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Thread: [STORY] A Golden and Fearless Ambition

  1. #276

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    Nice work

    A goal for BobMem, hopefully I/he will stay. Having an out of body moment here...

    *dislikes BobMem
    *Thinks BobMem is an essential squad member

  2. #277

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    Next update tomorrow, also there is a long hint to whom the PL club is, some of the names are hinted at in the last sentence

  3. #278

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    Man City?

  4. #279

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    Budgie Scum? (Norwich)

  5. #280

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    players names lol

  6. #281

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    Fuck this for a game of soldiers.

    Ahm nae sharin nae room wi a fucked up ct like Niko.

    Gaunny gee us a transfer ooty this shite hole.
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  7. #282

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    Hell, nightly I have stayed ups on, oh when will we would play such an opponent like this, a real challenge, could be a nest of mess, or a wheeling' job. I don't know, but I know one thing or else that we will fight too and nail to be the underdogs and fight.

    Hopefully will help ya, no update today sorry guys, got some plans for the weekend

  8. #283

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    Arsenal?

  9. #284

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    Whelan, Upson, Owen, Knightly :S

    Stoke?

  10. #285

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    Hopefully The absence of Zbimg in the lineups is a preseason joke! Who cares about performing in preseason ? Nice job by my replacements though ...

  11. #286

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    The Second Journey
    Chapter One:
    Relaxing and Revising
    Continued!


    Stoke City was just around the corner, not literally, but pre-season wise, they were the top dogs for us. Even last year with the two weird cups, there wasn’t a single Premier League side that had accepted to face us, hell they mostly laughed in our faces – but this year it was different!

    We had shown our worth, our desire, and with that comes talented and eager youngsters which they want. They came calling to us! We didn’t do anything, but accept it for the chance to say that last season was just the prologue to the club’s future.

    The news was ate up by the lads better than a piece of ham to a Staffordshire Bull Terrier, they were ready to bite at the heels of the better paid, more glorified ‘athletes’ – they were more like Olympians in comparison to us. We were the Russian cheap knock-offs that Yermolai used to sell on the market during his early years ‘in the business’.

    But, football is an odd entity of this world – or more like the best example of how fate and destiny are somewhat lost at times with chaos. That one call can beckon the change of the whole 90 minutes, whole one moment of madness can infect the script that was written – it is a sport of what if’s, and of course, buts – and it is up to the managers like me to make sure we can change the fate of some games, and/or ensure chaos to others – that is my law to life, to football – and I can’t see it changing anytime soon.

    Despite the enthusiastic cheerleaders of the game, the fact still remained that there was some time difference between our previous game against Crewe. Entering August would be a difficult change for some of the new lads, with different expectations to try to work with and some to even establish themselves – for myself, it was back to the single life that I have known so much about for most of my life. No Cerina, No Rose, No Babe! The three open-legged whores of my apocalypse no longer had a lingering hold on me, and maybe it was time for me to put my mind back onto football rather than women – hell, I would need it for the up-coming season!

    Travelling to the training ground, I was interrupted due to one thing.



    Yes, traffic.

    Niko: Another accident?

    Bored out of my school, I decided to turn on my radio, with one song blurting out of the speakers of my little rental Ford Ka – a car so small not even a midget family could use it with enjoyment!

    “It's been hard but I have to believe
    Have a little patience
    Have a little patience”


    Pissed off by the condemning voice of Gary Barlow and the gay backing group, I changed the radio station, hoping there wouldn’t be another song that will anger me even more.

    “Don't you wanna get out of line
    Ev'rybody say what time is it
    (What time is it)”


    As the chorus was about to finish, suddenly I remember what I had heard of this song, that every time it is played in car with someone as awesome as myself, then as he says the next line he will randomly emerge from out of now where are try to rape the person in the car.

    And so…



    “It’s Chico Time”

    And just like that, on the bonnet of my car was the annoying man, dancing along with the disturbing one hit wonder, or more like blunder. As he danced, his eyes glared at me with hungry, making me nervous about the state of my rectum, come the end of the evening. Agreeing that I needed to do something about the possibility of being anally abused, I nodded my head downward and surged the car straight forward into the car in front and watched as the rapist flew into the glass of the rear view window. The shards of glass pierced throw each inch of skin, and his bones were broken below his waist, as he dragged his broken half body out of the car, and toward the side of the road.

    Niko: No humping from him anytime soon…

    Changing the station once more, I discovered yet another song that got on my nerves, as I sat in my wrecked car, and no sign of the traffic changing anytime soon.

    “Cause you had a bad day
    You're taking one down
    You sing a sad song just to turn it around”


    Niko: What a perfect song to fucking listen too!

    I said sarcastic, as a bright light blinded my vision, from the back of the car, and the next moment a scary masked face emerged.



    Daft Archie: Indeed it will be a ‘Bad Day’ for you, Daniel Powter! Muhahahahaha!

    He said, his posh computerised voice deafening my ears.

    Niko: Hey, Mac-Man, will you turn that fucking thing down!
    Daft Archie: Oh sorry, kind fellow. Just had this installed, so I haven’t gotten use to it yet. Anyway, my jolly good fellow, where is that Canadian guy?
    Niko: In Canada working as a janitor as some school? You do realise that was coming from the radio right?
    Daft Archie: Nnnnoooooo!

    He screamed, one again deafening my ears.

    Niko: Dude!
    Daft Archie: Sorry, but the intelligent fellows said they only had enough juice to transport here. I will look such a fiddly-bum without a Canadian corpse to take back for afternoon supper.
    Niko: Well, that was your call, guess you will have to walk back without one and take all the shit that comes with your mistake.
    Daft Archie: I am afraid I can’t, kind fellow. You see, I made some arrangements to travelled back with two of my fellow companions from my work.
    Niko: And, so you can’t just wait at the side of the road because?
    Daft Archie: Because it seems that I am unfortunately stuck in this God-forsaken vehicle! Please forgive the language, I do seem to be in a bad pickle here.
    Niko: Indeed, same here. I just had to kill an annoying talentless vocalist that no-one remembers, and have kind of ruined this car in the process. There goes my fucking wages for how long! Fucking faggot of a fucking Ford Ka.

