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Thread: Borussia M'gladbach Office (Erkifino)

  1. #1

    Join Date
    The Netherlands

    Borussia M'gladbach Office (Erkifino)

    Last edited by GFRay; 20-11-17 at 10:52 PM.

  2. #2
    Glad to be back? I've never been here before?

  3. #3
    GK Courtois
    DC Chiellini
    DC Miranda
    DC Varane
    DMC Weigl
    MC Vidal
    MC Thiago
    AML di Maria
    AMC Mata
    AMR Sane
    FC Aubameyang

    Oliver Baumann - GK
    Marcel Halstenberg - D/DM L
    Christensen DC
    Willi Orban - D C
    Seamus Coleman D/M/AMR
    Theo Walcott AMRC
    Pablo Sarabia - AM RLC
    Yevhen Konoplyanka - F LC
    Luciano Vietto - F C
    Jamie Vardy - S C
    Kévin Gameiro - S C

    Ángel Correa - AM/F RLC - 0.6 M
    Bernardo Silva - AM RLC - 0.3 M
    Mario Lemina - DM RC - 0.3 M
    Ramires - M RC - 0.3 M
    Timo Horn - GK - 0.4
    Last edited by Erkifino; 15-12-17 at 12:17 AM.

  4. #4
    I sit in the fancy leather chair and put my feet on the desk. I pick a pen out of the pen holder. It's gold, pretty sure it's real gold. I start clicking it. Click. Click, click. Click, click, clicketty click. All of a sudden, this little old man, about 4 foot 6, bursts in the door.
    Old man: What the fluck?! You ain't got no respect! Feet on the table. Clicking flucking pens.

    I stare blankly at him.
    Old man: Who the fluck did I hire? Some deaf, mute stoner? Give me a flucking break!
    Me: Slow down man.
    Old man: Slow down? What the fluck do you mean, "slow down"? You're giving me flucking indigestion. You spent nigh on 50 million on a handful of players. Our rivals have bigger squads assembled for less! You're telling me to slow down? You spent 28 million on 4 flucking players... in the first flucking auction nonetheless!
    Me: It's a solid spine. Without a solid spine, you've got a team of jelly.
    Old man: Flucking jelly? What the fluck are you on about? Did I hire Socrates?!
    Me: Are you Martin Scorsese?
    Old man: No, I'm not Martin flucking Scorsese. Are you a flucking idiot?
    Me: No.
    Old man: Yeah, well... if you're not, I am. I'm the flucking idiot that hired you... You've got 38 games to save your job... Nay, your flucking career.
    Me: Which 38 games?
    Old man: Which 38 games? This guy?! what the fluck do you mean "which 38 games?"?
    Me: I'm assuming we'll feature in a few cups and that there'll be more than 38 games...
    Old man: Don't flucking test me boy! I'll beat you like a flucking pacemaker going full tilt.

    He storms out of the room and the door slams... I think to myself 'was that one of the balcony dwellers from The Muppet Show?'

  5. #5
    On the training ground we go over various drills. The squad are out of shape and are looking rusty. Thankfully we've a couple of friendlies so this lot can shake the cobwebs. As I leave the training pitch I bump into Old man.

    Old man: That guy Giorgio...
    Me: Yeah?
    Old man: He's a nice guy.
    Me: I haven't a word of Italian... apart from gelato.
    Old man: Are you flucking with me?
    Me: What?
    Old man: Nevermind... Giorgio.
    Me: What about him?
    Old man: Captain material... I knew his mother... Let me tell you a story... In prison, dinner was always a big thing. We had a pasta course and then we had a meat or fish. Paulie did the prep work. He was doing a year for contempt, and he had this wonderful system for doing the garlic. He used a razor, and he used to slice it so thin that he used to liquefy in the pan with just a little oil. It was a very good system.
    Me: Prison?
    Old man: I tell you a flucking story and the one thing you take from it is 'prison'? You're a lost flucking lost cause...

    He mumbled something like 'Giorgios mother is gonna make some fried peppers and sausage for us' as he walked away. That man is not well.

  6. #6
    Hamburg 1-0 Us

    I tried to sign Hamsik in the auctions. Thankfully this was only a friendly. We need to do a bit of work in all departments.

    Us 3-1 Dortmund

    Always expect to win at home...although that's not always the case. Done it with gusto here. Counting on Pierre to hit 30 goals this season. Hopefully, this is glimpse of the future here.

  7. #7
    I hold a training session with the team after the friendlies. Our starting XI is pretty much set in stone but I plan on giving the second string a run out in the forthcoming cup game. We'll see if any of them can play their way into the fray. I head to the club bar and order a drink. The stress of opening day is getting to me.

    My stress isn't helped by Old man...

    Old man: What the hell is this? You're a goddamn alcoholic!
    Me: I've literally just ordered a drink...
    Old man: You flucking kids are all the same. First sign of stress ye turn to jelly and ye hit the drink!
    Me: Jelly?
    Old man: Jelly? What the fluck are you talking about?
    Me: You said jelly. I was questioni...
    Old man: What's your flucking obsession with jelly? Every flucking conversation we have, you have some sort of flucking analogy.
    Me: I used it once?!
    Old man: Used what once?
    Me: Jelly?
    Old man: Are you for flucking real?! Shut up with the flucking jelly already!

    Old man hobbles away..

    I knock back my drink and ponder set pieces.

  8. #8
    Us 3-0 Bayern
    After pilfering some of Bayern's stars it was an easy win even with Sane getting sent off.
    RB Leipzig 0-4 Us
    Happy to get off to a flier versus Mark's team. The score did flatter us although I splashed on Pierre for his precision.
    BSG Chemie Leipzig 0-4
    The B team get a run out and dispatch a team that sounds like some evil corporation.

    Us 5-2 Hertha Berlin
    A comfortable win although unhappy to conceded with very little few goals. Concentration needs work.
    Hoffenheim 1-2 Us
    A comfortable win against the CPU
    Us 0-1 Schalke
    We was robbed!!
    Wolfsburg 2-1 Us
    Courtois sent off... What a plum!
    Us 2-0 FSV Mainz 05
    Back to winning ways with a bit of help from the ref.

    Pierre with 10 goals in 7 matches. Paying dividends.
    We're the highest scorers in the league but our defence needs work.
    Last edited by Erkifino; 12-01-18 at 08:39 PM.

  9. #9

    Old man: You're second...
    Me: Yeah. Not too shabby...
    Old man:You know what that makes you? What that makes us?
    Old man: Flucking losers. Too quote Ricky Bobby... "if you're not first, you're last".

  10. #10
    Chicharito - S C - 0.5 M
    Piotr Zielinski - AM RC - 1.1 M
    David Silva - AM RLC - 10.9 M
    Carlos Bacca - S C - 0.7 M
    Mikel Oyarzabal - AM L - 1.3 M
    Dalbert - D/AM L - 0.5 M
    Henrikh Mkhitaryan - AM RLC - 3.7 M
    Sergio Ramos - D RC - 15.0 M
    Andrej Kramaric - F RC - 0.5 M
    Casemiro - DM C - 4.2 M

    Kevin Gameiro - S C - 5.9 M
    Oliver Baumann - GK - 2.2 M
    Theo Walcott - AM/F RC - 6.5 M
    Lucianno Vietto - F C - 6.8 M
    Jamie Vardy - S C - 4.2 M
    Yevhen Konoplyanka - F LC - 5.6 M
    Marcel Halstenberg - D/DM L - 2.8 M
    Seamus Coleman - D/M R - 4.2 M

    8 replaced by 10. Although I overlooked bringing in a 3rd keeper.

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