which isn't good but I guess that could be a side effect to the meds with them making you feel worse before better an all. I have to attempt to go to work tomorrow which i'm dreading given my mental state but needs must an all so shall see how it goes.

churky
27-08-12, 07:27 PM
What do you do for a living?

Cam F
27-08-12, 07:33 PM
Surprised your going back to work so soon tbh. The norm seems to be signed off work for a month at a time until you recover, if your not ready you will just make it worse.

I wouldn't go to work tomorrow & get back to the docs.

Goofy
27-08-12, 07:53 PM
Sorry for changing the subject slightly but though I may as well post in this thread.

Ive been in hospital since early afternoon yesterday, came home from walking the dog and really couldnt draw a breath, most scared ive ever been in my life, really thought I was a goner! Barely managed to phone 999, thankfully the ambulance arrived in less than 10 mins and they quickly got me inhaling a nebulizer, what a relief that was!

Got another nebulizer once we arrived in casualty then shipped off for a chest xray! After that I was sent off to the wards for the night and given steroids and antibiotics. Have had a further 2 nebulizers today and feel a lot better, also been given an inhaler.

So, getting kept in for another night and hopefully allowed out tomorrow!

Cam F
27-08-12, 08:11 PM
Fucksake, scary stuff. Was it a panic attack? or were you dogging not dog walking and got a bit too excited?

In all seriousness though, sorry to hear that Goofy. Glad i've kicked the cigs but these things can just happen out of nowhere. Hope you feel better soon mate.

ebfatz
27-08-12, 08:13 PM
Wowzer!

They worked out what it was Goof? Asthma? Or something worse?

Goofy
27-08-12, 09:01 PM
Well, the nurse has just said about me visiting the asthma clinic........ so I guess im asthmatic :(

Jotun
27-08-12, 09:16 PM
Wish you the best of luck in your "recovery", Baz.

I've had some problems with eating disorders in the past, where I in the worst of times couldnt stand myself if I ate over 500 calories a day. Also had to run each day to burn the few calories i actually took in.

Baz
27-08-12, 09:26 PM
What do you do for a living?

Consumer Law legal advisor :lol:


Surprised your going back to work so soon tbh. The norm seems to be signed off work for a month at a time until you recover, if your not ready you will just make it worse.

I wouldn't go to work tomorrow & get back to the docs.

Need to go in to see my boss as it is. My GP wouldn't sign me off on the sick last week so the first seven days are self certified, where tomorrow is my 8th day, so have to go in whatever :(


Sorry for changing the subject slightly but though I may as well post in this thread.

Ive been in hospital since early afternoon yesterday, came home from walking the dog and really couldnt draw a breath, most scared ive ever been in my life, really thought I was a goner! Barely managed to phone 999, thankfully the ambulance arrived in less than 10 mins and they quickly got me inhaling a nebulizer, what a relief that was!

Got another nebulizer once we arrived in casualty then shipped off for a chest xray! After that I was sent off to the wards for the night and given steroids and antibiotics. Have had a further 2 nebulizers today and feel a lot better, also been given an inhaler.

So, getting kept in for another night and hopefully allowed out tomorrow!

Nasty Goof! Asthma attacks are real nasty but the inhalers are a godsend. Hope you feel better real soon as it really is a scary thing when it happens first time.

Goofy
27-08-12, 10:40 PM
Nasty Goof! Asthma attacks are real nasty but the inhalers are a godsend. Hope you feel better real soon as it really is a scary thing when it happens first time.

Yep, nearly shit myself :lol: Hope everything goes ok for you tomorrow baz!

BeezerCeltic1967
27-08-12, 10:59 PM
Been finding it hard past few days which isn't good but I guess that could be a side effect to the meds with them making you feel worse before better an all. I have to attempt to go to work tomorrow which i'm dreading given my mental state but needs must an all so shall see how it goes.


always remember mate, Night is darkest just before the dawn :ok:

BeezerCeltic1967
27-08-12, 11:00 PM
Sorry for changing the subject slightly but though I may as well post in this thread.

Ive been in hospital since early afternoon yesterday, came home from walking the dog and really couldnt draw a breath, most scared ive ever been in my life, really thought I was a goner! Barely managed to phone 999, thankfully the ambulance arrived in less than 10 mins and they quickly got me inhaling a nebulizer, what a relief that was!

Got another nebulizer once we arrived in casualty then shipped off for a chest xray! After that I was sent off to the wards for the night and given steroids and antibiotics. Have had a further 2 nebulizers today and feel a lot better, also been given an inhaler.

So, getting kept in for another night and hopefully allowed out tomorrow!


:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

hope you are on the road to recovery not goofz :ok:

Goofy
27-08-12, 11:51 PM
:lol: Yeah, feelin better now mate

Baz
28-08-12, 06:59 PM
Surprised your going back to work so soon tbh. The norm seems to be signed off work for a month at a time until you recover, if your not ready you will just make it worse.

I wouldn't go to work tomorrow & get back to the docs.

Still in the 'probation period' of a new job so really had little choice. However I wish I didn't go as I had a total meltdown there today, broke down big time in the middle of the office, not good. Also despite the promise of an eased workload, I go back to find head office complaining about my workload :argue:

BeezerCeltic1967
28-08-12, 07:15 PM
Still in the 'probation period' of a new job so really had little choice. However I wish I didn't go as I had a total meltdown there today, broke down big time in the middle of the office, not good. Also despite the promise of an eased workload, I go back to find head office complaining about my workload :argue:

You have plenty choice baz,
you and your health are more important than your work :ok:
if you don't feel up to it then don't go mate, as said above, it will only make it worse in the long run.
You have rights mate, they can't just sack you or whatever when you are off work for this.

hows the that little bubba of yours coming along anyway?
mine is 10 1/2 months now and into fucking everything :lol: can't turn your back for 2 seconds or he is picking something up, i caught him with a wooden clothes peg in his mouth today :facepalm: feck knows where he got that :lol:

Baz
28-08-12, 07:19 PM
You have plenty choice baz,
you and your health are more important than your work :ok:
if you don't feel up to it then don't go mate, as said above, it will only make it worse in the long run.
You have rights mate, they can't just sack you or whatever when you are off work for this.

hows the that little bubba of yours coming along anyway?
mine is 10 1/2 months now and into fucking everything :lol: can't turn your back for 2 seconds or he is picking something up, i caught him with a wooden clothes peg in his mouth today :facepalm: feck knows where he got that :lol:

Worst they can do is give me my notice as absence counts against me during the 'probation period' to be honest I couldn't care less if they do anyway it's a horrid place to work, i'm already searching for other options.

Bubba is fine, she's 6 months now and is starting to get about by shuffling or crawling backwards :lol: she's a cow when it comes to food too, if you have food, or a drink for that matter in your hand she screams at you until she has something, or if she's close enough she'll grab at it and stick it in her gob :lol:

ebfatz
28-08-12, 07:25 PM
Worst they can do is give me my notice as absence counts against me during the 'probation period' to be honest I couldn't care less if they do anyway it's a horrid place to work, i'm already searching for other options.

Might be part of the initial problem mate.

Baz
28-08-12, 07:46 PM
Might be part of the initial problem mate.

It's possible, but the Mrs says I was showing signs before I started there and the job has jumped moved things along.

BeezerCeltic1967
28-08-12, 07:52 PM
i'll tell you one thing baz,
your a brave man, im not so sure i could have come out with this on here if i had depression. Depression is not about being weak, it is a sign of immense strength mate, trying too hard to cope when things are getting on top of you, getting help is a sign of strngth as well mate :ok: you are stronger than any of us on here and im sure you will be feeling better in your own time :ok:

Baz
28-08-12, 08:23 PM
i'll tell you one thing baz,
your a brave man, im not so sure i could have come out with this on here if i had depression. Depression is not about being weak, it is a sign of immense strength mate, trying too hard to cope when things are getting on top of you, getting help is a sign of strngth as well mate :ok: you are stronger than any of us on here and im sure you will be feeling better in your own time :ok:

Cheers Beez, it's just frustrating at the moment as it's stopping me doing what I want and need to do at times. I've told work i'm going to take it day by day, if i'm feeling ok i'll go in, if i'm not I won't bother wasting anyones time.

Patinoz
28-08-12, 08:30 PM
i have been following this for a while now but tried to stay out of it since i don't share the opinion of most people and won't be of help for anyone here. be that as it may, i got a question now.

what makes one person depressive but not another?

let's say person a loses job --> gets depressive
person b loses job --> is motivated to find another one etc., life goes on and all

BeezerCeltic1967
28-08-12, 08:48 PM
i have been following this for a while now but tried to stay out of it since i don't share the opinion of most people and won't be of help for anyone here. be that as it may, i got a question now.

what makes one person depressive but not another?

let's say person a loses job --> gets depressive
person b loses job --> is motivated to find another one etc., life goes on and all

it's much more than that pat,
much more.

Baz
28-08-12, 08:51 PM
i have been following this for a while now but tried to stay out of it since i don't share the opinion of most people and won't be of help for anyone here. be that as it may, i got a question now.

what makes one person depressive but not another?

let's say person a loses job --> gets depressive
person b loses job --> is motivated to find another one etc., life goes on and all

Depression can only be diagnosed by a qualified doctor but then they don't have the answers, neither do the psychologists etc that deal with you too. It's a mental state and can happen to anyone at anytime, even the multi millionaires get depression when they seemingly have everything they need/want.

In my case I really don't know what started it off and I wouldn't really know where to start looking as to why it's come on all of a sudden as speculating will probably end up annoying me more.

Sadly Pat nothing is straight forward when you have depression.

churky
28-08-12, 08:56 PM
How do you feel exactly when you're depressed, Baz?

Baz
28-08-12, 09:02 PM
How do you feel exactly when you're depressed, Baz?

Oh goody lets open up completely.

I've been feeling low, feeling run down, been withdrawn, having trouble concentrating for periods, lost interest in things I used to enjoy doing, my sleeping patterns are totally fucked, I go from one extreme to the next with eating and i'm so snappy at times, and no I haven't thought about suicide, I have a family afterall.

What really frustrates me is I could be having a 'good day' then bam it'll all go tits up and throws me back to square one. I know it's early days and I know it's going to time a little bit of time for things to get back to normal so to speak, it's just hard :(

churky
28-08-12, 10:43 PM
and no I haven't thought about suicide, I have a family afterall.


