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Thread: [STORY] A Golden and Fearless Ambition

  1. #251

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    Ok, i can live with that girl And how long is my injury?

  2. #252

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kowalinho View Post
    Ok, i can live with that girl And how long is my injury?
    Was three weeks, so you were 'fit' the week after the replay lol

  3. #253

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    Ok thanks, no need to lol

  4. #254

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kowalinho View Post
    Ok thanks, no need to lol
    Just found it somewhat tragically funny, the man who scored the decisive goal to take us there is injured, but comes back a few days after the replay. It was so disheartening that the Hemphill goal was disallowed and Ediz really didn't do a 'Kowalinho' inspired performance.

  5. #255

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    Post-Season Review
    With Manager Niko Bergstrom!


    After a successful season in which the club sealed the English Conference title, as well as being a Finalist in the FA Trophy, denied by an own goal in a replay, the season is officially over for the latest club in England. Now Post-season, it is time to get to see what the manager thinks of each player: they're effectiveness over the season, they're role over the season, a recap over they're season, the thoughts of the manager on the players as well as the future think they can have with the club. Plus, we can to see the Manager's Player of The Year, Manager's Young Player of the Year, Manager's Worst Player of the Year and the Fans Player of the Year as well as start the voting for the players themselves to award their peers with different awards.

    Player Review:

    Baz – Niel Barry

    Effective: 'Relished in the left-back position, though was very inconsistent in some games. Young and has already played for the Wales B Team, and was effective working on the left hand side.'
    Role: 'First choice left, sometimes played as back up centre back in case of injuries, out of form, or suspension.'
    Recap: 'Started well, and got better over the course of the season. Started to help on the attacking sides, getting some assists under his belt and a good enough passing rating.'
    Thoughts: 'A great left back whose fitness was spot on, never really lacked any fitness throughout the season, with his 3 match ban really negatively weakening the team in a position in which we lack.'
    Future: 'I want to keep him, and developing him further as our first team left-back. Young and certainty got a lot of potential.'

    BobMem – Bob Mem

    Effective: 'Formed a solid partnership with Hoolihan, which made them first team choice for the two centre half positions. Helped us out a lot, especially in making sure we only conceeded 34 goals over the course of the season.'
    Role: 'First team centre back with Hoolihan, becoming an important defensive player. And vice-captain with a high inspirational spirit.'
    Recap: 'A solid consistent performance over the season, in which he was capped for Cyprus in the U21 team. Is one of the elder team members, but disappointing in his decision to want to leave the club.'
    Thoughts: 'A good defender and was a certain candidate for the captains armband at the start of the season, will become an important player for his country in the future. Major fing pissed off he wants to leave the club!'
    Future: 'He wants to leave the club, which is possible for a fee higher then £1 million, otherwise will look into trying to appease in the future and be an integral part of the team come the start of the next season – though if still wanting to leave, will become viable.'

    Clayton, Mark – Mark Clayton

    Effective: 'A great defensive player whose eyes for a pass helped earn more points, perfect tackling rating.'
    Role: 'Was at first a rotated player, until he became consistent and The Eejit started to have fitness issues among other things. Well earned his spot as the first choice defensive midfielder.'
    Recap: 'Started as a possible squad player, but started to get more momentum as the season went on. Had the odd bad day at the banks, but always kept a calmed head and kept doing his job.'
    Thoughts: 'One of the elders in the team, and is a clear game changer on his day. Seemingly found players 30 yards ahead simply, and set up a few goals which helped get results our way.'
    Future: 'Major part of the plans for next season, hope to hang onto him as a large number of midfielders are coming into the squad for next season. Will be crucial to tactics and will have a major cap in the next season.'

    Ediz, Volkan – Volkan Edz

    Effectiveness: ' At the start of the season, scored for fun but lacked the consistency to break majority into the team. Was played majority due to work permit issues.'
    Role: 'Third-choice striker but at first was the main man. Helped set up some goals for Zbimg, but lacked to add as much depth as others.'
    Recap: 'Started the season brightly, but began to fade throughout – with sometimes showing glimpses of his true skill – but wasn't really consistent enough to make a mark, come on as a sub or was subbed when played due to that fact, play most of his game to ensure his work permit would still be viable.'
    Thoughts: 'Was out of this beginning of the season, but seemed to lose that fire. Hoped he would regain it, but never really did. Still scored 12 goals, but not enough to become a pivotal member of the team.'
    Future: 'Would be sold if a good offer comes in, however would be content for him to fight for his position.'

    Hemphill, Fraser – Fraser Hemphill

    Effectiveness: 'Brilliant. Was the bright spark in the team, especially from set pieces. He has made 24 goals, as well as scoring 7 over the course of the season.'
    Role: 'Captain and first choice right wing.'
    Recap: 'Started well and finished that way, his presence was always felt in the team's attack, and was a pivotal part of the attacking cog.'
    Thoughts: 'One of the better players in the team, and is a determined and loyal lad. Could become a legend at the Boltsky Stadium, and is the local boy. Captain for a reason as he was the spearhead for most attacks – forming a deadly alliance with O'Toibin on the wings.'
    Future: 'Not for sale, and will continue his role as captain and first-choice winger. No offer can change my decision, and the player seems happy to stay.'

