PDA

View Full Version : Jealousy and Insecurity



Fods
15-12-14, 02:06 AM
Does anyone else suffer from this or have suffered from it?

:crazy:

Redknapp69
15-12-14, 02:13 AM
Not for me - think I'm generally too chilled about things but then when shit does happen I bottle it up and don't open up to people

You talking about a bird here or life in general?

Fods
15-12-14, 02:16 AM
Yeh talking about a bird, as some of the guys will know Im seeing this chick live wth her and everthing, she is stunning and I am punching massively. I just have stupid feelings Im not good enough for her or she is gonna cheat on me.

The stupid thing is she has told my folks and sister, I am the one, she is so in love wth me and we live together after 4 months. Why cant I beleive it....

Ste117
15-12-14, 03:36 AM
I dunno if this counts as insecurities but I am constantly on egg shells around the girl I really like making sure I never do anything wrong to cause a falling out. Then when the flirting starts happening I begin to think something could happen or she might like me but it never does then she will say something like we need to stop hugging because of what people think and all that, but at the same time she says she says nothing has to change, its really weird. Some things she posts on Twitter make me think too, its like I am always thinking about her everyday, we was flirting with me on text trying to wind me up again tonight then not long after she posts on Twitter 'Starting to fall for someone I really shouldn't... uh oh.' I start to think of coincidences then. I start to feel vulnerable and I have always been a vulnerable person because of confidence problems since I was way back in primary school. But I have always bottled things up until recently.

Craig Forrest
15-12-14, 05:59 AM
Because people suck and you're always waiting for something to drop when you think you have it too good.....

My advice is to suck it up and put it out of your mind. If she's with you then it's because she wants to be (god knows it's not for your looks or for your money :D)..... jealousy and insecurity will just run the risk of pushing her away and you don't want to end up with no chick and blaming yourself for being stupid :ok:

Besides, why would she move in with you and then ditch you or cheat on you? Doesn't make much sense to me....

faz44
15-12-14, 08:16 AM
I have jealousies and insecurities but not in this regard.

This won't go away easily but I actually think you should talk to her. If you didn't care about her deeply, you wouldn't feel this way. You don't want to limit her or change her but this is how you feel and you are trying to work through it?

Do you feel like she's the one too?

faz44
15-12-14, 08:26 AM
Besides, why would she move in with you and then ditch you or cheat on you? Doesn't make much sense to me....

Because some people are horrible and want a steady domestic situation while they get their thrills by cheating. Alternatively, some people get wooed by horrible people. How does that song go? "When you're in love with a beautiful woman, you know it's hard"

AJ
15-12-14, 08:41 AM
And the stupid thing is, that if you believe that hard enough, you will start acting on it and eventually it comes true. I've seen these cases many a time, but they can be dealt with.

First and foremost, you need to believe in yourself. She does not love you for no reason./ Obviously your a swell guy:) . Then, remember that this is also just a woman, just 1 person. She may be gorgeous but that does not give her a pass to easy life. She also has gone through all sorts of shit. And simply feels good when she's with you. So apparently you do something good.

Tip of the therapist: Find out what it is your friends, coworkers and girlfriends like about you. Write it down, make a list. Stare at that list and be amazed by all the awesome things you are. I for one think you are devoted, funny and honest. Pretty good for a bloke, eh?

Rapinoe
15-12-14, 03:23 PM
Interesting question.

Insecurity? Oh hell yes, I have pretty severe anxiety problems so I'm always second-guessing everything, especially myself. And always questioning why my girlfriend wants to be with /me/, when someone as amazing and gorgeous as she is could probably get anyone she wanted. It's a constant thing, and I have to keep reminding myself of how happy she is when we're together.

Jealousy, on the other hand, has never really been a thing for me, but then I'm poly, and that wouldn't mix well with jealousy. Basically the key thing is - no secrets. As long as things are in the open, as it were, I'm cool... but if you sneak about and try to hide things and I find out? Yeah, then I'll get upset. It's a lot more complex than that, of course, but the point is, no, I don't get jealous, because if I trust you enough to get into a relationship with you... well then I trust you.

