Page 15 of 24 FirstFirst ... 5111213141516171819 ... LastLast
Results 351 to 375 of 586

Thread: [STORY] A Golden and Fearless Ambition

  1. #351

    Join Date
    Nothing, England

    BREAKING NEWS: Football Manager Is Missing!

    Date: Sunday 26th January 2014
    Report by Jackson Matthews

    Football manager Niko Bergstrom, 25, has been reported missing after a initial absence after his side, Newark Athletic, were able to draw against West Ham in the Fourth Round of the FA Cup under the tutelage of assistant manager Riley Bartley.

    Initial reports from the police and the football club is that Mr Bergstrom didn't turn up for a team meeting three hours before the game, and also failed to report for Sunday morning post-team review and morning training.

    “It has been estimated that the missing person was taken the night of Friday 24th January, late at night. He is a male, in his mid-twenties, of Scandinavian heritage.” Said a local police woman. “He is around 6 foot 3, a strong jaw-line, blue eyes and a thick brunette hair – we are asking if anyone has any leads or details about his current whereabouts to please contact us immediately!”

    The football club's owner, Russian billionaire Yermolai Relikovic, is said to have ended a business trip to help the police investigation and the club has also put out a statement.

    Mr Relikovic: Flew in especially to help with the investigation

    “Today, the club sadly has heard of the news of the disappearance of manager Niko Bergstrom. He has been estimated of his last whereabouts on Friday around 23:00pm to 01:00 am at his home.

    Under these circumstances, we have agreed to let the team continue playing under assistant manager Riley Bartley in order to not cause a great-level of hysteria within the team and dismiss the great work that Niko has achieved thus far.

    We are confident that he will be found unharmed if people with any information will come forward. If so, please contact the authorities if so.”

    Bergstrom, who is currently managing his third team in his career, started football managing at the age of 18 at Finnish club HyPS, where he achieved a league title by winning the Norwegian First Division at his second season. But, following personal issues and professional differences with his boss, Niko was soon sacked and hired by-then Belgium Third Division side THES Sport who seemed relegation bound. He turned them around in his half-season and then followed it by two successive league titles: Belgium Third Division and Belgium Second Division, then following it with a fifth place finish in the First Division.

    However, further conflict in his personal life and ties from the club had to external links made, UEFA stripped THES Sport of the accomplishments Bergstrom made and abolished them from the league structure – forcing Bergstrom to retire to start on a failed career in music, until being hired by Newark Athletic last season, where he would win the English Conference and be a runner-up in the FA Trophy.

    Mr Eejit: Doubtful that the news is serious

    But according to old friend, Theodore Captian Jean-Luc Pricard Eejit, who is reportedly 21, says that this is a reoccurring occurrence for Mr Bergstrom.

    “He is 'missing' again, huh? It has been awhile since the last time! Niko is a enigmatic, charismatic and out-spoken character – so this happens a lot! Hey, you work for Sun newspaper right? How about giving me some digits for those Page 3 girls?” Said Mr Eejit, who is a marmalade maker and seller. “He will turn up in a couple of days with some wacky story about sheep, or aliens, or something – and all will be right as rain! He never changes, he's a leopard and his spots don't change, doesn't some of the [stuff] that he goes through.”

    But, police have said there has seemed to be some kind of narcotics involved, as natural herbs were found by forensics, mixed together to create a sleeper agent. But they are suspecting a possible connection towards a lover or former lover that had tried to reindidle the relationship.

    Newark Athletic will continue their season with a match against Exeter City on the 29th January, hoping that the man in the dugout would be Niko – but only time will tell.

  2. #352

    Join Date
    Nothing, England

    Last Updated: Wednesday 29th September 2014

    Henderson '33

    Keohane '71

    Kowalinho '85

    Newark Rides On against Exeter

    One first half goal by Mark Henderson and a late second near the end by Kowalinho continues Newark Athletic's impressive run of form despite the absence of manager Niko Bergstrom.

    Under the hopeful-partial tutelage of Bergstrom's second-hand man Riley Bartley, the away side had the first chance on goal, with débutante Sam Hutchinson taking the reins of a free-kick on the wing which was capitalised by a head over by Kowalinho.

    Athletic showed more of their attacking prowess with another chance, as Wato's lobbed pass towards Zbimg was wasted as last season's top goal-scorer’s shot was straight at the opposition's goal-keeper Rhys Evans.

    After a nervous six minutes, Newark finally broke the deadlock after Eddy Wato's corner kick was met with the foot of youngster Henderson, scoring his fifth of the season with half an hour gone.

    The second half was more anxious from the home side as they continuously tested Shepard in goal, finally being able to break the reflexes of the Canadian, Dawson's low pass into the six-yard box being found by the toe of Keohane to draw the score level with nineteen minutes left to play.

    Newark continued to attack looking for the second, being thwarted by the leadership of defender Pat Baldwin, but finally was able to break the stubborn defence as Wato's lobbed pass fell for Kowalinho to score with five minutes left on the clock.

    Manager Comments:

    Newark Athletic Assistant Manager Riley Bartley: "A much better performance today after the horror show against West Ham. Onward now for the next game on Saturday against Hartlepool, gain momentum for the Doncaster game in the Vans Trophy - if Niko still being a lazy son-of a-"

    Last edited by ZanSnake; 07-04-14 at 08:35 PM.

  3. #353

    Join Date
    Nothing, England

    Updated: Saturday 1st February 2014

    Newark Athletic's Form Continues as Manager still Missing

    Newark Athletic added another impressive win under their belt, as the search for their manager continues into the eighth day, with a 2-0 away win against Hartlepool.

    It is the third consecutive game that Newark have been leaded by the assistant manager Riley Bartley, and the second win out of three after a draw against First Division side West Ham in the 4th Round of the FA Cup – a replay to be played just eleven days away.

    In a typical Bergstrom-manner, Newark were the better attacking side throughout the game and bagged the first goal through a Kowalinho volley via a Hoolihan pass just 8 minutes into the first half.

    The home side was no threat towards the in-form league leaders, as Kowalinho constantly tried to add to his earlier goal but was denied from the defence of the home side – only to add a second thanks to the instinct of débutante James Hanson, just four minutes into the second half.

