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Thread: [STORY] A Golden and Fearless Ambition

  1. #301

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    The Second Journey
    Chapter Three:
    Fighting On!


    After such an impressive first month, I was hoping that the team would garner some recognition, hell even myself, but shocking enough we were overlooked as Lain Dowie was named as Manager of the Month, and Alex Nicholls was named as Player of the Month – The Eejit and Roddy Hoolihan being overlooked, to whom I believed deserved the award more fully!

    But at least Kowalinho was able to win the Young Player of the Month award, despite the fact I didn’t want anything else to boost his little ego as he continued to flourish in the partnership him and Zbimg had already made this season.

    In football terms, I looked forward to the next game against Barnet; they were at home and sat tenth in the league content with their start, as we were top of the table, undefeated and wanted to continue the marathon that we were on. In order for that to happen, I decided to make only one change from the side that beat Hartlepool at the end of August, as Wato started instead of Majewski – again putting my faith into the hands of Van der Voom, which worked last time, playing with Zbimg up-front.


    English Third Division

    Saturday 7th September 2013
    Barnet v. Newark

    0-4
    (Wato ’38, Zbimg ’41 ’47 ’52)
    MoM – L. Zbimg

    Lorenzo shone as the team started to find the fluency once more of the philosophy of last season. Anxious to try and beat his fellow striker, Kowalinho, to the leading goal scorer of the season, he had certainly made it apparent with this terrific performance. Despite initially finding it hard to gather the possession off the home side, we were alert and conscious enough not to allow them to gain any advantage in any space of the field that could have led to a goal, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce into their attacking third. Shepard was on his radar for any shots on goal, and easily dealt with them as the players mental clock started to tick down for the bell to chime to initialise the tsunami of ‘Fuck Yeah!’ to start.
    It was Hoolihan who started that attack, the one in which we took the lead, as he charged down the left wing, before lobbing it up towards O’Toibin, who skilfully went past the right back and crossed the ball into the box, which was volleyed from the on-rushing Wato, which he did so many times last season!

    Three minutes it was Hemphill’s turn to get the assist, which started once more by a defender as Baz took the thrown to Hemphill, whose first touch was perfect control to centre the ball for the far post cross which was headed in by Zbimg. 0-2!

    For the second half, Kowalinho was allowed to continue to partner with Zbimg, as Van der Voom disappointing not to add with the attacking flair on display. But it was justtwo minutes into second half, with Hemphill being the creative spark once more. Making the left back look like the Arsenal trophy cabinet – nothing – he then did a sublime curling low cross to the near post, poked in by Zbimg’s weaker right foot and extending our lead for another goal.

    Another five minutes and he seal the hat-trick, as Clayton lobbed the ball forward which bounced off the ground, perfectly fell in front of Zbimg who responded with a stunning left-footed volley, sky-rocketing into the top left corner for his fifth of the season, and a perfect hat-trick. Kowalinho was a little annoyed with the reaction of the fans, whom had made a new chant for their Player of Last Season.



    “We can’t say your name,
    We can’t say your name,
    Oh Hey Lorenzo,
    We can’t say your name!”

    He had become a noble celebrity, which was the same thing that Kowalinho looked set to want. After the game, I over-heard a conversation of Kowalinho and his ‘agent’, Princess Ama Peach.



    Ama: What was that Kacper?
    Kowalinho: I just, I don’t know, didn’t play enough time to have a chance. It is Niko’s fault!
    Ama: Yeah, that stubborn b! The only way I can become as big as Victoria Beckham, is by marrying a young talented player like you! And if you aren’t at a bigger club, then how am I going to get the fame and popularity for my beauty?
    Kowalinho: I know, but I only seventeen this year, so you still have time to be recognised. Am I not, how can I say this, enough for you till now?
    Ama:

    Ama just stared at Kowalinho, before opening her mouth once more.

    Ama: You’re not joking are you? God! I want to be famous before I have to get Botox injections to maintain my beauty Kacper, and you are not even the same level to look at Justin Bieber as an admirer!

    Dejected Kowalinho sighed and started to look at the ground.

    Ama: Look, I am so sorry that the truth is a bummer for you! But, just keep bagging in those goals when Niko gives you a chance and then you will impress the scouts enough for a big club to come. Niko has stated numerous of times that he will sell players for the right cost, so the more goals you score the more likely chance I can get out of the shole of Newark – to the luxury of Manchester or London!

    The lap dog just nodded as its master told it to follow her out of the hallway, and with the coast clear, I started to think about the situation that Kowalinho is in. I was the catalyst for the situation that he was in, I was the one who helped him to discover her – the one that set this all up, and now he is tied by a leash. But, he had a fucking choice! And this wasn’t anything to do with me! I am a football manager, not a fucking couple councillor.

    Not trying to indulge that part of me that felt guilty, luckily there was a match just around the corner – this time it was a rematch of the League Cup game that we had last month – as we faced Bristol Rovers at home. After some bitching and whining as well as some exhausted legs I was forced to change the team slightly as The Eejit was back in the starting line-up as was BobMem, allowing the partnership of Hoolihan-BobMem to once again flourish once more.



    English Third Division
    Wednesday 11th September 2013
    Newark v. Bristol Rovers

    3-1
    (Liam ’20, Hemphill ’24, Van der Voom ’43)(Clarke ‘6)
    MoM – H. Van der Voom

    As first it seemed that Bristol Rovers would exact their revenge for the defeat they suffered in the League Cup, but that wasn’t to be with the supreme-awesome midfield that helped us the conference division last year. Clarke broke the deadlock with just 6 minutes on the clock, and I do respect the cunts for trying to become something that most have failed to do – but like the rest of those who have tried to win – they have only got to taste failure to gain a reality check.
    Hemphill on the right wing with freedom – boom a cross goes in – and boom another assist for the machine and the captain, as right-back Liam was given the space to do a late run to the far post and header in. Liam then four minutes started the next goal as his long ball was found by the header of Van der Voom, which settled the ball perfectly for Hemphill to score his first of the season – which came with the usual celebration.



    And then Wato found space just in the middle of the space between the oppositions midfield and defence, allowing him time to find the perfect through ball for Van der Voom to seal a spectacular performance for both himself and the team – with only the first half played!

    Though, I decided to go defensive for the next half, not wanting to exhaust the players with Preston and Brighton around the corners.



    Proud of myself, I decided to be on the prowl for the next girl to bite down of the wooden frame of my bed. Luckily The Eejit was out of time for some Lynx convention, with his five boxes of ‘not-alcohol’, for which I wasn’t bother about. He has become a perfect so far this season and deserved to have some relaxation. As I stalked among the foggy dance floor for the next lay, there she was again.



    Her dancing moves, just by sight, seemed to strum my heart-strings entwine with the rhythm of the heart beat – a song was created – all by her illustrious movements. Downing the rest of the glasses, I turned away hoping she hadn’t noticed me. I didn’t want another ‘benefits’ as it lead to the whole Babe thing.

