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Thread: [STORY] It's Fergie time

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    [STORY] It's Fergie time

    I had started this last week, but today's events make this the ideal time to put up my first post.

    Sir Alex Ferguson. Love him or loath him you can’t ignore his achievements as a manager and his records would put him in the top echelon of all time.


    I have loved reading past stories based on real life careers AMC’s story on Sir Bobby Robson (when are we going to get the next update ?), Adnams started one on Bill Shankly (although he did completely ignore his playing days at Partick Thistle) and I remember one on the old site around Brian Clough although I can’t remember who started it. Although I am no fan of SAF or United, this is my attempt to replicate his career and it has some achievements which will be hard to match even in fantasy land. This may take some time, but I did want to start on the March 2013 database as the challenge is made harder by a certain club being in the Scottish Third division, which is where my story starts. Milestones in my story that I have to complete are highlighted in my summary of what Sir Alex has achieved.

    After a playing career as a striker with Queen’s Park, St. Johnstone, Dunfermline, Rangers, Falkirk and Ayr , in which he scored 170 goals in 317 apperances, Fergie retired from playing aged 32 to take up his first management job at East Stirlingshire. When he took over, it was a club with no goalkeepers and although he never won anything (they finished 4th in the old Scottish 2nd division) he had done enough to be offered the St. Mirren job when it became available just over a year later.

    He was in Paisley for 4 years during which he won the league (then the old second division) with a team who’s average age was under 20. Bizarrely Fergie was sacked for the only time in his career. Not much is documented about the reasons behind this however the then St. Mirren chairman claimed at the time that Ferguson had “no managerial ability”. There are stories of some issues with his secretary.

    He was not out of work for long as Aberdeen snapped him up (it may have been pre-arranged and the cause of the sacking) and this started the glory years. 4 League Titles including one Scottish Double and all domestic trophies came to Pittodrie under his guidance. Better still, Aberdeen picked up a European Trophy in the shape of the 1983 Cup Winners Cup, beating Real Madrid in the final. He was also part of the Scotland national set up and when Sir Jock Stein tragically died at the end of qualifying, Fergie took over the reigns for the World Cup finals campaign. Unfortunately he never took them past the group stage, due mainly to some shocking foul play from Uruguay and a week referee.

    Job offers from England flooded in, but he was in no hurry to jump ship waiting for the right chance to move on. That chance came when Ron Atkinson was sacked by Manchester United in 1986. It may not have been the best of starts and it is rumored that he was close to being sacked for a second time and it maybe that winning the 1990 FA Cup on a replay was just enough to keep him in a job. Since then, the trophies have flooded into Old Trafford. All domestic trophies including 2 English doubles made his United side the dominant team of the last 2 decades. 1991 saw the first of his 13 League titles, along with the European Cup Winners Cup, the equivalent of the UEFA Cup and he has gone on to take 2 Champions League titles and a World Club Championship.

    Although he hasn’t been slow to pay out big money for the right players, his record in developing talent should not be ignored. While being registered with United as players, future captains of all home nations were given professional debuts. Beckham (England), Healy (N.Ireland), Fletcher (Scotland) and Giggs (Wales)

    If I can do all of that, then I think I can happily retire with a nice bottle of red wine.

    Technical details
    I am playing on the March 2013 Update with the Tapani 2.19 patch. The only changes that I have made are to release the 2 keepers currently on the East Stirling books, and to change their away colours to Orange and Black. I have also edited my managers profile to make me 32 (same as when SAF started) and to give me the exact attributes that he has.

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  3. #2
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    You are quick on the draw my friend!

    Did you have inside info he was going!?!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ebfatz View Post
    You are quick on the draw my friend!

    Did you have inside info he was going!?!
    If I had then I can assure you that I would now be in the bookies collecting my winnings rather than writing some rubbish for a football game website

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    But we all know that it is not really rubbish
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    Nice! I also really enjoyed the Sir Bobby Robson story, so this should be good.

    Even though Fergie just got lucky at Man U, and Sir Bobby was a real hero.

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    Hmmn, yeah that would be a good challenge...

    Start at East Stirling, get the St. Mirren job, get the sack by making too many board requests or ultimatums then get Aberdeen, then part time Scotland then Man U job.