    Henderson, Mark – Mark Henderson

    Effectiveness: 'Didn't really make a large mark but did impress with a good run of games and his versatilty to be able to be played on both wings and full back positions.'
    Role: 'Being young, was the second choice between both wings as well as cover for both full-backs. Though his form was inconsistent, making him unable to really making a shout for any position permanently.'
    Recap: 'Has played a decent amount of games, and will develop over the course of the future. Gradually got more confident and better over the season.'
    Thoughts: 'A player which I want to succeeded, like I have with Mikka Savolainen at HyPS. At first he was getting the odd job, but gradually became on the better players in the team – which is what I want to do with Henderson.'
    Future: 'Continue the role which he has earned this season, and maybe become a cup game player if form is good enough. Want to develop into a legend for the club, as the club needs legends for the future generations to look upon.'


    Hernandez, Jose – Jose Francisco Garcia Hernandez Rodriguez


    Effectiveness: 'Formed a good understanding with Hemphill on the right, which will hopefully develop over the course of the next season.'
    Role: 'First choice right back.'
    Recap: 'Throughout the season I was trying to establish my best back line, with Liam in the middle and Hernandez on the right and vice-a-versa. In the end he made it his own and the back four started that way, with Liam becoming a lesser role.'
    Thoughts: 'Very good right back, but needs to be more of an attacking threat in the future, which will come over time. Young, but has the most retarded name ever!'
    Future: 'Staying at the club, unless really good offer comes in.'

    Hoolihan, Roddy – Roddy Hoolihan

    Effectiveness: 'Made a great partnership with BobMem in the heart of the defence, was the more reliable one.'
    Role: 'First choice centre-back.'
    Recap: 'Formed a superb partnership with BobMem which help keep the amount of clean sheets up as well as the amount of goals to a good amount. He is somewhat unlucky with injuries, but it never interfered with his performance.'
    Thoughts: 'A great defender and was easily one of the best in the league – forming the best partnership in the league with BobMem. Reliable and loyal.'
    Future: 'Want to keep with BobMem to keep the partnership, but if BobMem leaves will still stay as first choice centre-back.'

    Kowalinho – Kacper Kowalcyzk

    Effectiveness: 'Formed a superb partnership with Zbimg, and was integral to the team's playing style. He scored a lot of important goals, and was a keen finisher for the side, though consistency wasn't always there.'
    Role: 'Second to partner Zbimg, but was stuck there for the majority of the season – though his personal life interfered too much with his professional.'
    Recap: 'Started off well but was drained out by Ediz and Zbimg, and soon disappeared as his 'quest' became more important then the football. Shockingly announced his intention to leave the club when becoming a major force in the team.'
    Thoughts: 'What a fing prick! After helping him, he wants to leave despite the importance he has. Has the most retarded name EVER! Needs a reality check – but has a bright future and will become big. I have respect for him, as well as disgust at the same time.'
    Future: 'Will reluctantly sell him for a good price: £850k-£1.5million region and has enough interest in him, but just needing the right stupid team to offer the money. Would love to keep at the team, as he would help get us into the Second Division – which is the goal for the next season!'

    Liam – Liam Hatch

    Effectiveness: 'Has had a good season, though was in and out of the team. Never really under-performed just over players out-played him.'
    Role: 'Second choice right back, third choice centre-back – in and out of the team during rotation periods of the team selection.'
    Recap: 'Stuck to the task when needed, and helped out though could have continue his form longer in order to have a larger role within the team.'
    Thoughts: 'Definitely a good young talent, which will only get better over time. Will became a good defender for Ireland.'
    Future: 'Want to keep to carry on his development for the team, would play the same role though rotation might be stronger if BobMem leaves. Wouldn't sell for any price as I want to make him into a top player for the club ala Henderson.'


    O'Toibin, Diarmuid – Diarmuid O'Toibin


    Effectiveness: 'Was a crucial player on the left wing, and helped win important games again and again, though was inconsistent with the amount of times he would step up to the level again and again.'
    Role: 'First choice left winger.'
    Recap: 'A strong season where he made the left wing for himself, majority became more important towards the end of the season especially in the league.'
    Thoughts: 'A great young underrated player, who I think will become a great player for the club over the course of the next few seasons.'
    Future: 'Sure to stick at the club, with a lack of teams being interested. Will stick to the role of first choice left winger, though competition might come into the squad for more depth.'

    Shepard – John Shepard Vanderloo

    Effectiveness: 'A great consistent goalkeeper who only made a few mistakes over the course of the season. Was reliable to keep us in the important games, except for the original FA Trophy Final game.'
    Role: 'First choice goalkeeper.'
    Recap: 'Started off as being second choice, until being given his chance to which he took like a teenage girl with Daddy issues takes to a strip pole.'
    Thoughts: 'The best thing to come out of Canada since Avril Lavigne.'
    Future: 'Staying as my first choice keeper – simple! Would become an important member of the Canadian national team in the next year – if they are not all dead by then.'

    Sulonen, Hannu – Hannu Sulonen

    Effectiveness: 'None.'
    Role: 'None.'
    Recap: 'Played a couple of times, but never impressed like he should have.'
    Thoughts: ' Had the potential to be a creative member of the team but never clicked, and with the form of the exceptional Wato, was never really going to break into the team. Shockingly, he was a completely different during his stint as Thes Sport.'
    Future: 'Sold to Portsmouth.'

    The Eejit – The Eejit (not fing typing that long ass name out!!)