    Niko: Maybe, since you can’t remember the first time, you can do it again. You can’t remember it, it’s not real right?

    I said agreeing with myself almost instantly, but as I turned round to go on with the quest – she was gone. She disappeared into the crowds of people dancing, people exiting or people entering – leaving a moment of disappointing sinking inside myself. But then a hand poked my shoulder, instantly I spun round.



    Somewhat disappointed in the different appearance of the female, it was still what I wanted, so we talked for some of the night at the club, got a taxi back to hers and then let the fireworks off.



    The next morning it was the simple slip out routine as I arrived at training will a gleaming smile with the next game just around the corner. For the Preston game, I decided to give Kowalinho a chance and rested Zbimg as he seemed somewhat exhausted after last week’s hectic match.



    English Third Division
    Saturday 14th September 2013
    Preston v. Newark

    1-0
    (Proctor pen 90)
    MoM – Moreira

    Oh how the Gods of football are some the cruellest son of a bitches I don’t know, as they swiped a deserved draw from us, thanks to some hash decision making from some of our players. And the fact that the home sides defence seemed to be like a cemented wall, and we were nothing but a fat kid with a towel trying to know through it. I mean yeah, we rolled into it a few times at a hyper speed, but we didn’t nothing but knock a few bricks out.

    Even with the introduction of Zbimg, we couldn’t break down their stubborn fucking defence, and that fucking prick of a goal keeper. It was like we was repeating ourselves again and again, until Preston finally discovered the other side of the pitch on the counter, and with only Baz and Shepard being the only two men in the defending half, it was up to Baz to tackle Beavon, but nope he was skilled. One-on-one with the keeper, the perfect situation – but that didn’t seem to work for Shepard as he went charging out for the ball and tackled Beavon within the box and predictably the ref blew his whistle to point at the spot.



    And to add injury to insult, a yellow card was shown. Proctor stood up for the spot and role, confident he smirked as he slotted it into the back of the net. And added his name in the list of people I wanted to punch.



    For the League Cup game against Brighton, I made a couple of changes from the 1-0 loss against Preston. Majewski came back in for Wato, and the partnership of Zbimg and Kowalinho was back as Van der Voom was dropped to the bench.



    English League Cup
    Wednesday 18th September 2013
    Newark v. Brighton

    1-0
    (Zbimg ’29)
    MoM – G. Greer

    A nice performance in which we showed the opposition that we were mightier than them despite what the league structure says, we had over 11 shots on goal against their two. And it was only done due the singular goal because the experience of Jussi Jaaskelainen and the organisation skills he had to order his back-line into place.

    Out of our attacking options, it was Hemphill who was making the flow of the game, with his creative spark constantly being a thorn for the away side’s defence and making each set pieces count also. But again, it was the defence that stopped us from gaining any advantage. Gus Poyet seemed happy to play the counter, he knew that eventually they would have the chance – but surprisingly they never seemed to click out of the defensive minded gear!

    Annoyed after just near half an hour, The Eejit charged forward like a tank in top gear, bringing all the attention on him and leaving space for Zbimg to run into the box to which The Eejit saw, lobbing into the box and giving Zbimg no chance but to score the goal we just needed.



    After two intense games, I was enforced to make some more changes as exhaustion seemed to be on the horizon of some players. Balkenstein made his debut as he start on the left back position, Furman also made his debut also replacing Majewski as Zannit and Henderson would play either wings. Ediz made his first start of the season, as he replaced Kowalinho up-front, who was poor and tired in the League Cup game.



    English Third Division
    Saturday 21st September 2013
    Morecambe v. Newark

    2-2
    (Fenton ‘35, Reid ’79)(Zbimg ’19 ’47)
    MoM – L. Zbimg

    The match was pretty even, and a draw was a fair result for the two sides, as our second choice team really never got out of the first gear – meaning that the second string side was more like toying with the home side who would want the three points to push on for a promotion position for the season. But it was the debut man Furman who helped deny their hopes first. Crossing from the right wing into the box, the move was finished by the knee of Zbimg as the cross bounced off the ground and lost its original height twenty minutes into the game.

    Fenton was able to get the first equaliser from an Ellison corner, as the defence wasn’t able to mark his movement within the box and header in the first goal for the home side of the day. Second half, and Furman found Zbimg again with a nice lob into the free space of the box to which Zbimg powered it in via his head. 1-2.

    But once again, the pesky opposition was able to get one back – despite the hard work from the defence, who was able to delay the event for 22 minutes. On the counter Redshaw was able to header down the ball through the last defender to unleash Reid, who took the opportunity the best he can and sent the ball into the back of the net – making it a fair and equal result.



    It was just a day after the result when I needed to go to the market to buy some things for my lunch. As I was in the middle of the town, I was confronted by a random image.



    It was that unfunny and talentless Keith Lemon, who made a name for himself by making jokes that a primary school kid would find funnier. It is such a shame that he is able to be between both Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton – lucky son of a bitch! As I thought that, he soon turned with his stupid tanned face towards me and started to walk to me.

    Niko: No, go away!
    Keith Lemon: *insert sex joke*
    Niko: No! Your not funny!! Please just go away!
    Keith Lemon: *insert slang name of vagina*
    Niko: Your so boring!!

    As I said that, suddenly I was transported to another realm.



    Niko: Where the hell am i?
    Keith Lemon: sex joke, dick joke, sex joke, sexist joke.
    Niko: What?

    He smiled as he brought out two hot women in leashes.



    Niko: You bastard! Those poor hot bitches. You Bastard!

    I screamed, getting angrier as he laughed with that annoying laugh.

    Niko: I will rid this worse from you, you bastard!

    I then punched the fucker right in his face, knocking him onto the floor, releasing the leashes of Fearne and Holly as his head hit the floor. As he laid out on the floor, I then grabbed the shark tooth necklace he wears all the time, and started to stab him with it.

    Niko: This is for the time when I watched something on ITV2 and fell asleep, being awoken by your shitty show! And this is for the fact that The Eejit always records all your shit spin-offs! And this is for being able to be around two hot women!

    With the last hit, he was no more and I let both Holly and Fearne go. They were both thankful for my heroic rescue, and decided to reward me in a special way.



    After that, I swore that if I ever encounter an annoying comedian, I will rid them from ever harming after person ever! With my new quest, it was time for the last game of the month. It was against Southend, and for the home game I was enforced to make a couple of more changes to the ones that was made last time we were playing. Hemphill was reintroduced, as Zannit played on the left as Henderson was rested. Wato come in for Furman, who despite impressing still had some fitness issues. Talbot would be making his debut on the right back position as Liam was given a well-deserved break.



    English Third Division
    Saturday 28th September 2013
    Newark v. Southend

    2-0
    (Wato ’26, Zbimg ’45)
    MoM – L. Zbimg

    A rocking solid performance in the first sealed yet another win, as we continue to hold onto the lead at the top of the table. We took the game in our stride, dominating early on in the game, finding spaces between the lines of Southend’s midfield – continuously making forward runs, in which the master of the box-to-box run used to his advantage, latching his head onto the dead-ball cross from Balkenstein to score the much deserved first goal.