I wasn't indirectly asking about that, I was just wondering how it feels exactly...It could help to recognize signs of it on me or others if need be some day. :/

nirvana
28-08-12, 11:26 PM
I don't have the nerve to talk opening in this thread but.my hats off to baz and the others that have. You never know, there could be someone reading it that relates and seeks help.

Baz
29-08-12, 09:39 AM
After yesterdays meltdown i've taken today off and have informed work that i'll be playing it by a day by day basis for the time being at least. They seem happy enough with that situation as long as my productivity when in work isn't too compromised, which is fair enough. Lets see what today brings.


I wasn't indirectly asking about that, I was just wondering how it feels exactly...It could help to recognize signs of it on me or others if need be some day. :/

Sorry Churks. What I get seems to be the 'typical' symptoms but there are more extreme versions out there so it may not be the same for everyone.

Redknapp69
29-08-12, 12:53 PM
Can u not work from home mate? If that helps a lot more companies are now open to that
Or if it's just the whole work thing that's not helping you I apologise for my above suggestion

Baz
29-08-12, 03:07 PM
Can u not work from home mate? If that helps a lot more companies are now open to that
Or if it's just the whole work thing that's not helping you I apologise for my above suggestion

Not possible with this job unfortunately however i'm looking around for something different and less stressful.

wato20
29-08-12, 03:33 PM
if u find something, let me know!!

Baz
30-08-12, 11:35 AM
if u find something, let me know!!

Will do.

Signed back up to do surveys to try and keep my mind occupied so that'll bring in a bit of cash.

Spudiator
30-08-12, 10:38 PM
i have been following this for a while now but tried to stay out of it since i don't share the opinion of most people and won't be of help for anyone here. be that as it may, i got a question now.

what makes one person depressive but not another?

let's say person a loses job --> gets depressive
person b loses job --> is motivated to find another one etc., life goes on and all

This is the problem that always comes of people who either don't understand depression, or simply don't want to. There is a monumental difference between being depressed and suffering with depression. Everyone gets depressed once in a while, that's just an unfortunate consequence of day-to-day life. The difference is, when you're suffering with depression, it cannot be shrugged off just like that! In a lot of cases it's caused by the body's inability to produce enough of the necessary chemicals to raise your mood again after a low, in some cases it's simply down to not knowing how to cope with it or how to pick yourself up, and when you're surrounded by cynical, sniping, unpleasant and negative influences, it's all too easy to allow a depressive mood to become the norm, that's when it becomes difficult.

I do despair of peoples' ignorance sometimes. I remember a few of my family having this conversation a few years ago after a BBQ and a few drinks, this is back when I was on the antidepressants the first time round myself, and my dad's exact words were "people who are depressed should get over it and get on with their lives", which just typified the kind of ignorance that, even these days, is all too common. Now I can understand that depression is a difficult thing to fully understand if you've never suffered with it yourself, but as I said, all too many people simply don't want to understand.

Blue Demon
02-09-12, 09:30 AM
If Pat didnt want to understand he wouldnt get involved. I can relate to his views, it`s hard to understand what depression is.

Baz
02-09-12, 11:52 AM
If Pat didnt want to understand he wouldnt get involved. I can relate to his views, it`s hard to understand what depression is.

Think that's common to be fair, all mental illnesses are hard to understand in a way. Someone once said to me that anxiety and depression is a class thing, the better quality of life you have the less likely you are to be mentally ill, well that's bollocks isn't it?

I can fully understand that people who haven't lived with it can't understand what it is but when people just dismiss it, that's when problems arise.

Here's a quote from a website:


What is Depression

The word 'depression' is used to describe everyday feelings of low mood which can affect us all from time to time. Feeling sad or fed up is a normal reaction to experiences that are upsetting, stressful or difficult; those feelings will usually pass.

If you are affected by depression, you are not 'just' sad or upset. You have an illness which means that intense feeling of persistent sadness, helplessness and hopelessness are accompanied by physical effects such as sleeplessness, a loss of energy, or physical aches and pains.

Sometimes people may not realise how depressed they are, especially if they have been feeling the same for a long time, if they have been trying to cope with their depression by keeping themselves busy, or if their depressive symptoms are more physical than emotional.

Here is a list of the most common symptoms of depression. As a general rule, if you have experienced four or more of these symptoms, for most of the day nearly every day, for over two weeks, then you should seek help.

Tiredness and loss of energy
Persistent sadness
Loss of self-confidence and self-esteem
Difficulty concentrating
Not being able to enjoy things that are usually pleasurable or interesting
Undue feelings of guilt or worthlessness
Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
Sleeping problems - difficulties in getting off to sleep or waking up much earlier than usual
Avoiding other people, sometimes even your close friends
Finding it hard to function at work/college/school
Loss of appetite
Loss of sex drive and/ or sexual problems
Physical aches and pains
Thinking about suicide and death
Self-harm

Baz
10-09-12, 06:19 PM
Been to the docs, my 'rating' has gone from 14 points to 9 points in 3 weeks, so doc is pleased with that but wants me to double my dosage for the next fortnight to see if I can handle them. Though he has said if the side effects get too bad take two one day then one the next. I will beat you sodding depression!

Erkifino
13-09-12, 09:44 AM
Good man baz! :ok:

Osprey17
14-09-12, 12:04 AM
I can relate to a lot that has been said in this thread having been diagnosed with Type 2 Bipolar Disorder 5 years ago after a mental breakdown I suffered during my college days. It's still a struggle at times but I've been in my best health since the I had the diagnosis given to me in the past 6 months. My sport keeps me going and my clubmates have been great in helping me out during those difficult times.

Baz
03-10-12, 10:17 PM
Just to update people on this, i'm feeling much better now the medication has kicked in to full force. I've been upped to 40mg a day of Prozac which has settled me greatly, so I hope to be weened off the meds when I have my next review next month. Hope everyone else who is suffering with a mental health issue is doing well.

Dermotron
16-01-13, 03:18 PM
Proof that money ain't gonna solve all problems:

'Leave me alone to live the rest of my life’ - Former Manchester City star Michael Johnson reveals inner demons

The 24-year-old once tipped to become an England international has hinted that mental illness may have played a role in his failure to fulfil his potential at the Etihad Stadium

Michael Johnson has hinted that mental health illness may have played a role in his failure to fulfil his potential at Manchester City, and pleaded with the media and the public to leave him in peace.

The 24-year-old broke on to the Premier League scene in 2006 and quickly became tipped for an England call-up following a string of impressive displays.

However, after injury problems and weight issues the Manchester-born midfielder's career now appears to be over after City decided to pay out the remainder of his contract, which was due to expire this summer.

"I am more disappointed than anyone but that’s the way it goes," Johnson told The Manchester Evening News.

"I have been attending the Priory Clinic for a number of years now with regard to my mental health and would be grateful if I could now be left alone to live the rest of my life."

Johnson had often been compared to Manchester City legend Colin Bell during his spell at the club, and the former England international admits he is disappointed with the way the 24-year-old's career has panned out.

"It’s a terrible shame," he added. "It’s hard to accept when your career ends early and for his to end at his age will be really difficult to take."

Johnson made 27 appearances for Manchester City and scored two goals, making his last appearance as a substitute against Scunthorpe in the League Cup in 2009.

He also made seven appearances during an unsuccessful loan spell at Leicester City last season.

Redknapp69
16-01-13, 06:26 PM
Looked a quality player in his time as well

Pokahontas
16-01-13, 09:04 PM
thanks to the OP for this thread. Big Eye Opener.

topaztiger1983
24-01-13, 11:53 PM
I also suffer from Depression & Anxiety, it so hard to face the day sometimes, I am on medication, I have been diagnosed for nearly 5 years now

Fods
25-04-13, 11:55 PM
How are all you stress heads coping lately?

316'sRegen
03-05-13, 02:45 PM
there's this synthetic smoke called magic dragon, i use it to keep me balanced

Craig Forrest
03-05-13, 07:25 PM
Probably safer to smoke the real stuff no?

but smoking any kind of weed (real or not) can have negative consequences to those who suffer from depression and other mental illnesses

Baz
03-05-13, 07:34 PM
I'm good, meds have been lowered hopefully will be off them totally in a few months :)

316'sRegen
03-05-13, 07:54 PM
probably is safer mate, these new synthetic ones are almost trippy rather than a stoned feeling, i been smoking for years often wonder how many on here take the odd joint.

Janis89
03-05-13, 07:55 PM
you and you alone Chris :lol:

bhnow
04-05-13, 12:06 AM
I have suffered from depression most of my life, even as a kid I was miserable. Alcoholism and suicide seem to run through both sides of my family.
Nowadays, I no longer feel depressed at all. I can only say what has worked for me.

I have been into breathwork since my early 20's and I can now see better the process which "heals".
Depression, as I understand it, is old emotions and sensations trapped in your body-mind system. They stay trapped because the conscious mind won't relive the old pain. You have to bypass the conscious mind to access the trapped sensations.
There are several ways to bypass the conscious mind (eg hypnotherapy) but for a therapy to be effective, it really needs to allow you to re-experience the emotion or sensation. The healing is in the feeling of those trapped emotions.

Breathwork is a process where, through accelerated breathing (and music in HTB) you access higher states. In these higher states, the conscious mind is bypassed and "blockages" from your unconscious will come up to the surface. (In the early days, Dr Stan Grof used to experiment with LSD on his patients. He eventually discovered that the states could be accessed organically, through the breath).
One of the best things about breathwork, is that it is an organic process, and accesses the mind's natural healing processes. Each person's journey is totally unique, and each session is in itself totally unique.

It took me a long time to believe in the healing process, even though I was intellectually open to it.
I've had breath sessions which were quite intense, and I believe that these sessions were the most beneficial.

Anyway, I believe I've gone through a fair chunk of my pain, as I no longer feel depressed, morose or even moody, for over a year. It wasn't a day and night transition either - I just noticed one day that I don't feel what I used to. I am still me, with all my shortcomings, but the grey morose wallpaper has gone.
If anything, I now feel apathy, but even apathy is a layer which I will hopefully leave behind some day too.

So that's what has worked for me, hope it helps someone.

Craig Forrest
04-05-13, 12:50 AM
probably is safer mate, these new synthetic ones are almost trippy rather than a stoned feeling, i been smoking for years often wonder how many on here take the odd joint.