    I screamed as my rage grew more and more, as the calmed masked man was stuck in the back of the fucked car. This felt like an average episode of Family Guy – like shit! And I still ad to deal with this weird fucker in the back of my car.

    Daft Archie:
    Oh Jolly Good! You kill talentless vocalists as well? Maybe you might accompany me to my head quarters with my accomplices!
    Niko: No! It was a one-off, alright?
    Daft Archie: It’s all fine an dandy!

    As he said that, two large masked men emerged from the straight line of cars, and walked towards my car. All I could do was hope that they weren’t the owner of the car I had just crashed into.





    But it seemed that they were here for another reason.

    Masked Man: Well, hello kind sir! My name is Quentin, and I do believe that my friend Daft Archibald is within the realm of your… car?

    He said hesitating as he looked at the wreckage.

    Niko: Yes, now will you please get rid of him, I have places to go!
    Masked Man 2: Certainly! Though I do fear that you might be a tad late, at this moment in time it seems that the traffic won’t move for some time. Oh, how silly of me! I didn’t introduce myself to the kind sir, isn’t that funny Quentin|
    Quentin: How daft of you, you silly bugger!
    Masked Man 2: The name is Vincent Peace, though people call me Vinny for short.

    Quentin then bent the roof of the car off, allowing Archie to get out as I was amaze at the man’s name.

    Niko:
    Your name is Vincent PEACE, and you KILL people for a living?
    Vinny: Yes, indeed I do, kind gentleman.
    Niko: But isn’t that kind of-

    Just before I could finish my sentence, soon emerged some prey for the masked men.



    Alanis Morisette:
    A murderer with Peace as a name,
    Like work being cancelled when you arrive late,
    When you get an STD when you can’t get laid,
    And isn’t it Ironic… Don’t you think?

    Niko: Oh look Vinny, a Canadian for you to kill!
    Vinny: Not mine; I am afraid, kind gentlemen. We all have different regions and different occupations, for it is the United States of America and teenagers and other disrespectful role models.
    Quentin: I do the whole of Newcastle and Liverpool, basically.

    As he said that Daft Archie had finally escaped the torture of my now rented Ford Ka convertible, which I knew would bite me in the ass sooner than later. Daft turned to the Canadian vocalist, and started to choke her with his powers, which was normally just something that Eejit would do to himself in the afternoon. As her breathe finally stopped, he grabbed the corpse nodded back to me and headed down the road, obviously feeling somewhat embarrassed by the whole situation, as both Quentin and Vinny laughed in a somewhat posh manner. Soon they followed him, leaving me in my wreckage, as the traffic finally started to move.

    Niko: Bastards!


    Arriving at the training ground, I was able to gain a stronger idea of who I thought would play the best against Stoke, with Eejit injured and chilling on my sofa; it was easier for me to make some decisions more than others. For me, the team worked well enough against Crewe, even with the new players being implemented into the starting eleven. The only change I decided to make was that Shepard would play in turn for Woods, who would warm the bench. It meant that the team look like this:



    Friday 2nd August 2013
    Friendly
    Newark v. Stoke

    1-0
    (Hemphill ’73)
    MoM – R. Shawcross
    The battle of the captains, it seemed, as Hemphill was the influence that he had become known for the team, and Shawcross was the symbol of the reluctance of Stoke City’s defence and the belief that they could use their advantage of higher classed football against us. But, it was more favoured between the two – with ourselves having a more attacking advantage then Stoke City as their physical presence helped to break down the chances we were trying to build upon.

    After our initial attack via Majewski, but soon they were on the counter, and was testing Shepard at his far post as he denied Owen the opener. It was a cautious tale, as neither side really didn’t want to risk fitness of the lads, and it wasn’t till 25 minutes passed that Kowalinho made Wilson look like a bitch, and dribbled his way past the back four, only being wide from doing a superb solo goal. Two minutes later, Owen tried his own as he showed his experience with a brilliant control to have a go, but was denied by the reflexes of Shepard.



    After that it seemed that one shot became a first in a series, as Etherington came close from a free-kick with Shepard being the hero, Edu then had a 30 yard whooping shot which was denied by the man between the sticks to which Shawcross was then denied by him from the resulting corner. It had single handedly become the Shepard show! Withstanding the on-slaught, we soon had our own opportunity as Majewski charged onto the goal his shot powered into the hands of Begovic to which the parried save fell into the feet of Majewski once again, who then slotted into the back of the net… but of course:



    He was offside as he knew, walking slowly back with a large smirk across his face. I waved to him to acknowledge that he had the ball in the back at least, to which he waved back laughing. It was nearly over for the first half, but Kowalinho was able to gain another opportunity which was sequined once more. For the second half, it was a double change Majewski off for Wato and O’Toibin on for the Stoke fan Henderson. From the start we started to become more attacking orientated as Van der Voom, who had seemed to be more like a blade of grass rather than one of the players, had a horrible wide shot on goal – make me wonder why I didn’t start Zbimg instead of him. With the more attacking mentality, it meant Hemphill had more of a hold on the game, come his deadly play on the right wing, or the set pieces, which so happened to nearly give us a goal as BobMem headed the ball down for Van der Voom from a corner which once again went wide.

    But of course Stoke wasn’t ready to concede the game to someone as low level as us.