    More of the same after, though it took another 20 minutes till we could add to the lead with the reliable Zbimg releasing the kraken onto the rebound save from Ediz’s weak shot – and boom, 2-0.

    Second half seemed kind of repetitive; we had done the job and were simply making sure that a clean-sheet was kept, for the much respectable performance of Shepard. And as soon as the whistle blew, I went over to Paul Sturrock and shook his hand – wishing them luck against 4th position Burton Albion, as his side sat lowly in 13th.



    After an intense month, my level of fitness had somewhat decreased with the stress that layered upon my shoulders. Trying to follow the example of some bullshit relaxation books by taking a ‘walk’, but whilst on my travels I was soon interrupted by a solely disfigured creature.



    ???: If this is how you live you’re walking dreams and you set to ‘relax’, then I pity this whole street!
    Niko: And, if this is how you live you’re fantasies and you want to belittle people you don’t even know from a single impress, then I pity your whole existence. And believe me, there is a lot to pity, in terms of you!
    ???: Good one, Sheldon! FLYING UNICORN!

    He screamed out with drool dripping from his mouth, his pretentiousness and egotism obviously interfering with his intelligent – the lack of which that ever existed, or any, if doubted.

    Niko: Who the hell do you think you are?
    ???: I am Charlie, boy!

    He said with a smirk, his smell of self-appreciation wondering into the nasals of other listeners. Hatred marked his unavoidable odour – weeping out of every orifice. And soon, among the crowd of bystanders and background characters – the saviour emerged!



    A Muscular Cluster – or AMC as his tights proudly announced – the up-coming superhero of Newark.

    AMC: What is going on here? I smelt the devious odour of a conceited asshole!
    Niko: You’re looking at him…
    Charlie: If this is how you live you’re super-hero dreams and beat villains, then I pity this whole Macarena!

    Shocked by his words, AMC shook his head in disbelief but grabbing the fat ball of built up agony of a failed life that takes his guilt from comfort eating and demeaning others in order to get a thrill about himself, and literally crushed the fat mass into a round ball – which wasn’t that hard. He then ran at super speed, bending all the lamp-posts into different angles before returning.

    AMC: Been a while…

    He muttered to himself, as he punched the fat ball out towards the lined out row of bent lamp-posts, following where the fat shit, and playing pinball, till eventually the power of the mass of the body weight with the velocity and speed in which rebounded after each hit caused, made ‘Charlie’ shooting into the sky.

    And then even higher, into space, then past the each planet in the solar system, before a little blip was shadowed in the sun-light – and the fat bastard was burnt to a crisp.

    AMC: He should have remembered what they say, you are what you eat, and he must have eaten, a lot of crisps!
    Niko: Oh My Gawd! AMC killed Charlie, boy!
    Kid: Fuck that fat bastard!

    Carried out on the shoulders of the crowd, AMC remained in high hopes that maybe this could be a start of a beautiful career – and that was before the crowd chucked him into the cement wall, which crushed his brain into mush, his head being his only weak spot.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! You guys killed AMC!
    Crowd: We’re such bs!

    Oh, you guys!

    Code:
    ************************************************************************************************
     English Third Division - Tuesday 1st October 2013
    ************************************************************************************************
    
    
    ================================================================================================
     2013/14 Table
    ================================================================================================
    
    Pos     Team                            Pld  Won  Drn  Lst  For  Ag   Won  Drn  Lst  For  Ag   Pts
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    1st     Newark                          10   5    0    0    13   1    2    2    1    9    4    23   
    2nd     Plymouth                        10   4    0    1    9    6    3    0    2    10   6    21   
    3rd     Gillingham                      10   3    2    0    7    4    3    1    1    5    3    21   
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    4th     Burton Albion                   10   3    2    0    9    5    3    0    2    10   8    20   
    5th     Torquay                         10   4    1    0    13   7    1    2    2    8    11   18   
    6th     Preston                         10   4    0    1    8    4    1    2    2    7    7    17   
    7th     Accrington                      10   2    2    1    8    7    3    0    2    11   10   17   
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    8th     Northampton                     10   2    1    2    9    7    2    1    2    13   11   14   
    9th     Yeovil                          10   1    1    3    5    7    3    1    1    11   6    14   
    10th    AFC Wimbledon                   10   3    2    0    12   9    0    3    2    8    11   14   
    11th    Morecambe                       10   3    1    1    11   8    0    3    2    6    8    13   
    12th    Chesterfield                    10   3    1    1    11   8    0    3    2    9    12   13   
    13th    Southend                        10   2    1    2    9    6    2    0    3    5    9    13   
    14th    Exeter                          10   1    1    3    9    13   2    2    1    11   9    12   
    15th    Rotherham                       10   0    3    2    5    9    3    0    2    8    8    12   
    16th    Stevenage                       10   2    1    2    10   11   1    2    2    5    9    12   
    17th    York                            10   2    1    2    7    8    1    1    3    2    5    11   
    18th    Barnet                          10   2    1    2    8    10   1    1    3    6    9    11   
    19th    Aldershot                       10   1    1    3    9    10   2    0    3    7    9    10   
    20th    Rochdale                        10   1    2    2    6    8    1    2    2    6    11   10   
    21st    Fleetwood                       10   2    1    2    11   10   0    2    3    6    10   9    
    22nd    Bristol Rovers                  10   1    2    2    6    7    1    1    3    8    12   9    
    23rd    Hartlepool                      10   2    1    2    10   8    0    1    4    5    12   8    
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    24th    Dag & Red                       10   0    3    2    6    9    1    1    3    6    11   7

  2. #302

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    * is unhappy about his performance in last matches :/

  3. #303

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    Change is on the horizon.....

  4. #304

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    Cracking work, good to see the club performing well.

    Any chance of some player stats please? Games, goals, avg rating etc?

    Cheers and KUTGW!

  5. #305

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    Quote Originally Posted by BobMem View Post
    Cracking work, good to see the club performing well.

    Any chance of some player stats please? Games, goals, avg rating etc?

    Cheers and KUTGW!
    Look upon the above statement.

    Things are to change, and so will the narrative of Niko Bergstrom (historic of the character, which upon might be unknown to post-TEJ readers)

    Also i go by monthly installments, therefore what you quote will break the narrative which i have within the story. I can, beit in spoilers of future chapters.
    Last edited by ZanSnake; 15-11-13 at 05:06 AM.

  6. #306

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    A very good start to the season, despite a few bad results. Keep up the good work.

    * Is in love with Agent Amy Peach

  7. #307

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    *Ekhem ekhem

  8. #308
    ebfatz is offline Social Media Bod
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    Newark are cruising.

    Preston with the old last minute penalty trick the only blip.

  9. #309

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    Unstoppable at home.

    The Eejit is a footballing god and such a great guy as well. Could well be ontrack for Man of the year !