I've also never really believed in the concept of "The One". Rather, if we look at life as a journey, well then there are people we share the journey with, over shorter or longer stretches. Which may, sure, turn out to be "all the way to the end", but I kinda think that making an advance declaration that yeah I'll stay with you all the way, you're just setting yourself up for hurt. So I figure, better to just go day by day, enjoy each day you have together and make the most of it. If you stay together, awesome, but if as sometimes happens you grow apart, then it's a lot easier to accept and deal with and get over, if there was never any expectation of "till the end" to begin with.

(And now to kinda contradict myself... I really hope this one will turn out to be that one that shares my journey till the end.)

Anyways that's my 2d and everyone is different.

Fods
14-01-15, 06:53 AM
Forgot all about this thread, some great comments, cheers guys.

Well things are going well, although I still have those "thoughts' but I manage to contain them... until I have had a beer.

I think my main issue is that I trust her, I just dont trust other men, shes a very outgoing girl, was raised in a pub in England and can talk to anyone... and she gets complety and utterly pissed as a fart. This is what worries me when she is out... I hate the thought of men cracking on to her, she tells me she just wants to talk and meet new people and always talks about me. I just worry she is going to give people wrong impression, they will think they have a chance and if shes pissed like she gets then try take advantge of her. Maybe the jealousy has gone and all I worry about is her safety... but then I know most men are cunts and given an oportunity to even start a convo with her they will think they are in with a chance.!

Craig Forrest
14-01-15, 03:43 PM
Most men are cunts..... and will try to fuck anything that lets them..... but if you trust her then it isn't an issue.... doesn't matter how many sleazy, horny men are around, if she doesn't want to do anything with them then she won't :ok:

Rapinoe
14-01-15, 09:03 PM
Part of trusting her is crediting her with self-control. :)

Fods
16-01-15, 12:04 AM
You guys really are top blokes :hug:

big JT
16-01-15, 01:54 PM
I had jealousy issues with my first real love, I was only 18 at the time, too young and naïve. We were together for about a year and I was absolutely besotted with her, my insecurities only ever arose whilst we were out drinking. The problem was she was still friends with her ex and their group of friends, we'd always end nights out arguing. Obviously now I realise it was him I didn't trust, but took it out on her. Like you say most men can be cunts.

Anyway the relationship continued and she went on a summer holiday with his group of friends and him, something happened whilst there and they got back together. I think it was inevitable this was going to happen as she never got him out of her system in the first place, and then the nobhead got back in her system in Greece!!!! Que sera sera

A year later I met another girl and had learnt from my mistakes, we've been together for the last 15 years, got married and have a beautiful 2 year old and another on the way.

Basically Fods, if she is besotted with you like you say, live the dream mate, enjoy the ride and show your woman off to the world. My jealousy and insecurities ruined my first real love, they weren't going to do it again.

Redknapp69
17-01-15, 02:02 AM
JT - cant see how it was your fault that she got back with some dude

Anyhoo - it's worked well you for you so happy days mate :ok:

Fods
17-01-15, 11:22 AM
Nice one JT, pleased its worked out for you and thanks for the advice :ok:

faz44
18-01-15, 01:01 AM
Is this purely about relationship jealousy or could it be everything else?

Fods
18-01-15, 04:14 AM
Everything else mate, share away!

faz44
18-01-15, 11:49 AM
Ok, I am constantly in a state of jealousy and insecurity. From the little things to the big things, everybody seems to have it easier or better than me or they have friends or they have some amazing life and it just constantly makes me upset, sad and lonely.

Fods
19-01-15, 07:28 AM
What sort of things mate? Tell us about yourself...?

BobMem
21-01-15, 12:04 PM
There's a lot of elaborate facades in the world. No relationship is all sweet and loveliness ALL the time, and all couples have some issues going on. Often it just isn't particularly public.

Faz, you seem like a really intelligent bloke (based on some very informed comments on other threads), which means you are probably over-thinking it. The trouble is it's hard not to think about these things once you start.