    65 minutes on, Whitehead came on for Owen; Huth went off for Walters adding more attacking options, and Ness being replaced by Wilkinson, soon after it was on. Etherington started a series of attacks, but thankfully the defence was on non-stop alert and was able to detect each attack and resolve the problems that arose. One corner after another, the tension grew as Stoke came looking for the lead, and we hung on trying to fight against – hoping to have the one opportunity to come. Ediz, Zbimg and Balkenstein came on for Kowalinho, Van der Voom and Baz to help search for the elusive, which seemed a little unlikely.



    Until one chance that came from an Etherington corner, the in-swinging corner was easily dealt with by the defence which urged the ball forward onto the midfield, where the fluency of the players really showed. Wato played it to Zbimg who went past Shawcross and played it onto O’Toibin who did a sublime cross Hemphill, charged into the free room and tapped it into the back of the net!



    We had done it! We had caught the more experienced and talented team on the break, just like the good old Chelsea days under the management of Jose Mourinho. We worked too our strengths and against their weaknesses, and that was the moment in which Hemphill went Hulk-mode! The next minute Hemphill gathered the ball from the half-way mark and dribbled past Stoke like a man on a mission, finally outside the box and lining up the shot, which went as if he was aiming for someone in the stand! One more chance came before the end of the half for Stoke, which was agonisingly close as Knightly couldn’t pounce onto Whitehead’s ball.

    The whistle soon went and we had done the win against an established Premier League side. Roy Keane and his men surrendered defeat, and he shook my hand making jokes about enquiring to buy some of my players, to which I replied if he did, I would show him the entrails of his stomach if he carried on, to which I laughed afterwards as he started back nervously.



    I was so proud, that I decided to take the team out for a nice celebration party, to which the main activity was a daredevil trying to jump over six cars in a parking lot with a motor cycle. A major Crazy-man he actually only had a moped, to which, the drunken lads urged for him to complete this remarkable feat. As he revved up the motor-ped and sat at the bottom of the stage, it became clearer what the outcome would be as he finally started to make the jump.



    But that didn’t finish him, as his vehicle hit the top of the car; he got back up as he crawled from the roof onto the cement floor in front of the car he landed on. Waving towards us to show us he was fine, suddenly the car behind him started to move forward. It was then when a mechanic started to run towards us shouting something about the hand-brake being on its last legs or something, and soon it the car started to hit the back of the legs, it wouldn’t really hurt him except for a couple of bruises.

    But then suddenly, the car suddenly emerged to have a face on it’s grill.

    Car: Exhaust me! I need to drive-by!

    He said in a thick Italian accent, as the car rammed the crazy-man down onto the floor and drove over him. Thankfully he was slim enough to not get crushed, but the head that was exhuming from the engine begun to melt him. First it was his skin, then his muscles and basically every single layer of his body – the poor bastard.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! That car killed AMC!
    Zbimg: That metal b!

    After witnessing another death, I order the lads to go back home and to keep a low profile in case the car might start a spree of some sort.

    And so the preseason ended, with a win, a death and a great hope for the future season. It would all start in just eight days’ time, the season will begin with home game against Rochdale – the first match we would have in the English nPower League Two.

    Bring it on!!

  12. #287

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    If we can beat Stoke then 'Dale have no chance. Sounds like a good win, but @m disappointed that I didn't have a chance to break Owen's legs. I'm getting bored of day-time telly on your sofa and your dvd collection is crap.

    Delighted to see AM's name added to the list of dead Canadian divas.
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  13. #288

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    Cracking work, bring on the start of the season!

    Also, really enjoyed the fact that all your lyrics are ACTUALLY ironic, when the song contains precisely zero ironic lines!
    The irony!

  14. #289

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    Quote Originally Posted by BobMem View Post
    Cracking work, bring on the start of the season!

    Also, really enjoyed the fact that all your lyrics are ACTUALLY ironic, when the song contains precisely zero ironic lines!
    The irony!





  15. #290

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    The longest Update you fuckers will get out of me, and one for a little awhile as well. 15 pages, 5632 words, 2 hours to write and the best update imo

    The Second Journey
    Chapter Two:
    Wheels in Motion!


    The fever is the atmosphere was the up-coming season, the fact we were now set for all competitions, for all the possible roads excited the group of players. The game was ready, and it wasn’t that far till the first real test would come. We had overcome the doubt before when we were the underdogs, but now I thought of ourselves as being the potential winners from the first day.

    A larger depth, a strong squad that I am adamant will stay for the whole season, despite what some players’ believed and what the larger teams hoped. This is my team and my club, this place is going to be my home for the long haul and I want to keep the neighbours for as long as possible. But first, I had an interview with Sky Sports – as it had seemed my profile had a bit more interest after last season and especially with the shocking win over Stoke, despite the fact it was just a friendly.

    As I came down to the meeting spot, the Starbucks in the town centre of Newark, I was hoping for a gorgeous female to score with. I don’t want anything more than a rebound, as relationships have always seemed to bite me in the ass. So I arrived at the place.



    Pumped up for flirting with the hot babe who would bang out the questions, as I imagined banging her with statements, I was enjoying the freedom which I once had again, but it seemed that wasn’t the case.



    It was the man who was a cool as a ice cube, Mike Wedderburn, the former rugby and cricket player.

    Mike: Hi Mr Bergstrom, as apart of Sky Sports News I want to thank you for giving us the opportunity to conduct this interview – I am sure you are busy with the forthcoming season, so I’ll try and not waste too much time with this interview.

    He said as nice as a female bouncing on top of me would have felt, especially as the disappointment of my hopes shattered in front of me.

    Niko: It’s fine, as long as I can gain publicity for Newark Athletic I am fine with spending as much time as I can.
    Mike: Glad to hear.

    He said back with a large smile.

    Mike: Right, let’s not wait around too long – I have some girls that owe me some money from last week that haven’t paid up yet.

    He said in another demeanor as he turned to the cameraman, and nodded back.