    EDIT: Hit send too early .... Why ruin the story by introducing Keith Lemon and then not killing him ? What a waste of a chance, if only he had been Canadian singer he would now be splattered over some far off field. Good AMC death. great that you keep comming up with original ideas.
    Last edited by Kingsley; 22-11-13 at 03:33 PM.
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  10. #310

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Eejit View Post
    Unstoppable at home.

    The Eejit is a footballing god and such a great guy as well. Could well be ontrack for Man of the year !

    EDIT: Hit send too early .... Why ruin the story by introducing Keith Lemon and then not killing him ? What a waste of a chance, if only he had been Canadian singer he would now be splattered over some far off field. Good AMC death. great that you keep comming up with original ideas.
    I did:
    I then grabbed the shark tooth necklace he wears all the time, and started to stab him with it

    Don't think he would have survived

  11. #311

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    Sorry. Must have missread. Thought that you had just rescued Holly and Fearne.

    BTW. I bet that was fireworks !
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  12. #312
    Dermotron is offline Sir Mergements
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    Anyone give me some cliff's on this story?


    Zan stories are amazing but can never follow them

  13. #313

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dermotron View Post
    Anyone give me some cliff's on this story?


    Zan stories are amazing but can never follow them
    Won the English Conference, lost in FA Trophy replay final, killed alot of Candian singers, AMC died a few times.

  14. #314

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    And The Eejit is one of the best, and most humble, players ever to have graced the beautiful game
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  15. #315

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    Okay, due to new site rules - i have to remix some stories and come up with new ones, or come from them in a different approach - but i think in the end it would be more funnier or more 'ZanSnake' (how dare i use my name for term for something! Fuck myself! - Well maybe later ).

    Alot of football with ye olde styling, one old character shall enter the frame - and there is some shocks to happen down the line as well .

    Hopefully enough tease in that i will do hopefully two/three updates come Christmas. One from here in Loughborough (now to Thursday) and then two from Newark, when i come back home for Christmas (Friday to New Years). Though incase i don't there is some Xmas references in the one that will come from Lufbra.

    Hope i have cleared some shit for you guys, there will be some references to a famous film franchise by the way, which ties in with one occuring storyline.

  16. #316

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    The Second Journey
    Chapter Four:
    Circumstances Arise!


    Breaking into October, tensions ran high with Kowalinho and BobMem – who still wanted to leave the club. So far I was able to keep hold of them, but still every day, they seemed content on leaving the club. I knew that at some point I would have to bite the bullet, but when was the question.

    So I tried to keep my mind off the situation with the Gillingham, in which I made only two changes. BobMem was replaced by Collins, and Zbimg was given a rest for Van der Voom – hoping he can kick into life and take away the anxiety that laid within my mind.



    Saturday 5th October 2013
    English Third Division
    Gillingham v. Newark
    0-1

    (Ediz ’88)
    MoM – Shepard

    But it wasn’t so, as we were bossed for the entire game by the home side – only being able to stay in the game thanks to the exceptional form of Shepard between the posts. The second half was a major improvement when O’Toibin and Furman came on for the lacklustre Wato and Zannit with 68 minutes played.

    Furman had the better game out of the two though, as he was the man who threaded the ball between the defiant defences of the home side for Ediz to snatch the late winner – but overall it was a somewhat average performance.



    Not wanting to break a winning stride, I was sure that for the next game, any changes would ruin the momentum. So with a same eleven, we would battle hard against Burton on our home turf:



    Saturday 12th October 2013
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Burton
    3-0

    (Ediz ’15, Zannit ’40, Furman ’45)
    MoM – F. Hemphill

    A brilliant first half moulded by the captain, helped build a less entertaining second half. It took only quarter of an hour till Hemphill solid lobbed ball found the feet of Ediz who simply slotted the ball into the back of the net, to make it 2 goals in two starts this month! In reaction, Burton adapted to a more attacking style, challenging Shepard more than they had earlier, but we were constantly on the counter, with Hemphill agonisingly close to added a second before Webster’s clearance off the line.



    Fortune seemed to go against us as Wato was brought down harshly by Webster, enforcing the substitution of Furman, as the team and the fans watched the stretcher escorting Wato out of the stadium.



    His presence was felt instantly, as he connected with Hemphill, who held onto the ball for the on-running Balkenstein, who slotted the all into the box to the far end which allowed a terrific Rooney-esque volley into the back of the net, once again showing his improvement he has had this season.

    As the added minutes of the half was announced, Van der Voom was in complete control on the wing, holding up the ball and dismissing any defender that came up, until the on-rushing Furman found space within the box, and heading the ball from the cross that was awaiting – sealing the three points and another important home result!



    After the game, pundits came straight at me with the questions I didn’t want to answer:

    Pundit: So, will BobMem and Kowalinho be Newark players come the end of the season? They haven’t played for the last two games, does that mean the club are trying to find the replacements in sourced rather than bringing new talent?

    Holding back my anger, I replied simply:

    Niko: The team sheet was chosen by the form show from the last result – which today, showcased why they were chosen. At present, both BobMem and Kowalinho are playing for this club – and that is what I hope it will be in the future. We have a talented squad here, and I am consistently trying to appease all players, and give them the time which they have earned.

    Pundit: So you are saying that both BobMem and Kowalinho are staying at the club?

    Niko: I am saying that at present, they are my players – the clubs players – and will still play for this club. I would hope you would ask about the game, rather than individuals not related.

    I walked off in a huff, angry – thanking god that this wasn’t going to ‘analysed’ by the buffoons on Match of the Day – as if Shearer could tell me how to manage a football club! The guy is practically living off his former glory constantly, and thinks he knows everything!

    For the next away game, I decided to try some changes. Henderson, Zbimg and Vasily coming in for Zannit, Van der Voom and the injured Wato, hoping they could continue the good form that we have had during the last two games!



    Tuesday 15th October 2013
    English Third Division
    AFC Wimbledon v. Newark

    0-2
    (Henderson ’39, Hemphill ’59)
    MoM – S. Jalal

    A fortunate sending off of Dyer just six minutes, resulted in a broken system as the home side tried to crawl themselves in the game – but were put on hold for 33 minutes by the terrific display from goalkeeper Jalal. Another injury as Collins had to be taken off, just two minutes after the sending off Wimbledon doesn’t seem to change their mentality, Jose Hernandez coming on.

    Ediz, man of the moment, was the man who helped build the opener, with a lovely timed passed – taking out both the right fullback and centre-back – allowing Henderson to come in and simply curve the ball into the bottom right hand corner. Again the solid performance of Jalal dismissed chance after chance, until Vasily’s smart chip allowed Hemphill to seal the game beyond doubt – making it 9 points out of 9.



    After a hectic start to the month, with three games in quick succession and four more yet to come, including the League Cup game against Nottingham Forest, I just wanted to relax for a short while before commanding on for the last couple of games. But, my hope for a Silent Night – was ruined by Three Unwise Men: Eejit, Other Eejit, and a friend of both.



    Theo: Niko! C’mon you lazy b! It’s time to celebrate the night!
    Eejit: Yeah, ye lazy jobby! We hae tae ceilidh, an' bang hot kimmers!