    With the Vans Trophy North Quarter Final match against Doncaster Rovers just shy of three days away, all eyes are on Bartley to be able to continue the impressive form on and gain a step closer towards the other objective that Bergstrom made clear he wanted at the start of the season.

     English Third Division - Saturday 1st February 2014
     2013/14 Table
    Pos     Team                            Pld  Won  Drn  Lst  For  Ag   Won  Drn  Lst  For  Ag   Pts
    1st     Newark                          29   13   1    0    33   6    7    5    3    23   12   66   
    2nd     Plymouth                        29   11   2    2    31   18   7    2    5    25   17   58   
    3rd     Gillingham                      29   10   2    2    24   10   7    5    3    17   12   58   
    4th     Preston                         29   8    5    1    26   16   7    3    5    25   25   53   
    5th     Southend                        29   8    3    3    25   15   6    4    5    21   21   49   
    6th     Torquay                         29   9    3    3    30   19   4    3    7    23   30   45   
    7th     Yeovil                          29   5    6    4    18   13   7    2    5    27   22   44   
    8th     Stevenage                       29   9    2    4    39   29   3    6    5    19   26   44   
    9th     AFC Wimbledon                   29   7    4    3    28   23   5    4    6    21   24   44   
    10th    Bristol Rovers                  29   5    7    2    22   16   5    4    6    25   26   41   
    11th    Accrington                      29   5    5    5    26   28   6    2    6    25   28   40   
    12th    Rotherham                       29   5    8    2    21   16   4    4    6    19   24   39   
    13th    Burton Albion                   29   6    4    4    24   21   4    2    9    22   27   36   
    14th    Rochdale                        29   5    6    4    23   22   3    5    6    19   27   35   
    15th    Morecambe                       28   7    2    4    23   18   2    5    8    19   30   34   
    16th    Exeter                          29   2    6    7    19   26   6    2    6    27   27   32   
    17th    Hartlepool                      29   7    2    5    28   26   2    3    10   19   29   32   
    18th    York                            29   5    4    6    27   28   3    3    8    14   23   31   
    19th    Dag & Red                       29   5    6    4    25   23   2    4    8    15   28   31   
    20th    Barnet                          29   7    1    6    21   23   2    3    10   19   31   31   
    21st    Aldershot                       29   5    2    8    28   29   3    4    7    24   30   30   
    22nd    Chesterfield                    28   6    2    6    25   23   1    5    8    23   33   28   
    23rd    Northampton                     29   3    2    9    19   28   4    4    7    23   30   27   
    24th    Fleetwood                       29   7    1    7    30   31   1    2    11   13   33   27

  4. #354

    Join Date
    Kraków, Poland
    Niko, where are you?

  5. #355

    Join Date
    Nothing, England

    Update: Tuesday 4th February 2014

    Newark Lucky to Continue as Penalties are their Saviours

    Newark Athletic's poor attacking performance was overshadowed by a dominant defence that pushed the game into penalties after a goalless game though full time and extra time.

    Both sides had eight chances throughout the 120 minutes, with the home side Doncaster having 5 on-target to Newark's abysmal 2, a fact that summed the performance of the away side's performance.

    Newark was able to withstand the pressure thanks to a brilliant series of saves from captain and goalkeeper Shepard – who was able to thwart 21 year old prolific striker Caolan Lavery on three occasions, stepping up to the task after Sam Hutchinson's off game performance at right back.

    Despite being off-footed throughout the 120 minutes it was the away side who scored all three of their penalties after substitute Bobby Barr went wide in the first kick, which fellow substitute Mark Henderson replied with a stunning penalty into the roof of the net.

    Billy Paynter scored to seemingly give a life-line, but Sam Hutchinson repaid his poor performance in the match with a successful penalty kick, defender Jamie McCombe was denied by a superb save from Shepard – which Newark took advantage as Wato scored the third, leaving the pressure on the shoulders on 28 year old Scotsman Martin Woods.

    The former Leeds star had a minor confrontation with fellow Scotsman The Eejit, who pointed towards his wife with a thrusting gesture, which seemed to effect the deciding kick as Woods smacked wide into the bill board which bounced off and, somewhat in a way of karma, smacked The Eejit in his face knocking him out – forcing him to be stretchered off the pitch as the team celebrated.

    In eight days Athletic face West Ham, with a home game against Preston North End in the middle, and with no word from the oncurring investigation, the liklihood of Niko Bergstrom in the dugout is unlikely.

    Players Comments

    Newark Athletic striker Kowalinho said: “I don't know how to say this, but, we kind of want our manager back! In fairness, he knew how to defend a team and break down attacks for counters – which, you know, worked for me! Riley is a defensive minded manager, Niko is attack – you know? So as a striker I want to be up the pitch to score goals and move to the 'Pools, Uniteds and 'Lonas! You know? I don't know how to say this, but, Niko is a franchise builder – he made this team, so he can make me a franchise name! You know? Niko, where are you?”

  6. #356

    Join Date
    Nothing, England

    Updated: Saturday 8th February 2014

    Newark adds More Momentum going into FA Cup Replay

    Newark Athletic add another impressive win despite a second string team after a come-back against Preston North End.

    Newark's second team started off with the typical dominance which resulted in second-choice defensive midfielder Max Clayton latching onto the rebound save from O'Toibin's shot just seven minutes into the game.

    The First half seemed to be more of a defensive match up, as Newark's efforts for a second were uncreative and mismanaged – allowing Preston to firmly hold onto the second half.

    Preston ushered more men to attack as Newark hung on for over 20 minutes with the lead until Mousinho's corner kick met the head of Jack Mackreth, the 21-year-old's first goal of the season, to level the game.

    In response Bartley an average Van der Voom made way for the side's top goalscorer Kowalinho, who added a much needed dynamic to the home sides attack, finally making the ultimate effect by scoring 7 minutes later by rounding goalkeeper Moreira and tapping it in to seal the three points and to score his 20th of the season.

    Fans Comments

    A Newark Athletic fan said: “Who needs Niko when we have Riley! Give him the job, and let Niko rot wherever he is.”

  7. #357

    Join Date
    Nothing, England

    Police Investigation Close to Breakthrough

    Date Added: Monday 10th February 2014
    Written by Merk Ezerkm

    After weeks of silence, Nottinghamshire Police have announced that they are close to a breakthrough of their investigation of the disappearance of Newark Athletic manager Niko Bergstrom, who was last seen mid-day Friday 25th January.