As an absolute genius myself I often have this problem...

Dermotron
22-01-15, 11:56 AM
An ex of mine had a saying "Don't worry about what might never happen" and it while it works in all aspects of live in relationships it's probably most suited to

Mark
22-01-15, 12:06 PM
Fair point, Derm.

I found myself quite jealous in my first relationship and hated the way I used to behave when I look back on it now. However, I was justified in the end as she ended up cheating on me with my best mate's brother.

I guess sometimes you just have a feeling that something isn't right and that makes you behave that way.

Since then, if I ever feel the same way, I have learnt to ignore it as it can build up in the back of your mind and cause you to explode in some way.

Best thing to do is to enjoy life and the now and focus on that :ok:

wato20
22-01-15, 12:28 PM
Very true Mark. But in that previous relationship you were younger too. And less mature. So maybe couldn't handle it or know how to.

As maybe u do as you get older.... and wiser with more relationships...

I was a bit jealous with my first girlfriend, but its cos she was a bitch who couldn't be trusted.

I've not been jealous since in any relationship.

Mark
22-01-15, 12:30 PM
Yeah, that was kind of the point I was trying to make as well. It is how you behave at that age and especially in your first relationship.

Definitely a lot relaxed and more easy-going now. Not quite so easy for my girlfriend at the moment who is 21 :D

Craig Forrest
22-01-15, 03:58 PM
I had issues for a while as my ex cheated on me too..... but now I realize that it could happen again, or it could not.... and if it does then I'll simply move on like I did the last time.... not the end of the world.... :ok:

wato20
22-01-15, 04:06 PM
Unless she is well fit.

And a good shag...

Then it will feel like the end of the world...

Until u move on...

Rapinoe
22-01-15, 04:30 PM
Yeah, when I was younger I wasn't nearly as jealousy-free as I am now. My first 'serious' love when I was 17 was a guy some years older, and I tended to get jealous every time he even glanced at another girl... but I was young and dumb enough that for a fair while he was able to spend his way out of the doghouse. The first few relationships I had were like that, but the jealousy eventually did fade away, and by the time I figured out for keeps that no, actually I'm into girls, it wasn't a thing anymore. So perhaps life experience/maturity really does factor in a lot.

Rapinoe
22-01-15, 04:35 PM
I had issues for a while as my ex cheated on me too..... but now I realize that it could happen again, or it could not.... and if it does then I'll simply move on like I did the last time.... not the end of the world.... :ok:

See there's the beauty of poly-ness. If she tells me in advance she wants to bang (or actually regularly date) some girl (or guy, whatever), or right after the fact if it was some spur-of-the-moment thing, I don't care, have fun. But if she were to sneak around and go on as if there wasn't something happening on the side, then yeah, I'd get annoyed.

Craig Forrest
22-01-15, 04:43 PM
I've read about poly but it's not something I could do.... like swinging..... to each their own and I'm happy if you're happy but personally it's not my cup of tea :ok:

faz44
08-02-15, 12:25 AM
What sort of things mate? Tell us about yourself...?


Faz, you seem like a really intelligent bloke (based on some very informed comments on other threads), which means you are probably over-thinking it. The trouble is it's hard not to think about these things once you start.

As an absolute genius myself I often have this problem...

Lost track of this one, sorry.

Jealousy: Fundamentally, my life has stalled and has sucked for some time. I've always had petty jealousies but, then again, I had other things that people didn't have. It's like when I make a mistake, I'm punished as harshly as possible. I joined a shit company, did I deserve to have my career essentially taken away from me? What's worse is when I go on, say, LinkedIn and see lazy, feckless or stupid people I know moving on in their careers, while I have to crawl to keep an English teaching job I went after so I could have even a small amount of money at the end of every month. It's even worse when I'm jealous of people I like who are capable, hard-working and deserving because they got an opportunity that I didn't. It's like jealousy consumes my life. Everybody has what I want and I can't seem to get over the hump.

