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Thread: [STORY] It's Fergie time

  1. #51
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    Two weeks is a long time in East Stirlingshire

    It took me a while to recover from the shock of Jools and Charlie, but once I stopped trying to pull Jools, I really didn't stand a chance, and started acting myself, we actually had a great night. It was the first of many great nights that we had and an important lesson learned on respect, because these 2 girls deserved it. Falkirk is not a place that could be described as “cosmopolitan” and the culture is a long way from “bohemian”, so they had a pretty hard time of it. Respect is definitely due. Hanging around with beautiful women does though have it's advantages as it does provide opportunities to meet other beautiful women. Let’s just say that in my time with East Stirling, I didn't always go back to my flat on my own.

    A flat, that was another thing that happened in the final 2 weeks of the close season. It wasn't much, but it was home and cheaper than living in a hotel. Besides, it offered better prospects for not going home on my own, especially after Jools and Charlie had help to decorate.


    Work wise it had also been very busy. Firstly there was the recruitment drive which carried on at a pace. Liam Dolman was the next man to agree terms. The former Northampton and Kidderminster defender can also provide cover at right back, although he was exposed to wingers with pace. Lets be honest, the 24 year old would be exposed by a tortoise with pace, however he did have other attributes in his locker and with 52 games under his belt was one of the more experienced players.

    Andrew Cave-Brown is a tremendous player to have captured. At 24, the Scottish right back or winger has 2 years experience with Orient following his graduation from the Norwich academy. He is hard working and his pace will worry teams at this level.

    Goal keepers are like number 32 buses. Having waited so long to find one and been rejected by so many, two come along together. Martin Taylor is bad, very bad, but at 21, he might improve and unless Phil Carpenter gets injured, I wont need to find out just how bad he is. His experience is as extensive as his talent. In any other side, Phil Carpenter would be sitting on the bench for the reserves. Sadly for us, the 23 year old would be our first choice. He did have a season with Barnet, but was released without making any first team apperances.

    On the eve of the Queen's Park game we signed an international. In case you think you might have misread that, I'll say it again ….. On the eve of the Queen's Park game we signed an international. As a clue, it wasn't Lionel Messi ! 28 year old English born Ellis Remy has 1 cap for Montserrat and as far as I can tell, that is the only senior game he has ever played. If he gets selected again, he would be come the clubs first international player for over 100 years. I suspect, however, that even Montserrat may have better left-wingers who can play as attacking midfielders.


    I still had hopes of another 6 players who were considering offers from other clubs, I had offered them the best deals that I could and tried to sell the East Stirlingshire dream as part of my pitch so it was now a waiting game to see if they decide to sign up.

    And then there were some good byes. As expected, Scott Maxwell and Phillip Zufle both left, bringing in much needed revenue as well as improving the squad by their departure. Maxwell decided a fresh start in Croatia was what he needed and left for NK Varazdin for £40k. Zufle headed for Carquefou for £24k. I almost felt guilt for extracting cash. Almost. And then there were 2 departures from the back room. Sadly one of them was not Iain MacIver, the useless physio (I had no idea that you could get physios that didn’t have 20 for physiotherapy).


    MacIver remained as my only physio and Billy Gibson remained my only scout. Clearly East Stirlingshire was not the dream job for anyone in this line of work. The arrival of “The Legends” allowed me to terminate Barry Daniels' contract (although it didn't take him long to find a new role at Hibs), then, with a week to go before the season's opener, coach John Brownlie declared that his dream job had always to be a scout for Tranmere. I liked him and told him he could do a job for us, even offering him a pay rise, but his mind was set. He left and that resigned me to looking for 2 coaches, 2 or 3 scouts and 2 or 3 physios. Offers had been made, many offers, but as yet, many had been rejected and none accepted.

    Then there was the media work. Even at East Stirlingshire the media want their pound of flesh, even if it is only the Falkirk Herald. The call came from their sports editor Succulent Lamb and he was wanting to do a preseason interview with all the local sides, Falkirk, Stenhousemuir and ourselves. Alarm bells should have been ringing when he arrived wearing a blue, white and red scarf, however naively I agreed to answer his questions.