    Mike: Hello, I am here with Newark Athletic manager Niko Bergstrom, who hopes he can continue the form of last season with his side, as they clinched the Blue Square Premier title and came close to winning the FA Trophy. After a shocking win over Premier League side Stoke City in preseason, expectations are high for Mr Bergstrom and Newark Athletic to extend their recent run of form into the new season and to challenge for the nPower League Two title.

    He said to the camera, before turning round to face me to officially start the interview.

    Mike: So Mr Bergstrom, off the bat of such a result what are you expectations for the season? Do you think that with your current squad you will be able to meet the critics and fans expectations to win the league first time around?
    Niko: Well, so far we haven’t lost anyone that really affects the dynamics of the team and have brought in more quality to balance out the team for all competitions. I am hoping to use that to win a cup as well as the league. I can’t see why we can’t after coming so close last season.
    Mike: Roy Keane described you as a ‘rising star’ in terms of a manager, what do you say in response of that statement.
    Niko: I respect Roy, he was a superb player back in the day and is giving a strong squad after Tony Pulis was sacked just a few months ago. I think he will be okay if he can bring in some new players, and hopefully seal a nice mid-table finish for the club – though it is too early to say for sure. Honestly though, I feel that I am not the rising star, the young players at the club are, I have been in football since I was eighteen years old in Finland and Belgium – and no matter what Fifa says – I have three league titles to my name. I am just a talented manager with a talented squad.
    Mike: Yes, you do have a somewhat young talented back-bone to the team, but do you think you will be able to hold onto them for the whole season?
    Niko: As long as I am manager, there will be no players leaving this season unless I am forced to act due to financial reasons.

    And so the interview went on and on, for about another two hours, to which we sometimes went into personal questions to my response of the World Cup being played this season in Rio and the shocking win of South Korea, to the up-coming Charity Shield match of Chelsea, FA Cup winners, and Man City, the Premier League winners. It was a tedious and boring affair, in which I kept on hoping that Clare Tomlinson would come along and finish it off at some point – but it never happened.

    After the interview, I called a taxi and went home – smoking nearly a whole ten pack in quick succession with the annoyance of how disappointed I was – but as I arrived, The Eejit had yet another friend over and was drinking till the sun would rise the next day. His friend, might I add, was somewhat familiar.



    Niko: Hey, what the hell is going on here?
    Eejit: Keep yer hair oan, jist havin' some preseason fin!
    Niko: Seems like it! You have just comeback from injury, what the hell do you think your doing? I need you fit for the opening game against Rochdale!!
    Friend: Alright man, don’t be such a buzzkill! We are only having a few drinks.

    He said, as a pyramid of Stella cans stood behind him with another two twelve crates on the floor untouched, and a gin bottle I might add.

    Niko: A few drinks are okay, but for fuck sake! I can see how much you have already drunk, and how much you still have left to drink!
    Friend: Ah, come on! You only live once, so why not have some fun?
    Eejit: Wa dornt ye kill th' midgit 'at crawled up yer crease an' join us? 'main 'en boss, leid by example!

    As I stared at the energetic Scotsman, I started to think how long ago was it since I actually ‘chilled’, and decided to join my defensive midfielder into having ‘fun’.

    Niko: Alright but on one condition!
    Friend: What’s that then?

    He replied with a little anger and resentment in his tone.

    Niko: The first one, who pukes, has to get the next load of drink!

    The two shocked men cheered as they opened the crate, and soon the night was under-go. Unfortunately, I was the one who had the buy the drinks for most of the night – but what a night! Only disappointing thing was the next morning.



    As the birds sang their wake-up call, my head felt like it was trapped between a hard place and under neath a fucking hummer! The thing that was surprising was that for some reason, I was in the garden with a cone on my head and with a blow up doll next to me.



    Niko: Well at least I got SOME action yesterday.

    I mumbled to myself as each word coming out of my mouth felt like somebody was stomping on my head with cleats. As I found the strength to get inside the house, neither Eejit nor his friend was around, as I tried to find some kind of recognition what could have possibly happened. But I couldn’t be too reflective as the next moment I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and a beautiful woman emerging into my eyesight.



    Woman: Well hello there ‘crazy guy’!

    She said to me with an intriguing look on her face.

    Woman: Hope you aren’t too exhausted!

    She said with a flirtatious smile, with her little accent adding a undertone of an instant attraction.

    Niko: Are you talking to me?
    Woman: Well, there isn’t anyone else is there?
    Niko: I guess not. But, I am sorry to say this, but I don’t seem to recall you at all from last night.
    Woman: Well that is a little heart-breaking. I think I will remember last night for the rest of my life, doing those ‘exercises’ in the garden – and your little dolly friend.
    Niko: So… we, um…
    Woman: Yes. Again and again, until we passed out. You stallion!
    Niko: Okay.

    I replied as she started to walk towards the door.

    Woman: I have to go now, but remember to call me – maybe we can do it again sometime. But just the two of us next time, okay?
    Niko: Yeah.

    I said, somewhat confused about the whole conversation. As she left, waving good bye and blowing me a kiss, I tried to gain some kind of memory of what happened – but nothing seemed to come, A few minutes after.

    Niko: Shit! I can’t remember her name or her number!

    I screamed, charging into the front yard hoping to catch her, but she was long gone.

    Niko: Ah well, I guess I got my rebound!

    I said with a large smile on my face, as I stood outside in the open with nothing but a traffic cone on my head and the strong breeze crunching against my naked body. I stood there confident with myself, as my elder neighbour walked passed with her dog and stared at my natural body. I nodded back, before going inside at putting my mind on the task – the Rochdale game.