I have this constant frustration, which actually becomes worse when people tell me I'm intelligent. "If I'm so smart, how comes I get stuck in such stupid situations?" I'm not stupid, I'm very capable but that didn't help me get a job because interviews aren't about intelligence. If somebody could teach me how to start a business with little or no startup capital, I'd gladly do that because nobody worth any salt wants to employ me.

As a result, I battle constantly with my emotions. I feel upset with how a handful of poor decisions have wrecked my life. I'm sad that my wife works so hard and has to support us both right now. I have no friends and feel so cripplingly lonely that it's made it even harder to make friends when I might be able to.

Fods
20-12-15, 05:27 AM
Not posted here for a while...it could probably go in a number of threads, Gambling/Mental Health...

Anyway, around 18 months ago I met this chick, moved to Bondi with her and all was ok..I touched briefly on my jealousy/insecurity when I started this thread. I used to go through her FB, her phone....

Anyway, when we first got together I knew she always had ambitions to move overseas if she got the chance with work. Anyway in July 15 this opportunity to move to NY came and she talked to me and I agreed to go, as I knew its what she wanted, at the time I had an awesome job, my family were in Oz so it was a huge decision. Anyway, as time went on I was getting second thoughts as to whether I could leave... I started telling myself I couldn't, I started going online, messaging other girls and shit, I love this girl don't get me wrong, I guess I was just wanting to see if she did go and I stayed whether or not I could still "pull". Anyway she found it and went nuts, she kicked me out and we split up for a few weeks, I eventually wormed myself back in and eventually we agreed to move to NY together, she would go first, I would save some cash and then follow her in a couple of months or so. She went in November. Anyway I was under the impression everything was going as planned, she was telling me she had forgiven me and she loved me. In the mean time between us splitting up and getting back together, I went off the rails, started drinking, a lot.. gambling, I could spend my whole weekly wage ($1500) in one night on booze and gambling. It got that bad I paid myself in advance, took advantage of my position in my brother in laws company and he had to make a call and decided to sack me, I paid myself 3 times in 1 week and blew the whole lot. So, my Mrs went to NY, I lost my job and had to move back in with my folks as I had no cash, am in serious debt and didn't have a penny to my name. I tore the family apart, my sister and brother in law wont speak to me, everyone is at theirs for Xmas day and I have not been invited. I have lost a whole load of friends due to what I have done and because of my drinking/gambling. Went to the docs about 2 months ago when it all happened and been on anti depressants ever since, with drinking so much on top it sent me kinda mental. About 3 weeks ago, I had a call from her, she doesn't want me to go to NY. She has blocked me from contacting her all together. This was the only thing I had to look forward to and its knocked me even further back. No fucking idea what to do with my self, tempted to head back to England, tempted to fly to NY to see what the fuck is going on.

Not looking for any sympathy, just wanted to get it out there, I have not spoke to anyone about this as I feel ashamed of myself. Really just don't have a clue what to do!.

Moral of the story is that no matter how insecure you are, don't call chicks on Instagram beautiful when you have a mrs else you will lose it all!

Redknapp69
20-12-15, 09:29 PM
Cut the grog and gambling and try and graft hard and get yourself back on an even keel mate. Dunno how bad it all was but sounds like the bro in law/sister could have handled it better.

This bird, dunno how you still feel about her but if you are still into her then I would take a trip over when you have teh cash and try and sort it - gotta be appreciated/easier face to face rather than mail/phone etc.
If it doesn't work out then at least you have given it a full go and can move on

Get some more golf into you as well which always helps!

Good luck

AJ
20-12-15, 09:41 PM
First off, you need to start loving yourself like we love you. Man, that is some selfdestructive shit you pulled Fodsie. But you know this.And I think deep down you know what you want.

If you werent halfway across the globe I'd kick your ass and buy you a xmas beer. Back on the horse, mate. Asap.

ebfatz
20-12-15, 11:39 PM
yeah. a nice beer will do the trick AJ.

Just what he needs right now. :lol:

First up, you've made a bold first step mate. Getting it out there, written down, even if it is for people that you've never met.