    Friend: Yeah, there are going to be some teens out there – waiting for us to rip into their dreams – like a clawed knife digging into their skin!
    Niko: Okay who is this sick freak, and no!
    Theo: That’s Eejit’s friend, Frankie Muniz. Who would’ve thought! And, you never told me you lived with such a party animal? He is a better you then you!
    Niko: Bedroom up-stairs if the two of you want to ‘explore’ one another – just leave me here.
    Eejit: 'main 'en gaffer, ye shoods hae some fin when ye can! yer auld, sae ye need tae gie as much as ye can - an' ye can wi' lynxx pensioners! reek yoong, bang yoong!
    Niko: Cheeky b! I am only five years older than you!
    Theo: Come on Niko, dingle those Jingle Balls into some Nutella and let the awaiting masses of women like ‘em off!
    Frankie: Let them lick it, before you tear into them like the eye hole left after you detached the ball – and then insert your-
    Niko: What the hell, you sick freak! And no!
    Theo: Their will be Ho-Ho-Hoes willing to even do you!!
    Eejit: Ah doobt 'at, ta auld dobber!
    Niko: Really? Coming from the man who needs a constant translator when doing ‘Lynx adverts’. You do know they dub you over in that with Morgan Freeman, right?
    Eejit: whit th' buck? Ah am callin' mah agent reit noo!

    As the younger Eejit grabbed his phone, the elder Theodore sat next to me on the sofa – and soon followed the creepy Frankie Muniz – once again trying to reassure me as I overheard the younger one on the phone.

    Eejit: Guid day, ama! Ah dornt caur if yoo're tryin' tae sort it yer frock fur th' film premiaur ye hae an extra role in, teel lynx they can dae thes jobby anymair!
    Theo: All They Want for Sex-mas is you Niko! Don’t let ‘em down, come with us?
    Niko: F off Theo, I am getting pissed off! Can’t I have a normal fing night in!
    Theo: Yeah, but not tonight! Last Mess-mas, I gave you a chance – but the very next day you said you come anyway! You promised you’ll come!
    Niko: That was years ago, I will Stay Now – right here, at this spot! All night I will watch TV, sleep and wake up tomorrow regretting I didn’t kill you guys!
    Theo: Fine, like an old jar of Nutella – you Break My Achey Breaky Heart! But I will not understand why!

    As he left with Frankie and the angry other Eejit, I retorted!

    Niko: That wasn’t even a Christmas song reference, you dumbf!

    With the enemies of peace, and sanity, leaving – I could finally find peace for once….

    Until, a random image emerged into my dining room, which was connected to my living room.



    Niko: Oh, what the hell!

    And suddenly a car emerged from the spiral, driving into my house and crashing through my front window, into the front garden.



    Niko: What the actual hell? My fing house!! Who the f just ruined my house!!

    And soon emerged the b responsible…



    Deadman: Niko, you have to come back with me!
    Niko: I don’t have to do s! Look what you fing done to my house, you mad b!

    Soon a swarm of bees entered out of the spiral, followed by another person, who swayed around the room with some weird invention on his head. But either worse, he walked straight into my Ł1000 plasma TV, knocking it off onto the bricks on the floor and smashing to pieces. He soon walked out side and callopsed to the floor.



    Another Deadman: Ah! Not the bees, anything but the bees!

    He screamed, despite the fact the bees had pissed off to a flower store, I presume, trying to score with the attractive animated store owner – to sue humanity.

    Deadman: Oh my God. They found me, I dont know how but they found me. Run for it Niko!
    Niko: What? Who?
    Deadman: Who do you think?! The Ladybirds!

    He screamed as he ran into the road, only to be stopped by the front of a bus, as the ‘bees’ man just died. Literally, just died.

    Niko: For fsake Niko. You just had to say it, you just had to say ‘Silent Night’. It’s like a fing invitation for this kind of s to happen.

    I said, walking towards the body, picking it up and throwing it into the passenger side of the car, as I drove the car into the garage. I then grabbed some traffic cones, which was stored in there from a collection of Eejit’s night outs and placed them around the spiral, sitting in the middle of my dining room, and taped the area off, before nicking the fence from next door to cover the large whole that was my alternative way to enter my house.

    Niko: I really fing hate my life…

    I mumbled to myself, as I collapsed on my half-sofa and staring at the wall, which once had a TV in front of it.

    With my relaxation time ultimately becoming chaotic, I soon put my head back into football with the next game. I made two changes to the side with Jose Hernandez coming in at right back and Kowalinho coming in the fray of uniting with Zbimg up-front:



    Saturday 19th October 2013
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Chesterfield

    2-1
    (Henderson ’24, Kowalinho ’55)(Allott ’57)
    MoM – J. Hernandez

    Still winning as usual, this was good for me!

    The first goal came from circumstance as Vasily couldn’t find any room to shoot on goal, so reluctantly toppled the ball forward which was met with the diving header of Henderson 24 minutes into the game, giving us a deserved lead. Cometh the second half, and the even game came down to the post-55 minute mark. Within two minutes, the game found some kind of energy from an otherwise tiring game as Jose Hernandez tied his perfect defensive performance with an attacking intent, crossing the ball from the right wing for Kowalinho to score a terrific volley ball into the back of the net for his fifth of the season – which he celebrated by showing the number of his ‘agent’ on his t-shirt.

    But the glory hunting Kowalinho wasn’t the only one to score within that inspired 120 seconds, as Allot was given space to score what seemed to be a comeback – but alas it wasn’t and we had held on for another three points and a decisive win.


    Another mid-week travel, and another opportunity to continue our grand month with Northampton looking like relegation batter. And in order to gain the three points, it was another unchanged side battling for the win:



    Tuesday 22nd October 2013
    English Third Division
    Northampton v. Newark

    0-3
    (Vasily 36’ 76’, The Eejit ’73)
    MoM – The Eejit

    And in order to show the order of class, we brushed them aside like an obese kid does with his vegetables. We were showing the greatness, and it came through the heart of midfield! With Vasily and The Eejit on top form, Vasily headed in from the far post thanks to a Hemphill free kick 36 minutes in, as The Eejit commanded the defence to hold onto the lead come the end of the half.

    The second half was more about the defensive mind-set of the team being tested, in which The Eejit earned a yellow card in the process, but it was The Eejit who scored the second as he ripped apart the defence after picking up the ball from Balkenstein – who notched an assist, though didn’t deserve – as The Eejit swayed throughout the defence before hooking the ball into the back of the net 73 minutes on. But, not to be over-shadowed by the defensive midfielder Vasily smashed home his second just three minutes later to put the game past it all, and deservedly get the large win.


    But in order of not being dismayed by the importance of the Cup game against Nottingham Forest, I decided to rest some player when we faced Aldershot at home, with the introductions of Zannit, Ediz, Clayton, Baz and BobMem to still us a bite, without exerting our arsenal.