    Effectiveness: 'The bad ass anchor man, who bullied the opposition and would laugh at them – or would if he was inconsistent, had no stamina and had more injuries then cookie monster had cookies.'
    Role: 'Second choice defensive midfielder, though if was fight could have competed for first.'
    Recap: 'Spent more time on his ass in the physio office, or in a girl's g-spot then on the pitch!'
    Thoughts: 'If he gets his priorities straight, could be a great player for the club! Has the stupidest name in existence and before that! No more shagging female referees.'
    Future: 'No-one wants him so will stay here, though I would keep him and use him if FIT and CONSISTENT enough!'

    Van der Voom, Henrik – Henrik Van der Voom

    Effectiveness: 'Great cup run due to his goals, and a great super sub. Great versatility when it was needed also.'
    Role: 'Cup striker, third/fourth choice striker, super-sub.'
    Recap: 'Was great during the cup games, and when on from the bench. He was the only player I felt sorry for over the season as Zbimg stole the limelight, and he wasn't given the chance he should have had!'
    Thoughts: 'Given the chance could be as good as Zbimg!'
    Future: 'Will be second choice if Ediz leaves, playing alongside Zbimg if Kowalinho leaves. Will play more next season, and will be given a more fair amount of opportunities to show his skill and talent to the team.'

    Vasily, Artur – Artur Vasily

    Effectiveness: 'None.'
    Role: 'Second choice midfielder.'
    Recap: 'Played well but couldn't go up against the superior Wato.'
    Thoughts: 'Hasn't really brought anything to the style of play, though has done more then Sulonen.'
    Future: 'If price comes in, might leave – might be given more of a chance next season.'

    Wato, Eddy – Eddy Wato

    Effectiveness: 'Scored vital goals from the midfield and helped build a bridge between attack and defence.'
    Role: 'First choice center midfielder, which he relished during the final tactic!'
    Recap: 'A brilliant season in which he showed Lampard-esque runs and attacking abilities, which if developed could add another dimension to the style of play for the team, and another source of goals to look for if strikers fail to turn up.'
    Thoughts: 'One of my favourite players as his timing for goals was outstanding, virtually got us a few wins himself. If he developed even more then came become a midfield goal machine for us!'
    Future: 'Staying at the club and will stay being awesome!'

    Wood, John – John Wood

    Effectiveness: 'Warmed the seats up well on the bench.'
    Role: 'Bench warmer.'
    Recap: 'Let in 4 goals on his debut and was then given minimal chances due to Shepard's consistency.'
    Thoughts: 'Could be a good player, but maybe not here. Will be a good second choice if he develops well enough.'
    Future: 'Will stick as the second choice keeper, unless others come in, in which he would be loaned out.'

    Zannit, Terrance – Terrance Zannit

    Effectiveness: 'The person who I wanted to fing punch the most!'
    Role: 'Possible punching bag!'
    Recap: 'Attitude stunk and so did his performances.'
    Thoughts: 'Has probably the most potential and talent in the squad, but his attitude ruins it all!'
    Future: 'Torn between keeping him for depth, or selling him if someone is stupid enough to want him!'


    Zbimg, Lorenzo – Lorenzo Zbimg


    Effectiveness: 'The man who won us the title, and the man who took us to the semi-finals with his goals!'
    Role: 'Killer striker!'
    Recap: 'Started off slowly with the rotation until he scored five goals in one game, and it all changed. Scored 37 goals in over 40 appearances, 39 of which are starts.'
    Thoughts: 'Best player in the league, best player in the team, and probably all-time goalscorer. He is loyal and hasn't battered an eye-lid towards the attention he is getting from the higher leagued teams!'
    Future: 'Keep finding the monster and watch the destruction to continually wreck all the opposition in his way!'

    Seasonal Review:

    'I was given a task to take this club to the next division. I did it, but it wasn't my own work – it was the players – but even though we did win that one obligation, I will always carry on in my career knowing that it was one mistake, one shot, one moment that stole the deserved cup from my clutches. The final will always resonate in my mind, and I need to overcome it.'

    'I am an experienced rookie manager, who is still learning his way, and with this club I feel like I am learning with the club rather then against it. I want to become a pivotal figure in this club's history, and for the sad day I will leave – I know I can leave in the hands of someone who won't destroy what I have nurtured.'

    'Therefore this season was the first test, and I feel I just got by – by the skin of my teeth! And so I need to work harder so that I can succeed in the next task 100%. I don't know what Yermolai wants yet, but I know what I want. Another title, and an another shot at a Trophy – not the final – but the actual fing Trophy!'

    Transfers:

    'I can't buy players, I can only sign ones that I can get for free – I am ignoring the rules that Yermolai put on me. Bosman is the way forward. The majority of the signings will be defence and midfield, two areas in which I felt needed depth last season, and would be good for the team for competition. I am aiming for the best possible, and that is what I need these players for – rotation for the League, Vans Trophy, FA Cup and the League Cup.'

    Awards:

    Manager's Player of the Year:
    1st Lorenzo Zbimg
    2nd Shepard
    3rd Mark Clayton

    Manager's Young Player of the Year (age of 16-18):
    1st Kowalinho
    2nd Mark Henderson
    3rd Baz

    Worst Player of the Year:
    1st Terrance Zannit
    2nd Hannu Sulonen


    Player Awards:

    For these awards, the players get to vote to whom they think best represents that category, though should be warned cannot vote for themselves. Reply with your choice of the team, and the results will be processed fully.