    Initial reports from the on-going investigation was that a possible herbal narcotic mixture was used to sedate the 26-year old in his home in Balderton, also with a list of former romantic partners and associates as possible suspects.

    Police has announced there could have been a sighting of Mr Bergstrom, but didn't specifically announced the possible location, they also worked from a crash site of a former car that could have been owned by Mr Bergstrom – but was later dismissed as owning to deceased actress Lindsay Lohan.

    While still being tight-lipped about the 'breakthrough', but news is that they are hopeful to find Mr Bergstrom within in the next couple of days.

  8. #358

    Join Date
    Kraków, Poland
    If you think i let you do anything to niko you are wrong

  9. #359

    Join Date
    Nothing, England

    Update: Wednesday 12th February 2014

    Newark dealt A Blow after Hopeful News

    Newark Athletic was dealt with a blow as West Ham win their 4th Round replay at Boleyn Ground, after a positive update on the investigation of manager Niko Bergstrom.

    The Hammers were the superior team, though wasn't able to add on from 20 year-old Dylan Tombides first half on 19 minutes, after a marvellous solo performance by former Manchester United youth player Ravel Morrison.

    West Ham dominated the performance, as Newark Athletic struggled to get out of first gear and never really challenged the score-line as captain and Goalkeeper Shepard made yet another impressive performance, denying further chances by the Hammers as they go on further into the competition.

  10. #360

    Join Date
    Ribble Valley
    Who needs the gaffer ? We are doing brilliantly well without him ! Lets just hope that there is some totally unnecessary blood, gore and violence behind the story of his disappearance.

    As for Woods missing that peno ... pathetic.
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  11. #361

    Join Date
    Nothing, England

    Guess who's back!

    The Second Journey
    Chapter Eight:
    The Master has Returned!

    Niko: Argh! My head!

    I screamed as I woke up, with a blindfold on my face – basically the typical Kidnapping 101 – this time I felt a feather brushing against my naked toes.

    Niko: Ha! That doesn't work against me!

    But as I said that, soon my toe became moist as a rather rugged tongue licked against my big toe instead.

    Niko: Okay, now that is kind of freaky...

    Soon the licking started to turn into nibbling, which made me react by forcing all my power into my left leg, breaking the constraints and smacking whatever – or whoever – straight into the face.

    Niko: Take that motherfucker!

    I screamed as I urged all my strength to my arms to try and do the same – but as the constraints dug into my arms causing, what felt like cuts, soon I felt another dart hit me straight into my neck.

    Niko: Not again, for fucksake...

    I said as the liquid of the dart flowed around my veins, the effects caused me to black out – but rather, I urged onto the adrenaline of fighting the drowsiness I was able to break the constraints on my right – urging it to rip off my blindfold to see my captor!

    Niko: You!

    I scream as I remembered the freaky jungle woman from Tim Sheerwood Forest.

    Queen of Forest: What are you doing, darling? You need sleep, we have to populate kingdom tomorrow – rest is needed now!

    She said before firing another dart into my neck.

    Niko: Ah, what the ….


    I attempted to say before I became one with the darkness.

    The next memory I had was not darkness – though I wished it was as I looked around the place I was now captive in.

    Chained to the wooden bed, the Queen of Forest reigned over me with a cheeky smile.

    Queen of Forest: I hope you are ready rested, King!

    She said, before the fireworks were ignited.

    After the firework show, I was unchained, but something felt right. Being next to this crazy bitch felt as it was meant to be – as if I was a Swedish captive – I was entranced to know why I was chosen? Why is she here?

    But before I could verbally ask her anything, it was time for the next firework show.

    But as I awoke I was free! I was able to run if I wanted, I was able to move freely, I could freely discuss the relationship of Nicolas Cage and the paradigm of acting – but something choked me – psychologically.

    Why was I such a dream-boat of this woman? And, was she hired by someone to be nuts? Is she related in some-way to Phetrovology?

    With all the questions, I even started to question my own sanity, but I had only been away for a couple of days – I knew the club would put someone in charge for the moment, hell maybe even Yermolai's son had the realm of manager for a while – maybe another day to sort these questions into answers wouldn't harm that?

    I mean, we are dominating the league – West Ham are West Ham (long ball for long ball) so they could easily be beaten!

    And so I decided to roll on with the idea that I was 'playing' the role that this woman wanted! After all, maybe I could sort something that would mean I wouldn't be harmed in the future!

    But soon the days just went past!

    And soon, I had gathered enough information to know everything – but not because of conversation with herself – who was avoiding each question – but by her pet monkey, who could talk English.

    According to, and I can't believe I am even listen to this, the monkey told me how the Queen of Forest was once an aspiring musician, just as I was, but after a poor review and a media annihilation towards her live performances (which also occurred to myself), she had a mental breakdown which lead to her coming to the forest and setting up her 'kingdom' – with no recollection of her life before – and obsessed to wait for her 'king' to heir a prince.

    After hearing about her story from the monkey, it only inspired me to dig more – a curious mind clings onto to curious subjects. But after another 24 hours, nothing changed, so I decided to try and escape – warring myself for a tough escape – but it the escape itself was too simple.

    I literally walked away, but once again my sense of co-ordination got me lost within the forest.

    Niko: To be honest, I think I need to sort my co-ordination thing out...

    I stated to myself as I circled around the forest – the impending sense of doom gloomed across my face – and I knew that the diet of forest berries and leaf soup while under the 'command' of the Queen of Forest, my body would starve itself – putting into question the liability of the talking monkey being real – my saviour once again....

    Niko: Oh, thank God! Soña, you don't understand how please I am to see you!

    Soña: NIKO! I have been worried. I didn't know where I could find you, I searched everywhere for you – I guess I was just waiting for a sign for you to point to me where you are.

    Niko: Can you help me out of here?

    Soña: Maybe – there is a catch though...

    She said, throwing down her gun, and taking her top off – and the fire hazard begun.

    Emerging out from the forest, the sun burnt my eyes, it felt like the shade had shadowed me from the realms of reality, and finally I was ready to continue my role and take-over from whatever remains from the tenure of my number two.