    Succulent Lamb: So, with the start of the new season just days away, how are you preparing for having 54 times champions, Rangers, in your league ?
    Me: Rangers are just one of 10 clubs in our division. Obviously we are underdogs, so we will be giving equal respect to every side we play. Every underdog has his day, so how are the other sides preparing to face us ?
    Succulent Lamb: Rangers have just signed 37 year old Darren Dodds from The Bairns. Would he not have been on your shopping list ?
    Me: He’s a quality player, no question, but our philosophy is to build on youth, so I am very happy with the squad we are building here and with our coaching staff onboard, I’m looking forward to seeing how they develop their skills as the season progresses.
    Succulent Lamb: You mentioned the coaching team. Are you not disappointed that none of them ever played for Rangers ?
    Me: Who they played for is irrelevant to me. What I’m interested in is the job they can do for East Stirlingshire.
    Succulent Lamb: Are there any of your players who you think might want to move to Rangers ?
    Me: All of my players are very happy here. Obviously the finances force us to listen to any offers and in that respect Rangers are just like any other club. Now, do you have any questions that don’t involve Rangers ?
    Succulent Lamb: Ehm ….. Wouldn’t you rather have the job at Ibrox ?
    Me: Fuck off !
    Succulent Lamb: But I didn’t mention Rangers !
    Me: Fuck off ! You’re barred !

    Barring the sports editor of the local paper is not normally a good idea and it took a great deal of diplomacy from Jules to resolve the situation. Even then the article he wrote came under the heading of “Tiny Shire Terrified of Giant Gers” and most of the answers had been made up by himself. Not for the last time in my career, I refused to speak to elements of the press and my assistant, Barnesy would be conducting the post match interviews with The Herald.

    Now, it was the eve of the seasons opener. Football was about to break the virtual calm of the pre-season. Queen’s Park would be the visitors for a League Cup first round tie and the losers would have one of their cup campaigns terminated before the end of July. It was a particularly harsh way to start the season.

    Without knowing what to expect, I was reasonable confident. We had put in a lot of hard work, practiced our skills, toned our fitness and studied our tactics. With the possibility of further additions to the squad, I was not going to make any predictions of a final outcome, but I did hope that we might still be challenging for promotion as we go into the final quarter of the season. All would depend on how quickly the new players would blend together. One milestone I did want to pass was to beat Rangers, even if only once, I was determined to see it through. Do that and I would be more than satisfied.

    East Stirlingshire v Queens Park, League Cup First Round 2010 may not register in many football minds, but it would be a momentous day for me.

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  3. #52
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    Nice little flat there, could do with those decorations in my own place

    Got to admit I've never heard of the two goalkeepers, let's hope they don't prove to be the weak link in the team.

    Dolman and Cave-Brown sound like a decent signings though, definitely got to be good enough at this level, at least.
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  4. #53
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    Taylor is crap. I hope that I never have to use him, but he is better than having to put in an outfield player. He is also on only £60 per week !
    Carpenter is not great and if I get the chance, a better keeper is certainly on the shopping list, maybe a loan from an SPL side.

    He's not the best, but Remy is my fave. A Montserrat international with 1 cap and no other senior games !

  5. #54
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    Someone forgot to add his history? Looks like he's played 4/2 IRL for Montserrat and never played any higher than the conference! http://www.national-football-teams.c...llis_Remy.html
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  6. #55
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    I think my back story to Remy (when I bring it out) is better than real life.

  7. #56
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    Oops, I'll pipe down then
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  8. #57
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    Looking out for a hero

    Not long now, just minutes to go. We had covered everything over and over again and the blackboard in the corner of the dressingroom still showed evidence of some of the set piece moves we had worked out.


    The team sheet had been posted and the lucky 16 knew that they had been given the job of securing my first ever match as a manager.

    1. Carpenter
    2. Dolman (c)
    3. Shepherd
    4. Evans
    5. Glasgow
    6. Hogg
    7. Cave-Brown
    8. Howard
    9. Reynolds
    10. Sludden
    11. Corcoran
    12. Pritchard
    13. Lindsay
    14. Hunter
    15. Jackson
    16. Herd

    It may be a risk not having a keeper on the bench, but I'm not sure that Taylor would be much good if he was and also I thought the extra outfield player might be of more use. The players who hadn’t made the squad were joined in the stand by 6 prospective signings taking a look at the set up before making a commitment. It was encouraging that they were giving East Stirlingshire serious consideration.