    Would be fun.

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    This should be good! I forsee European success with Aberdeen being the hardest part...

    Will the future Home Nations captains have to come through the Man Utd youth set-up (either promoted or signed as, say, under-18s)?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cam F View Post
    get the St. Mirren job, get the sack by making too many board requests or ultimatums
    This is a cracking idea

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    Good idea! Will be watching this one!

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    Thanks for all the feedback.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cam F View Post
    Hmmn, yeah that would be a good challenge...

    Start at East Stirling, get the St. Mirren job, get the sack by making too many board requests or ultimatums then get Aberdeen, then part time Scotland then Man U job.

    Would be fun.
    I've not yet worked out how to get the sack. It's not something I've done too often. The obvious way was with bad results, but ultimatums might be easier.

    Quote Originally Posted by kuy View Post
    This should be good! I forsee European success with Aberdeen being the hardest part...

    Will the future Home Nations captains have to come through the Man Utd youth set-up (either promoted or signed as, say, under-18s)?



    This is a cracking idea
    I think that the St. Mirren with kids (assuming that they are still SPL) and Aberdeen jobs might be the hardest, although I am looking forward to facing Sevco 5055 Ltd in the Scottish 3rd division
    As for the future captains, anything goes, just as long as they haven't played a single game, even as a substitute, for any other club.

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    The cry of the pygmy in long grass
    The 3rd of July 2010. The day I had made it.

    I had the sharp suit


    I had the Fiat car


    I even had on the lucky underpants incase some nymphomanic secretary was wanting to be nailed on the first day

    Spoiler!


    I was a professional football manager and at 32 years of age, one of the youngest. But more than the material trappings that go with the job, I had dreams. Dreams of lifting league trophies. Dreams of lifting European trophies. Dreams of lifting World trophies. There were no limits to what I could achieve if I put my mind to it, after all I only had to look at what my namesake Alexander Chapman Ferguson had achieved. There was no reason why I couldn't match his record, or even exceed it if I put my mind to it.

    I pondered on the possibilities as the stat nav gave me instructions to turn the Fiat off the M90 at Junction 6, with the destination set for Firs Park. This was my first job in management after hanging up my boots and I have to say that it was easier to get the job than I expected. It was the first advert I had seen, I had completed the application form, sent it in and was offered the job by return of post. No interview, no request for references, just a straight job offer. Now I know that I am good and have confidence in my ability, but I did expect to have some competition for the job. I also know that it is only East Stirlingshire, not even the whole of Stirlingshire, but surely someone else would have wanted the job. After all, everyone has to start somewhere.

    at the roundabout take the third exit

    Nearly there

    turn left
    turn right

    And there it was in front of me …... My Theater of Dreams !


    I have to admit to being a wee bit disappointed. This didn't look the sort of place where you could welcome Barcelona, Juventus or Bayern Munich. Even with the lick of paint that it clearly needed, it was still underwhelming. The sign clearly told me I was in the right place “Welcome to Firs Park …. East Stirlingshire F.C.” so, despite the initial setback, I parked the car, making sure all of the doors were locked and set off to meet my chairman.

    Closer up, it was worse than first impression. I knew that preseason training had not yet started, but the padlocks and hinges were all rusty and didn't look like they had been opened for quite some time. With all of the doors locked, at least I could be happy that I wasn't late for the chairman on my first day.

    Maybe things were better on the inside of the ground. On the door furthest to the right, I noticed a letterbox. I crouched down, pulled it open and looked through. It was even worse on the inside !


    Jesus Christ ! Forget about signing any players, first thing we need is a groundsman. Something didn't add up here. That pitch had not been played on last season, yet the sign made it clear that this was the home of The Shire. I took my eyes away from the disapointing desolate landscape on the inside and checked out the disapointing desolate landscape on the outside. Hidden in a corner, minding his own business was an old tramp, even at 8am he was swigging at a bottle of Buckfast, a refreshing tonic wine popular in this area ! The best way to describe him was as A Manky C**t.

    Me: Hey Jim ! Is this tha East Stirling home ?
    AMC Naw. Yi need Ochilview pall. Gonny geeus a quid fur a wee cuppa tea ?