    Player's Player of the Year:

    Player's Young Player of the Year:

    Player's Biggest Character in the Team:

    Player's Most Controversial Player in the Team:

    Player's Worst Player in the Team:

    Player's Most Surprising Player of the Year:

    Player's Best Moment of the Year:

    Player's Weirdest Moment of the Year:

    Player's Most Important Player in the Team:


    Please post the responses below, in which during that time the kits for next season would most likely by announced along side any future signings. Keep tuned to Newark Athletic – Fearlessly We March.

  6. #256

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    "Has the most retarded name EVER!" You fn serious?


    Player's Player of the Year:
    Zbimg
    Player's Young Player of the Year:
    O'Toibin
    Player's Biggest Character in the Team:
    Wato
    Player's Most Controversial Player in the Team:
    Eeijt
    Player's Worst Player in the Team:
    Sulonen
    Player's Most Surprising Player of the Year:
    Shepard
    Player's Best Moment of the Year:
    Goal for the final in FA Trophy
    Player's Weirdest Moment of the Year:
    His name being called retarded
    Player's Most Important Player in the Team:
    Zbimg


    And to not forget, i want to stay at club
    Last edited by Kowalinho; 21-08-13 at 09:13 PM.

  7. #257

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  8. #258

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    Scores what is arguably the goal of the season then gets dropped ..... not even on the bench ..... for the next game.

    Not convinced that the manager appreciates his fighting spirit.

    Thinks that football in general needs more female referees.


    PS. Will look at the awards later when I have more time to devote thoughtful consideration.

  9. #259

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    Absolutely awesome recap Zan, nice to see where everyone stands. Hopefully we'll manage to keep everyone. Van der Voom definitely deserves more playing time, he looks good and scores goals.

    Player's Player of the Year: Fraser Hemphill

    Player's Young Player of the Year: O'Toibin

    Player's Biggest Character in the Team: The Eejit

    Player's Most Controversial Player in the Team: Kowalczyk

    Player's Worst Player in the Team: Zannit

    Player's Most Surprising Player of the Year: Eddy Wato

    Player's Best Moment of the Year: Kowalczyk saves the day

    Player's Weirdest Moment of the Year: Then wants to leave

    Player's Most Important Player in the Team: Hoolihan

  10. #260

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    Newark Athletic Showcase New Kit, New Players and Planned Pre-season

    Posted 30th June 2013


    Despite the award ceremony happening days before the start of their pre-season, in which the team members of last season are still voting for their own personified awards, Newark Athletic have announced a string of new information coming into their début season into the Npower League Two.

    Coming off the bat of their successful and historic season, in which the new club won the English Conference title and enforced a Final replay in the FA Trophy, the club has now announced the latest home and away kits as well as new players who will be looking to shine for the Fearless Warriors.


    Red and Gold: Glorious season past for a glorious season for the future?

    The manufactures of the kit, Do You Football, announced they had prolonged their contract for another two years along side the sponsorship deal with EA. But instead of the Red and White home kit which premièred last season, the manufactures had decided to change the colours to Red and Gold.

    “After the success of last season for the club, we wanted to promote the 'Golden' image of the club, by inheriting it into the home kit whilst still holding onto the Red and White imagery the club wants to be identified for.”

    Said designer Vlaad Alphakenny. “It was important for the staff to design it along side the same image of the club's success, trying to recapture the glory within the club's identity.”

    Alongside the golden entrails, are specks of white which sit with the next EA game to sponsor the kit – Battlefield 4. The club do retain the image of 'black and white' for the away kit, which looks more detailed then the version used last season.


    Black and White: Contrast between last seasons kits

    “Last year we did a rather simplistic away kit, so for this year we wanted to add a little more to the design so that it has it's very own image!”

    With the main colour being black, the collar and right arm have prominence of white leaving the same kind of impression clear.

    “This year is going to be a new season, and a new start for the club, so we wanted to change aspects of the kit to reflect. Now we have sealed the contract for another season, we have pushed even further to glorify the up-and-coming club!”

    But the new kits wasn't only the new thing coming into the club, as a host of 7 players have signed, all of whom moved to the club via bosman transfers. It is clear that the players arrived to the club to add more depth and more competition to certain areas of the team.


    Dean Furman: Just one new signing

    “Though the club was successful last season, myself and Nikolavski felt that the team was too comfortable for positions – so the target for these transfers was to allow there to be a stronger rotation whilst going into these different competitions, aiming for the highest standard possible!” Said Chairman and owner Yermolai Relikovic, 52.

    The heed of the transfers was mostly defenders, as Dean Moxey moved from Crystal Palace, Lewin Nyatanga from Bristol City, Pim Balkenstein from AFC Wimbledon and Lee Collins from Barnsley join the fray all of whom are under 30, but add more experience to the otherwise rookie team.

    The rest of the 7 signings come with experience for the midfield, though one of the players will be able to become a versatile choice for positions. Dean Furman of Oldham, Radoslaw Majewski of Nottingham Forest and Drew Talbot of Chesterfield come in to help the team win promotion to the League One. Hannu Sulonen is the only player so far to leave the club, heading of to Portsmouth for £500k.