    Back in the dressing room there was one last chance to go through the tactics.

    Me: OK lads, listen up. I know your all nervous, this is a big day, but win or lose, this is not going to be the end of the season. Enjoy yourselves today. We've discussed it before, but just so that you remember, we'll start off with the 4-4-2 we've been practicing, and I want you to push on for the early goal. This could be a tight game, so we want to score first.



    Remember to watch my hands. If Iput my palms towards the ground and push down, it means sit back a bit. If I point them towards our goal and wave back, we go defensive. If I point them to their goal, we're going for it again. Understand ?

    Yes Boss
    OK Gaff

    Me: Hand up in the air is what Liam ?
    Liam Dolman: We're going 4-3-3 boss



    Me: Good. And Stevie, what if I pat my knee ?
    Steven Hogg: We drop back to a 4-1-3-1-1.



    Me: I hope we don't need to use it as it is a bit more complicated, but we've practised, so we're ready if I call it out

    Me: Corkie, what is the difference between hands crossing each other in a wave and the same with 1 finger up ?
    Marc Corcoran: Ehm … I've forgotten gaff
    Me: Fuck sake …. How many times ? Fingers is strikers switch sides. Hands are for wingers. Think you can remember that for the next 90 minutes ?
    Me: One last signal. If I form an “O” with my thumb and index finger on my right hand then moved my hand up and down from my groin, it indicated that the opposition striker had just scored a hat-trick.

    There was a knock on the door. That meant 5 minutes to go.

    Me: Now get out there and show everyone what you can do. Lets put East Stirlingshire on the football map.

    Everyone jumped to their feet and yelled SHIRE at the top of their voices.

    Waiting in the tunnel, I was imagining walking out to the roar of the crowd and the smell of the freshly mown grass. I knew that it was imagination as the pitch was laid with Astroturf, but how big would the crowd be. The ground could take 3,776, with 626 seated in the main stand. 1st round of the league cup, and not a glamour tie, so I doubted that it would be full. Could we fill the stand ? How many would Queen’s bring.

    Minutes later, I got my answer. A small cluster of fans in the main stand welcomed us with polite applause. Fuck me ! I could almost count them. I was joined by Spencer and Jools who had come to wish me luck.

    Me: Where the hell has the crowd gone ? I could probably count them from here.
    Spencer: You know what ? I think I could name them. That’s Davie McPhail, Pete McPhail, Gordon Cowan, Jamie Smith ….
    Jools: No dad. That’s Johnny Smith. Jamie is over there.
    Spencer: Dammit your right. I must get to specsavers ! Hahaha.
    Me: That’s ridiculous. The crowds can’t possibly be this low. Do we know how many came through the gates ?
    Jools: Just added it up. 145.
    Me: Fuck me !
    Jools: However much you want it, you know that ain’t going to happen !

    Focus was soon transferred to the game as the ref blew his whistle to start my career.

    We started off on fire. Howard collected a loose pass in midfield, but his run was forced wide by the Queen's Park defense. He made room for a low cross that was collected by Reynolds who only managed to drive his shot at the keeper. Soon though he would go better. Evans free kick was taken by Parry in The Spiders goal, but he failed to hold the ball and Reynolds was on hand to tap into an empty net. Just 4 minutes played, how ever as he spun away to celebrate, attention was brought to the linesman's flag, and we were back to 0-0. Bastard.

    Seven minutes later and it was another freekick, this time taken by Glasgow, that found Reynolds in behind the defense. With the ball coming over his shoulder, he took it first time and gave the keeper no chance. Again he wheeled away in triumph and again the linesmans flag was up. If the first was borderline, this was an appalling decision. Reynolds had timed his run perfectly and was atleast a yard onside. With some suitable lowland Scots vocabulary, I suggested as much to the 4th official. Bastard.

    A goal surely had to come. The pressure was unrelenting and in the 18th minute it did. Longworth picked up a panicked Queen's Park clearance. Chased down by the defender, he got into the box and squared a pass for Smith who was in support. One touch beat his man and teed him up to find the corner of the net. East Stirlingshire 0 Queen's Park 1. Completely against the run of play. I beckoned my captain over.