I'm not gonna say it's gonna be easy.

Get yourself back out on the links though as redders says.
Any money you'd stick in a fruity, stick it in a golf fund instead.

Might be a case of going massively gold turkey though with no money coming in.

AJ
21-12-15, 12:01 AM
its the gesture Ebz.

ebfatz
21-12-15, 12:58 AM
i know mate :ok:

faz44
21-12-15, 01:09 AM
Stop drinking, start eating right. Sound body, sound mind. Eat raw vegetables, lean meats, do some yoga (I'll hook you up with a torrent tracker which has some good stuff). This will all help with your depression. If you're able to go out jogging, do so.

You can't run away from the mess you've caused with your family, this will make things worse. If you're at home eating a broccoli salad on Christmas Day then so be it. Your family have every right to be pissed off, as does your ex-girlfriend. Own the pain you've caused and seek to make amends, probably financially in the case of your brother-in-law. Take your punishment like a man. You breached trust, you're not a child. In my view, you should also seek psychiatric help. People don't go off the rails this way "normally" so I would hazard a guess that there's either an underlying illness or an underlying trauma which has gone untreated which caused you to go off the rails. Anti-depressants without proper psychiatric treatment are thoroughly dangerous and ultimately pointless. I think you want to change but you don't know how and this will happen again if you don't deal with it.

As for the girl, you've fucked it up for now. Grand romantic gestures aren't going to help if you're still fucked up. You have to use the fact you fucked this up and the reasons that you fucked this up as motivation to be a better person. You may not get her back but then at least you'll be in the position to have a normal, healthy relationship in the future as being a well-adjusted person.

Goofy
21-12-15, 01:35 AM
Not posted here for a while...it could probably go in a number of threads, Gambling/Mental Health...

Anyway, around 18 months ago I met this chick, moved to Bondi with her and all was ok..I touched briefly on my jealousy/insecurity when I started this thread. I used to go through her FB, her phone....

Anyway, when we first got together I knew she always had ambitions to move overseas if she got the chance with work. Anyway in July 15 this opportunity to move to NY came and she talked to me and I agreed to go, as I knew its what she wanted, at the time I had an awesome job, my family were in Oz so it was a huge decision. Anyway, as time went on I was getting second thoughts as to whether I could leave... I started telling myself I couldn't, I started going online, messaging other girls and shit, I love this girl don't get me wrong, I guess I was just wanting to see if she did go and I stayed whether or not I could still "pull". Anyway she found it and went nuts, she kicked me out and we split up for a few weeks, I eventually wormed myself back in and eventually we agreed to move to NY together, she would go first, I would save some cash and then follow her in a couple of months or so. She went in November. Anyway I was under the impression everything was going as planned, she was telling me she had forgiven me and she loved me. In the mean time between us splitting up and getting back together, I went off the rails, started drinking, a lot.. gambling, I could spend my whole weekly wage ($1500) in one night on booze and gambling. It got that bad I paid myself in advance, took advantage of my position in my brother in laws company and he had to make a call and decided to sack me, I paid myself 3 times in 1 week and blew the whole lot. So, my Mrs went to NY, I lost my job and had to move back in with my folks as I had no cash, am in serious debt and didn't have a penny to my name. I tore the family apart, my sister and brother in law wont speak to me, everyone is at theirs for Xmas day and I have not been invited. I have lost a whole load of friends due to what I have done and because of my drinking/gambling. Went to the docs about 2 months ago when it all happened and been on anti depressants ever since, with drinking so much on top it sent me kinda mental. About 3 weeks ago, I had a call from her, she doesn't want me to go to NY. She has blocked me from contacting her all together. This was the only thing I had to look forward to and its knocked me even further back. No fucking idea what to do with my self, tempted to head back to England, tempted to fly to NY to see what the fuck is going on.

Not looking for any sympathy, just wanted to get it out there, I have not spoke to anyone about this as I feel ashamed of myself. Really just don't have a clue what to do!.

