now i got it, awesome Haniel
Now it make sense .......
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
How much is that?
"It's on the house!" says the barman
Surprised, the guy then orders a steak from the menu and hands the barman the cash. The barman shakes his head and tells him it's 'on the house' again.
"Why's everything free?" the guy asks perplexed "Does the owner know about this? Where is he?"
"He's upstairs with my wife" explained the barman
"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
"The same thing Iím doing to his business down here"
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward incase the enemy attacks from behind.
Steal a heart and you’re a romantic, but steal a kidney and suddenly you’re a criminal.
Jew and Scottish guy made a 1$ bet who can stay longer under water...They both drown...
Dearly beloved. Today we gather in this holy place to mourn. The relationship known as the 'Old Firm' which first began in 1888 and became a marriage of convenience in 1904 will end on 29th April 2012. Their years together have been difficult and tempestous. None of the years together were happy but never a year went by where one would attempt to live without the other. Soon for one the day of judgement will come. Today as we commit the body to the ground, forgive them their debts as they boycott their debtors, Sashes to Ashes, Dust to Bust, and know that there will be a resurrection of the body and a return to eternal strife. Amen.
HERE WE GO 10 IN A ROW
Karma sutra position number 52 - The Pirate:
When going at it doggy style spit on her back so she thinks you have ejaculated.
When she turns round blast her in the face, known as The Pirate, because she will put one hand over her eye and shout ARRRRGHHHHHH
What are the 70 things every woman should know before marriage? 69 and to cook...
I'm taking my Bon Jovi sat-nav back to the shop.
It keeps telling me I'm halfway there.
Just found out my mate died, overdosed on indigestion medicine.
I can't believe it - Gav is gone!
Psychiatrist conducting group session with 4 young mums & their kids.
"You all have obsessions," he observes.
He says to 1st mum "You're obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
Turns to 2nd mum "Your obsession is money. It shows in your childs name, Penny."
Turns to 3rd mum "Your obsession is alcohol. Your child's name, Brandy."
The 4th mum quietly gets up and whispers to her son. "Come on Dick, this guy has no idea, lets go pick Willie & Nobby up"
What's the difference between Emille Heskey & a constipated owl?
One shoot's but can't hit, the other hoots but can't shit!
What do you say to Iain Dowie when he's got a good looking woman on his arm?