    Fuck this for a game of soldiers ! How could I have got it so wrong ? A red mist descended and I kicked out at the nearest thing to me, an empty can of Carlsberg Special Brew, probably last owned by the old tramp. It was a perfect connection with the outside of the boot and had it been a freekick, one that I would have been proud of in my playing days. The can cleared the the wall with a bit of bend that migh have deceived a keeper, before dipping into what I imagined would have been the top corner. I almost put my had up to celebrate, but before I could, there was an almighty crash, a huge flash and a creaking noise as one of the floodlight pylons started to lean over. I could only watch as it fell onto the wall, just above where the tramp sat in a drunken stupor. For a moment it looked like the wall would hold, but then one brick fell, followed by another and before I knew it, the whole wall had collapsed on top of the tramp, followed by the floodlight pylon which emitted one last flash of electricity before fizzing out. I had no idea if he was crushed or electrocuted, but one thing was certain …...

    AMC was dead !

    From behind me I heard a voice, there was a hint of french in the accent

    Bastard

    Me: What the fuck are you gawping at bytheway ?
    Stranger: My name is Wenger, Arsene Wenger, and I'm afraid I didn't see the incident.
    Me: Aye well pall. Just remember that if our paths ever cross again.

    Time to vacate the scene. I jumped into the Fiat, set the sat nav for Ochilview and put my foot down. It wasn't too far, just the other side of Falkirk in the adjoining town of Stenhousemuir. It wasn't long before the sat nav was directing me to turn onto Gladstone Road, and there was the ground and this looked a lot more like it !


    I parked up and headed for the enterance, but something here was very wrong !


    As the pygmy in long grass crys ….... Where the hell am I ?

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    Another Eejit story, another AMC death

    Great stuff mate, looking forward to this, and I may just have to resurrect the Sir Bobby Robson story.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AMC View Post
    Another Eejit story, another AMC death

    Great stuff mate, looking forward to this, and I may just have to resurrect the Sir Bobby Robson story.
    I always thought it was rude to speak in third person?

    96th Winners on the horizon ??

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    Nice start. Where the heck is this stadium ?

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    Are they ground sharing now? Never knew that! Good start
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    After some research into the stimulus, i have been to deduce that indeed Ochilview Park is a shared stadium between Stenhousemuir F.C. and East Stirlingshire F.C., though Stenhousemuir has been the occupants since 1890 (whereas the club was established in 1884). East Stirlingshire has since shared it since 2008, there former home was demolished in 2012. Of course, there is an outstanding different between the two stadiums: Firs Park had a capacity of 1,800 with 200 seats whereas Ochilview Park has over 3,746 with 626 seats. Another interesting piece of information is that Stenhousemuir is in the Second Tier of the Scottish League and East Stirlingshire is in the Third tier, meaning that any derbies on there ground is unlikely, especially with East Stirlingshire being at the bottom of the Third division table, and Stenhousemuir being sixth.

    No need to thank me for the information, i am just doing a kind service,

    SwanLake

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  27. #16
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    Great to come back from holiday and find a new Eejit story on its way!

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    No ticket for the gravy train

    Had the old tramp been taking the piss and sending me on a wild goose chase ? It wouldn't look very good going upto the Stenhousemuir office to ask for directions to East Stirlingshire. I'm sure there is some rivalry between the clubs with the grounds so close together. Reality was restored by the interjection of a guy wearing an East Stirlingshire training jacket.


    Him: Smartly dressed and looking lost. I'd put money on it that you are Alex Ferguson.
    Me (think): Tosser …. Looks like some chav
    Me: That's me. Am I in the right place ?
    Him: Pleased to finally meet you. I'm Spencer Fearn, Chairman. Please don't tell me you went to Firs Park !
    Me: Ehm. Yes. Are you not supposed to be vice chairman at Stockport County ?
    Him: Yes, but you can't expect the database updaters to keep up with all boardroom changes, so for now I'm back in my old job as owner and chairman of The Shire. Maybe one day they'll get it right and get Tony Ford in the job. As for the ground, we're sharing with Stenny at the moment. Moved out of Firs park in 2008 as we couldn't keep up the maintenance costs.
    Me: OK, that's sorted out that confusion. At least I now know where to come for the home games. pointing at the stadium Is my office in there ?
    Him: Ha ha ha. Office ! Who do you think you are ? The Alex Ferguson ?
    Me (think): Tosser ….. Maybe not yet, but just watch me !
    Me: Just remember he started here too.
    Him: Touche ! We have a room at the back of the shop in town