Moral of the story is that no matter how insecure you are, don't call chicks on Instagram beautiful when you have a mrs else you will lose it all!

Sorry to hear that mate :(

BobMem
21-12-15, 07:29 AM
Fods, this may sound strange but I think it's really good what you've written above. Firstly because it's good to get it out there. It's sometimes easier to say these things to people you don't have to look in the eye.
Secondly, there are some great people on this forum, with relevant experience. The advice above is great.
Thirdly, it's very striking how you don't look to blame anyone else in you description above. If seems to me like you fully accept responsibility for what's happened. Now some of the things may not be your fault, but by looking at it from this angle means you can affect everything. You are empowered. The guys talking about getting fit and healthy are entirely right. Giving yourself a target, something to aim for, will certainly assist in the short term, and the healthy body will definitely help in the long term (that's 100% scientific fact right there!).

Fourthly (?) take it easy over Christmas. It can be a tough time of year to be going through shit, expecially family related. Remember to turn to the forum before you turn to the bottle.

Finally, can you sort that dick out in the records thread :)

Fods
21-12-15, 09:02 AM
Cheers boys this had perked me up no end after reading this.... :)

although before I read this morning... I was supposed to be in work just just couldn't get out of bed, was up most of the night and didn't get to sleep till around 4am, not a good start for first day on job, anyway the geezer is Kk and I have managed to pick up some work with him for the next two days so that will keep me busy and keep me funded over Xmas. Hes also offered me work as long as I need it after Xmas, I just cant let him down again now. Also, have a job offered to me starting 18th Jan for 100k a a year, car, phone and laptop so things are looking up in that respect. The onpl issue is because of my debt, if I earn over 85k I cant get debt free help from the government where they freeze your interest, catch 22, nothings every easy. I am tempted to go bankrupt, any advice?

As for the ex-Mrs, i cant get hold of her so why should i worry now. I just hope she will miss me I guess and make contact in the new year. I know she wont be alone this Xmas as her mum is there, she probably needs some quality family time as her folks were back in England all the time she was in Australia. If I have any chance of winning her back AND getting my life on track I need to get my head down, graft in this new job and work on myself, self confidence, one of the main reasons I drink so much is self confidence, I ave none. and that's probably why i search for attention on line.

You guys are top top blokes and I appreciate the advice, each bit given I have taken on board :ok:

Mark
21-12-15, 11:32 AM
At least you've taken a big step and been honest with yourself and shared it with the community here. That can only be a big weight off your shoulders and the first step to start sorting yourself and your life out.

Agree with others in that it sounds like your family haven't been very understanding of the situation you've been in? Unless it's been going back and forth for a while and they decided the best thing to do is to cut ties to give you a shock? If that's the case then like others have said, it's about cleaning the slate and getting yourself back on your feet.

Looks like you've done that with the new job already so that's great. The job you've been offered sounds great too so a fantastic start given the salary which will help you clear the debts.

It's easy for me to say but if she wants nothing to do with you, I would honestly respect her wishes. I've been there before in wanting to get back with an ex but it didn't work out. The best thing here is to have no contact which will eventually make it easier for you to get over her. At least she isn't local anymore so no danger of bumping into her or anything. It'll take time but you need to move on and hopefully go into another relationship that much wiser. As faz said, you learn from your mistakes and hopefully it puts you in a good position if you get a missus again.

Very, very best of luck mate. We'll all be rooting for you.

ebfatz
21-12-15, 12:07 PM
On the debt side of it, could try giving these guys a buzz.

http://www.capaust.org/

I do work with them in the UK. Can't guarantee they will be able to help as obviously don't know the in's and out's of your full finances but worth a go.

Jesus
21-12-15, 01:06 PM
Don't think I can add much more to what other great advice has been given to you in this thread already Fods. You've took a big step forward in getting it off your chest and opening up to us so build on that and keep moving forward. I wish you all the best, chin up and know we are all here for you.

faz44
21-12-15, 01:11 PM
Agree with others in that it sounds like your family haven't been very understanding of the situation you've been in? Unless it's been going back and forth for a while and they decided the best thing to do is to cut ties to give you a shock? If that's the case then like others have said, it's about cleaning the slate and getting yourself back on your feet.