    In the happiest mood that I had been in for a while, I came to the decision for the first game to look at the team that played last for the team in the league – with only 3 differences with the side that played against Barrow. Liam would play right-back as Hernandez started on the bench, O’Toibin on the left wing as Henderson was given the day off and Wato playing in the middle – which meant that no-one would make their home debut, though Radoslaw Majewski started on the bench. The team looked like this:



    With the larger squad, I have decided to try and implement a stronger rotation policy to make sure that we can be able to fully compete for every game and that fitness levels will play a keen decider in the selection – not wanting to exhaust the players when they don’t need to, which I think didn’t help The Eejit that well last season.

    English Third Division
    Saturday 10th August 2013
    Newark v. Rochdale

    3-0
    (Zbimg’12, Kowalinho ’57, Van der Voom ’87)
    MoM – L. Zbimg

    A brilliant start from the lads, with Lorenzo carry on his form from last season into the now one as he scored the opening goal for the new season. As predicted, it was a strong home performance for us as we had more shots on goal then Rochdale, and was still defensively strong only allowing one shot on goal out of five attempts.

    It all started from a lovely through ball from The Eejit who played it through for Lorenzo to score his and our first of the season. It was clear that the attacking players were up for it, though it wasn’t till the second half when Hoolihan’s header found the feet of Kowalinho who volleyed into the back of the net near the hour mark, a terrific display of set piece magic as it came from a Hemphill corner and showed a tactic from the training ground. Come the 71st minute, one Polish came off and another on, alongside Wato and Van der Voom, as Majewski made his debut for the club after signing from local rivals Nottingham Forest on a few transfer, though it was Van der Voom who took the limelight away as he scored the third goal with a individual effort with only three minutes from time. But it was Lorenzo once more who took the Man of the Match award, as his determination to find a second goal became clear and overshadowed all the rest of the lads despite a strong and confident performance from everyone.

    With the League Cup First Round tie against Bristol Rovers just around the corner, I decided it was best that the same team would play against Fleetwood. Hoping that will the whole team having another run it would help them gain more sharpness for the larger test.



    English Third Division
    Saturday 17th August 2013
    Fleetwood v. Newark

    1-1
    (Gillespie ’72)(The Eejit ’65)
    MoM – Y. Mawene

    It didn’t seem to work as Fleetwood, who had won the conference title the season before us, showed a reluctance to allow us to take the lead with experienced centre-back Mawene leading by example of defying our many attempts. The first half showed glimpses of the teams attacking flair, but it never really flourished into anything but failed attempts. Come the second half, and the introduction of what I felt would have been a super-sub with Van der Voom coming on for Zbimg, it didn’t really change. But five minutes after the hour mark, Hoolihan cleared the ball up-field with the rare sight of The Eejit running forward, whose first touch was excellent in terms that it bounced off the side of his foot past the last defender, and then slipped as he went for the shot which luckily somehow lobbed past goalkeeper Scott Davies and into the back of the net giving us a shock lead!



    Not only was the rarity of Eejit being up the field was shocking, but the fact that we had beaten a man who had otherwise had a brilliant display in front of the net. With the second game of the season, Hoolihan had now gotten two assists – more than anyone else so far this season. But we couldn’t celebrate the lead, as poor backtracking from the wingers allowed Steven Gillespie to find space and equalise just seven minutes after gaining the lead. And after that, as expected the team held on for the draw and Mawene broke down any hopes for a second – meaning that we had dropped two points already.



    For the next game, the situation I felt was harder than I thought, yes Bristol Rovers was in the same league, but the fact that some players had already showed some fitness worries meant I was forced to make some changes. Shockingly enough, the defensive midfield wasn’t one of them, as The Eejit seemed more determined and fit this season already better than last – with Yermolai praising himself with the decision of him living with me, which still didn’t feel right despite how much alcohol I drink! For this game three changes were made, Baz was rested as Moxey made his debut at left back, Zannit played on the right wing after impressing in preseason and Hemphill was dropped to the bench and Majewski made his first start as Wato was in need of a rest. With BobMem still wanting to leave, I decided to give Majewski the role of captain as he seemed a natural born leader or a better one than anyone else on the field.



    English League Cup First Round
    Tuesday 20th August 2013
    Newark v. Bristol Rovers

    4-1
    (Majewski ‘2, The Eejit ’12, Kowalinho ’25 ’36)(Virgo pen 62)
    MoM – Kowalinho

    A perfect attacking display and of possession play in the first half over shadowed the daunting and rather boring second, with Kowalinho’s name on everybody lips as he aimed to impress the visiting scouts – which I still disregard any possible transfers. It all started with the temp captain, as a one-two with O’Toibin unleashed through the back-line of the away side and giving us a quick lead. Majewski was then involved again as his corner allowed Eejit’s big head to be found and bounce into the back of the net just ten minutes on from gaining the lead. Though it did seem Eejit was more angered with the goal then pleased as he started to chase Majewski around half of the pitch, complaining that his nice hair was now messed and that it would ruin the photo-shoot he had with Lynx later on that day.


    Man of the moment for ten minutes

    But we weren’t finished there, Kowalinho then stepped up! With a responsive goal 13 minutes from The Eejit goal, from a Zannit lob Kowalinho made Bristol Rover’s defence look like targets in a shoot range, knocking them down one-by-one. It seemed he was eager to move on from the club, as he revealed an under-shirt with his ‘dream-girl’s’ number, who had now become his agent. That determination was shown again just 11 minutes from that, this time BobMem making the killer pass for him to clinch onto and score.

    The game was over at half-time, so Henderson came on for O’Toibin and Van der Voom came on for Kowalinho, one for fitness reasons and the other because I couldn’t stand another stab into my back. But the changes seemed to have a negative effect on the team as they couldn’t continue the same flowing attacking that they had in the first half. The defence was solid for the beginning of the half, but became more hesitant as the desperate away side through everything including a kitchen sink, no literally a kitchen sink! Some stupid fan tried to distract the defence by throwing a kitchen sink onto the field, and it worked! As the whole defence switched off allowing Richards to charge past them, leaving him alone with Shepard, who was confused and went flying in on him, taking out his feet.