I always hated synthetic drugs.... I preferred natural stuff.... and I smoked the evil green weed daily from about 14 until 34.... a good 20 years of my life gone in a blurry puff of smoke.... so happy to be quit now but it was a struggle.... also (since it is technically a depressant) I have found that my overall mood and outlook on life has improved since I stopped smoking :ok:

churky
04-05-13, 08:52 AM
I'm surprised to see smoking weed is considered normal for you guys. It's not that harmless as smokers like to point out, all things considered.
For once I'm happy I was born in a poor country where drugs haven't been that easily accessible.

merkezekrem
04-05-13, 09:40 AM
I think it's as harmfull as anything made over the limit.

I think I am too simpleminded and lazy to get depressed. I am easly amused. I have 3 addictions; smoking, alcohol and games. I smoke too much cigarettes but cut it down to about 15-20 a day by not smoking in the house. I think i'll quit in the future but i dont want to now. Probably if/when i have a child. I drink beer avarage of 6 days a week and get really drunk on weekends. weekdays it's 2-4 beers. I've always been a gamer, didnt put it behind me after growing up - not that i think i have grown up much. I have an easy life so i think i didnt need to grow up much. I am not really antisocial but prefer playing board/computer games with people, or/and drink.

My sister is very much into meditation and breathing stuff and childhood trauma relieveing or smt like that. She makes sessions to people who have problems with their childhood and father/mother issues. I think it is good but i dont think i need it. She had bad times when our mother died when she was 18. it helped her and she's helping others now. But it gets boring for me coz she talks about it too much while we are driving to work. She also got into religion in a way. A spiritual way but still.. i dont get it and we sometimes discuss about it when i can be bothered. Last time i asked her how she was so sure we have a soul and she said it never occured to her to question that.

Overall, I am very pleased with who i am and how my life is going on so i tell her i dont want therapy and religion. But i think her way of helping people works.

316'sRegen
06-05-13, 03:26 PM
those breathing exercises sound interesting.

The reason i would smoke the synthetic drugs, and have tried a synthetic nasal spray (LSD type effects) was for thse higher states you mentioned. I tried actual LSD, mushrooms and various snokes.

On opening the other receptors you get a different perspective on things.

Of course this stuff isn't for everyone but i feel the problem with it is that it has the same type of stigma as a mental health discussion. We could learn a lot from these drugs and plants and in my opinion create a plethora of new drugs and treatments that could really help in the mental health problem our country appears to collectively have. The illegality and sort of underculture that has been created because of attitudes to drugs has held back progress in this area.

In my opinion of course :D

BeezerCeltic1967
06-05-13, 09:49 PM
those breathing exercises sound interesting.

The reason i would smoke the synthetic drugs, and have tried a synthetic nasal spray (LSD type effects) was for thse higher states you mentioned. I tried actual LSD, mushrooms and various snokes.

On opening the other receptors you get a different perspective on things.

Of course this stuff isn't for everyone but i feel the problem with it is that it has the same type of stigma as a mental health discussion. We could learn a lot from these drugs and plants and in my opinion create a plethora of new drugs and treatments that could really help in the mental health problem our country appears to collectively have. The illegality and sort of underculture that has been created because of attitudes to drugs has held back progress in this area.

In my opinion of course :D

what one was that?

used to fecking love LSD when i was younger :lol:
magic mushrooms, acid the lot :ok: microdots as well :ok:
actually enjoyed all that better than drink tbh back then.

316'sRegen
06-05-13, 10:42 PM
it's NBOMe-25C, quality stuff, but you don't get the body feeling from LSD, feels much lighter and cleaner.

http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/nbome/

Fods
07-05-13, 10:11 AM
:flock:

Spudiator
10-09-13, 06:28 PM
Feeling very out of sorts at the moment. I was at work earlier, doing some usual mundane work stuff, and then I got this really overwhelming sense of deja vu, like even the conversation I was having with the DHL guy was eerily familiar, then I started getting mental images of purple blobs for some reason, and then I started feeling really anxious, my heart fluttering and feeling really uneasy. For some reason I then got really forgetful, like I momentarily couldn't remember what day it was or my bank balance (something I generally keep a very close eye on). That was a couple of hours ago and I'm still feeling really anxious. This isn't new to be honest, a few years ago, I went through an odd spell where I was getting really intense deja vu almost every day, and every time it happened I started getting light-headed and dizzy. I think I must be broken!

ebfatz
10-09-13, 06:44 PM
Crazy sounding stuff mate.

Specially the purple blobs bit.
What did you do last time for it to pass? Just wait or go to docs or something else?

Hope it sorts itself.

Spudiator
10-09-13, 10:39 PM
I just had to wait for it to pass, didn't know what else to do. It's weird stuff, because I've never been particularly prone to anxiety attacks, well, apart from when I go to the dentist, but that's just a dentist thing (have a phobia of them since I was 14).

316'sRegen
11-09-13, 08:44 AM
Fucking nasty thing anxiety, people don't understand how real and crippling a feeling it can be.

I hope you get something sorted for that brother. Diet is always a big thing, I'm of the view that everything can be fixed by altering our diet.

HTP-5 is a supplement that I have used in the past, look it up it may also be useful for ya.

Baz
11-09-13, 08:48 AM
Never heard of the purple blobs to be honest with you, that's probably something worth checking over with your GP. Deja Vu on the other hand, I think we all experience that at somepoint.

Mark
11-09-13, 09:25 AM
Definitely something we all experience, I reckon. I feel deja vu quite often and I think it is alcohol related more than anything.

Do you mean purple blobs as in seeing them through your eyes? As I do sometimes get that sort of thing but think it's more to do with my poor eyesight/overuse of contact lenses.

Either way Spud, hope you start feeling better soon :ok:

Topofthekop
11-09-13, 04:57 PM
Anxiety is a bitch that can occur for no apparent reason. I too suffer with anxiety, And at times its bad especially when your out and about and a sudden attack comes on and you start to feel like something really bad is going to happen to you. I am currently on two lots of medication that are supposed to surpress these attacks but they dont eradicate them altogether. I had a severe one while going for an interview recently, luckily it was before I went inside, so I had chance to try bring my levels down before i was due in. Hope things start to get better :ok:

Baz
11-09-13, 05:54 PM
Before or during an interview is a killer isn't it? I've even had one at the doctors, which was ironic lol.

ilovesanmarino
11-09-13, 08:20 PM
Anyone who reads my story will see exactly how much I bounce from high to low, and this was clearly nothing to do with the story at all and simply how I was feeling at the time http://www.champman0102.co.uk/showthread.php/3240-No-one-will-ever-laugh-at-me-again?p=101878#post101878

Dermotron
30-10-13, 11:35 AM
For anyone that has suffered from depression will be able to relate to this blog no end. Excellent read on a lot of levels

http://www.independent.ie/blog/conor-cusack-depression-is-a-friend-not-my-enemy-29707558.html

316'sRegen
30-10-13, 05:34 PM
Thanks dermotude!

Mrs 316 is currently going through a bit of this, I'll have her look over it :ok:

Janis89
30-10-13, 06:01 PM
That was a good read .

The most important thing is to take the first step. Please take it :ok:

Topofthekop
30-10-13, 10:35 PM
The first step is always the hardest to take and that step is to admit you have a problem. Once you overcome that barrier everything else will come together.

I have suffered on and off for years, and at times when the panic attacks take over there is a horrible feeling of helplessness. But now I know how to deal with these feelings when they happen it makes things easier

BeezerCeltic1967
30-10-13, 10:57 PM
For anyone that has suffered from depression will be able to relate to this blog no end. Excellent read on a lot of levels

http://www.independent.ie/blog/conor-cusack-depression-is-a-friend-not-my-enemy-29707558.html

Fantastic Post,


thinking on some of those things, is there a little bit of this in all of us?
and to think this used to be such a taboo subject as well....... nothing to be ashamed of at all :ok:

Cam F
31-10-13, 08:59 AM
Fernando Ricksen suffered from mental health issues, alcoholism and now been given a death sentence of motor neurone disease at only 2 years older than me at 37.

Horrific, he wasn't my favourite player, in fact I found his play and behaviour embarrassing.

My Mum was a nurse for 40+ years and having seen MN & dementia first hand she said she would rather top herself if she ever got any of these type diseases than go through what sufferers do.

Praying for your Fernando and nice to see the old firm divide being crossed, as with Tommy Burns, Jimmy Johnstone...etc and fans offering their support.

https://scontent-a-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1382825_205914369580708_26806566_n.jpg

Baz
31-10-13, 12:13 PM
Movemeber are doing their bit for Mental Health this year too, so hopefully that'll help raise awareness, especially within the male population, who often find it hard to talk about such things.

ilovesanmarino
08-12-13, 01:20 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspergers
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/UsefulNotes/AspergerSyndrome

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon_Baron-Cohen

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

colml
10-12-13, 10:29 PM
http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html

What score did you get? I got 31

ilovesanmarino
10-12-13, 10:34 PM
45.
Did some research on Autism after that, and all seemed similar but not right
until I read the Aspergers Wikipedia page...

I have a doctor's appointment on the 23rd.

topaztiger1983
10-12-13, 11:37 PM
What score did you get? I got 31

I got 32

I already have Clinical Depression, Anxiety Issues & CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), I don't need Asperger's aswell, well I better see the quacks again

WelshRed
11-12-13, 12:43 AM
I scored 11...

Is that good or bad? I can't see where you check the result?

Janis89
11-12-13, 09:17 AM
I got 33 on that test. There is still hope :lol:

merkezekrem
11-12-13, 09:32 AM
I got 10 Welsh, probably higher the value, more autistic, if that is a possibilty.

I recently read "Speed of Dark" by Elizabeth Moon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speed_of_Dark) which tells of a near future from the eyes of an autistic. Made me realize where we take granted that we understand other people and their acts is in fact a bit of arrogance and sometimes what normal is just more people doing the same insane things.

Mark
11-12-13, 10:24 AM
I have 16, probably because I put agree to certain questions like I'm not too good socially and feel anxious in new situations which is entirely normal for a person with hearing problems.

316'sRegen
11-12-13, 11:54 AM
I scored 11...

Is that good or bad? I can't see where you check the result?

Way hey WR, good to see your name again mate :ok:

ilovesanmarino
11-12-13, 02:00 PM
The questionaire says if you are autistic you are likely to score higher (over 36). It does not state the reverse ie:if you score highrr you are more likely to be autistic. I guess the maximum score is 50 so my 45 is a bit stand outy.

The tvtropes page is an rxcellent summary, as are the theories of baron-cohen (whose test it is?) So I added those links too

Kaneman
11-12-13, 03:57 PM
29.