    Yermolai: Happy with New Players

    But with the seven signings, Yermolai seems content with the team they have coming into the new season: “We have strengthened the areas in which Nikolavski and staff has highlighted possible problems and feel we have the best we want for the club. All we can do now is to make sure we can hold onto the players we've got and put our heads up for the pre-season.”

    Niko Bergstrom's team will start their pre-season two days after the award ceremony on Wednesday 17th July at home against Bristol City, following it up with a home game against Watford on Sunday 21st July before finishing their short trio of pre-season games with Crewe on Saturday 27th July at Grewsty Road, leaving less than two weeks before their first game in the third tier of English football at home against Rochdale.

    A busy summer ahead for Niko and his men, whom are currently on holiday till the 7th, when training resumes, and last season's youthful team-mates can meet their more experienced peers.

    As for the awards, the post-season review can be found here, with the list of the Player's awards and manager Niko Bergstrom's thoughts of the past 12 months.

  11. #261

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    Caught up on another story. Gutted that we lost the final, thought it was ours in the bag after the season we had.

    Great reviews of the squad and season.

    Roll on the new season, certainly hope to improve on my outings and am happy with a record of 9 assists.

  12. #262

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    Reminder to players to vote for their awards. Need to be done for Tuesday, originally was Monday but extended due to Man U v Chelsea game.

  13. #263

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    Brilliant recap, cheers! Hope these are not too late:

    Player's Player of the Year: Fraser Hemphill

    Player's Young Player of the Year: O'Toibin

    Player's Biggest Character in the Team: The Eejit

    Player's Most Controversial Player in the Team: The Eejit

    Player's Worst Player in the Team: Zannit

    Player's Most Surprising Player of the Year: The Eejit

    Player's Best Moment of the Year: Winning the league

    Player's Weirdest Moment of the Year: The oggy

    Player's Most Important Player in the Team: Zbimg

  14. #264

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    *Happy to stay at the club
    *Hopes no one buys him in the next 2 weeks. I want to stay part of the revolution!!

  15. #265

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    Extended till Thursday, need more votes for the awards

  16. #266

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    Player's Player of the Year:
    Ediz
    Player's Young Player of the Year:

    zbimg
    Player's Biggest Character in the Team:
    Kowalino
    Player's Most Controversial Player in the Team:
    Zannit
    Player's Worst Player in the Team:
    Henderson (sorry Mark, but you do have the lowest average for number of games played)
    Player's Most Surprising Player of the Year:
    Zbimg
    Player's Best Moment of the Year:

    Goal of the season v Barrow
    Player's Weirdest Moment of the Year:
    Being dropped after scoring goal of the season
    Player's Most Important Player in the Team:
    There can only be one Eejit
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  17. #267

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    Extended till Monday, once again.

    Need at leat two or three more to get the Awards going

  18. #268

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    The Second Journey
    Chapter One:
    Relaxing and Revising


    With the new lads signing on the dotted lines, and at the moment being able to keep hold of the crop players I had from last season I was content with, I decided to have a nice holiday, funded with the selling of the house which I once lived in with the whore of the town.



    The house was sold at a good price, in which I had half of. I bought a new house not that far from the town.



    And left the rest for the holiday that would be a long tour of the world, or some randomly picked places from a bucket. From the random names of countries, cities and towns the first was...



    Newcastle.

    Instead of going somewhere luxurious like Rome, Paris or even fucking Bristol, it looked like my first holiday location would be up north of the country, but still I had a little faith I might find something or someone or people, to help me relax, but as I arrived in my expensive party gear, I was astonished with the 'high' calibre kind of women that was too offer, each of which seemed to get worse as I saw them.





    As they smiled towards me with their greenish venomous wonky teeth, I felt vomit emerging from the back of my throat. I quickly spun round from their location, but they were near the bar. Everytime I looked back to see if the place was clear, they seemed to get closer and closer, like a stalking Bergstrung. Soon they were face-to-face, and I was forced to deal with the situation at hand.

    Horrendous Monster:
    Alreet, pet?

    I grab one of the glasses that was on the table closest and throw it at her face.

    Niko: Die you demon!

    As I did her face started to melt as her screams of pain roared out like a siren to the other mingers in the nightclub. As the other two started to emerge from the crying troll, I grabbed another two glasses and throw them also at their face.

    Niko: I condemn your ugliness from my sight!

    I screamed as I threw the toxic liquid into their faces, which melted like the other one, and soon their faces looked like something out of a clay motion television show.

    Dying Demon: 'Y ya throw acid at us?

    She roared.

    Niko: Acid? It's frigging spring water! Guess you have never bathed before!!

    I said, before being escorted out of the nightclub by the two large bouncers. Deciding that maybe Newcastle wasn't the right location, I decided to end my holiday in Newcastle shorter then I would usually, it was back to the bucket.



    As I delved into the bucket of locations, all I could hope was that I would be going somewhere out of the country, and somewhere I could potentially find some hot chicks at. As I pulled out the piece of paper, it was certainly going out of England, but...



    ..not that fair, and my hopes wouldn't be that grand for pulling the chicks in Scotland, and I started to wonder why I didn't just write down 'Playboy Mansion' on all the slips of paper. But true to my world, I arrived at Stenhousemuir where I was instantly confronted by a local.



    Local Scot: Guid day ye! whit dae ye hink yer daein' haur withit an kilt? ye nae sassenach ur ye? feckin' sassenach! william wallace!