    Saturday 26th October 2013
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Aldershot

    2-1
    (Henderson ’21, Vasily ’51)(Donnelly ‘3)
    MoM – R. Hoolihan

    Despite the result, it was a tense and well fought out result, which was unlucky for the away side as they dug in from the get go to get the unlikely goal and tried to play off the counter to ensure they could get the three points – but it was the connection of the two wingers that brought in the equaliser, despite the attempts from Zbimg – Zannit’s crossed, from near the corner flag, was pounced on with a skilful flick from Henderson 21 minutes in to equal the game.

    The second half was the same display from the away side, playing off the counter and trying to get the lead once more – being denied from the formidable partnership of Hoolihan and BobMem, who last season saved us so many times! And thankfully, because of that Vasily’s predator like pounce from a Kowalinho shot made it the winning goal, with more than forty minutes still to play.

    But all in all, it came down to one match.



    The Third Round match-up against local rivals Nottingham Forest, former employers of Captain Fraser Hemphill, who was energised to get back at then after releasing after a short stint of injuries. He wasn’t the only team-mate wanting to pounce on the chances, as changes were made. Furman, The Eejit, Zbimg and Balkenstien introduced back into the side with the captain, as both BobMem and Hoolihan retained their positions thanks to a brilliant defensive showing against Aldershot!



    Wednesday 30th October 2013
    League Cup Third Round
    Newark v. Nottm Forest

    We had the home advantage, it was the eve of Halloween but who was getting the trick or treat?

    Spoiler!


    After the game, I was then encouraged from a nice little spot in a national newspaper:



    Maybe we were finally being recoginised in a larger scale?

    Maybe…

    Code:
    ************************************************************************************************ English Third Division - Saturday 2nd November 2013 ************************************************************************************************ ================================================================================================ 2002/3 Table ================================================================================================ Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1st Newark 16 8 0 0 20 3 5 2 1 15 4 41 2nd Plymouth 16 7 0 1 16 8 5 0 3 17 11 36 3rd Morecambe 16 6 1 1 15 8 2 3 3 15 15 28 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4th Preston 16 6 1 1 14 7 2 3 3 12 13 28 5th Gillingham 16 5 2 2 11 8 3 1 3 6 6 27 6th Accrington 16 3 3 2 12 12 4 1 3 13 12 25 7th Yeovil 16 3 2 3 11 8 4 1 3 15 12 24 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8th Barnet 16 5 1 2 15 13 2 2 4 12 14 24 9th Burton Albion 16 4 3 1 14 10 3 0 5 12 16 24 10th Torquay 16 5 1 1 16 10 2 2 5 13 20 24 11th Southend 16 4 1 3 13 9 3 0 5 9 13 22 12th Stevenage 16 4 1 3 16 17 2 3 3 9 12 22 13th Aldershot 16 4 1 3 18 12 2 1 5 10 14 20 14th Hartlepool 16 5 1 2 18 13 1 1 6 10 17 20 15th AFC Wimbledon 16 4 2 2 16 15 1 3 4 10 15 20 16th Rochdale 16 3 2 3 11 11 2 3 3 10 14 20 17th Rotherham 16 2 4 2 11 12 3 1 4 10 13 20 18th Exeter 16 2 2 4 12 15 3 2 3 14 13 19 19th Bristol Rovers 16 1 5 2 9 10 3 2 3 11 13 19 20th Chesterfield 16 4 2 2 15 12 0 3 5 13 19 17 21st York 16 3 2 3 15 15 1 2 5 4 10 16 22nd Northampton 16 2 1 5 10 14 2 2 4 18 20 15 23rd Dag & Red 16 2 3 3 12 14 1 2 5 9 19 14 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 24th Fleetwood 16 2 1 5 14 19 0 2 6 8 19 9

  17. #317

    Join Date
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    Cracking update, full of emotional highs (and some weird bits )

    Amazing game from BobMem, 9 out of 9 tackles! Really hope I stay at the club.

    KUTGW!

  18. #318

    Join Date
    03-03-12
    Location
    Kraków, Poland
    Posts
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    Finally!


    But if i wont be playing more often i will think about leaving club.

  19. #319

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    02-03-12
    Location
    Nothing, England
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kowalinho View Post
    Finally!


    But if i wont be playing more often i will think about leaving club.
    You played four times in seven games, not enough?

  20. #320

    Join Date
    03-03-12
    Location
    Kraków, Poland
    Posts
    869
    4/7 is not enough

  21. #321

    Join Date
    04-03-12
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    No good for a work permit...

  22. #322

    Join Date
    05-03-12
    Location
    Ribble Valley
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    Serene. Cool as a cucumber. The Eejit continues to make his claim for international recognition.

    Great storylines outside of the football with a typical Zan-like "how the hell did we get here" feeling to the plots.
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  23. #323

    Join Date
    02-03-12
    Location
    Nothing, England
    Posts
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    Just for the case of knowing, anyone who remembers the 'spiral' from TEJ please like this post

    Either way gonna explain it in the next chapter (half-done, alcohol and settling at home is priority atm Though should be up with two by Christmas day to make it referential (will be double month ie two chapters running off one another) so it will make sense, as well as with the shockers :O).

    Just to say two things: 1) Change is on the horizon 2) Blue in a red and white/gold army....

  24. #324

    Join Date
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    The Second Journey
    Chapter Five:
    Came in Like a Wrecking Ball


    Coming out of such a hectic October month, it seemed like the fluency wasn’t going to change that much for November, as the draw for the Fourth Round of the League Cup was announced:



    Birmingham.

    Birmingham City was fighting for the freedom of still being a Premier League, after going up only last season as Champions, and looked set to be a more difficult task then play-off pushing Nottingham Forest who we had just been able to fight against.

    Determined that with the games only being a small amount between now and the showdown, I wanted to use the away game against Accrington Stanely as a sign for things to possibly come, with an unchanged side from the team that faced Nottingham Forest:



    Saturday 2nd November 2013
    English Third Division
    Accrington v. Newark

    2-1
    (Linfield ’40, Murphy ’59)(Furman ’17)
    Balkenstein S/o 60
    MoM – W. Hatfield

    But it seemed to be an unwise decision, as only 2 minutes into the game we forced a substitution as BobMem limped off the pitched, changed for Baz to play alongside Hoolihan – but thankfully, the unfortunate injury didn’t stop us from gaining the lead as Furman volleyed into the back of the net 17 minutes played, helped by a cross from the young Mark Henderson.

    But after that, the tides started to turn – as if a hurricane had erupted on the written pages! Hatfield, the tormenter in the heart of Accrington’s attack, played a well-timed pass for the feet of Linfield to snatch an equaliser. Exhaustion and lack of concentration ruled out any hopes of a comeback in the second half, as Chippendale’s cross cut through the defence and was tapped in by Murphy an hour gone.

    Anger cloaked the side, with Balkenstein taking his frustrations just seconds after the restart, kicking Almond in retaliation of his defence of Hatfield’s push and earned a red card – Hatfield only getting a yellow – and gifting the home side a one man advantage, which thankfully they couldn’t use well.