    Luckily, I was able to get a taxi back into Newark-on-Trent, and instead of going straight home, I decided instead to turn-up at the Friday training, hoping to sneak past the staff and players to get to my toilet/office – in order to get some kind of assessment how well the lads had done without my awesome tactical and inspiring motivational aura – but of course, with the amazing personality I have – as soon as I climbed past the gates, I was soon encountered by some shifty looking super-market security guards.

    Guard 1: So what do we have here then?

    Guard 2: A ball rapist?

    Guard 1: Possible!

    They said to one another, ignoring me, as I stood straight up.

    Guard 1: Do you get pleasure from licking balls, son? Do you love to hear the sound of air escaping as you pierce through that surface?

    Niko: What? No!

    Guard 2: What about brush you bare ass against the mesh of the goal nets? Do you enjoy the feel of the tiny threads of fabric weaving through each hair on your buttocks as you bite onto your tongue, trying not to scream out in pleasure?

    Niko: Seriously! What the hell! Who the hell are you guys? And, are you mentally ill?

    Guard 1: Son, are you really in any position to question our mental health after telling us your freaky fetishes?

    Guard 2: You're one sick son-of-a-bitch, son, you know that?

    Niko: Look here! I am the football manager of this club! I am only trying to sneak to my office to see how the team has done since I was kidnapped by a crazed former female pop vocalist!

    Guard 1: Yeah right!

    He said, cuing the two idiots to start chuckling like hyenas.

    Niko: I ask again, who the hell are you?

    Guard 2: We are the part-time security for the training grounds after the former manager was mysteriously taken!

    Guard 1: Poor bastard was probably abducted by an alien mythical creature in its aluminium mid-flight contraption!

    Guard 2: Yeah, and then a anal medical creation probed him!

    Guards: Poor bastard!

    As they shook their heads, suddenly a aluminium mid-flight contraption emerged behind them.

    Which them beamed down an alien mythical creature holding, what seemed to be, a anal medical creation in his hand.

    The guards not aware by the sudden emergence of the triple AMCs behind them continued to spout even more shite.

    Guard 2: You know what, I think an avian mechanism converter might have safely dropped him to the floor.

    Guard 1:
    Me right I think

    He said in a sudden burst of broken grammar, as the Alien approached from behind, annoyed at their ignorance of his presence.

    Guard 2: Did you forget to take your articulation medicine capsules?

    Guard 1: Forgot I did!

    But soon, the two many mentions of AMCs caused the alien mythical creature to have a brain aneurysm, and it dropped to the floor.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! Too many AMCs killed the AMC!

    Guard 1: Bastard sneaky!

    Said, once again in broken grammar, which resulted with another sudden appearance.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! It's the Grammar Nazi!

    As I shouted those seven words, the Grammar Nazi held onto the two guards. Holding tight onto their uniforms he roared before they all turned into dust – and soon another minor-roled characters disappeared.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! Grammar Nazi killed the AMC moment!

    But with all the weird things going on, it caught the attention of the wandering coach – Joel Power.

    Joel: Niko, you bastard?

    He said, questioning my sudden appearance at the corner of the training facility. He nonchalantly walked over, with a stone-wall expression etched into his face – seemingly not bothered by the fact that I suddenly arrived after a few weeks of dissappearing.

    Joel: What the hell are you doing here?

    Niko: I came in to see how well the lads have been since I was away!

    Joel: Been quite well, if I say so, but to be honest if it was ME as the manager when you went on vacation then we would still be in the FA Cup!

    Niko: Right – so I guess we were knocked out by West Ham?

    Joel: Yeah, in a replay nonetheless!

    Niko: What about the league?

    Joel: Won every game.

    Niko: And the Vans Trophy?

    Joel: Won on penalties – really, under Riley, no-one here really cared about you being gone!

    Niko: Well, got the lads together – and tell Riley to fuck off home – because....

    I said, grabbing a pair of sunglasses from my pocket.

    The Master has Returned!

    To Be Continued.

  12. #362

    Join Date
    Ribble Valley
    I'm so glad that there was a simple explanation for his disappearance. Thank god it all makes sense.

    Now that the master has returned, lets see Newark wrap up the season and power on up the leagues.
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  13. #363

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    The Second Journey
    Chapter Eight:
    The Master has Returned!

    As the lads all gathered round, it was time for the motivational speech that they had been missing since I was kidnapped by the crazy woman in Tim Sheerwood Forest. As they all sat around, eyes glued to my black shades on my eyes, I stroke my beard – that had grown from weeks of not shaving – standing with a straight posture in front of the tactical board.

    Niko: Right bitches, since I have gone it looks like Riley has taken credit for my tactical choices, choosing my first eleven – and took all the fucking credit! And used my signings of Hanson and Hutchinson – and welcome by the way – as his own! He has broken MY right as manager and taken advantage of what I have built for the last year odd.

    As I said that, walking up and down the width of the laid out chairs that the team-mates sat in, whimpers started to emerge from some of the lads.

    Niko: I escaped my constraints and come here to remind some of the deluded that Riley is nothing but a opportunist who took the chance of my kidnapping for a shot to show the world his managerial talent – which I respect him for! But, he is nothing but a maverick with ideals greater then he truly is – an apprentice!

    All eyes hinged onto me as I stopped in the centre of the line.

    Niko: But that dream of the apprentice taking over the teacher is over! Because the master has returned – the king has come back to his throne – and he wants to taste that golden crown, that he – we – are aiming for!

    I paused – wiping out a cigarette from my pocket, shoving it into my mouth and lit it, despite the 'No Smoking' signs that were laid out on the walls surrounding me.

    Niko: That is why, instead of the 4-1-3-2 formation we have all become adapted to – is going to change! I wasn't going to play it against West Ham, but Riley didn't know that! Instead we were going to play a 4-3-3 attacking formation – fullbacks breaking into wings supporting the wingers, the determined and active defensive midfielder to break down the runs from attacking midfeilders and help the two centre-backs, the midfielders to support the final third and to play the lone striker!

    I spoke with a passion of the possible tactic of choice for a game that was absent from my clutch – as I dropped the ash onto the floor before continuing on.

    Niko: Fate broke that chance – but now, I am forcing this to be effective for the North Semi Final in the Vans Trophy against Port Vale in four days! But first, we have a test tomorrow against AFC Wimbledon! So, today we will be staying longer to ensure we are ready! So are we ready?