    It's pretty cramped, but I'm sure we can find you some space if you really need to come in. We'd expect you to work from home most of the time, except for training, 3 evenings per week and of course matches when you will be here.
    Me: That's a good point. I don't have a home. Is there a club flat I can stay in ?
    Him: CLUB FLAT ! Are you having a laugh ? Best I can do is point you to the Plough Hotel. It's just round the corner and cheep as chips until you find somewhere of your own.


    Why don't you check it out and come into the office this afternoon. We can go out for a Latte and have a more comfortable chat before going to the first day of training when you can meet John Brownlie, Barry Daniel and the lads.
    Me (Think): Tosser …. I'll fucking touche this wankers latte
    Me: Sounds like a plan. Can't wait to get down to work.

    The rest of the morning was spent at the Plough, literally a 5 minute walk from the ground. It was basic but comfortable and more importantly cheep. There was a small bar that sold a decent pint of Belhaven (it would be a few years before I develop a taste for good red wine) and a greasy breakfast was included. Even so, despite not knowing my salary, my money would not last long, so a priority would be to find my own place. It did have a wifi service which gave me the chance to gen up on East Stirlingshire F.C. and the competition for Scottish Football League 3.

    East Stirlingshire's achievements can be summed up quite simply. The square root of fuck all. Established in 1881, they were elected to the League in 1900 and, with the exception of 2 individual seasons, have played at the lowest tier for their entire existence. The best they have ever done in the Scottish cup is the quarter finals although they do claim a Scottish Challenge Cup semi final in 2000-2001. Winning the Stirlingshire Cup 21 times is hardly anything to boast about. The last Shire player to be capped was James McKie in 1898 ! Add to all that, the club no longer had a ground it could call it's own.

    Looking at the competition for the Third division, no-one was betting against Rangers winning the league. There were even expectations that they might win every single game and finish with maximum points such was their superiority. That left 9 clubs looking for the runners up spot to join them in promotion. Stirling Albion would surely be looking to bounce back after relegation last term while Queen's Park were expected to do well again after failing in the playoffs last time round. Peterhead and Montrose were also fancied by some in what looked like a very open race. Elgin City, Annan and East Stirlingshire were most peoples tips for finishing bottom of the pile.

    Depressing reading, but I was determined to put that right. Any success and I would become a club legend.

    It was time for my second meeting with Spencer the chav. I picked up a local paper on the way, so that I could start checking out flats when I got back. I immediately regretted the delay that caused. As I approached a level crossing, the alarm sounded and the gates started to close. I was right at the front of the queue and had to wait for ages before a freight train chuntered through hauling wagon after wagon, all carrying the “Bisto” logo, clearly on it's way to or from a food processing factory. Just as the last wagon cleared the crossing, something fell from the top, blocking the road. All the drivers got out to examine what it was

    It was a body.

    A lifeless, dead body.

    Eventually someone spoke. “Bastard ! Another Moronic Cretin, train surfing to save on his ticket”. We kicked the body to the side of the track and continued on our journeys. This AMC was someone else's problem.

    In the end I was just a few minutes late. In a small room at the back of the shop, Spencer was waiting and I was shown in by a rather attractive young lady. She may be a bit younger than me, but her coy smile told me that there may be some potential if I play my cards right.


    Him: Welcome to our home. It's not much, but it's all we have. I'd like Julia to join us, which will make this room a bit cosy …..
    Me (think): Wouldn't mind getting cosy with Julia given half a chance!
    Him: ….. so why don't we shut up shop, not much business today anyway, and head across the road for a coffee.
    Me: Fine by me.

    Five minutes later we had found seats and Spencer was ordering the coffee. I had asked for my usual Americano, Julia a Flat White (subtly different from the mainstream without going over the top was my opinion)

    Him: …. and I'll have a skinny caramel macchiato, decaf with an extra shot.