    In retaliation of the poor performance, I decided to make three changes (or forced to due to BobMem’s dead leg and Balkenstein’s suspension) with Liam replacing the vice-captain, Dean Moxey playing left back and Vasily entering the fray at the heart of the midfield, after a nice string of performances the last time he was called upon. With the changes, all I could hope was that October’s Young Player of the Month, Kowalinho, would step up:



    Saturday 9th November 2013
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Stevenage
    2-0

    (Kowalinho ’31, Vasily ’41)
    MoM – Kowalinho

    Luckily he did just that!

    With a terrific attacking display throughout both halves, it was a good result – though would have been better if The Eejit wasn’t forced to come off with a thigh strain just 14 minutes into the game, with Dean Furman coming on to force to go from a 4-4-2 diamond to a conventional 4-4-2. But, it was Kowalinho amazing determination half-an-hour in that turned my frown upside down, with an exceptional solo goal!

    For the second, just ten minutes on, it was Henderson once again making the assist with a nicely timed curved cross into the far post for Vasily to header in the winner. For the second half, we remained in control and just passed the ball, rather than potentially tire ourselves out.



    The game was an incredible response to the shocking defeat to Accrington, and allowed us to still remain top of the table. As celebrations still ran high, I had all my intent drawn into the Vans Trophy North 1st Round draw:


    Bradford - a good challenge against the play-off winners of last season, and surely a good passage into the second Round? Only time will tell!

    After the Vans Trophy draw, I retired back home, where I was able to amend by broken wall and TV, but still had to home the strange cornered off spiral in the heart of my dining room. Relaxing back and watching some random DVDs I bought from a guy on the street corner, who turned out to be a former BlockBusters employee, I felt at ease. But, of course, when I feel relaxed something always had to eradicate the feeling, as the spiral started to grow density.



    And as surely as I ran and held onto the new TV, something emerged from the annoying plot-device.



    Which was the same b who cause the whole mess in the first place, though seemed to be rendered differently.

    Gameboy: Ah, it worked! And you must be a living being from ‘here’!

    He said with a gleaming smile, acknowledging my existence as I clenched onto my TV.

    Niko: I don’t know who the hell you are, but stay the f back! Get back from my TV!
    Gameboy: Oh, I see! Televisions have either became a religious item or spousal options for the clinically insane.

    He said, writing down s into a note-pad.

    Gameboy: Marvelous!
    Niko: Look, I have had enough of ‘you’ people coming into my living room, and wrecking my s!
    Gameboy: ‘You’ people? Maybe hatred for graphic-based characters within this realm?

    He said, continuing to write notes.

    Niko: What? No! I meant people who seem to dimension jump whenever they want around me, like I am some circus freak attraction! All you do is f up my life! Hell, I doubt Jose Mourinho had someone randomly teleporting into his home, and crashing through his front window! Nor, a random guy with a weird Bee fetish crashing into his TV!
    Gameboy: Ah! So I get it, you mean that I am not the only person to have found how to dimension jump within the multi-verse? And that you seem to be the ‘magnet’ within this realm?
    Niko: A what? Are you trying to call me a brace face attractor or something? Because I can show you pictures of the women I have been with, and I mean some down right naughty pictures!
    Gameboy: No, no, no! Let me first explain myself, as I can’t be called ‘Gameboy’ all the time now, could i? Anyway, my name is Professor Emmet Brown, I have a major in Artistic Mediums of Classic Devices and work for a company called ObsCorp. My job is to create plot devices in which enhance a single story of an artistic piece of entertainment to the point where it creates a fundamental interest in gormless idiots.

    What?

    Niko: What?
    Emmet Brown: Basically, I was the guy who invents structures to a plot – I introduced Infinity Ward to Russians as an enemy, to explosions, to a single playing style, and a generic storyline. That is what I do! I also am the person who tells other people bout stuff, that may seem confusing in a general sense – like right now!
    Niko: So your purpose is to ruin games and then describe how you ruined them to other people?
    Emmet Brown: Yes – like an average writer of IGN, though like them, give me money and I might differ my approach to said product.
    Niko: Okay, so what is this thing?
    Emmet Brown: A spiral to another dimension, in this sense, a random jump into another universe with no control – so you can give somewhere without knowing where you are going beforehand.
    Niko: Right, so can I destroy it or move it from there?
    Emmet Brown: GREAT SCOTT, NO! If one attempt of trying to interfere with the sphere of that spiral and then catastrophic things may happen! We might unleash Justin Bieber into my world!!
    Niko: Okay, I get it!
    Emmet Brown: Well, now my role as the character that explains everything is done – I am not needed here any more!

    He said, before grabbing a pistol, aiming it to his head and pulling the striker – spraying blood everywhere, including on my new white Panda rug! A Master of Classic’s dead body started to light up and then disappeared with only his blood stained onto my rug.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! AMC ruined my new rug!

    ….

    Niko: You know what; it doesn’t work if there isn’t anyone else here!

    For the second month in the row, the month of football would be ending with a intense cup game, but – unlike the previous month – there was another cup game that stood in the way. The last month of December was also going to be an intense month with the ending of the year coming, in which I wanted to end the year as league leaders, and the first Trophy game. I had two ambitions for the season, to win the Vans Trophy and the league – and to be able to do that I would need to end this year on a high, and then start the next one from the same momentum.

    Talk about stress!



    For the 1st Round tie of the FA Cup, we were facing Scunthorpe away – with the League Cup against Premier League side Birmingham City just afterwards – I stayed awake thinking of what was needed to be done to ensure a win, and after carefully thinking, I made one decision – Clayton will come back into the side as The Eejit will be dropped due to a thigh strain suffered from the last game, even though The Eejit has been performing outstandingly in comparison to last season and surely would have been a key component to the overall teams performance.



    Saturday 16th November 2013
    English FA Cup 1st Round
    Scunthorpe v. Newark
    0-2

    (Kowalinho ’19 ’30)
    MoM – Kowalinho

    An intense game –with both sides coming out attacking – with us thankfully being the more alert for goal as 80% of Scunthorpe’s shots didn’t even meet the hands of Shepard. The attacking was the thrill of the game, always so agonisingly close, but never finding the back of the net or being blocked to the next process – and it was due to this that we were able to get a corner, which Hemphill took like usual, with a curling far post header of Kowalinho sealing our efforts.

    But it didn’t as long for Kowalinho to seal the brace, as it was another fine example of attacking display as half-an-hour into the game, Vasily marched forward only to look up once to see the free space behind the last man, lobbed the ball into the narrow space, but before bouncing off the ground it was stroked by the boot of Kowalinho. Two goals in the first half, and the sealer for the next round of the FA Cup – the second half was like watching paint dry in contrast, but still added tense moment as Scunthorpe attempted to crawl back some leverage, but the crosshairs seemed to be set on the disable fat kid behind the net rather then the net itself.