    The catalyst for the consolation

    The referee instantly blew his whistle, pointing to the penalty spot – despite the claims of everyone in the red and gold jerseys against the Kitchen Sink incident – but then to add insult to injury, went off to the furious Shepard and…



    Showed him a yellow!

    Defender Virgo took the resulting penalty, and simply passed it past the disinterested Shepard, who was still sulking from the whole incident. They had the consolation, but only because of a Kitchen fucking Sink!

    The rest of the half we became stubborn and just cleared the ball forward, with the attackers disinterested in adding any more goals – with the odd occasional attempt on goal. Soon the whistle went, and straight away I called the FA about the ref, which they agreed with the fact he had been a complete fool and would look into the incident – though nothing really happened the next couple of days!

    The next day, the draw for the Second Round was announced in which we were drawn with:



    Brighton.

    Gus Poyet’s lads had a less then memorable season last year, fighting against relegation and it seemed it would be the same, but they were still the favourite being in two divisions higher than us.

    But once again, I could only turn to the next game and not the future. I was taking each game to the next, a decision I made due to the farce of the FA Cup last season, in which I didn’t go as far as I hoped. But before that, I was coming out of the local Asda’s at midnight, when I was confronted by the woman who I saw only a couple of weeks ago. The mysterious one night stand that I couldn’t remember was right in front of me. Hoping not for an awkward altercation, I tried to ignore her but she looked right at me and lured me to talk with her.



    Woman: Oh Niko!
    Niko: Oh hi…
    Woman: Ah, still don’t remember me? My name is Soña, Soña Dore. Do you remember me now?
    Niko: Sorry, I can’t really say I do

    I said honestly, as her accent sunk deeper into me. All I could do was wish that someone was around so I could interact with them, acting like I knew them and say I was meeting with them or something, but the place was deader than a premiere of an Uwe Boll film.

    Soña: Well that’s a little disappointing. You know, I think I need to get a new phone, since you haven’t rung me yet.
    Niko: I…. I kind of misplaced your number.

    I said, not wanting to hurt this alluring woman’s feelings.

    Soña: Well, you better find it, because I don’t think I can last long without another midnight meet-up with you.

    She said in a seductive tone, moving closer to my face so that I could feel her warm breath on the stubble of my neck, her sweet perfume intoxicating me as I tried to fight my urges.

    Soña:
    Hopefully, we will be in a more secluded place. And more…. Bare.

    She whispered into my ear, fading out as she walked straight past me and into the doors of the supermarket behind me. She left me with a confused mind-set, one of dread for not remembering her and not finding that illusive phone number and the other one of sexual desire to grab her and go back to my house, repeating the same ‘activity’ that occurred that one drunken haze under the stars. But, I knew that it was nothing. She was nothing special, but another notch on the bed frame.

    I went home, not being able to sleep and began to try to recollect my thoughts – but I couldn’t. The next day was the game against Torquay, and as a football manager I couldn’t allow my personal life to interfere with my professional obligation again – as it always seemed to ruin my decisions, like the wedding with the FA Trophy Final.



    Shrugging it all off, it was finally time for the home game against Torquay and for this game there was only one change, Hemphill coming back into the starting line-up as Zannit earned a spot on the bench. Zannit, who I thought was one of the worst players last season seemed like he had finally come to realise the potential he has, and hopefully make a mark this season as Henderson will also do, hopefully.



    English Third Division
    Saturday 24th August 2013
    Newark v. Torquay

    3-0
    (Kowalinho ‘7, Hoolihan ’10, Zbimg ’32)
    MoM – Kowalinho

    Kowalinho carried his fine form from the end of last season and from the cup game on again as he was the influence for the inspired first half performance. It has recently occurred to me, that from this season, the team has started to become a better team from the beginning of the games rather than the end of the games, which they were last season. Hoping that we could mixed that up a little come the bigger games of the season, as well as later into the season, it added more reward to my expectations for the up-coming season.

    With a quick ten minutes, Majewski was the man in the heart of the build-up play as he was the man who flicked the ball forward for Kowalinho to score the opener. Then it was Hemphill who made his first assist of the season as he set up Hoolihan for his first goal of the season, via a predicted corner. But it was the Kowalinho show as he kept on trying to impress the fucking visiting scouts, most of whom I kept on rejecting almost daily, always finding space for another shot – or just to allow space for Lorenzo to run into.

    But it was an unlikely pairing of The Eejit and Kowalinho which helped Zbimg to score his second of the season, as The Eejit magical throwing arms found Kowalinho on the wing, who did an outstanding curling cross towards the far post, and Zbimg’s head, which went inside the roof of the net. Done, deal, and sealed with a delivery.

    For the second half, I told the lads to attack and attack but not to waste too much energy with the attacks, but unfortunately that seemed to be translated into ‘just don’t score’ as each target was either wide or easily saved from the oppositions goalkeeper. But in the end, we got what we wanted. Another strong home performance and another three points – carrying on the undefeated streak we had started from last January in the league.

    The fixture then started to show how much of a bastard it was, as we had to then travel to face Rotherham just two days later. With nearly the whole group knackered from a night of celebrating the current success we had, it seemed that no matter how many changes I would make – it would be down to the quality of the players rather than the fitness – but most of the lads from the previous game did look a lot better then others, and with the term don’t change a winning formula coming to mind I only made three changes from the team that played against Torquay. The Eejit dropped onto the bench with Kowalinho, as Clayton made his first appearance of the season with Van der Voom introduce to the team also. Hernandez was also chosen to play in the heart of defence with Hoolihan, hoping that I wasn’t creating a bad idea by breaking up the strong partnership that they had made so far this season.