    I turned to Julia and mouthed Tosser without making a sound. She replied with a nervous, innocent smile. It also gave me the chance to check out her left hand …... Kerching ….. No ring !

    Spencer returned with the coffees.

    Him: Before we get down to business, I should have introduced you to Julia. She is our office. She mans the phones, works the shop, sells the season tickets, keeps all of the paperwork in order and generally gets things done. Anything you need, call Julia.
    Me: I will.
    Him: And this is Alex Ferguson, our new manager.
    Julia: Just like Man United !
    Me: Maybe one day, but I think I'm less grumpy and better looking !

    Again I got the nervous, innocent smile back, with just a hint of a blush.

    Him: Right. Lets get down to business. I'm under no illusions that this is going to be a particularly difficult season ahead. With Rangers in our league, opportunities are naturally going to be limited, although we should get in a decent crowd for the home games. Every cloud and all that.

    I raised my eyes in Julia's direction, hoping that Spencer couldn't see, suggesting I'd heard it all before. She replied with another of her subtle smiles.

    Me: So what are your expectations of me then ?
    Him: It's a fair assumption that next season will be easier, so if you can improve the squad in preparation, I can't ask for more than that ….. Second thoughts, I can. It would be nice if we weren't bottom of the league again.

    Under the table where he couldn't see, but Julia could, I imitated the international sign for wanker. There was a definite blush this time. Don't want to push to far.

    Me: I've not met the squad yet, but buying a few players and finishing 9th out of 10 doesn't sound overly taxing. What sort of budget do I have to play with ?
    Him: Budget ! Have you not noticed this isn't Old Trafford ? If you can't find the players you need on free transfers then you'll have to beg, steal and borrow from other clubs. Change that, beg and borrow ….. we play everything by the book.
    Me: Getting free players is always tricky. Every man and his dog is after the decent ones and we'll have to provide something to attract them. What sort of wages can I offer ?
    Him: We do have a very strict wage structure. I won't allow you to go over two-seventy.
    Me: TWO-SEVENTY ! Julia. Get me the number for the agents of Wayne Rooney, Christiano Ronaldo and Chris Erskine. Might not be enough for Messi, but get me his agent too.
    Him: That's pounds, not thousands !
    Me: An hour ?
    Him: A week !

    There was a pause while I considered this devastating news. Who the hell was going to come to this crappy club to play for peanuts ? It gave Spencer the chance to tun round and order more coffees. While his back was turned I made a dick head gesture in Julia's direction. Again I got back a smile and an innocent blush.

    Me: Anything else that I should know ?
    Him: Only that we have a friendly with Dumbarton in 6 days.
    Me: In that case, we had better get up to training so that I can check out the squad.
    Him: If that's what you want, I'll join you. Meeting closed.


    Julia: If you're going upto the ground, I'll leave you boys to it. See you at home Dad !

    DAD !

    What the hell have I done with Julia ?
    Come to think of it, What the hell have I done joining East Stirling ?

    The meeting had though confirmed something. Like AMC before me, I didn't have a ticket for the gravy train.
    Last edited by Kingsley; 13-05-13 at 01:50 PM.

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  30. #18
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    Awesome start, You Mr Ferguson have a long way to go.

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    Good start indeed, and with Julia the chairman's daughter I can think one way of getting the sack

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  34. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baron Zbimg View Post
    Awesome start, You Mr Ferguson have a long way to go.
    Indeed I do and a lesson learned from Centurion is that there will be boring bits when the team goes on winning runs (United winning league after league), so I'm going to skip over them a bit quicker and add detail to the bits where I can

    Quote Originally Posted by AMC View Post
    Good start indeed, and with Julia the chairman's daughter I can think one way of getting the sack
    Except that I don't need to get the sack from this job .... I need reputation to get the St. Mirren job. As for Julia

  35. #21
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    I knew all the wanker/dickhead signs was a bit too much
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  37. #22
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    This story already contains too much wanking..

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  39. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
    This story already contains too much wanking..
    Try this if you prefer

    http://www.champman0102.co.uk/showth...es-Babes-Babes

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    Are you actually gonna try to stay at United as long as Fergie then?

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  42. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZanSnake View Post
    Are you actually gonna try to stay at United as long as Fergie then?
    No. Unlike Mancini, I know my targets

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