    Me: What the fuck happened. You were all asleep !
    Liam Dolman: Boss. We saw you scratch your nose and didn't know what to do !
    Me: Fuck sake ! It means a fly has landed on it you muppet. Forget about hand signals I’ll shout out the instructions from now on. Now fucking get back on and get us that goal back !

    They did just that. Hogg, Cave-Brown and Sludden all worked short passes on the left of the area. The Queen's defenders were drawn out of position leaving space at the far post for Reynolds to ghost into. Sludden found him. 1-1 and no flag this time. Get in there ! The lead had lasted 90 seconds.


    Reynolds continued his run behind the goal, kissing his badge to celebrate with the fans. He soon realized that there was nobody there and turned to run towards the mainstand, again kissing his badge. I’ll decide later whether to fine him for “kissing club badge without having played sufficient games to warrant a genuine love”

    Saddly it was the end of Shepherd's afternoon. The left back had hurt his knee and Johnny Lindsay took his place at left back. I shouted out orders that we shouldn't push on quite so much. We had started at a pace that we couldn't possibly keep up for 90 minutes. It developed into a decent game, with us having most of the possession without creating too many clear chances, while Kennedy and Longworth both looked dangerous for Queen’s Park on the break. Half time arrived with a Kennedy pile driver that cleared our bar, but no more goals.


    Andrew Cave-Brown had been given treatment for a stubbed toe, however I decided not to risk him and Michael Hunter was given 45 minutes to show what he could do on the right wing. It was almost an immediate impact. An ambitious step over completely bamboozled the defender and with space to cross, he picked up a late run from Hogg. His touch to control the ball took him a little wide and that was probably why he could only hit the outside of the post. I was thinking that a goal had to come, but that thought was replaced by a spell of pressure at the other end where Queen's won 3 corners in a row, Finally Liam Dolman cleared and we could gather our composure.


    An hour was on the clock. I had one change remaining and some of the lads were looking a bit tired. Maybe fresh legs on the left would be needed. Before I could do anything, Howard burst forward from midfield and fed Corcoran on the left. It was a low, hard, first time cross. It was a low, hard, first time cross that found Reynolds. It was a low, hard, first time cross that found Reynolds who smashed it into the back of the net. 2-1, but maybe it wasn't a good idea for the teenager to go over and celebrate infront of the linesman that had chalked two off earlier. Fortunately he was not booked, or worse.

    It might have been 3 earlier when Sludden scuffed a shot that squirmed under the keeper. There was no power, however with defenders and attackers racing to get there first, it some how trickled past the post. It was now all Shire and even the break aways had dried up from Queen's Park who were getting everyone back to clear their lines. Another goal would kill this. Reynolds hit the bar. Little cleard a Dolman header off the line, Parry saved from Hunter's drive.

    10 minutes left and I made the change. Corky had played a blinder and deserved a rest as Jackson came into midfield with Hogg moved out to left wing. I gestured to attack for the final few minutes

    Again Parry denied Hunter from wrapping up the tie and we failed to convert the resulting corner. The 4th official indicated 4 minutes of extra time.

    Me: Where the fuck has that come from ? There's not been a bad foul in the game ! Who's side are you on pal ? Two offside goals and now you want us to play for half the fucking evening …..

    My rant was interupted. Carpenter thew out to Jackson. Sludden picked up his punt and found space to put in a low cross for REYNOLDS ! Hat trick on his debut ! Get in there my son !


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  10. #58
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    Great start to life at the Shire! Hopefully a few more results like that will see your attendances pick up as well.

    Completely agree with Reynolds celebrating in front of that cunt of a liner

    As for this:
    Quote Originally Posted by The Eejit
    Me: One last signal. If I form an “O” with my thumb and index finger on my right hand then moved my hand up and down from my groin, it indicated that the opposition striker had just scored a hat-trick.
    Brilliant
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    Great result, great write-up! Four minutes added time, looks like you are the new Alex Ferguson...