    He said, playing the bagpipes in his hand as I searched for a local taxi service so that I would be able to escape the hell I had arrived in. But then all of a sudden my fortunes soon changed as I bumped into two lovely girls.



    Niko: Excuse me, do you know the number to a local taxi service?
    Hot Girl: Why what's wrong? It looks like you have just arrived here!

    She said pointing towards my suitcases sitting on the side.

    Niko: Let's just say I was confronted by a mean local, and I felt threatened.
    Hot Girl: That's just Beez, the local nutjob. But I am sure, if you stay, me and my girlfriend here will give you a pleasant tour of the town.
    Niko: Well with an option like that to choose, i'll be dumb to leave now wouldn't I?

    I said winking to her, making her laugh back nervously.

    Niko: The name is Niko. It's nice to meet you...
    Hot Girl: Jools, and this is Charlie.

    She nodded back, and soon I gathered my suitcases as took the hour and a half tour, before retiring to the local pub where we drank and drank and drank. Offering me to stay at theirs for the night, we ended up back at theirs, at soon tension started to arise, as Jools put on some 'atmospheric' music.

    'And I would walk one thousand miles...'

    In which in my drunken haze I just went by, as things started to heat up, eventually falling with the three of us falling onto the bed in our underwear and just about when the fireworks were about to be lit....



    Chavvy Fuck: Jools! Where are you?

    Said the interrupting bastard, who burst onto the scene quicker then Joey Barton's jail time. He stared at me as I laid in the middle of the two women, who looked back more scared then a gazelle having a staring contest with a lion.

    Jools: Dad! What are you doing here?
    Niko: Dad?
    Chavvy: What tae buck is happening here?

    He said turning red with rage as Jools and Charlie started to get dressed once more, leaving me the only one in their underwear.

    Jools: It's not what it looks like?
    Chav: What is it then?
    Niko: Look man, will you piss off I am about to score here?
    Chav: What?

    He said getting more angry.

    Niko: Fifa! Look, now I am a goal down!

    I said pointing to the screen with the football game on it.

    Chav: What? You were playing Fifa?
    Niko: Yes, no will you fuck off because you are ruining my concentration!

    I said trying to usher him away.

    Chav:
    Wow, this looks so realistic!

    He said, sitting on the bed along side me.

    Chav: How are you playing with no controller?

    He said looking for a controller.

    Niko: I am playing with the Telepathic Sensor! It's a new design by Mikrahard, and these are the new graphics of the Y-Square!

    I lied, trying to push him away, but it all went wrong after that.

    Chav: Ah, let me play! I'mma whizz on Fifa!

    And so for the rest of the night, I was fake playing Fifa with a moron, as Jools and Charlie went to sleep. Luckily it seemed that Charlie was a big fan of football and had numerous DVD's of football games which I kept changing every time the Chav had to leave the room to moan about losing the games.

    The next day, I decided that I wasn't going to go any further with the lesbians, and that I had missed my chances, once again delving into the bucket for the next location, this time I was definitely away from the UK, but I wasn't so anxious on my chances of meeting women once again.



    San Marino.

    As I arrived at Uknown, I started my search quickly, soon bumping into a nice beach volleyball player.



    Niko: Ah, hello!
    Volleyball Player: Hi! If you don't mind will you leave, we are training for the volleyball tournament.
    Niko: Want me to coach?
    Volleyball player: No thanks, job's been taken by my husband.
    Niko: Well I bet I am more qualified then him to coach your team, the first thing we do for training is some warming up. First exercise to try and reach your legs over your neck, and to go on a night of hot fun with me.
    Volleyball player: Ha! Your not half the man my husband is, he is so patriotic he legally changed his name to IloveSanMarino, and he is so daring, it is all one word!
    Niko: I dunno about 'Patriotic' or 'Daring', but it seems to me he has a few nuts and bolts loose in his head!

    But soon the man of the moment arrived.

    IloveSanMarino: There he was blabbering on more than a politician in a heated debate. More s flying out of his mouth than a fat guy on laxatives. He was just like blind hyena fighting against a fearless lion, he didn't know how much pain his ass would be in if he continued. He was about to feel more pain than being invited to dinner by Luis Suarez.
    Niko: Okay this narration thing isn't really denying my point!
    Volleyball Player: He was more intolerant than a Jehovah Witness having the door being slammed in his face.
    Niko: What? Stop it!
    IloveSanMarino: He was being more of a pussy than a Frenchman in an argument.
    Niko: Please! Stop!
    Volleyball player: He was more annoyed than a fan watching the finale of Lost!
    Niko: HA! That was the fourth time, the rule is of 3, in which you only do something three times before it becomes stale and unfunny!

    They both looked at each other.

    Volleyball player:
    That rule is something differently here....

    They both looked at each other, worried before doing one more at the same time.

    Both: We are more fed than Star Wars being owned by Disney!

    And soon, with themselves holding each others hands, their hands...



    Exploded. And the Minor Cameo was killed.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! The Rule of 3 killed AMC!
    Volleyball player: Literal B!

    After that tragic scene I then decide to retire back to Newark and put my head back into the new season ahead of me, in which meant new signings, tired players and a few changes coming to the structure up-stairs, but there was something odd when I got back waiting for me.

    TO BE CONTINUED!