On a side note, what a question is "Are you fascinated by dates?"
Why dates? Why not any other fruit? I mean, I'm much more fascinated by nashis, or pineapples for that matter.

colml
11-12-13, 04:25 PM
:hand:

WelshRed
11-12-13, 08:28 PM
Way hey WR, good to see your name again mate :ok:
Hiya bud! It's nice to be back and see the place / just need to get cm running in windows 8 and that's Christmas sorted :) hope you are keeping well!

Fods
02-04-14, 11:09 AM
Hows everyone doing in here?

Give me a hgh five and a hell yeh :ok:

ilovesanmarino
11-07-14, 01:14 PM
Did that post? My phone lost reception. Well ok the even shorter version is i have been diagnosed with autism, finally , still not been given any support on it yet though

wato20
12-07-14, 12:37 AM
we're all on the spectrum somewhere i guess.

Just gotta take the positives with anything in life...

If anyone wants to PM me for a random chat with someone u dont really know. Feel free if u think it will help.

Redknapp69
12-07-14, 12:39 AM
YNWA lads - all the best and stay strong and if you need to sound off then go for it and we are here! :grouphug:

AJ
12-07-14, 08:33 PM
I put in a nice 38 score. I love dates.

ilovesanmarino
13-07-14, 11:46 PM
ok, the slightly longer version is I went to see my Dr, Dr Youness back in... February. Well he was so rude and inconsiderate I nearly punched him. I fully expected my wife (who went with me) to say that it was me who was rude seeing as I generally don't do face-to-face chats very well (duh) but she agreed that Dr Useless was indeed an Arsehole. So, I went to reception and booked another appointment with a Dr who gave a shit. When that appointment came around a week later the 2nd Dr didn't really listen all that much as she said she needed to refer me on. That may sound not much better, but it was what I wanted. It is not for a GP to diagnose, she also did indeed sound like she gave a shit.

So anyway I got an appointment a couple on months later, and travelled up to winchester for it. It was a nice day and I took the whole day off work and wifey and I went together, (incedentally due to my total inability to accept change, every time I caller her my wife, there is a pause beforehand as I force the word out, she has been my "girlfriend" for seven years, and "wife" just sounds like we're old people).
Anyway it was all very nice. I was advised there would be an interview type assesment followed by a test, the interview could take up to four hours (!) after 2 hours though she had run out of paper to write notes on, I hadn't even mentioned I play CM0102 every single night for a couple of hours since 2001!
In order to meet the criteria, I needed to get (just) 11 of 18 areas. And to meet each area I had to get 4/5 criteria (I think) anyway I got 16/18 areas. The only ones I didn't get was "inability to make eye contact" which is hilarious as that is one of my WORST traits, its just one of the few I am aware of, so I work hard on it, also I was chilled out in the interview. The other one was physical tics, I don't have them.

So that was the diagnosis, but then I had to wait TWO MONTHS for the support session to be BOOKED, I did indeed book it but they just called me to cancel and push back to August.

So I have a diagnosis, but no support, I feel very very lost. How much of what I do is me, how much is behavioural? What do I do that is acceptable and what is just being an arsehole?

The reaction from people has been incredibly varied from "do you have to take meds?" to "there's no such thing so get over yourself".

Amazingly, seeing as they are both Daily Mail reading 1950's living snobs, both my parents have worked with people with Autism and my diagnosis came as shock to them both. Despite them getting my diagnosis wrong when I was 4 (oh that is a whole other story, I'm not going into it here).

As for Wifey, well, its comlicated, on the one hand she says she will support and appreciate me, but on the other has made absolutely no change in her attitude to me, and still seems pissed off when I do odd things. Well at least that's how it feels, but I do suppose I have ZERO ABILITY TO UNDERSTAND HOW ANYONE ELSE FEELS.

the only thing at the moment is that I do feel the freedom to say how I feel about a few more things. Instead of just sitting there and being lectured to and saying "sorry, I misunderstood, try not to do that next time" I now say "sorry, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what you are talking about". Thing is, such situations haven't happened much recently, there were several before the diagnosis, indeed so many that is what made me finally go and get it.

But yeah, feel very very lost at the mo.

BobMem
14-07-14, 10:41 AM
Just popped into this thread, so apologies if it's been said already, but I can't recommend enough the book 'Born on a blue day'.
It's a fascinating insight into someone with autism, and has really helped me understand better what it's like for the people I know who have been diagnosed as somewhere up the Autistic spectrum.
I genuinely think this country would be slightly better if everyone read this book (and I'm not even on commission).

Mark
14-07-14, 10:59 AM
My brother has autism. He's only 14 years old and was diagnosed with it at a very early age. He went through mainstream primary school and tried his best at high school but unfortunately had to be taken out and taken to a school where they can cater to his needs. Unfortunately, his education level is that of year 1 (9 years old) which is a huge concern to the family as he only has 1.5 years left in school although he does get better as each year goes on but there are so many things that he is incapable of doing, counting money, telling the time, tying his shoe laces. It's more to do with motor development as well as he had physical problems from birth.

Cases of autism can be completely different depending on the person. However, I was a teenager when my brother was born so I'm fully aware of his autism and have grown up with it as the years have gone on (I lived with my mum for a while when the parents split up). If there's any way I can help by using my experiences with my brother, just let me know.

Ste117
30-01-15, 09:59 PM
Student support here at the uni referred me to counselling today who first sent me to see a doctor, I have never been to a doctor over this before so I was scared. Normally I just try and battle through it but I seem to be struggling. I had to fill out this shit and the doctor seems to think it is depression and anxiety. I have another appointment on Tuesday where I will know more and I have an appointment on Monday with a mental health advisor. I had been putting it off for so long because I just didn't want to admit that there was something wrong and I was scared. The uni have been amazing today, the student supporter advisor came with me and sat with me through my meeting and sat while I waited for a doctor. A number of things have contributed to it over the past 7 months including this girl. But also stuff that has stuck with me since school which I normally put to the back of my mind and put it down to feeling down today. But then I noticed I was having good days and bad days frequently.

Baz
31-01-15, 09:20 AM
Student support here at the uni referred me to counselling today who first sent me to see a doctor, I have never been to a doctor over this before so I was scared. Normally I just try and battle through it but I seem to be struggling. I had to fill out this shit and the doctor seems to think it is depression and anxiety. I have another appointment on Tuesday where I will know more and I have an appointment on Monday with a mental health advisor. I had been putting it off for so long because I just didn't want to admit that there was something wrong and I was scared. The uni have been amazing today, the student supporter advisor came with me and sat with me through my meeting and sat while I waited for a doctor. A number of things have contributed to it over the past 7 months including this girl. But also stuff that has stuck with me since school which I normally put to the back of my mind and put it down to feeling down today. But then I noticed I was having good days and bad days frequently.

Well the first step has been done Ste. It's going to be a battle but you will get there, just take it one step at the time and take the support on offer.

Ste117
02-02-15, 10:00 PM
Student support here at the uni referred me to counselling today who first sent me to see a doctor, I have never been to a doctor over this before so I was scared. Normally I just try and battle through it but I seem to be struggling. I had to fill out this shit and the doctor seems to think it is depression and anxiety. I have another appointment on Tuesday where I will know more and I have an appointment on Monday with a mental health advisor. I had been putting it off for so long because I just didn't want to admit that there was something wrong and I was scared. The uni have been amazing today, the student supporter advisor came with me and sat with me through my meeting and sat while I waited for a doctor. A number of things have contributed to it over the past 7 months including this girl. But also stuff that has stuck with me since school which I normally put to the back of my mind and put it down to feeling down today. But then I noticed I was having good days and bad days frequently.

Had a meeting with the mental health advisor today and it brought to light my low self esteem problems. It has affected me all my life but I have always brushed in under the carpet and tried to overcome it and fit in. But I think with everything else that is going on in my head it is harder to do that now and the fact I am older now it is affecting me more. When I think about it I think to myself how am I doing a Sports Journalism course when I have all this going in my head affecting my confidence. I was never the most confident person but ti just sounds silly. The fact is when I'm around people and when I am in uni I just put and act on, I have always done it because it is the easiest thing to do. When I am on my own my brain is toxic to me. It thinks the worst things are happening all the time when they are not. I have another meeting in a few weeks plus that meeting with the doctor tomorrow and I am now on the counselling list at the uni.

Baz
02-02-15, 10:05 PM
It's all about finding a way for you to write down what you're thinking/feeling Ste. Talking about things does make it so much easier. I would say avoid medication at first if you can handle it.

Ste117
02-02-15, 10:09 PM
It's all about finding a way for you to write down what you're thinking/feeling Ste. Talking about things does make it so much easier. I would say avoid medication at first if you can handle it.

On first visit to the doctors he said I shouldn't need medication so that is good.

I have been given a booklet by the uni to read and gradually fill in, as well as that there are many workshops too.

Baz
02-02-15, 10:12 PM
On first visit to the doctors he said I shouldn't need medication so that is good.

I have been given a booklet by the uni to read and gradually fill in, as well as that there are many workshops too.

There's plenty of self help guides out there you just need to find what works for you and what you can do around your everyday life. Deep breathing is a brilliant thing to learn.

AJ
02-02-15, 10:14 PM
I've treated people with depression and been around it for most of my life. It is a very slow, yet debilitating disease that is grossly overlooked. It can be just as deadly as any other untreated disease.

I'm not gonna flood the forums with advice, as I know way too little of your personal situation, Ste, but I know it is a bitch and I wish you the power to make forward steps. If you ever need an ear or a word, drop me a pm.

Ste117
06-02-15, 08:39 PM
Started on anti depressants today after overdosing on anadin pain killers yesterday. Uni sent me straight to hospital to get blood tests done which all came back fine. Was straight into a meeting with my mental health advisor today and and a doctor. He decided that I needed anti depressants to help to lift my mood and it was impossible for me to do so. Currently started on half a tablet a day and could be on them for 6 months.

Baz
06-02-15, 08:47 PM
Started on anti depressants today after overdosing on anadin pain killers yesterday. Uni sent me straight to hospital to get blood tests done which all came back fine. Was straight into a meeting with my mental health advisor today and and a doctor. He decided that I needed anti depressants to help to lift my mood and it was impossible for me to do so. Currently started on half a tablet a day and could be on them for 6 months.

A genuine overdose or a mistake overdose? Anti-depressants are long term things. What have they given you Citalopram?

Ste117
06-02-15, 08:59 PM
A genuine overdose or a mistake overdose? Anti-depressants are long term things. What have they given you Citalopram?

genuine. yeah them ones.