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    That's not the Munsters, that's the Addams Family

    The cup win over Queens Park was encouraging, more than encouraging as The Spiders were one of the sides expected to be in the running for second place. We had deservedly won, however as Aristotle said, “one game does not a season make”. (I think he was some old time Greek manager). Clearly we had a decent 1st XI, but the squad lacked depth, particularly upfront where Sludden (22) and Reynolds (20) couldn't last the whole season. What I needed was an experienced striker so that I could rotate the 2 youngsters. As luck would have it, just such a player turned up the very next day.


    Paul “Herman” Munster a 29 year old Ulsterman signed on for a 4 year contract and was keen to get going having watched the Queens Park match. He is a hero at Windsor Park where he scored 35 goals in 112 games. His other clubs include Slavia Prague, Orebro, Hradec Kralove and Anker Wismar. We beat off competition from 6 other clubs to get his signature and I was delighted.

    Also signing on was 19 year old midfielder Marc Lamont who joined on youth terms. He'll have to make do with reserve action for now, but injuries or suspensions may well give him a chance before the season is out. Just infront of him in the queue will be former Rangers trainee Gordon Dick, now 20. He doesn't have any first team action, so he will be a backup to Hogg and Howard for central midfield.

    Going out the door was Steven Jackson, bizarrely the second Shire player to join NK Varazdin in Croatia. We still had 2 players transfer listed, so I was happy that this squad was certainly taking shape. Sadly the same couldn't be said for the backroom which remained unchanged despite my very best efforts.

    The next game was another testing encounter, an away trip to promotion hopefuls Peterhead. A German manager, at Hoffenheim, recently said “there will be no easy games at this level”. I've news for him. There are no easy games at any level. There was just the one change, Herman making his debut for Sludden who dropped to the bench, replacing Herd. (I couldn't drop hat-trick hero Reynolds).

    The Blue Toon kicked off and punted the ball down our end. What followed was a bout of head-tennis brought to an end by Herman having the composure to get the ball on the deck. It was there for a fraction of a second before he lashed it into the Peterhead goal. 32 seconds 1-0. Some debut. The home side were rattled and it didn't take long for us to make it 2-0. Hogg's slide-rule pass splitting the defence and leaving Reynolds with a simple finish. 14 minutes played.


    That really woke up Peterhead. They responded by creating a bit of pressure of their own. From one attack they pulled a goal back. Bavage had an effort blocked by Carpenter who couldn't hold on and left McAllister with an easy finish. That got the crowd (516) going and Peterhead attacked trying to get on level terms. Carpenter made 2 great saves to maintain our advantage to the interval. It had been a bit backs to the wall and we really needed another goal to feel any safety. We got it with 62 minutes played. Cave-Brown put in a low cross and when Reynolds is given space, he is lethal. That is 5 goals now for the youngster.

    I could relax for most of the remaining half hour although it was a bit tense when Winters pulled one back, but Munster responed with his second on his debut to restore the 2 goal cushion.

    Clearly the Queens Park game was no fluke. That was 2 of our rivals soundly beaten and a Challenge Cup home tie against Annan made it 3 out of 3. Reynolds again on the score sheet, along with Glasgow and Dolman in a 3-1 win. Our reward was a trip to league 1 Cowdenbeath, although quite how anyone could describe a trip to Central Park a reward for anything is beyond me.

    Back to League business and a return by Queen's Park. Paul Munster is becoming a bit of a fans favourite. On his home league debut, he took just 3 minutes to open the scoring. The crowd had more than doubled to 328, and that goal was greeted by

    do do do do clap clap do do do do clap clap do do do do …. do do do do …. do do do do clap clap.

    I was pissed off. I'm not having it. I turned to the crowd

    Me: Fuck off you morons. That's not the Munsters, that's the fucking Addams family. Don't you know your fucking 1960's American sit coms ?

    They didn't listen and carried on regardless, as did we. Corky made it 2-0 before they pulled one back and Reynolds wrapped things up with his now obligatory goal.

    Midweek saw a return to cup action and the visit from premier League side Ross County. It was the penultimate before our first trip to Ibrox and so I rested 8 of my starters in hope that they would be fit for the more important league game. The cups were not a priority. Any way, we didn't stand a chance against County. No one was therefore surprised when former Celtic youngster Rocco Quinn put them ahead. The only question now being asked was how many and so it was a major shock to everyone when Sludden set up Gordon Dick to score on his debut, just past the half hour mark. Could we survive to the interval ? Despite 3 minutes of injury time added for nothing that I can remember we could and did. Infact in the final seconds of the half Greenhill, McKernon and Dick exchanged passes. A neat 1-2 with Corky gave Dick the chance to chip in for Sludden to head us in front. Not even time to kick off !