Read it again.


In the mean time between us splitting up and getting back together, I went off the rails, started drinking, a lot.. gambling, I could spend my whole weekly wage ($1500) in one night on booze and gambling. It got that bad I paid myself in advance, took advantage of my position in my brother in laws company and he had to make a call and decided to sack me, I paid myself 3 times in 1 week and blew the whole lot. So, my Mrs went to NY, I lost my job and had to move back in with my folks as I had no cash, am in serious debt and didn't have a penny to my name.

He stole from his family, that's serious addict behaviour. I don't think they're handling it badly or overreacting, they could've called the police and didn't. In saying that, letting somebody know that their behaviour is hurting them and is unacceptable is exactly what an addiction counsellor would tell the family to do.

Redknapp69
21-12-15, 01:58 PM
Every family is different but if someone did it to me then offered an apology and promised to look to pay it back I would accept and try and help them.

If they did it again after that or fucked me over again then that's a different conversation that would need to be had!

As I say, every situation is different tho

Redknapp69
21-12-15, 02:03 PM
As a side not and off topic

When I'm working in London (or anywhere) and I see homeless people, (those that did NOT choose to live on streets themselves), I often think 'how many friends/family must you have pissed off in your life to get to where you are now'

I.E - if I was in trouble I would hope that anyone I know would look to help me out once - if I then betray that or fuck it up then on my head be it
But to do that to 'x' family and 'friends' (like everyone you know) I'm not sure how you can expect anyone to help you after that

However, some people can into a deep dark situation where the brain is nowhere near functioning properly

ajra21
21-12-15, 02:29 PM
Does anyone else suffer from this or have suffered from it?

:crazy:

if you're human, then you have. the frequency may differ but every human has moments of jealousy and feelings of insecurity.

hope you are feeling better and that life improves as you move forward.

ajra21
21-12-15, 02:34 PM
As a side not and off topic

When I'm working in London (or anywhere) and I see homeless people, (those that did NOT choose to live on streets themselves), I often think 'how many friends/family must you have pissed off in your life to get to where you are now'

I.E - if I was in trouble I would hope that anyone I know would look to help me out once - if I then betray that or fuck it up then on my head be it
But to do that to 'x' family and 'friends' (like everyone you know) I'm not sure how you can expect anyone to help you after that

However, some people can into a deep dark situation where the brain is nowhere near functioning properly

during the late 90s, i worked with the homeless. IIRC, over 50 percent of young homeless during that time in wales were because they'd turned 16 and their parents no longer received money for them from the state. most then sofa surf, spending a few night here & a few nights there with friends. but in most instances, the friends who let them sofa surf were not in secure, stable homes themselves.

faz44
21-12-15, 03:12 PM
As a side not and off topic

When I'm working in London (or anywhere) and I see homeless people, (those that did NOT choose to live on streets themselves), I often think 'how many friends/family must you have pissed off in your life to get to where you are now'

I.E - if I was in trouble I would hope that anyone I know would look to help me out once - if I then betray that or fuck it up then on my head be it
But to do that to 'x' family and 'friends' (like everyone you know) I'm not sure how you can expect anyone to help you after that

However, some people can into a deep dark situation where the brain is nowhere near functioning properly

If you have family and friends who'd help you out in tough times, who are steady and neither dysfunctional nor abusive, you are much luckier than you realise. If you have savings or the ability to support yourself through a few rough months, you're much luckier than you realise. There are plenty of homeless people (and there seems to be more on the street this year than I've ever seen) who aren't there through choice or because they fucked up but because of bad circumstances. And this government chooses to kick them when they're down.