Erkifino
06-02-15, 09:37 PM
Good luck ste. :ok:

Craig Forrest
06-02-15, 10:07 PM
Good luck buddy :ok:

Redknapp69
08-02-15, 01:54 AM
Chin up and keep positive fella :ok:

AMC
09-02-15, 01:44 PM
All the best Ste :ok:

Mark
13-02-15, 03:18 PM
Bloody hell, Ste. Don't go overdosing on those tablets buddy!

Keep us posted and hope you get through it all OK. Remember that we will always be here if you feel you need someone to talk to. :ok:

Ste117
26-03-15, 12:17 AM
Just an update for you kind lot out there, I attempted suicide on Sunday night by overdosing on my antidepressants. The original plan on Saturday was to overdose while drinking vodka. Things have taken a massive dip and I have been to see my GP today and the Uni wellbeing team. My GP wants to see me again on Friday as I am now feeling worse than I did when I was diagnosed. I have fell out with my best friend but she still wants to be there for me, I have been piling too much on her and she couldn't cope and we weren't having fun and doing goof stuff anymore. I think she is scared that one day and I might do it and she doesn't know what to do as she is the only one who knows everything. Just wish she told me sooner, she is only 19 and I have been putting too much on her. I think she just wants me to get better although when I asked it that it for good she said yeah its the best for me now, but the obviously she said she still wants to be there for me and I know she cares a lot about me or she wouldn't have done it. So I have been upset about that which has made things even worse.

AJ
26-03-15, 12:31 AM
mmm, unsure how to feel. Part of me wants to get on a plane and kick your arse, the other half of me wants to cuddle you and tell you it's gonna be fine.

Sweet jesus mate, life is heavy and we\ve all been through shitty stages. But being forced to watch you go through this without actually being able to reach out, to physically help you aint no party either.

Ste, I don't even know you. But I know you mean something to me, to all of us here. Please find out what you need.

Much love from the big man.

Erkifino
26-03-15, 12:32 AM
I can't imagine what you're going through... I'm sure I could spin off every cliché there is... I hope you can see your way through it. Don't focus on what you don't have, focus on what you have. Life is all too short, it has it's ups and downs and it certainly ain't easy. Good luck man.

Mark
26-03-15, 01:20 PM
Come on now, Ste. We've told you to get on the site and talk to us if you're ever feeling lonely and can't talk to someone. Even just virtually, it'll help to open up at least. I've done it myself on occasions when I needed to take a weight off and chat away in the chat box.

They are indeed cliches but you've got to start focusing on the positives in life and enjoying the things that you want to do. Don't get yourself down and keep yourself busy :ok:

AJ
26-03-15, 01:25 PM
Come on now, Ste. We've told you to get on the site and talk to us if you're ever feeling lonely and can't talk to someone. Even just virtually, it'll help to open up at least. I've done it myself on occasions when I needed to take a weight off and chat away in the chat box.

They are indeed cliches but you've got to start focusing on the positives in life and enjoying the things that you want to do. Don't get yourself down and keep yourself busy :ok:


And with that advice the fapping-like-a-maniac started..

Dermotron
26-03-15, 01:45 PM
Have a read of this blog Ste and have a think of how it impacts on your own life. While there is the clinic aspect of depression fundamentally a lot of getting through depressing resides within ones self.

http://www.independent.ie/blog/conor-cusack-depression-is-a-friend-not-my-enemy-29707558.html

As advice with someone who has been down that road at a similar age, hang tough and work out what the triggers are. Once you know them you can figure out things a whole lot easier. I've pretty much no recollection of my twenties between 22-28 and while bugs me that I don't, later is better than never to get yourself in order.

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders in terms of opening about what's up and that there is something wrong, whatever you do have patience in terms of getting things back on track. Life is to be lived, not endured but trust me when I say that when you get the causes sorted, and the solutions in place, there will be no more enduring, just living, as things should be.

ebfatz
29-03-15, 12:16 AM
Hang in there buddy.

Things'll get better.
You are still young. Everything in your life can and probably will change.
So stick with it :ok:

Fods
30-03-15, 08:12 AM
I am sorry Ste, was it my fault?


PSG 0 - 4 Chelsea

(Hazard 12, 40 & 66, Fabregas 32)


Forgot about this game already, played awful

faz44
30-03-15, 09:57 AM
Suicide, as stemming from a mental illness and not outside negative factors, requires treatments. I've felt like suicide at times, entirely due to feelings of worthlessness because of my situation. That's not something a pill will cure.

Essentially, the first step if you're actually depressed is to start eating much better. Your body's hormones are all over the place, eating a truckload of green vegetables will fix a lot of the hormone issues.

Baz
28-09-15, 07:14 PM
We've been having problems with the boy child, who's just turned 8. We've fought for a year to see someone about his behaviour and now we have, the first access women thinks he's either got issues with anxiety and/or could be on the ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) so got a lot of fun and games ahead. Thankfully my MH is pretty damn good at the moment so I can fully concentrate on getting help for the boy. Anyone here got any kind of experience with ASD or Anxiety in children?

ebfatz
28-09-15, 08:20 PM
Hope it gets sorted quickly Baz.

AJ
28-09-15, 08:26 PM
We've been having problems with the boy child, who's just turned 8. We've fought for a year to see someone about his behaviour and now we have, the first access women thinks he's either got issues with anxiety and/or could be on the ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) so got a lot of fun and games ahead. Thankfully my MH is pretty damn good at the moment so I can fully concentrate on getting help for the boy. Anyone here got any kind of experience with ASD or Anxiety in children?

I've worked with ASD kids for a couple of years, yeah. It's hardest on the parents mostly.What kind of problems are you running into Baz?

Baz
28-09-15, 08:49 PM
I've worked with ASD kids for a couple of years, yeah. It's hardest on the parents mostly.What kind of problems are you running into Baz?

Well first access thinks he's on ASD line but possibly has anxiety with it. We've got shit loads of check box questionnaires to fill out. We know he's not 'high end' ASD but it's plausible he could be 'Functional' ASD if there's such a thing. The boy just expresses emotion in crying and anger nothing else. He steals, has no remorse, no sense of danger, constantly needs to be doing something or fiddling with something, he's a very much hands on factual type of boy, if you can take it apart and put it together he loves it, if you can't it's of no interest to him. Reading wise it has to be factual, not fiction.

Going through these questionnaires it's scary to think how those little things you think are normal are rated on a scale for something like ASD.

AJ
28-09-15, 08:58 PM
most scores when viewed through a narrow scope can be qualified as normal. It's the sum of all scores that "helps" to form a diagnosis.

What you describe is recognisable behavior for an ASD child, but it can still be a ton of other things. Any form of emotional development disorder, attachment disorder, anti-social personality, about a hundred possibe things. I sure hope you find someone you trust, whose opinion you trust and whom your boy trusts, so you can start working on acceptance and normalisation.

A very personal question, don't answer if you don't feel like it; Is he hard to love?

Baz
28-09-15, 09:07 PM
most scores when viewed through a narrow scope can be qualified as normal. It's the sum of all scores that "helps" to form a diagnosis.

What you describe is recognisable behavior for an ASD child, but it can still be a ton of other things. Any form of emotional development disorder, attachment disorder, anti-social personality, about a hundred possibe things. I sure hope you find someone you trust, whose opinion you trust and whom your boy trusts, so you can start working on acceptance and normalisation.

A very personal question, don't answer if you don't feel like it; Is he hard to love?

I wouldn't say he's hard to love, he's hard to like what seems like the majority of the time. There seems to be no middle ground with him lately, he's either brilliant or he's horrid. Yesterday was his birthday, so we expecting a hyper day, but no nothing, he was very subdued and wanted to be on his own, same again today, yes his school are saying he's been 'fine' there so it's a tricky one. Yet a couple of days prior he took it on himself to eat 3/4 of a battenberg cake then had an almighty meltdown when he got told off for it.

We don't want him labelled or anything like that, we just want to know how we can go about making sure he's ok, so he doesn't end up hurting himself or others as he has no empathy at all, but then he's just turned 8 so wouldn't expect too much from that side of things anyway.

AJ
28-09-15, 09:43 PM
Most important thing in this stadium is that you (as parents) are very clear in what you want; be it advice, a diagnosis, help or whatever. Also know why you want that, what is your goal, what do you want to accomplish? Know that you know more than anyone about your own child, you are the expert. This helps you from feeling disconnected to your kid when doctors start talking :)

Making sure he's ok is kinda hard with an unresponisve person. Try to get him involved in a communication system, make sure it is HIS way. And, but you already know all of this, don't lean on his emotions. Be very clear in what you want and expect. Know what consequence goes with what behavior and be as positive as you can. Seperate behavior from person.

Man, that is a hard job, Baz. But you sound mighty capable of handling this.

Baz
28-09-15, 09:50 PM
Most important thing in this stadium is that you (as parents) are very clear in what you want; be it advice, a diagnosis, help or whatever. Also know why you want that, what is your goal, what do you want to accomplish? Know that you know more than anyone about your own child, you are the expert. This helps you from feeling disconnected to your kid when doctors start talking :)

Making sure he's ok is kinda hard with an unresponisve person. Try to get him involved in a communication system, make sure it is HIS way. And, but you already know all of this, don't lean on his emotions. Be very clear in what you want and expect. Know what consequence goes with what behavior and be as positive as you can. Seperate behavior from person.

Man, that is a hard job, Baz. But you sound mighty capable of handling this.

Oh we know the goal is to make sure he doesn't cause too much trouble for himself as he gets older. We've tried things like parenting books (Especially the parenting puzzle) but the kind of things they suggest as he falls into the middle of so many things.

The hardest thing we're finding is he'll only talk to us about things AFTER having a major meltdown. The rest of the time he only wants to talk to us when it's about what he's playing with or what he's going to be doing in his room. Barriers are there to be broken down though, and having been through all this mental health stigma/barriers myself i've at least got a bit of a head start on things in that regards.

I honestly don't envy anyone who's going through similar or even worse. Plus people like yourself, who work with kids in such situations deserve loads of credit too.

ebfatz
29-09-15, 06:42 PM
I'm with him on the Battenburg.
I would have munched it as well!! ;)

Baz
30-09-15, 07:24 PM
Just had an early school year parents evening, and whilst he isn't naughty some of the 'quirks' are more noticeable now, that's coming from a teach that's already known him for two years so yeah something is there. Next meeting with First Access is on the 12th so hopefully we'll get somewhere.