    Derek Adams must have given his boys the hair drier treatment, soon to become my trademark. They came out a different side and demonstrated their SPL class. Quinn got his second to resume normal service and a third looked almost inevitable. It didn't happen for them and the extra time, that nobody wanted, was almost on us. 2 minutes time was added.


    Sludden found some space. Sludden got behind the last man. SLUDDEN SCORED …... 3-2 ! I love extra time, the more the better as far as I'm concerned

    The crowd, all 359 of them, went mental ! Played 5, won 5 and next we play top of the table (on goal difference) Rangers who had the same record, but were yet to play at home this season ! This should be a big crowd.

    I shook hands with every single player as they left the pitch. They had deserved it and Spencer thanked me. For once he was also right, I too deserved it. We were just heading back down the tunnel when I spotted a small group sitting in the hospitality area and wearing Shire shirts, but they were the most ugly family I had ever seen. Disfigured, unwashed and quite disturbing to look at.

    Me: Who the fuck is that ? The Addams Family ?
    Spencer: That's not the Addams Family, that's Paul's parents. Don't you know your 1960's American sit coms ?

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  14. #61
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    Goals in added time in both halves, you truly are Ferguson!

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    Great start mate, and it looks like you've already got the luck of Fergie on your side!

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    You have to say it was worth it

    Fat Sally at Rangers had been almost as busy as me in the transfer market.


    Gone were Fran Sandaza, Carlos Bocanegra, Fraser Aird, Dorin Goian and Robbie Crawford. Replacing them were the likes of 37 year old Darren Dods, Athos Chrysostomou an uncapped Cypriot keeper, Ben Symons from Gloucester, Adrian Williams from Weston-super-Mare and Greg Burnett from Linlithgow Rose. Even the most die-hard bluenose was questioning his recruitment policy. He now had the legal limit of 50 players in his squad and he could select from 9 goal keepers, 27 defenders, 18 midfielders and 6 attackers. The squad was as unbalanced as he was.

    Despite Fat Sally's best efforts, Rangers still had a squad to die for in this league. Players like Ian Black, Kyle Hutton, Lee McCulloch, David Templeton and Lee Wallace, I could only dream of managing. We may have beaten an SPL side already, but on their own patch, this would be the biggest test so far and in front of the biggest crowd.

    My normal first team was restored, all except Corky who had picked up a knee injury in the Ross County game. Ellis Remy replaced him on the left wing. We were not going to do anything different just because of who we were playing. The dreams of a big crowd were dashed as we arrived at Ibrox to find a demonstration by their supporters about the plight they were in. It was to be backed up with a boycott of this game.


    Some Rangers supporters are not revolting and so we still managed to walk out in front of over 12,000 for the kick off. Immediately we were on the defensive. Black had an effort that cleared the crossbar and Templeton drove a freekick into the wall. After 7 minutes where we had barely strung 2 passes together, Evans showed some composure and a neat passing move involving 4 players got us into Rangers territory. It was a bit of a loose ball from Howard to Evans and he had to streatch to collect it, which he did, well before Ian Black arrived with a two footed lunge that caught my central defender just below the knee. It was a horrific challenge and one that might have ended young Evans' career had he not been built of steel. A rub down with Iain MacIver's wet sponge had him on his feet within a couple of minutes although he was hobbling. The ref reached for his pocket and decided that a yellow card was in order although I've seen a red given for much less. Incredulously, he showed it to Evans, indicating a dive, despite the evidence of the stud marks all down his leg. The freekick was given to Rangers.

    I was speechless. Unable to comprehend the decision I looked to my left hoping for support, but all that I could see was Fat Sally on the edge of his technical area looking straight at me with a cheesy grin.