    I dropped the finished fag onto the cement floor and stamped onto it.

    Niko: I said, ARE WE READY?

    Players: YES!

    They screamed back in reluctance, before running out to work on the new plan.

    As the fans packed into the stadium, I ensured that my return was to be secret from them and told the team to act 'as if' Riley was just yet again the 'manager'. Instead of watching the game from the dugout, instead I was going to be in the tunnel – dressed mysteriously so no-one would notice it was me!

    The team was chosen by myself! Though it was essentially the same team that played against West Ham by with the new tactic and Dean Furman being played as the extra midfielder instead of the extra striker, and Zbimg taken the lone striker – hoping to reclaim the exceptional form he achieved last season!

    Saturday 15th February 2014
    English Third Division
    Newark v. AFC Wimbledon

    (Wato '41, O'Toibin '45)(Bellotti '3)
    MoM – D. O'Toibin

    Despite some hectic moments, such as a terrible start – but we grew into the different style of play, with the attacking fullbacks helping the wingers in the attack as it was the one-two with Moxey and winger O'Toibin who assisted the cancellation of Wimbledon's goal just three minutes, as Wato's volley into the back of the net.

    Then it was the right-back Jose Hernandez who crossed the ball over the defence for O'Toibin's angle defining shot into the top right in stoppage time of the first half to seal the lead. In the second half, O'Toibin continued his impressive performance in the first half with a devastating attacking threat but no finishing with Zbimg made it hard to add to the score-line.

    But, at the end of the game, I found it hard to not celebrate the performance – ruining my secret 'watcher' role by running onto the pitch and screaming into the aura of the celebratory atmosphere from the home fans.

    But I couldn't really put all my attention into the media shock and the police questioning, making a deal to do both at the end of the season in order to not interfere with the football! Next game: Port Vale away.

    One of the goals was to add a cup to the history when we can, especially after coming so close at the end of last season being runners-up, it was all about continuing the league form into the cup run.

    Wanting to use the same team, hoping that the terrific form shown in the final half of the first half and the second – which was ruined by bad finishing – I was kicked in the balls by reality as O'Toibin was too tired after his perfect performance against Wimbledon and so the sixteen year old Mark Henderson would replace him at left wing. And of course, Hemphill was reinstated as captain.

    Tuesday 18th February 2014
    Vans Trophy North Semi-Final
    Port Vale v. Newark

    (Zbimg '62 '76)
    MoM – L. Zbimg


    In what seemed to be a life-time Zbimg finally found the finishing touch as well as his dribbling skills. The game in whole was back in forth with each side having enough shots that it could kill Terminator! But, despite the impressive team performance it was down to Lorenzo's one-off exceptional performance that gave us the performance of the cup so far!

    The fact that it could have been a hat-trick if Hemphill didn't get stranded offside 41 minutes in – but a superb reaction time on the 62nd minute allowed the Italian stallion to finch onto Speroni's rebound save. And 14 minutes later it was just like a replay as he did it again!

    Bad day between the posts for the former Crystal Palace keeper

    The next day it was confirmed that the first paid transfer in the club's history as French defensive midfielder Yohan Betsch signed for £450k from Guingamp, just five months after signing for them from Laval for £110k. As someone who could also be an option for right-back, he adds more depth to the squad which might come in handy come closer to the end of the season.

    First paid signee from Guingamp for £450k

    After the intensive and tiring Port Vale game, it was time for some changes, Clayton came on for The Eejit, Baz came on for Moxey, Van der Voom on for the tired Zbimg, Hoolihan was replaced for Balkenstein (who looked to be playing a minimal amount anyway) and new-boy Betsch was on the bench.

    Saturday 22nd February 2014
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Morecambe

    MoM – W. Haining

    A second string team came up with a second rate performance overall as the defensive Morecambe never stepped out of their half then on counters – but still controlled the game. Morecambe never allowed us to have a clear chance or shot on goal – with most of the overall play in the centre half of the field it kind of defined the overall performance for both teams.

    Annoyed with the 'negative football' used, I wanted to create a more offensive attacking team. But first we were told our opponents for the North Final:

    It was mid-table Second Division side Sheffield United that could have been pushing for promotion with the strikers Nick Blackman, Rickie Lambert, Simeon Jackson and Dave Kitson all fighting for positions and could walk into any other team, defensively they weren't great which gave us an advantage in some way.

    Mind back onto the league, it was time to choose the eleven that would the play-off pushing Southend. Making only two changes as the now fit O'Toibin was back into the starting line-up and Lorenzo Zbimg was given the nod ahead of Kowalinho, not feeding the media hungry Ama Peach.

    Wednesday 26th February 2014
    English Third Division
    Southend v. Newark

    (Phillips '53)(Hemphill '90)
    MoM – M. Phillips

    An annoying 'park the bus' performance from the home side added the negative football scheme against us, once again – and despite the 16 shots we had on, 10 of each was on target – it was only down to the winger connection that it happened!

    Southend had minimal chances, and it was only down to a corner from Ryan Hall and temporary bad positioning from Hoolihan that allowed defender Phillips to head in the first goal – which game into the second half – but was also the reason why we wasn't able to have one back as he blocked and challenged every attack. But a last chance saloon attack at the end of the second half, allowed to threaten their tired players as Furman, Wato and O'Toibin curved away at them – resulting with O'Toibin with a high cross into the box, which was found by the captain who volleyed it straight into the back of the net!

    As soon as the whistle blew I jumped in celebration with the draw, knowing a point is a point, and we still had the advantage over Gillingham.

    Jumping for joy!

    With the last game before the Vans Trophy North Final being just three days away, it was time to rest a few players and continue the momentum for others. Moxey slotted in at left-back as Baz replaced the sold Balkenstein who left for his native Dutch side AZ for £150k, Vasily played a rare game as he replaced the rested Furman, and Van der Voom for Zbimg.

    Saturday 1st March 2014
    English Third Division
    Burton v. Newark

    (Webster '43)(O'Toibin '18, Vasily '54)
    Shepard injured '7
    MoM – E. Wato

    A horrific start as less than ten minutes in a collision between Burton forward Billy Knee and Shepard lead to Shepard having to be stretchered off the pitch.