Baz
30-10-15, 03:10 PM
If any of you want to support some mental health charity thing, i'm doing MOVEmber this year to do my bit. So if any of you can afford to donate just a little it all helps right?

http://mobro.co/NBarry1984

Redknapp69
30-10-15, 07:40 PM
Lady Godiva sent! :ok:

Erkifino
11-11-15, 10:09 PM
Baz, are you growing a beard or walking 500 miles? :ok:

Baz
11-11-15, 10:16 PM
Well i'm growing a beard as I do that anyway but i'm on the movement trail. Not been able to do as much as I would like due to being ill and having sick wife/kids but i'm still moving around. It's just remembering to log it on the website haha.

Erkifino
11-11-15, 11:04 PM
Best of luck with it. :ok:
And get well soon chief!

Baz
11-11-15, 11:17 PM
Should really update you on the boy. First Access wants to refer him to CAMHS, but no referral can go in without a SENCO/Ed Psych report. School's communication skills are severely lacking lately so banging my head against a brick wall there. My MH is taking a back burner and i'm feeling it but the boys needs come first so yeah, i'm plodding along like.

ebfatz
12-11-15, 01:01 AM
Schools are particularly bad at dragging their feet in a lot of matters I find.

Mark
12-11-15, 11:20 AM
Definitely agree with poor management of these situations with schools. My brother actually went to a mainstream primary school and then started at mainstream high school but could barely function there due to a complete lack of support at primary school where he just never improved beyond reception level in terms of learning. As a result, he's now in his last year at a 'special' school. It's frustrating as we know (as it can be with autism) that he can use his brain but it does seem that he was held back at school and simply never progressed beyond it.

Baz
18-11-15, 08:28 AM
Definitely agree with poor management of these situations with schools. My brother actually went to a mainstream primary school and then started at mainstream high school but could barely function there due to a complete lack of support at primary school where he just never improved beyond reception level in terms of learning. As a result, he's now in his last year at a 'special' school. It's frustrating as we know (as it can be with autism) that he can use his brain but it does seem that he was held back at school and simply never progressed beyond it.

That's just wrong on so many levels! My kids school have "Put measures in place" to stop him being so naughty seriously just give us the sodding green light for a SENCO/Ed Psych report and we can get him the help he really needs not some bollocks measures you have put in place. Giving him his own space is only going to work for so long before it turns sour sheesh.

BobMem
18-11-15, 06:54 PM
If a child isn't learning, doesn't understand, loses concentration or causes disruption it's never because they don't want to, it's because you're not teaching them in the right way.

Baz
19-11-15, 11:38 AM
If a child isn't learning, doesn't understand, loses concentration or causes disruption it's never because they don't want to, it's because you're not teaching them in the right way.

Some teachers don't think outside the box for some children do they? I know some kids genuinely need extra support, may even need one to one support but they still learn in their own way.

Ste117
20-11-15, 11:17 PM
I'm stuck with mental health problems for the rest of my life, I have been off my tablets for 4 months now and I am really struggling. It seems to be worse when I am tired, never understood why, my brain is just not strong enough.

Topofthekop
20-11-15, 11:22 PM
I'm stuck with mental health problems for the rest of my life, I have been off my tablets for 4 months now and I am really struggling. It seems to be worse when I am tired, never understood why, my brain is just not strong enough.


You need to get back onto your tablets then if you are still suffering. You should never have stopped them, unless of course it was after a consultation with a trained doctor. Mental health issues are never resolved overnight, and if you feel that the meds you were given were doing nothing for you then its possible that you need to try a different type. It took me quite a few attempts to get the right ones for me. Even then it was a long slog to get on the right path. I still suffer with mood swings, still get depressed. But I know how to get myself out of these situations now which help me when i go through times like that.

Please do yourself a favour. Go see your doctor. Get yourself well.

Baz
20-11-15, 11:40 PM
I'm stuck with mental health problems for the rest of my life, I have been off my tablets for 4 months now and I am really struggling. It seems to be worse when I am tired, never understood why, my brain is just not strong enough.

Doctor take you off them? If you just stopped you could be causing more harm than good due to all the imbalances etc. If it was doctor lead then i'm with Toppo, get back to see your doctor and find some ways of helping you, it doesn't have to be medication.


You need to get back onto your tablets then if you are still suffering. You should never have stopped them, unless of course it was after a consultation with a trained doctor. Mental health issues are never resolved overnight, and if you feel that the meds you were given were doing nothing for you then its possible that you need to try a different type. It took me quite a few attempts to get the right ones for me. Even then it was a long slog to get on the right path. I still suffer with mood swings, still get depressed. But I know how to get myself out of these situations now which help me when i go through times like that.

Please do yourself a favour. Go see your doctor. Get yourself well.

I'm like that now. Don't need the meds. When I have my bad times I know what to do to bring myself out of them.

Ste117
20-11-15, 11:44 PM
Doctor take you off them? If you just stopped you could be causing more harm than good due to all the imbalances etc. If it was doctor lead then i'm with Toppo, get back to see your doctor and find some ways of helping you, it doesn't have to be medication.



I'm like that now. Don't need the meds. When I have my bad times I know what to do to bring myself out of them.

My dose ran out and I never went back to get them and being slowly in decline since, was still having good days but now I haven't had a good day in over 2 weeks. Falling out with my friends hasn't helped either.

Jesus
22-11-15, 12:59 PM
Come on Ste, get yourself back to the doctors and get some help. As Toppo said it won't be resolved overnight and just dropping straight off your tablets can't be good for you.

Baz
22-11-15, 01:15 PM
My dose ran out and I never went back to get them and being slowly in decline since, was still having good days but now I haven't had a good day in over 2 weeks. Falling out with my friends hasn't helped either.

Shocked nobody has picked up on that to be honest. You'd think the pharmacist or doctor would notice you haven't renewed. You run the risk of ended up worse off without controlled removal of the meds but you know what's best for you.

Ste117
23-11-15, 12:06 AM
Shocked nobody has picked up on that to be honest. You'd think the pharmacist or doctor would notice you haven't renewed. You run the risk of ended up worse off without controlled removal of the meds but you know what's best for you.

I was fine for a while without them but now its one day I'm okay and the next its close to suicidal. On Saturday I will just lay on the bed most of the day thinking and ended up in a state before going to bed with a headache about 1am.

Baz
23-11-15, 08:18 PM
I was fine for a while without them but now its one day I'm okay and the next its close to suicidal. On Saturday I will just lay on the bed most of the day thinking and ended up in a state before going to bed with a headache about 1am.

Joys of the serotonins playing havoc due to the withdrawals. If you're insistent on not going back to the doctors for whatever reason then use the support you got here to get through this stage of your life. Those that contribute to the thread have all been there so please use us as your support network.

ebfatz
23-11-15, 09:02 PM
Seconded.

Never suffered myself but through my work am about to get involved in depression/anxiety through support groups we are setting up.

BeezerCeltic1967
23-11-15, 09:52 PM
Ste,

get yourself to the docs mate,

do yourself a favour :ok:

Ste117
24-11-15, 06:10 PM
Everyone is helping me so much on here, putting a smile on my face. Although I don't play CM that much anymore the reason I am still on this forum is the togetherness of the people on here, its amazing. We have something special on this forum that no other forum has.

BobMem
24-11-15, 07:31 PM
:grouphug:

Baz
24-11-15, 07:47 PM
Everyone is helping me so much on here, putting a smile on my face. Although I don't play CM that much anymore the reason I am still on this forum is the togetherness of the people on here, its amazing. We have something special on this forum that no other forum has.

Agreed, we have a small but tight knit community here plus as it's good to talk about these things it really doesn't matter on the form of communication as long as it is helping.

Jesus
25-11-15, 10:14 AM
Keep us updated with how you get on Ste so we can continue to support you. Remember that there are people who care about you.

Mark
25-11-15, 10:15 AM
Good to know we can help, Ste. Always said before that you shouldn't be afraid to post here and even though there may be some (good-natured) banter around, people are still genuinely concerned if things aren't going well.

Ste117
25-11-15, 07:01 PM
Well today really isn't good. Self destructing pretty much, yet no one is even noticing. One of my best friends texts me to say that my Facebook posts where looking for attention and trying to get people to feel sorry for me, well she is oblivious to what is going on when I thought she knew and wanted to know. So today has ended up me thinking a suicide attempt will open everyone's eyes around me that I am self destructing and not looking for attention and wanting to people to feel sorry for me and show that I am lonely and I do need her. Things with her are just not great, ever since I was diagnosed our friendship hasn't been the same, the things we used to do for fun like watch films in hers when I was at uni, we don't do anymore. Instead its arguing and falling out every few months, it has not been the same and all I want it to be is like it was just before Christmas last year. She wanted to be there for me when I was diagnosed after I gave her the option to walk away but she didn't want to and at times she has made it all worse. So today has me being thinking about the times before I was diagnosed and how much I miss it and it has shown just how much depression has destroyed my life.

Baz
25-11-15, 08:24 PM
Sounds like a right shitter Ste. Unfortunately when we get a label of a mental health illness some uneducated eejits make it ten times worse. A friend of mine who ran a Mens Mental Health group made a point of saying as hard as it can be sometimes you just need to rid yourself of those who say it's all attention seeking etc and just surround yourself with a small group of people who are educated enough to understand or at least have some empathy about what you're going through and those that are willing to accept you will have bad days and support you through them. I know it's easier said than done though.

Suicidal thoughts aren't good though Ste, I urge you to not do anything that'll put your own safety at risk. If need be call one of the few helplines out there just to get that bit of support or talk to us on here. I don't pretend to know it all, but i've been there and come out the other end and would hate to see a few mindless idiots causing you to doubt your worth.

Ste117
25-11-15, 08:32 PM
Sounds like a right shitter Ste. Unfortunately when we get a label of a mental health illness some uneducated eejits make it ten times worse. A friend of mine who ran a Mens Mental Health group made a point of saying as hard as it can be sometimes you just need to rid yourself of those who say it's all attention seeking etc and just surround yourself with a small group of people who are educated enough to understand or at least have some empathy about what you're going through and those that are willing to accept you will have bad days and support you through them. I know it's easier said than done though.

Suicidal thoughts aren't good though Ste, I urge you to not do anything that'll put your own safety at risk. If need be call one of the few helplines out there just to get that bit of support or talk to us on here. I don't pretend to know it all, but i've been there and come out the other end and would hate to see a few mindless idiots causing you to doubt your worth.