    Nothing much came of the freekick, and nothing much happened until first half injury time. Rangers had won a couple of corners and were generally on top, but there was little goal mouth action. Just as the board displayed that 2 minutes would be added, Hutton search out McCulloch, who held up play before releasing Templeton on the left wing. Black was free in the box and as the cross came over, Glasgow intercepted and headed downfield for Hogg. Hogg turned his man and picked out Munsters run. He was though one-on-one with the keeper, played it round and was flattened by 15 stone of Cypriot blubber. A stone wall penalty. Goal kick said the ref. Un-be-leivable ! Guess who was on my left looking straight at me from the edge of his technical area with a cheesy grin ?


    It was the end of the half and time to regroup. We had done well. Very well and if I was offered 0-0 at full time now, I'd take it.

    Second half kicked off with Naismith on for McCulloch, but the flow remained the same. Lots of Rangers possession, but no penetration and Carpenter, although busy, was never truly tested. There was just 10 minutes to hold out for a memorable draw. Another Rangers attack broke down. Evans released Shepherd down the left wing. He made it all the way to the bye line and floated in a beautiful cross fro the unmarked Paul Munster to head into the empty net. I jumped with joy and turned to give McCoist a bit of his own medicine, but there he was looking straight at me from the edge of his technical area with a cheesy grin ?

    The linesman's flag was up. No way it was offside, Shepherd picked up the ball in his own half and Munster was behind the ball and a defender when the cross came over. Free kick to Rangers the decision. John Barnes had to hold me back from running onto the pitch to confront the ref.

    The incident did liven up the last 10 minutes which became end to end punts with anyone in midfield completely out the game. Munster headed wide. Carpenter saved from Naismith. Chrysostmou punched out Ellis' cross. Just 4 minutes left. Evans was judged to have committed some sort of foul although me him and the rest of the side were baffled as to what. Durie blasted the freekick straight into the wall. It fell for Hutton who went for the top corner. Despite being held in Sheils headlock, Carpenter somehow managed to get a hand to keep it out and with Carpenter and Shiels looking more like WWE than SFL3, Black pounced on the loose ball to put Rangers in front


    No holding me back this time. I was on the pitch and in the face of Mr Johnstone telling him what I thought of his refereeing. Eventually I was brought under control by 2 beefy stewards who dragged me down the tunnel. Just as I was passing, there was Fat Sally looking straight at me from the edge of his technical area with a cheesy grin ?


    It was at that point, I did what anyone would do. Summoning all my might, I released my self from the grip of the stewards and nutted the bastard right on the nose.


    We may have lost the match, but you have to say it was worth it.

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  20. #64
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    Gutted, but the refs will soon come around to your way of thinking!

    Nice work on the head-butt, they call it a Glasgow kiss don't they?

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  22. #65
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    Got to love Super Ally's cheeky grin, even if his transfers leave a lot to the imagination!

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  24. #66
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    I'd be interested to see the other attendances at Ibrox as well please. I realise that was their first home game, fucking SFL!

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  26. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by AMC View Post
    I'd be interested to see the other attendances at Ibrox as well please. I realise that was their first home game, fucking SFL!
    I'll post something up on attendances when I get home. As for Fat Sally, don't worry, The Ginger Nut will also get some sort of treatment should I ever meet his mob.

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    AMC

  28. #68
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    As requested, here are all of the average attendances for the first half of the season. Disappointed to see us bottom.


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  30. #69
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    Had you played Rangers at home when you took that pic? That should boost your average if not, only 12k for Rangers though!

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  32. #70
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    Rangers home 962.
    Biggest attendance at home is 1045 for a League Cup derby with Falkirk.

  33. #71
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    Just caught up with the last 2 updates.

    Munster looks like a great signing and Reynolds is on fire. Great start to the season and you were clearly robbed at Ibrox. Two potential red cards for them, a penalty and a goal disallowed. Astonishing! Completely agree with nutting him after that!

    PS, there's no easy games at this level - Who on Earth comes out with such cliches?!
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  35. #72
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    Enjoying the view

    I was banged to rights, so I didn't even contest the charges that the SFA brought against me. The punishment administered was a hefty fine, a session of anger management and an 8 game touchline ban. It might have been worse and I certainly enjoyed the view when I attended anger management although I don't think it is proper etiquette to try to pull your counsellor. She could possibly use some treatment of her own.

    Spoiler!