    English Conference Division
    Monday 26th August 2013
    Rotherham v. Newark

    0-2
    (Majewski ’29 ’48)
    MoM – N. Hunt

    A depleted performance, which showed glimpses of a fully strong Newark Athletic, but was denied by a heavily defensive minded home side. Tactically it was such a bore, as we played with possession and they parked their whole team’s car park in front of their goal. Some of the lads seemed to be more interested in gaining a draw, but we still was able to make 9 shots on goal with 60% being on target. But it was Majewski who was determined the most out of the lads to gain the three points, breaking down the defences twice on his own to score two practically brilliant goals. Shockingly though, he was shunned as Hunt was named as the Man of the Match, which for me was just a mistake.

    The last game of the month was against Hartlepool, and with it being a little longer away from the Rotherham game, it allowed the team to get more fit, especially as I told Riley to be easy on them in training to allow them not to be too exhausted. Luckily it was another home game, which meant that we would have the fans on our side!



    Feeling that with the extra time to rest, that most of the players that played last time, would be a lot more convincing this time around I didn’t change the team except for one which was more down to the performances he had rather than an issue of his fitness. Moxey was dropped in favour for the old boy Baz, meaning that only Majewski was starting that had joined the club this season – with Collins still waiting to make his debut off the bench.



    English Third Division
    Saturday 31st August 2013
    Newark v. Hartlepool

    2-0
    (Clayton ’17, Van der Voom ’22)
    MoM – R. Hoolihan

    Another inspired first half performance, which extended our defeated streak longer and another impressive performance at home – which looked set to becoming what I wanted to become when I first got her, a fortress! Despite the 17 minutes it took, it was Hemphill and Majewski who had most of the chances firstly, both of them consistently testing the keeper or the woodwork. But it was Hemphill who set up the first goal, with a stylish corner as Clayton out-jumped McMahon in the air to nod it in. The second assist for Hemphill, who would want to continue that kind of conversion to try and reach the 24 assists he made last season.

    Five minutes later, it was then Majewski turn to go from possible goal scorer to assist-maker as he was found by Liam, who lobbed the ball perfectly to him from the tight angle, to be able to then chip the ball on for Van der Voom to score the second goal and to try to convince me either more that he needed a larger role in the team then he had last.

    No changes were made throughout the game as we continued to attack in the second half, with opportunities coming and going as usual, and the super-defender Hoolihan breaking down attacks again and again – surging forward in a rage like a certain Brazilian Chelsea defender – which helped him earn the Man of the Match award, and to keep his amazing form that he has started this season! He has, so far, been one of the best performers for us.

    After the game, I was confronted by some of the lads who was angered with the lack of rotation, which made me a little angry.

    Niko:
    What the hell are you saying to me?

    I roared back at the group, who seemed somewhat hesitant to my heighten voice tone.

    Niko: Last season I had a squad below 25 players, and now that I have 33 players to choose from I need to find the correct players for each game. Sometimes some players work better for a certain game! Be fucking patient!

    I screamed at them in the parking lot, as they all said sorry and that they understood, but I was still angry. Despite my fake acceptance of their apology, in anger I kicked an empty bottle into the air.



    Which bounced off a lamp-post….



    …off the hood Ford Focus….



    …off the wall of the stadium which then went into the nearby tennis court, where it landed into one of the tennis ball launchers.



    Where a muscular chick was getting ready to play tennis against.



    But unfortunately, the dimension of the plastic bottle was too big for the pipe in which the ball was meant to shoot from, causing the machine to start to overload. As the smoke soon emerged into the air, a massive crowd had started to gather and they started to get worried as bolts started to fly out the side of the machine.

    Stranger: Don’t worry!

    Emerged one of the gathering crowd members with a toolbox.

    Stranger: I am a master craftsman!

    He shouted, as the massive crowd cheered like he was the special kid who had counted to four, but as he slowly crept to the fiery machine which was going to blow any second, a mysterious cartoon suddenly emerged from a portal.



    Cartoon: Don’t worry, I am here to save the day!

    He said, stopping a master craftsman, and a massive crowd from cheering him on, and the muscular chick who had become even more confused than before. BUT then…



    A massive cunt arrived, but it seemed too little, too late as the machine exploded and sent the tennis balls flying into every direction, in which the speed pierced through body parts and killed: a muscular chick, a massive crowd, a master craftsman, a mysterious cartoon character, and a massive cunt. I stood there confused, as a man with cereals emerged from the stadium.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! I indirectly killed A Muscular Chick!
    Cereal man: Sexist B!
    Niko: Oh My Gawd! I indirectly killed A Massive Crowd!
    Cereal man: Groupist B!
    Niko: Oh My Gawd! I indirectly killed A Master Craftsman!
    Cereal man: Toolist B!
    Niko: Oh My Gawd! I indirectly killed A Mysterious Cartoon!
    Cereal man: Cartoonist B!
    Niko: Oh My Gawd! I indirectly killed A Massive Cunt!
    Cereal man: You fine B!

    He said with a single tear dropping on his face, as he enjoyed another spoonful of cereals, but it then seemed it went down the wrong whole as he started to choke, not interested in saving a character who was only used to supported a motif, I watched as he was suffocated by the one food he loved.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! Cereal killed A Man with Cereal!

    ….
    ..
    .

    ..
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    ….
    .
    .

    .

    .

    Niko: Yeah, I don’t think anyone else is coming.

    I said to myself, shrugging before walking away as I whistled the tune of the Match of the Day theme.

    Finally it was the end of a long and exhausting month, for which I am sure there will be a long update in a story/diary of my life if there was one, to which I hoped people enjoy it? Do they? Then again, why do I always seem to sum everything up in my mind? And why do I state what people look like in my head, and with analogies? Why does analogies have anal in it? Is it a boy or a girl? Why am I thinkING this? Ah fuck it, time to go out to a night club, and let there be another entrant to the Niko fanclub!