Its just a big mind fuck because her best mate suffers from the same thing but she never says that about her but she does about me, I have texted her and told her that we need to talk and sort a few things out. And even today she has texted saying she isn't okay and a few bad things have happened and she still leans on me for support but she struggles to give me that support I need back. I know when sent me the text with all those said things in she was angry at me but its now a case of knowing if she meant what she said or said coz she was angry. Over the past month I have been there for her everyday, well apart from the last 3 weeks when we havent been talking, through her fallings out her mates and everything, it has been a massive strain on me and I could have walked away but I never and I thought she could do the same for me. My biggest worry is she is only 20, 3 years younger than me and it could all a bit too much for her handle because at that age life is always seen as fun only and no many problems. Today she has texted me saying no I'm not okay you know when life, kick in the teeth and yet after the way I have been today I am sat here trying to support her.

Baz
26-11-15, 01:00 PM
It's unfortunate you both need support for different reasons so maybe you can work through this in time. You just need to remember you also need to look after yourself when you're support others Ste, that's the hard thing, and the thing i've been neglecting recently due to the boy child having a few issues, and I have been suffering for it. I know at times heart rules the head etc, but on the positive side you are sharing with us and that has to help, even if it's only a little bit.

Baz
04-12-15, 04:43 PM
Been over a week now Ste, so how you doing mate?

Jesus
10-12-15, 10:13 PM
Been over a week now Ste, so how you doing mate?

Same question for you from me too Ste, how you doing mate?

Mark
11-12-15, 11:07 AM
Didn't see Ste online on Wednesday, hope all is well!

Baz
24-12-15, 02:38 PM
This is probably one of the worst times of the year for MH sufferers. So to everyone who's battling an MH illness remember it's only one day and we're still here for a chat when needed. Also I hope Ste is good as i've not seen him post for a little bit.

AMC
24-12-15, 04:19 PM
Indeed, hope your well Ste :ok:

Ste117
31-12-15, 12:41 AM
I'm okay thanks, been content with life all month which worries me a lot because staying this content for this long ends up in a massive dip sooner or later. Funny me and Kelsie who's my friend where talking about it today and I said to her, I may be on a good patch right now where I am content with everything but you know that one day in the future it will change and I will go through a period where I won't be like this and I said you know that there isn't anything I can do about it. So yeah it worries me everyday I wake up feeling content and satisfied.

Fods
31-12-15, 03:18 AM
I think you should try not to think of that mate, if its in your mind its likely to happen.

Good news you are good tho :ok:

Baz
31-12-15, 08:54 AM
Should be looking on the positive side that you are feeling that way rather than the negative of expecting it to end at any moment.

BobMem
31-12-15, 09:36 AM
It's good to hear you're doing OK mate. I would say try to concentrate on today not worry about tomorrow. Especially if today is good :)

ebfatz
31-12-15, 02:20 PM
Tomorrow is a New Year, anything could change and probably will.

For the better if you think positively!

merkezekrem
31-12-15, 05:30 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQhQy4xQbpU

Ste117
31-12-15, 06:30 PM
Well looks you were right, today woke up in a confidence crisis, questioning everything about myself, asking her how boring I have become and everything and because of this I have only just got out of bed.

Baz
31-12-15, 08:33 PM
I just lost my temper with the boy child who stole his sisters phone (which she's only allowed to use on rare occasions as she's only 10 in March) hid it all afternoon with a charger he stole from my bedroom then proceeded to download shit loads of games oh and send his uncle messages on whatsapp only to deny he took it what a sodding idiot he is.

He's 8 and has been stealing for a good 18 months now I am at the end of my tether now and told him tomorrow he's going to the police station as he doesn't listen to anyone about his stealing and he needs to learn somehow. We have spoken to the PCSO's about it and they suggest a meeting with him to explain it all from the authority point of view so I think it has to be done sadly or he'll end up in deep shit if he carries on the way he's going.

Fods
01-01-16, 12:36 PM
Well looks you were right, today woke up in a confidence crisis, questioning everything about myself, asking her how boring I have become and everything and because of this I have only just got out of bed.

I do that every day, bed at 10, dont sleep till 2am, then up at 11am! Am I depressed/fucked?

Baz
01-01-16, 12:42 PM
I do that every day, bed at 10, dont sleep till 2am, then up at 11am! Am I depressed/fucked?

Probably down to depression and the fact you're in a shit routine.

Fods
01-01-16, 12:56 PM
Yeh agreed, doc has given me valium, useless cunt. I told him just needed to sort routing out

Baz
01-01-16, 01:16 PM
Can't imagine valium would help unless you're feeling anxious as hell. Breaking the routine is the worst bit but i'm sure you can do it.

Topofthekop
01-01-16, 01:33 PM
Breaking your routine/bad habits is a bitch..

Took me ages to get my sleep routine back to something resembling normal, but even now its still all over the shop at times

Fods
01-01-16, 01:37 PM
Such a fucking state!

Ste117
06-01-16, 09:18 PM
Well I hit self destruct today and its pissed my mate off, she ain't happy coz I text her moaning again

Jesus
06-01-16, 09:21 PM
Well I hit self destruct today and its pissed my mate off, she ain't happy coz I text her moaning again

Now I don't understand your situation with her fully but would it not be better to just cut back on the communication with her? It seems like she is more of an anchor weighing you down rather than a cornerstone in your life. You've mentioned her a few times in your posts and a lot of your ill feelings stem from conversations or events that involve her. I know it's easier said than done but perhaps its for the best for you to focus on something else instead of her and her negative energy.

wato20
07-01-16, 02:20 PM
Yep..

Get on Tinder...

vinjwoods
07-01-16, 10:23 PM
Hey folks - great thread to see on here for 2 reasons -

I have real issues with anxiety and depression and have done for years since growing up in the troubles in Belfast plus other issues. (I am always happy to talk about how I cope and have improved btw)

secondly I am actually a Pharmacist and specialise in mental health so to see men discussing these issues openly - well done lads.

I am always here should anyone have any questions with regards to counselling etc but obviously my expertise lies in medication so feel free to fire any med questions my way and I can help out where possible as well as recommending some books if people like to self help.

Amazing bunch of men on here - well done.

Vin GPhC 2051880 (if you want to check my qualifications :-)

Baz
07-01-16, 11:21 PM
On the topic of meds what a pain in the arse they are right? I was on citalopram for a year start to finish, first six weeks was a bitch last 3 weeks was a bitch haha. Also Diazepam, brilliant stuff but docs don't like given them out as they're super addictive.

LeVoyeur
08-01-16, 03:15 AM
feel free to fire any med questions my way

What do u think of modafinil in relation to mental health?
What brand(s) of modafinil do you have at your pharmacy (if any) and can u give me some without prescription? :D

Thanks

Ste117
09-01-16, 03:07 AM
And now I have no job, happy 2016 everyone! I was only agency but there was a lot of shit in work this week and some of it involved me and now the agency are saying there is no work there all of a sudden, yeah bullshit!

Baz
09-01-16, 09:04 AM
And now I have no job, happy 2016 everyone! I was only agency but there was a lot of shit in work this week and some of it involved me and now the agency are saying there is no work there all of a sudden, yeah bullshit!

A few of my mates have found themselves in the same situation. Companies are probably looking at their bottom lines now as the financial year ends in a few months. However it is plausible that they have filled whatever order was needed and now have no extra work. Shit situation either way.

Fods
11-01-16, 06:28 AM
Some people wont like rap music but this is a great video and worth a listen 100%


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SO5Gdsnlhk4

Fods
18-01-16, 07:01 AM
Interesting article here just popped up on my FB, worth a read :ok:

http://inkandfeet.com/how-to-help-someone-with-depression

vinjwoods
23-01-16, 01:07 AM
Not actually addictive benzodipines like diazepam or temazepam they are habit forming - so basically they give you them short term to help you sleep so you tke them every night and sleep ace BUT then you miss a night and oh dear back to square one= you cant sleep without without them!!! basically its like codeine in co-codamol (which is addictive) the best way to use them if you actually want to improve and not just be off your head a lot blanking out your probs is to - example:

cant sleep and stressed take your diazepam nights 1&2 but then none on night 3. sleeping pattern should start to return if you follow relaxing nght routine. (may not work but suffer through)
Night 4 take diazepam and sleep well then from there you should be able to a pattern going so night 5 either none or half depending how you feel. continue alternating none and half for few more nights then go to half every 3rd night for 3 weeks then every 4th night etc....

I am just giving general info here as this defo will not work for everyone BUT WILL for some. PM me if you want a private discussion re your personal history or ask for my mobile number if your struggling - Im bound by medical confidentiality so nothing said would be repeated.







On the topic of meds what a pain in the arse they are right? I was on citalopram for a year start to finish, first six weeks was a bitch last 3 weeks was a bitch haha. Also Diazepam, brilliant stuff but docs don't like given them out as they're super addictive.

vinjwoods
23-01-16, 01:11 AM
Amazingly for fb - that's quite a good bit of advice. Worth a read if your friends suffer or give to your friends to help them understand.

Actually why am I agreeing with YOU on anything lol


Interesting article here just popped up on my FB, worth a read :ok:

http://inkandfeet.com/how-to-help-someone-with-depression

vinjwoods
23-01-16, 01:15 AM
Its financial climate as well mate - Im not agency Im a pharmacy manager and company meeting for bosses made or uneasy managers leaving at end let me tell you........all jobs are at risk right now unless you a fat cat sipping milk from the right bowl!!!1

Good luck - what is it you do and where? I will keep fingers crossed you get somewhere soon.
Vin

Baz
27-01-16, 04:31 PM
So my mental health is all over the place at the moment, up and down like a yo-yo, enjoyment levels are low more often than not so meh.

On the plus side we're getting somewhere with the boy. All outside agencies have said he needs to be seen by CAMHS, first access with all this information to hand, telephones the school and get's them to agree to an Education Psychologist report just like that. This is the same school i've been waiting 3 weeks to have a meeting with the headteacher pfft.

So hopefully once the boy starts getting sorted I can start concentrating on me.

Jesus
27-01-16, 08:21 PM
Hope you get back on the horse soon Baz, its hard to say something without sounding patronising but tomorrow is a new day and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Baz
28-01-16, 01:52 PM
Hope you get back on the horse soon Baz, its hard to say something without sounding patronising but tomorrow is a new day and there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Always is just getting to that point really. It's harder when you got a child you need to sort that's in that kind of situation too.