  19. #269

    Join Date
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    Kraków, Poland
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    I could go with you to SMR, i like SMR too Malta and Andorra too
    Last edited by Kowalinho; 04-09-13 at 09:16 PM.

  20. #270

    Join Date
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    Nobody, not even Beez, goes on holiday to Stenhousemuir

    Edit to add: Did this escapade in your underwear happen to be around the time of the 2012 Scotish Cup Final ? Just wondering where the paternity claim should be sent to.
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  21. #271

    Join Date
    04-03-12
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    Brilliant work, love a bit of cross-story action!

    p.s. I'm pretty sure Newcastle-under-Lyme is a different place to Newcastle-upon-Tyne, but then I thought Berwick was in Scotland

  22. #272

    Join Date
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    Yeah, I think Zan has made a mistake here - Newcastle-under-Lyme is where I live

  23. #273
    ebfatz is offline Social Media Bod
    Former Holy Trinity Member
    Stories Mod

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    I knew Harry Bow was right to leave that club when he did!

    Top marks Zan. Great update!

  24. #274

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    Any Newcastle would do, they are from it

  25. #275

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    The Second Journey
    Chapter One:
    Relaxing and Revising
    Continued!


    As I drove into my drive way, I was shocked by a sudden emergence of Yermolai with a moving truck. I stopped my car, and ran towards the heavily sweating and Vodka drinking Russian, instructing people with his broken English to place certain furniture where, as if I would allow him to do that!



    Niko: What the hell is going on here?
    Yermolai: Ah, Nikolavski! You are back sooner then I would have thought!
    Niko: Complications occurred, but what the fuck are you doing to my brand new fucking house?
    Yermolai: Nikolavski, if you continue this vulgar, the only place you will living is in a wooden casket six feet under ground.
    Niko: Well, what are you doing then?
    Yermolai: Well, since I own everything that you bought with your previous home, I have decided that it would be best if you shared this house with someone that needs your guidance.
    Niko: Don't tell it some kind of creature from one of your fan clubs? Or even worse, your son!
    Yermolai: Your are walking a thin line Nikolavski! Don't push me!

    He said raising his fist in the air towards my face, which barely reached by chest.

    Yermolai: No, it is not. It is actually a member of your squad, who after being reviewed by the board, has been issued that his unacceptable behaviour of last season can only be rectified under special supervision from you.

    It dawned on me, there was only one player that would be 'needing' to be supervised.

    Niko: Ah No! Anything or ANYONE but HIM!

    But on cue his large voice roared out his battle cry.

    The Eejit: Whar tae buck is tae mini-bar?

    With my new room-mate for the year, I knew that this would be a major thorn to my relaxing time, but I was able to get my head down for training for the next couple of weeks and ignoring his constant annoying behaviour for the first preseason game against Bristol City.

    Following from last season, and with new players to test out into the formation, the new players were mixed with the backbone. Shepard was in goal, as Moxey started on the left, Nyatanga was partnered with BobMem, who still wanted to leave but I am fighting to keep, as Hernandez was the chosen right-back. Clayton played in the Defensive midfeild slot, with the same casual wingers of O'Toibin and captain Hemphill on left and right respectively, as Furman was chosen ahead of Wato. Up-front was the partnership of Zbimg and Kowalinho.

    With nine subs, it meant we had a large bunch of players eager to come on, with only Drew Talbot and Radoslaw Majewski being the new recruits on the bench as Wood, Henderson, Baz, Zannit, Ediz, Van der Voom and The Eejit made the last 7 spaces.



    Wednesday 17th July 2013
    Friendly
    Newark v. Bristol City

    3-0
    (Kowalinho '45 '69, BobMem '86)
    MoM – F. Hemphill

    With the break and the news players in the team, it took the lads quite a while to find their rhythm into the game, with Hemphill created most of the chances through the first half. But the midfield seemed to click well with the attack, as Furman nearly allowed Kowalinho to get on the score sheet nearly straight away after kick-off, earning a corner which Hemphill took and BobMem headed wide. Hemphill was the architect a few times giving chances to Zbimg, who missed, another corner opportunity again falling for BobMem as well as feeding one-twos with Furman and O'Toibin. Shepard kept us in the game a few times with some nice alert goalkeeping, showcasing that despite the break, he was still determined to be the number one keeper. Despite the attacking prowess it wasn't until the stroke of half-time when Hemphill's low cross found the feet of Kowalinho who sealed it into the back of the net to give us a widely deserved lead.

    Half-time came, and five changes were made: Henderson for O'Toibin, The Eejit for Clayton, Van der Voom for the disappointing Zbimg, Majewski for Furman and Baz for Nyatanga. With the new changes, a new spirit surged into the team, though for the majority of the first twenty-five minutes it was the defence that was being tested, with Bristol gaining more time on the ball to have a go, but we were defiant! Playing off the counter, Hemphill was fouled by Foster some way out on the left wing. Aiming it up he took it quickly and deadly, catching out the Bristol defence who watched as Kowalinho headed the floating ball into the back of the net to seal the second goal of the game, as well as his and Hemphill's second assist.

    Once again we were on the edge as match-fitness started to effect the lads. After 84 minutes, Kowalinho was soon rested after an applauding performance for Volkan Ediz. Ediz then, with his first touch, earned a corner which was taken by Hemphill finding the emerging BobMem giving us a strong and dominant score-line.