    Table:
    Code:
    ************************************************************************************************
     English Third Division - Saturday 31st August 2013
    ************************************************************************************************
    
    
    ================================================================================================
     2013/4 Table
    ================================================================================================
    
    Pos     Team                            Pld  Won  Drn  Lst  For  Ag   Won  Drn  Lst  For  Ag   Pts
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    1st     Newark                          5    3    0    0    8    0    1    1    0    3    1    13   
    2nd     Gillingham                      5    2    1    0    6    4    2    0    0    3    0    13   
    3rd     Burton Albion                   5    2    1    0    5    2    1    0    1    4    4    10   
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    4th     Accrington                      5    2    1    0    4    1    1    0    1    4    4    10   
    5th     Torquay                         5    2    0    0    6    3    1    0    2    5    8    9    
    6th     AFC Wimbledon                   5    2    1    0    8    6    0    1    1    5    7    8    
    7th     Bristol Rovers                  5    1    1    0    2    1    1    1    1    7    8    8    
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    8th     Aldershot                       5    1    1    1    6    4    1    0    1    4    4    7    
    9th     Yeovil                          5    1    0    1    3    2    1    1    1    6    5    7    
    10th    Barnet                          5    1    0    1    4    4    1    1    1    5    5    7    
    11th    Exeter                          5    1    0    2    6    9    1    1    0    6    4    7    
    12th    Rotherham                       5    0    1    1    3    5    2    0    1    7    6    7    
    13th    Morecambe                       5    2    0    1    6    6    0    1    1    2    3    7    
    14th    Stevenage                       5    1    1    1    6    5    1    0    1    2    5    7    
    15th    Rochdale                        5    1    0    1    2    2    1    1    1    4    6    7    
    16th    Preston                         5    1    0    1    3    3    1    0    2    4    4    6    
    17th    Southend                        5    2    0    1    6    2    0    0    2    1    5    6    
    18th    Plymouth                        5    1    0    1    3    4    1    0    2    3    4    6    
    19th    Fleetwood                       5    1    1    0    5    3    0    1    2    2    5    5    
    20th    Hartlepool                      5    1    0    1    6    4    0    1    2    4    7    4    
    21st    Northampton                     5    0    1    2    4    7    1    0    1    6    5    4    
    22nd    York                            5    1    0    1    3    3    0    1    2    1    3    4    
    23rd    Chesterfield                    5    1    1    1    5    6    0    0    2    1    4    4    
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    24th    Dag & Red                       5    0    1    1    3    4    0    1    2    1    6    2

  16. #291

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    Nice girl you have

  17. #292

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    Great start to the season!

    Hope the 2 recent clean sheets without BobMem doesn't leave question marks over his starting berth.

    Absolutely brilliant write-up, well done!

  18. #293

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    I'll read in more detail when I get home, but 2 contenders for goal of the season already !
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  19. #294

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Eejit View Post
    I'll read in more detail when I get home, but 2 contenders for goal of the season already !
    Did you ever do it??

    Anyway, i can't say incase my timing is off and i am at Uni atm and i am at seminars, lectures and have coursework and etc to do, so i will say that the next chapter is in the writing process, though i can't give away much as a tease, but i am gonna do a large one, with another, and both will be posted near each other for you all.

    I will post one example of the chapter though, an extract you guys can say, hope you enjoy the teaser

    “We can’t say your name,
    We can’t say your name,
    Oh Hey Lorenzo,
    We can’t say your name!”



    Decrytped much?

    Anyway, see ya in my other time-chilling story for now,

    Zannit to the Snake

    PS. MARK CHANGE THAT FUCKING WINKING EMOTICON!!

  20. #295
    charliebhoy67 Unattached
    if this is how you live youre football dreams and meet women,then i pity this whole site

    good story Sheldon

  21. #296

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    Quote Originally Posted by ZanSnake View Post
    Did you ever do it??
    Yes, and I still think that my goals should be contenders for "goal of the millennium" when the award comes up.

    There could also be an AMC death of the millennium in there as well !
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  22. #297

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    Quote Originally Posted by charliebhoy67 View Post
    if this is how you live youre football dreams and meet women,then i pity this whole site

    good story Sheldon
    Nope.

    It is purely based upon a character and his personality - as well as the football club and the players.

    And might add that this isn't meant to be a depiction of reality, or anything but to be centered around the character and the effect and views that he gains from the storylines i try to come up with. I don't understand the Sheldon mention, if you meant the character of TBBT then that is somewhat funny and ironic in my eyes. I am not here to appease people but to tell a story based on a game - not real life. My footballing dreams are never an option in either reality or fiction, and i don't think of that - this story is, like i have said, about the other characters created which is viewed from another character.

    You might dislike this story, good for you, but if you don't understand the realm nor the history behind it then that comment itself, to me, is unwarranted. Opinions are a universal difference in terms of a larger majority, and i won't hinder to one view from the other. If people want me to change it and they understand the complete 12 pages of this thread then i will try to incorporate that - but not from a backhand comment.

    This story, my writing approach towards this story and this character is more evolved then you would think, and that is why the story is presented in the manner it is.
    Last edited by ZanSnake; 25-10-13 at 11:23 PM. Reason: Added more

  23. #298

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    What is your response Charliebhoy?

  24. #299

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    Quote Originally Posted by charliebhoy67 View Post
    if this is how you live youre football dreams and meet women,then i pity this whole site

    good story Sheldon
    Members like you that I feel pity for.

  25. #300

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    Rule 1: Don't go on to a website dedicated to a 12-year-old computer game, into a thread dedicate to stories about said game, and make 'wiseguy' comments.
    Rule 2: If you ignore rule 1 then don't pick Zansnake's story of all people!

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