Sent from my SM-J500FN using Tapatalk

Fods
29-01-16, 07:56 AM
STE, where are you sonshine?

Baz
29-01-16, 01:52 PM
Yes Ste, hope you're well.

AJ
29-01-16, 03:01 PM
Think he got a haircut. But that may have been last year.

Ste117
04-02-16, 03:05 AM
Think he got a haircut. But that may have been last year.

Don't you like my new Viking haircut :D

I'm still here well ish, haven't been on the forums for a while but had a few days this week battling my brain again. I love having so much free time like I did when I was at uni but the problem with that I have so much thinking time and that is not good as I start thinking things that might not be happening and bad things that aren't happening but I believe to me happening anyway.

Baz
04-02-16, 10:28 AM
Good to hear from you Ste. Today is #timetotalk day so if any of you want to chat, hit me up.

Baz
09-02-16, 02:00 PM
Meh a lack of sleep thanks to an ill three year old, and forever battling with the boy and his issues combines to me feeling utterly lousy sigh.

Sent from my SM-J500FN using Tapatalk

ebfatz
09-02-16, 05:44 PM
I hear that on ill youngsters.
Both mine are under with different ailments currently.

Baz
09-02-16, 08:40 PM
I hear that on ill youngsters.
Both mine are under with different ailments currently.

Pain in the arse isn't it? Got the youngest to the doctors today and she has a chest infection so antibiotics in her so hopefully she'll start to feel better in a day or two so I(we) can finally get some sleep.

ebfatz
09-02-16, 09:22 PM
I've got one with a persistent ear infection and another who has asthma and struggling with the cold weather and wind and using his inhaler to ward off coughs.

Baz
23-02-16, 07:20 PM
AJ do you have any experience of PDA over there in Holland?

Topofthekop
23-02-16, 08:14 PM
I truly salute anyone who lives and deals with any form of mental illness on a daily basis. It can truly be a struggle. I had kind of forgot how hard things can be till lately. Started to get a lot of anxiety again which can be rather crippling, but it gets laughed off by others who see me. Went into work a couple of weeks back and was having one shortly before going into the building, I did get asked if I was ill as I was looking rather pale. I explained it was just an anxiety attack but manager doesn't really know anything about anxiety so even though I tried my best to explain to him it was like talking to the wall. I don't know what causes the attacks, I am still unable to pinpoint what has been triggering them. Not felt too bad the last week bar the odd occasion where I have had the odd one, But know unless I can pinpoint what is triggering them then I will not be able to control them properly. :(

http://i68.tinypic.com/2wegd34.jpg

Baz
23-02-16, 08:44 PM
Problem with anxiety is sometimes there is no trigger it just happens. I am thankful mental health issues are getting more recognition now but some people just can't be taught about it sigh. I was even once told anxiety is a class thing, if you have no financial worries then you have nothing to be anxious about what utter bollocks that was haha.

Ste117
24-02-16, 07:03 PM
Had the same myself when trying to get to sleep on Monday, anxious and edgy just made it impossible and then woke up feeling the worst I have felt for a long time, almost suicidal, time to go back on the medication I think.

ebfatz
24-02-16, 07:45 PM
Good to hear from you Ste.

:ok:

Ste117
26-02-16, 12:22 PM
Yet another sleepless night last night, so it will be 24 hours awake today

AJ
26-02-16, 01:16 PM
Yet another sleepless night last night, so it will be 24 hours awake today

well spent if playing CM. but I'll bet you didnt.

Ste117
26-02-16, 05:59 PM
well spent if playing CM. but I'll bet you didnt.

nope, didnt play anything just couldnt sleep

AJ
26-02-16, 07:47 PM
nope, didnt play anything just couldnt sleep

i know Ste. I was fucking around. I know what anxiety feels like.

Ste117
01-03-16, 08:12 PM
All this uni work is causing a lot of stress and plently of sleepless nights, another sleepless night last night. An assignment a month at the momeny plus up to 40 pages a week reading with numerous activity, add to that the time I need to spend looking for a job and go to this admin work experience.

Redknapp69
01-03-16, 09:45 PM
My advice on assignments is try and get them done early doors - I always left it late - couldn't get books from library as they were taken then was stressed as fook. Changes the mindset and started assignemnts straight away while subject matter was fresh in the mind and then left time for :tea:

LeVoyeur
06-03-16, 05:10 PM
All this uni work is causing a lot of stress and plently of sleepless nights, another sleepless night last night. An assignment a month at the momeny plus up to 40 pages a week reading with numerous activity, add to that the time I need to spend looking for a job and go to this admin work experience.

I did physics at uni so trust me I know what it's like to stress over not understanding things and having all these assignments and questions to answer. At times I didn't even know where to fucking start!

Redknapp gave the best advice but not everybody is able to do that, def not me.

I had a few decent mates at uni who took work much more seriously than I did. The girls in particular would do the redknapp thing and I found it so much easier to work and complete assignments in small groups.

If you don't yet have a group then it's time to talk more to your class mates. If you talk to one person and agree to beer + study or library between lectures or go to the lab, whatever, you will find other people from your course doing the same thing. The more you expand your group the easier it is to complete assignments. I'm not saying copy people but say you're clueless about one question or issue, asking the question out loud can help and if your mates direct you towards the resources they used to answer the question or give you the general gist of their answer, then all that stress of not knowing what to do melts away

As for finding graduation jobs, fuck that, go get high and travel the world!

Nah you know how it is, your uni will have jobs fairs etc and if you want to secure a job, all you really have to do is spend the time going to these things and taking it seriously. Employers love work experience and extra-curricular BS. Again if you do this kinda shit in small or large groups, all the best opportunities and ideas get shared by everybody

Uni is very unfair in this way. The guys who over-achieved (are PhD, work for CERN, ESA, NASA etc) all came from the same small groups. They shared their resources and enthusiasm. Likewise those who tried to do everything on their own invariably failed and either didn't graduate or graduated at minimum standards with very little chance of ever getting a job in maths/physics.

I did OK (a 2:1), my attendance was poor and my partying good - I have my friends to thank for all of those things :D

Redknapp69
06-03-16, 11:04 PM
I had a 2:2 and that was what I deserved - didn't knuckle down enough but partied hard and too uni life for what it is for and how it shapes you

Have done OK job wise since - unless you're doing something like Law, Medicin or whatever where they require top grades to get accepteed for the next level then a reasonable education is good enough as long as you apply yourself well in the world of work

Ste117
06-03-16, 11:50 PM
My course is on the Open University which means its internet based.

Jesus
06-03-16, 11:55 PM
My course is on the Open University which means its internet based.

What happened to living it large in Huddersfield?

Ste117
07-03-16, 01:32 AM
What happened to living it large in Huddersfield?

Lost interest in the degree I was doing and stopped going to uni and just gave up on it, so I failed the second year.

Baz
07-03-16, 08:11 AM
The OU is ten times easier isn't it? As long as you put the required effort in to stay with the study schedule you should be fine. I've done 3 years with the OU with MH issues so I know it can be done.

Ste117
07-03-16, 06:43 PM
The OU is ten times easier isn't it? As long as you put the required effort in to stay with the study schedule you should be fine. I've done 3 years with the OU with MH issues so I know it can be done.

Yeah I am finding more much better and getting better marks too, even on skills I have never had and had to learn. I will be doing 6 years part time, just looking for an Admin job as I am currently doing Work Experience for the Job Centre and really enjoying it to get some experience in that sector. It is only designing things and helping out with the website and a bit of filing but its a much better working environment than a factory. Also everything seems to be working nicely regarding the OU course with it too.

Baz
07-03-16, 07:30 PM
Yeah I am finding more much better and getting better marks too, even on skills I have never had and had to learn. I will be doing 6 years part time, just looking for an Admin job as I am currently doing Work Experience for the Job Centre and really enjoying it to get some experience in that sector. It is only designing things and helping out with the website and a bit of filing but its a much better working environment than a factory. Also everything seems to be working nicely regarding the OU course with it too.

That's a big positive then Ste. I've done my part time learning and am due to complete level 2 once this bugger ends. Also if you're doing a bit of work experience through JCP, have a look at local volunteering opportunities too, no pressure to anything major and they're flexible around your needs too, just an idea though. Glad you're getting some positive results.

BobMem
09-03-16, 02:07 PM
Sounds very positive Ste, good to hear.

I played Champ the whole time I was at uni and nearly failed my degree. Still ended up with a job in engineering though :)

I maintain to this day that it was distraction and lack of effort which resulted in my poor grades, rather than the unthinkable (i.e. that I'm not a genius).

Ste117
18-03-16, 10:06 PM
I have given up now completely, every time I pick myself there is always someone there to put me back down again and the worst thing of all its family members doing it. I don't see the point in picking myself up anymore. I have no fight left now, I want to kill my brain once and for all, I don't see the point in me being here anymore, got no purpose except for when people need me. The rest of time I'm not worth talking too. Being ignored by my friend again today who has time to go on facebook but not to text me back. Got a brother who thinks it is best for me to go back to work in a shitty factory instead of trying hard to get an admin job because he thinks there is more money in factory work and hardly any in admin. Got to the point now where I don't see the point in having dreams, people only try and do their best to break them and tell you its not possible and don't support you to achieve them and yeah that's family again. Truth I despise mine so much to the point I spend most of my time around my cousins and my Auntie's who actually understands what they are doing and she is the only one who does.

Baz
18-03-16, 10:15 PM
Thinking like that will just make things 100x worse, don't let the others get you down as they obviously aren't worth the hassle in your current state of mind. You know what is best for you and with you knowing you want to work in an office, just go ahead and do what you can to get that kind of work. Factory work isn't for everyone, and lets be honest here, working in a factory isn't as secure as it once was.

As for your friend, well yeah, don't want to sound rude, but sometimes it does slip peoples minds to text back. If you're busy you read the message, then think "i'll reply to that shortly" then quite easily forget about it. So what if she was on facebook, it's not the end of the world. Heck my mrs takes an age to text back at times and I see she's been on social media but I think nothing of it as I understand how simple it can be to forget things at times.

I know you're going through a tough time of it Ste, but now is the time to be looking out for you and no bugger else. Push yourself to do things, get the control back, you can work wherever you want, you can make new friends. If you need to step away from your family for the sake of your health then bloody well do it. Having no understanding of MH will just rile you up even more. Surround yourself with those who are positive about things and build yourself back up. You are stronger than this, you can and you will beat all these issues.