    Pleased with the showing, but will most of the starters suffering with fatigue, for the more harder game against Championship side Watford, I was forced to change the team selection. Shepard and Hernandez are the only two players who was fit enough to be able to play the second, as O'Toibin, Hemphill, Zbimg, Clayton, Kowalinho and Moxey dropped to the bench with Vasily join him and Talbot. Liam and Collins were the chosen centre-backs, The Eejit was chosen as DMC, Wato reclaimed the Midfeild throre, Henderson was given the left as Zannit got a rare opportunity to show his worth on the right and Van der Voom and Ediz played up-front.



    Saturday 21st July 21
    Friendly
    Newark v. Watford

    2-1
    (Ediz '6, Zannit '44)(Cassetti '7)
    The Eejit injured '9
    MoM – V. Ediz

    A fast paced first half with a lacklustre second, it had everything will side to side action, in which included the 6th minute goal from Ediz after being played in, and one of the quickest equalisers ever seen as Cassetti brought Zola's men back into the game. But tragedy stricken more quickly predicted then Katie Price's marriages, as The Eejit suffered a strained knee ligament less then ten minutes in, which meant Clayton had to come on earlier then I would have wanted. The pace of the game stagnated so after as the attacks seemed to lose their threat until Wato's inspired pass was found by shockingly Zannit who took it pass the keeper and into the net.

    Come the end of the half only one change was done as Dean Moxey replaced Hernandez, who played at left back as Liam went on the right, leaving Baz partnering Collins in the centre. But the game seemed to turn into a Western movie as the pace was slow and was soooo boring!

    Despite the changes of Vasily and Talbot, replacing both Wato and Zannit, we wasn't able to speed up-the tempo and the game ended after the first half, really.



    For the next game, the opposition would be a little easier then Watford, and with some players still fatigued, and The Eejit now chilling in my living room drinking his stupid drinks as he watches weird Scottish porn, I wanted to try and think of a strong team that would still give the 'non-first choice' players a chance with the ones that are. For this it was a mixed bunch, Wood started in goal, Baz, Hoolihan and BobMem was the first chopice defenders as the versatile Talbot played right-back. Clayton, being the choice for the defensive midfielder was chosen, as Majewski play infront of him, Henderson to the left and Captain Hemphill returned on the right. Up front Van der Voom was given the chance to partner Kowalinho, with both Ediz and Zbimg on the bench.



    Saturday 27th July 2013
    Friendly
    Crewe v. Newark

    2-3
    (Murphy '19, Rodney '62)(Van der Voom '15, Furman pen 49, Hemphill '53)
    MoM – F. Hemphill

    It was another inspired performance from Hemphill, who though didn't get any assists, was the attacking threat. Majewski was the man who the first assist as it was his past that found Van der Voom to break the deadlock, but some brilliant movement from Crewe soon drew it level thanks to Murphy. After that it was back and forth, with neither team really coming close to scoring at the end of the half.

    Come half-time, it was time for changes: Furman came on for the tired Clayton, Baz was replaced by Balkestein and Henderson was replaced by O'Toibin. It was an instant surge, once again, from the subs as Furman and Majewski played well to find Kowalinho who played it inward to Van der Voom who was brought down by Phillips, leaving Colin Akita only one choice, penalty!

    Furman stood up to the plate and easily scored into the back of the net to regain us the lead, which we added thanks to the brilliant free kick by Hemphill just four minutes later, far from the box. It was due to some dodgy defending and goalkeeping that Robertson was able to get a second for Crewe, which enforced me to add Zbimg for Van der Voom and Shepard for Woods to ensure we could end our small pre-season with an away win, which we did!



    The team bus was full of cheer, despite the moody want-aways, which was such a welcome sight. We kept singing how we'll be coming for the League Two title, and how some of the lads would actually start driving Vans if we won the Vans Trophy, lucky enough Bartley was there to assure them that the season had yet to begin fully!

    Arriving home, I felt tired and wanted a quiet night, which wasn't allowed with my new 'housemate'. Living with this character felt like being in the Big Brother. Even worse was when I came home, I was confronted with a strange figure as I got home.



    Niko: Oh My Fucking God! What the hell is that!

    I screamed, as the creature of the damned sulked away with it's head faced to the floor, to which The Eejit was hopelessly able to explain.

    The Eejit: Ye heartless prick! dae ye ken whit ye hae jist dain? he's jist caught his burd cheatin' oan heem wi' a squaur heed!
    Niko: And? Doesn't mean he can sulk in my fucking house!
    The Eejit: It's mah hoose tay, prick! say sorry tae Tri!
    Niko: His name is Tri? As in Tri-angle?

    He nodded back. As a miserable cretin, I followed the scrappings on the floor to find 'Tri', only to see the strange image of his head being stuck in the oven with the gas on.

    Niko: Oh My God! AMC killed himself!
    Eejit: It's Tri, tae b!

    After turning the gas off and ripping out his oversized head, I got a text message from Yermolai, which stated he had accepted a friendly request from an established Premier League club. As I read the name, I knew one player would be eager to play againsth them!

    Hell, nightly I have stayed ups on, oh when will we would play such an opponent like this, a real challenge, could be a nest of mess, or a wheeling' job. I don't know, but I know one thing or else that we will fight too and nail to be the underdogs and fight.

    TO BE CONTINUED.

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