    After the game – and after having to apologising to the fat disable kid’s mother for the opposition’s poor shooting – I emerged into the locker room with the match ratings that Riley had gathered of the players performances in the game:



    Anxiety was in the air as the game against Birmingham game closer – this was our opportunity to continue our resistance against the idea that we were weak and would crumble down to the supierority – so the pressure was mounted. The Nottingham Forest game was the taste of a little crumb of the greater challenges that would await us. Inspired by the idea of causing yet another upset, it was time for some changes – while still ruining the winning the formula.



    One change was somewhat easy to make, O’Toibin was coming back in after Henderson struggled against Scunthorpe – but decided that for the second change was somewhat a risky. Despite the fact that Vasily had improved massively in terms of his effect on the team, Wato has shown he was the man who could be trusted for both support in building up attacks as well as venturing forward and scoring crucial goals. Despite wanting to make more changes, The Eejit still remained injured, BobMem also – I needed to be 100% that the eleven that would start would be potent enough to gain the win that I sought to go to the next round.

    Especially with the prospect of meeting FA Cup winner or the dwelling First Division mid-tablers:



    I knew which one would most likely to happen, and which one I would want – despite the fact it would be a greater challenge – it would be the teams real first taste of the ‘high class’ of the Premier League.



    Wednesday 20th November 2013
    English League Cup 4th Round
    Birmingham v. Newark


    Spoiler!


    After such a disappointing result and player performances, I wanted to make some grand changes to the side – but I realised that maybe that one result could bring the bite back in an aggressive manner! So, instead of making a large majority of changes I only made one – Ediz to come in for Zbimg, who was performing as a shell of himself this season. Hope still flew within my veins and I didn’t want another taste of defeat this month.



    Saturday 23rd November 2013
    English Third Division
    Newark v. York

    1-1
    (Wato ’45)(Fairclough ’72)
    MoM – Kowalinho

    A solid first half performance was ruined by a disrespectful second performance from a team that had lost it’s belief. It was clear that some of the lads would need to time to recollect their thoughts – but with such a tight amount of points between ourselves, Plymouth and Gillingham – we needed them to be ready!

    Kowalinho was the bright spark, holding up play and intergrating with his team mates in attacks, setting up a nicely timed lay-off for Wato to smash just outside the box – but he was let down by lacklustre defensive performances from Hernandez, Liam and even Shepard who allowed Fairclough to steal two points – with the away game against Plymouth ending the month.

    Between the draw and the Plymouth game was the draw for the 2nd Round of the FA Cup, hoping for an easy opponent to raise moral within the camp, I kept my fingers crossed:



    Cheltenham, the relegation fodder of the Second Division, a brilliant opponent to start the next decisive month with.

    But it was another intense game, in that we were facing the second placed Plymouth away from home. An important game, which could decide the way the teams sway. After reading my rapping booklet, I then took my attention to the squad selection. And thankfully, the choices was more varied then previously! Back into the team came Zbimg, after Ediz just didn’t do enough, The Eejit, who was finally fit to play a role within the squad, and BobMem, who was also returning from injury. Shepard was able to keep his role within the squad, after the realisation that Wood just wasn’t good enough to even compare to him.



    Saturday 30th November 2013
    English Third Division
    Plymouth v. Newark
    2-2

    (Gurrieri ’25, Young ’55)(Wato ’40 ’68)
    MoM – C. Nelson

    Another poor defensive performance which was saved thanks to two people – Fraser Hemphill and Eddy Wato – who step up the challenge to take the point. Though overall it was a solid performance, the poor defensive work in the 25th minute allowed the midfielder Gurrieri to simply slice the defence into half and score a solo goal – fingers being pointed at Moxey – but we responded thanks to the usual brilliant corner, with Wato jumping with determination over the home defence to seal another goal.

    The second half didn’t start particularly perfect either, as the substitute Young was able to find space to score from a rebound off a Shepard save, giving the home side the lead for the second time, five minutes shy of the hour mark. But, yet again, the lads showed character to bounce back – with Hemphill crossing a low driven ball, after a nice one-two with Zbimg, which was found once again with the powerful feet of Wato, Lampard-esque.

    More pleased with the result than the last result, as we showed the character that the team had inherited from last season – but I was somewhat cautious after I was called in to see Yermolai, who had been one a ‘vacation’ for the past couple of months. Nervously knocking on the door, I entered the room to see the large figure.



    Niko: Yermolai! You’re back?
    Yermolai: Indeed I am Nikolavski, though I am not here to celebrate anything – rather to disown!
    Niko: What do you mean?
    Yermolai: I want to talk about what happened in Birmingham, Nikolavski!
    Niko: Look, I know it wasn’t a grand performance from the lads – but I am sure we can bounce back and meet the requirements of winning the league and have a grand opportunity to go to the next round of the Vans Trophy!
    Yermolai: Yes, that indeed was an unpleasant performance – but no, I mean the damages you caused. I come back from a nice vacation in the Smirnoff mountains to find a large bill from Birmingham City about you causing a large amount of destruction in their away locker-room? I know that some people like to have mental holds over their opponents, but for Vodka’s sake Nikolavski! You do not destroy something that is owned with witnesses! You should have done a Brighton – and just went to the toilet on the floor!
    Niko: Really? You are going to blame that on me? How about fing forwarding that bill to Miley Cyrus! She’s the one who came in like a wrecking ball, she’s the wo wanted to break those walls! No me! Her!
    Yermolai: But you sang the song – that ushers her! And now I will have to spend some of the club’s money in repairing those damned walls! Do you know how much that will cost you sonofabeer?
    Niko: What the hell? You are telling me off because you had to spend some of the club’s money because of that, yet you use it to f off to some weird Vodka fetish springs for months? Not a single invest within this team!

    He then grabbed a pistol from his desk and aimed it at my head.

    Yermolai:
    Are you telling me how to spend my money, Nikolavski? You think you can judge me? Do I need to make you remember your position within this company? I already have a financial advisor – and he is Jewish – better then whatever crap you are!
    Niko: Well, how about allowing me to spend money investing on players?
    Yermolai: We can’t! Your team right now, on wages, is costing the club every month! I want the opposite. You will have to sell players to balance the books – while still winning the league and the trophy, so that I can drink Vodka from it!
    Niko: You want me to do…. What?
    Yermolai: By the end of the season, I want to see the club within the green.

    He said before ushering me out. So I will HAVE to sell players in order to keep the club financial grand? As well as keeping the team on-target?

    I kept thinking it through as I drove back home, but as I entered the living room, my anger I kicked a mug The Eejit left on the floor which went straight into the spiral.



    And before I could react, soon everything within distance was being sucked into it. A vacuum emerged sucking everything in its way. As I held onto the latches of the way, I started to fly in the air.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! This sucks more…..

    But soon my grip wasn’t strong enough, as I soon started to fly towards the spiral.

    Niko: thaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn aaaaaaaaaaaa Fffffffffffiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttt tttt Puuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttooooooooooo!

    To Be Continued.

  25. #325
    ebfatz is offline Social Media Bod
    Former Holy Trinity Member
    Stories Mod

    Join Date
    02-03-12
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    As bizarre as usual my friend!

    I wonder who's for the chop?

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