    Applauded by both fans out of respect

    Both sets of fans applauded the Canadian as he was taken off, being replaced by the transfer listed and reluctant second-choice keeper John Wood – all I could do was wait that the news we would get after the match wouldn't be as bad it looked like, especially with the Sheffield United game just around the corner.

    Fortunately the team wasn't completely turned off by the horrific incident, Clayton and Wato controlled the midfield well which resulted with a nice defence splitting through-ball which was lynched onto by O'Toibin who went past Tomlinson and slotted the ball into the bottom corner.

    It took Burton a while to reply, but Page did a nice lobbed ball for Webster who took advantage of Wood's lack of game time, by slotting in his tenth goal of the season just minutes away from the end of the first half.

    The second half cemented Wato's brilliant influence on the game as he assisted yet another goal, this time with his midfield partner Vasily, who volleyed the lay-off from Wato into the back of the net for his fifth.

    Arriving back onto the bus I met with the physio Paul Davies who gave me the brief on the state of Shepard's injury.

    Niko: So tell me, how long is he out for?

    Davies: Luckily, Shepard only has a gashed leg – don't really know why they decided to take him off with the stretcher – but, he will be out for about two weeks.

    Niko: Damn, so he would miss both legs of the Sheffield United games, plus a load of league games.

    Davies: Afraid so.

    As I thought about my options I decided to retire back home to sleep over my options, but as I arrived back I felt a sense of guilt after I witnessed the face of lover Soña, knowing what happened in Tim Sherwood Forest.

    Niko: Hey!

    I said with a little bit of a high note at the end.

    Soña: So you ready to come clean then?

    She said instantly in response, shocked I stumbled back.

    Niko: You mean, you know?

    Soña: I know more about YOU, then YOU know, Niko.

    With that said I could feel the cold breeze shiver across my skin, and the awkwardness started to sink in. Maybe putting all my empathy onto football wasn't the greatest idea, especially when you have someone like Soña who seems to carry a gun every-time I see her.

    As I started to think things through - she walked over and tapped my shoulder, standing still I closed my eyes as she reached for my ears to whisper something. Something that I had heard so much, so hauntingly throughout my life.

    Soña: Let This River Flow....

    To Be Continued.

  14. #364

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    Updated first page, currently writing the next continuation - mainly football, might add some comedy in because the previous one didn't have any with a little story.

    Hope to end the season some point in the next week or two.

  15. #365

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    The Second Journey
    Chapter Eight:
    The Master has Returned!

    Four words that have riddled my life with an daunting echo. A calling from the darkness of confusion – what the hell is it about?

    Niko: What did you say?

    I asked to Soña as my eyes were closed still. Tightening my fists to hold back my agony, I awaited a response but nothing came just silence. Opening my eyes all I saw was my living room – with no sign of anyone even been there. With The Eejit moving in with Theodore Eejit, I guess I have let more of the stress effect my mental state in negative way.

    Niko: Okay. Time for sleep, then wake up and sort this goalkeeper scenario out!

    And so I went to bed...

    The next day I started to break into the network of the transfer market searching for a goalkeeper that I could either buy or loan, and could get in time for the Sheffield United game. Luckily enough, one goalkeeper was happy enough to join us despite our low reputated and unknown club.

    Fortunately for us, that one goalkeeper happened to be a Premier League player – and though it wasn't a permanent replace (even though we are given the option) – Reading's over-looked goal-keeper Ross Atkins joined the club on loan – especially for the Sheffield United games. Atkins, a former Derby player before being bought by Reading for £40k, hasn't played a single game for Reading, Derby or Burton, the previous club he was loaned to before being bought by Reading, in the last two years so the pressure was on the 24 year old.

    Despite the enthusiasm from all the lads, it was my choice to who would be played and whose dreams to make a historic moment within the club to break. After the impressive performances of Vasily, O'Toibin, and co – I decided to make only two changes. Kowalinho would replace Van der Voom to add more composure infront of goal and Atkins would make his début for the injured Shepard.

    Tuesday 4th March 2014
    English Vans Trophy North Final Leg 1
    Newark v. Sheff Utd


    Between the seven days of the second leg, we had another visit this time against Chesterfield, and it was the same eleven that faced them, hoping to gain more momentum going into the game.

    Saturday 8th March 2014
    English Third Division
    Chesterfield v. Newark

    (Togwell ’30)(Kowalinho ’42)
    MoM – S. Hird

    A ultra-defensive performance from the home side made it hard for us to break down and really add more than a lucky solo-goal from Kowalinho. Of course, we were the main men within the game, controlling all areas except for their final third, and that bit us on the ass – enforcing to put up with taking a point.

    But I couldn’t be taken away too much from the game as the more important game was right on our door – well, Sheffield’s – but still, my attention was onto the second leg for the right to be in the Vans Trophy final.

    Forcibly, I had to make two changes, Clayton disappointing fitness in training meant he had to take the day off, and in-came The Eejit, whose anxiousness was rewarded instead of Betsch who would once again be watching the game from the sidelines. Another change was Baz coming out to left-back after Moxey suffered an injury in the Chesterfield game – allowing Liam to slot in next to Hoolihan.

    Tuesday 11th March 2014
    English Vans Trophy North Final Leg 2
    Sheff Utd v. Newark


    After the game we were free for a whole 7 days!

    Instead of training, I decided to let the team have the week off to ensure that fitness could be improved. But, before I could announce that, we were informed the side we would be facing in the Vans Trophy Final:


    The team that had suffered with the dealings of Redknapp and his poisonous effects on his teams he leaves – after sacking Michael Appleton in December, they have found some kind of redemption and consistency in the form of Paul Lambert.

    After just escaping relegation with Aston Villa, he was on thin ice – and that cracked after a poor rub at the beginning of this season. Out of work since then, I find it funny how a ‘Premier League’ manager is so far down in the leagues, such as Second Division – but allow me to face a final worthy adversary so far since my return from the bullshit kidnapping.

    Despite the lads having a break, I was not. Working from my amazing toilet office, I still had to work out the shit of BobMem, Kowalinho wanting to leave as well as the mysterious mind of Volkan ‘Two Face’ Ediz, who seemed to both want to stay but also want to leave for a bigger club – leaving a major distaste of the frivolous gossip ladies of the locker-room.