Felix
21-12-15, 11:39 PM
Fods:
Good thing you make sure to keep yourself busy. I was in some shit too last year and after like two years when I just kept digging and digging I found myself at the bottom of a hole so deep I couldn't see the sky. Then I decided to start doing a lot of stuff, whatever they were. Started doing some new things, did a lot of running, just made sure I had different things to do so I wouldn't start digging again. Then after some while I noticed as I was about to sleep that I didn't think of it, and before it had been on my mind as the last thing before falling asleep for several years. It may sound like the biggest cliché ever but to keep ones mind focused on other stuff it the best one can do in such situation. If you're not able to give it some time where you don't think of it, your view won't change. Hang in there!

Redknapp69
22-12-15, 01:05 AM
during the late 90s, i worked with the homeless. IIRC, over 50 percent of young homeless during that time in wales were because they'd turned 16 and their parents no longer received money for them from the state. most then sofa surf, spending a few night here & a few nights there with friends. but in most instances, the friends who let them sofa surf were not in secure, stable homes themselves.

Are you saying that their parents did not help them or give them a bed?! (Or sleep on the floor but in a warm house?)

If so that sounds very random and fucked up!

Redknapp69
22-12-15, 01:14 AM
If you have family and friends who'd help you out in tough times, who are steady and neither dysfunctional nor abusive, you are much luckier than you realise. If you have savings or the ability to support yourself through a few rough months, you're much luckier than you realise. There are plenty of homeless people (and there seems to be more on the street this year than I've ever seen) who aren't there through choice or because 1they fucked up but because of bad circumstances. And this government chooses to kick them when they're down.

Not being funny - but if I was on my Arse after going past family/friends - I would hope that one of you guys on here would put me up for 1 night or give me £5 for a meal etc

If I disrespected you, I would fully understand no more help from you guys

My point is, to be on the street you must literally piss off a LOT of people (unless you had little family/friends)

Govt kicking you is bullshit as well - do a fucking menial job that pays £1 an hour but shows you are willing to get back on your feet and get in a YMCA etc

As I say some people may have no family/friends/be in a terrible situation but IMO a lot of other people must exhaust so many options by alienating friends/family etc that there is only so much help people can offer

BobMem
22-12-15, 07:31 AM
I'd put you up for a good deal on Sanchez in the DTL :D

Redknapp69
22-12-15, 09:50 AM
:rofl: :lol: :pound:

Coys
22-12-15, 11:06 AM
Don't have any advice to give but good luck Fods :ok:

faz44
22-12-15, 11:34 AM
Not being funny - but if I was on my Arse after going past family/friends - I would hope that one of you guys on here would put me up for 1 night or give me £5 for a meal etc

If I disrespected you, I would fully understand no more help from you guys

My point is, to be on the street you must literally piss off a LOT of people (unless you had little family/friends)

Govt kicking you is bullshit as well - do a fucking menial job that pays £1 an hour but shows you are willing to get back on your feet and get in a YMCA etc

As I say some people may have no family/friends/be in a terrible situation but IMO a lot of other people must exhaust so many options by alienating friends/family etc that there is only so much help people can offer

Redders - I'm glad you have nice friends and family. I have managed to sustain myself on the kindness of friends and family in the past couple of years when I had hard times and when I was of no fixed abode earlier this year. However, it's easier to end up on the streets than you'd think. My friend works in a homeless charity and the stories are horrendous, especially with people in the armed forces. If ever made my money and could jack full time work, I'd work with homeless people.

Jesus
22-12-15, 12:38 PM
If ever made my money and could jack full time work, I'd work with homeless people.

Your attitude should be when, not if.

wato20
22-12-15, 05:09 PM
Fods..

Some nasty shit..

Forget the girl. She aint worth it.
Get you back on track.

Do things that make u happy.
And I hope that isn't boozing and gambling?

Bankruptcy can be the best thing or the worst thing depending on your situation..

U probably need to discuss it with someone professional and let them have an indepth look at your current debt level and your spending.

All the best... Keep ur chin up.

LeVoyeur
01-01-16, 03:38 PM
http://i.imgur.com/kdNqdSi.png (http://imgur.com/kdNqdSi)

Fods
08-01-16, 01:24 PM
:grouphug: :tea:

What a forum!