    The fine was a problem, however I managed a smile when the note that accompanied the news said “It is a disappointment that you chose to plead guilty. Fat Sally is an odious little prick who has been asking for that for years. Had you contested the decision it is highly likely that you would have been cleared of all charges. Love The SFA.” A few days later, a brown envelope with a Republic of Ireland postmark came through the letterbox. It contained enough used banknotes to pay the fine and had a note attached “Gidonya sham”.

    Besides, I got the opportunity for revenge much sooner than I had expected. My first game watching from the stands was the Challenge Cup second round tie away at Cowdenbeath. Reynolds put us 2 up before Cowdenbeath pulled one back. All of the goals were in the first 22 minutes. We already knew the draw and I was excited about visiting either club. We were away to the winners of Rangers v Partick Thistle. That finished 4-0 and so we would be back at Ibrox just 10 days after that travisty of a match.

    Before then, Berwick came to Ochilview and were sent home 2-0 losers. Howard in the first half and Remy in the second did the damage. Ellis Remy is becoming a bit of a cult hero. There's not many Montserratians playing in Scottish Football. Reluctantly, Succulent Lamb was given access for an interview.

    SL: Remy. You appear to have taken to Scottish Football like a duck to water, but how have you settled in Falkirk ?
    ER: Man dem beef in dis hood need some rays man and yas herb renk
    SL: You arrived here with virtually no experience except for 1 international cap. How did that come about ?
    ER: So I-man sittin' on de beech, mindin' me own, puffin on me weed. I-man enjoying de veiw, but ain't no biscuit passin', so i-man ready di bunks mi res when dis hitty-titty sees mi. Him sez “you doin' anyhing a three ?” An I-man looks mi ganja. “Tree tirty braa”. An him tell i-man be at da stadium. I-man in da team yah nuh see.
    SL: Would you like to play for Rangers if you keep up this form ?
    ER: Cha ! Dem butoos. Dat slaba slaba notch.
    SL: Thanks, I think, Remy
    ER: Feel no way.

    The interview was never published.


    The Berwick result left us 3rd, still 3 points behind both Rangers and Clyde who had yet to drop a point. Next up was that return to Ibrox. The ground was packed with over 43,000 for a Challenge Cup game. Maybe the fall out from the previous encounter had attracted some expecting round 2 with no Queensbury rules in sight , however this time I was sat in the stand along with Spencer and Jools.

    Me: Bet you can't name the crowd this time !
    Spencer: Lets see. That's Bobby Johnson, Stuart Urquhart, Alastair McPhail, SwanLake, …..
    Jools: Did you say SwanLake ! Quick …. put these in

    She passed round some earplugs (as you would have in your pocket going to a football match) and set off down the 3 rows to where Alastair and SwanLake were sat. Fortunately the ear plugs prevented us from hearing SwanLake say

    ….During the twenty years between the Corn Laws and the Second Reform Bill Disraeli hoped to forge a Tory-Radical alliance, to little avail. Prior to the 1867 Reform Bill the working class …..

    Spencer pulled some gaffer tape from his pocket (as you would have in your pocket as a visiting football club chairman) and taped SwanLake's mouth to prevent any further boring drivel. The ear pugs could be removed. Alastair McPhail's eyes were glazed over and he sat slumped in his seat. I checked the pulse. It was very weak. The Physio Iain MacIver was just down on the pitch. I beckoned for him to come up. MacIver arrived with his magic sponge and tried to rub his face. The pulse got weaker. He rubbed some more. The pulse vanished.

    Bastard.

    In so many ways, the game was a repeat of the match 10 days earlier. There was very little goal mouth action of note and very few decisions for Mr Robertson to get wrong. In the first game, the only goal came in the 86th minute, this time it was the 87th. Shepherd headed a clearance to Hogg. Hogg fed Remy on the left and continued his run to pick up the return pass. It arrived and was quickly dispatched towards Reynolds in the area who turned his marker and found the corner of the net.


    From up in the stands, celebrating with the Shire fans, it was a view to enjoy.

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  37. #73
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    Great result!

    And all the more important at the moment.
    Great attendance! That is going to boost the coffers no end!

    Fergie Mark II's magic is already shining through!

  38. #74
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    Reynolds is on Fire!!

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    That's one death I wouldn't mind, losing at home to East Stirling! I didn't mind Annan and Montrose IRL but never East Stirling!

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