    First I did two dealings, out went Lee Collins to Bury for £90k, and in came Ross Atkins for £500k after impressing in 3 games he had played – a nice second-choice I might add. But, before I could sing the tune of the Bill theme song, I was soon encountered by the local corrupt chief.

    He burst into my toilet-office, breaking the stall door – all I can add is thankfully I was ready for something like this so I wouldn’t have to try and find another pair of trousers, a nice lesson I learnt dreadfully before.

    Corrupt chief: Ah, Mr Bergstrom. Nice to know that pieces of human waste know where they belong!

    Niko: Ha. I bet that took two seconds to come up with. Now what do you want, cunt chops?

    Corrupt Chief: Now, you wouldn’t want to use that kind of language around a member of the police force now, would you?

    Niko: Don’t know, is there one here?

    I said, imitating trying to look behind him.

    Corrupt Chief: Now, you little shit!

    Niko: Alright enough! Stop with the stupid puns! I get it; my office is also a toilet. Hahahaha! I think that joke has worn thin, don’t you?

    Corrupt Chief: Whatever. Now, when the detectives come calling about you being kidnapped you’ll tell him nothing, you hear?

    Niko: Right. Because I will so be bothered by threats from you!

    As soon as I said that, my only window was soon smashed in by an old looking man.

    It was a Midget! And even worse, not only was he Irish, but he had a pogo stick! He could jump to my height in one giant leap for small-kind!

    Corrupt Chief: You don’t know what you’re messing with here, buddy boy!

    Niko: I get you, but what’s with MC Smalley over their?

    Corrupt Chief: He’s been hired by the top chiefs to make sure you keep in line, overwise he will play Danny Boy with your lungs!

    Niko: All I would have to do is step on a chair like this!

    I said, getting up and standing ontop of the toilet bowl.

    And he couldn’t touch me!! He’s wee little arms wouldn’t be able to do anything!

    What the little bastard did next was more mischievous. He hopped over, stopped and then started to piss on my feet.

    As I tried to dodge the stream, I slipped and my leg got stuck in the toilet as I flushed.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! You’ve 127 hours me to a frisking toilet! Time to call the big shots!

    Soon, I lent over towards my desk and grabbed the secret box I had.

    I opened the box with the key I kept around my neck, to get the object inside.

    Another, albeit smaller, wooden box which I then opened with the keys I had taped to my left but cheek to open.

    To get to the whistle, which I blew as hard as I could to open a secret-secret contraption to reveal the real secret.

    A Lucky Charm!

    The Irish’s second worst enemy, after alcoholism.

    Niko: Ha! A Lucky Charm!

    The midget soon started to sweat as he fought his genetic national urge to grab it, but as my eyes gleamed and an evil chuckle embarked from the forefront of my throat – my own worst enemy appeared from the door.


    Theo: Yo Niko, I heard a whistle and thought it was a marmalade rave!

    He said with a gleaming eyes, only to be hit with disappointment.

    Theo: Oh, so it’s a gay rave. Damn!

    He said with sadness being marked, until his eyes were glued to the Lucky Charm in the palm of my head.

    Theo: So the prophecy was correct!

    He said walking towards me, pushing the midget aside onto the floor.

    Theo: This is the Lucky Charm of Marmaras, the God of Marmalade! It is said a great messenger will alert the true believer of Marmen to its presence - and it has!

    He grabbed the Lucky Charm faster then I could close my hand into a fist, and hailed it towards the barely lit ceiling.

    Theo: Crunchy, Munchy of Marmalade Sauce – Show me the grand’s worth on Earth – The one reason of life itself – the Maramalade Power Force!

    He screamed running out of the room like a child on extacy – and soon I was back to the muted midget and the Corrupt Chief.

    Corrupt Chief: Well, I will tell the Prime Minister everything is according to plan – and that you having been silenced from telling you the truth. Gooday – now come on Larry, we have to leave now to reach the train to Lair of Fudge, before He gets back.

    They both left, as I sudden chill ran down my spine as I remembered the word ‘He’.

    Niko: They couldn’t have met – Him?

    I said, ignoring the fact my leather show was trapped into a one bedroomed space with a lump of shit.

    Luckily, the local shit-eater, AMC was able to free me – but died soon after.

    Niko: Oh My Gawd! My lump of Shit killed AMC!

    But as I said that suddenly, his stomach burst open like that scene from Alien, and my lump of shit was revealed.

    Shit: I shall kill again, B!

    It screamed before escaping from the broken window.

    Niko: Soo… my shit is a serial killer…..

    I shook my shoulders not wanting to go into too much thought.

    Niko: Meh, I have more important shit to do….


    Everyone seemed rested, except Hemphill who still was exhausted and had the game off, allowing the younger Henderson a chance to add another impressive performance in Hemphill’s absence.

    Tuesday 18th March 2014
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Gillingham

    (Weston ’48, Montrose ’61)
    MoM – C. Whelpdale

    And what came was a performance which showed we were human, and allowed second place Gillingham cut down the point deficit against us. A bore of a first half, the life of the game came in the second half and, unlucky, it was because of the away side that no-one committed suicide from the boredom.

    The thorn in our side was 27 year old Chris Whelpdale, which broke down our left back Baz and kept plucking away at our defence. Him and Strevens earned a free kick thanks to the aggressive nature of a pissed The Eejit, which Weston scored from – and it was due to Whelpdale’s pin-perfect cross that allowed Montrose to tap in from his deep run from midfield.

    Luckily for us, the next game was against Stevenage, and both Shepard and Hemphill were ready to resume their roles within the first eleven among other changes.

    One change was O’Toibin, whose fitness wasn’t the sharpest, who was replaced by Henderson on the left wing, another chance to impress after having to be replaced at 62 minutes by the man who was playing up-front, Van der Voom. Hutchinson also made his first start under me as the ex-Chelsea man replaced the suspended Hoolohan.

    Saturday 22nd March 2014
    English Third Division
    Stevenage v. Newark

    (Chalmers ’29)(Van der Voom ’22, Vasily ’88)
    MoM – H. Van der Voom

    And what a managerial decision by me – the Awesome One!

    Van der Voom took his rare opportunity with both hands, first scoring then being the creator for the late goal. It was a match that could go both ways, and once again it was due to the fact that the teams within the league had started to get used to my type of attacking football.

    The Eejit kind of semi- assisted the first goal, that being his shot being hit off the bar into his face and the ball just happened to land in-front of Van der Voom to score into the back of the net – but he said it was apart of his ‘master plan’ which I still doubt now.

    The seven minutes between was an enjoyable back and forth which finished with a Shroot corner which was headed in by Lewis Chalmers.

    Any relation?

    And sadly that was it for most of the game in terms of actual opportunities that entertained me, but rather enfused me! Thankfully, my fuming powers got a hold of Van der Voom who lofted the ball forward for Vasily to score once more – his celebration, I might add, being a point towards Yermolai in the away stands which he accepted with a nod.

    It was debut time for the man named Yohan Bestch, as otherwise it was the same team that had beaten Stevenage four days prior.

    Wednesday 26th March 2014
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Northampton

    (Van der Voom ’39 ’51)
    MoM – H. Van der Voom

    We had done it!

    All we need was three points to qualify for the play-offs and we did, mainly thanks to Van der Voom – his instinct to charge on pass Jones from The Eejit’s nice forward pass allowed him to smack it straight into the back of the net. And it was like a replay of the same goal, except this time it was Wato’s ball!

    From that the news made the home fans estatic!

    We were on step closer to sealing the title, with another home game against Accrington to finish the end of one of the most pragmatic months I have yet in English football and in my managerial career. The offering to Accrington? Why the same team that had won the last two games!

    Saturday 29th March 2014
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Accrington

    MoM – Liam

    A prime example of a borefest as Accrington’s negative football frustrated us to take a point, meaning they have earned 4 points from the two meetings we have had this season. To be fair, they did deserve the point when they countered they were actually threatening and tested Liam and co. for the majority but fortunately they couldn’t score and we held on till the end.

    With next month being seemingly as hectic, I retired back home and decided to just reveal the entertainment of the British public, but was soon amazed after I turned onto the ITV news.

    Reporter: I am standing outside of Wembly, were the emergence of the latest pop-star has shocked the music industry. I was able to speak to some of the audience members to try and understand what or who this new sensation is!

    Soon a fat teenaged spot-face appeared on the screen, making me dread the fact I got a 3D television.

    Spot-face: Well, it all happened so fast! Firstly, the band was disappointing and then Chris Brown cancelled due to his arrangement of his annual Rihanna ‘beat-up’ session – it looked like the whole concert was going down the toilet! Until it came out!

    He said with a sense of disbelief, and soon the image I thought I would never see.

    My piece of shit, not only somehow turned into a cartoon, but had become a more famous musician in a couple of weeks than I did for over two years!

    Spot-face: Before it came out, it was a shit performance – and then it was a shit performance! He sang like there was corn stuck in the back of his throat – a great and original mastery voice! And then it became an open-top performance as shit went down in the audience, as the roof was torn off by a storm – a literall shit storm!

    After that I decided to turn off the television and head off to bed.

    Niko: Thank fuck there’s only two more months of the season – I need a vacation!

    I said as I stumble up-stairs towards the haven that was my comfy bed. As soon, as I let the clutches of sleep entice me, all I could think was maybe next month would be better?

    **************************************************  **********************************************
     English Third Division - Sunday 30th March 2014
    **************************************************  **********************************************
    ==================================================  ==============================================
     2013/14 Table
    ==================================================  ==============================================
    Pos     Team                            Pld  Won  Drn  Lst  For  Ag   Won  Drn  Lst  For  Ag   Pts
    1st  Pl Newark                          40   16   3    1    39   10   10   7    3    31   16   88   
    2nd  Pl Gillingham                      40   13   5    2    35   14   10   6    4    24   15   80   
    3rd     Preston                         40   12   6    2    38   20   8    5    7    31   31   71   
    4th     Plymouth                        40   13   4    3    37   22   8    3    9    32   27   70   
    5th     Torquay                         40   14   3    3    43   24   6    4    10   32   39   67   
    6th     Stevenage                       40   13   2    5    47   32   6    8    6    30   34   67   
    7th     Bristol Rovers                  40   8    9    3    32   24   8    5    7    34   32   62   
    8th     Southend                        40   9    6    5    32   24   7    5    8    28   31   59   
    9th     Rotherham                       40   8    9    4    29   23   6    7    6    29   27   58   
    10th    Accrington                      40   7    8    5    34   30   8    4    8    36   38   57   
    11th    Burton Albion                   40   9    5    6    34   28   7    3    10   30   33   56   
    12th    Yeovil                          40   6    7    7    24   22   9    3    8    32   30   55   
    13th    AFC Wimbledon                   40   9    5    6    35   36   5    5    10   23   31   52   
    14th    York                            40   7    6    7    39   40   6    5    9    27   35   50   
    15th    Aldershot                       40   8    2    10   38   35   5    5    10   32   41   46   
    16th    Chesterfield                    40   8    4    7    32   30   4    6    11   34   44   46   
    17th    Morecambe                       40   9    3    7    31   28   3    7    11   24   36   46   
    18th    Hartlepool                      40   10   3    7    40   36   3    4    13   25   39   46   
    19th    Exeter                          40   4    6    10   23   34   8    4    8    42   44   46   
    20th    Northampton                     40   5    4    10   30   38   6    6    9    37   42   43   
    21st    Rochdale                        40   6    8    7    34   37   3    5    11   24   40   40   
    22nd    Dag & Red                       40   7    8    5    34   31   2    5    13   17   40   40   
    23rd    Barnet                          40   8    2    10   28   33   3    4    13   23   39   39   
    24th    Fleetwood                       40   9    1    11   41   46   2    3    14   20   45   37

  16. #366

    Join Date
    Kraków, Poland
    3 goals in 3 matches, nice

  17. #367

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    Alright, writing the next chapter which will be the final one in the 'second journey' and will be split into two. The ending of it is more dramatic that you guys would probably think, and will come down to the football more than anything else. Instead of the post-season review like i did last time, it will be short and sweet, so i can start the next season faster and hopefully get that one over sooner then the others.

    Now, there will be a difference in style of writing between this chapter and next seasons - to ensure that i can be able to write the chapters/updates faster and not to dwindle around for so long. Anyway hope to get the next part out TONIGHT and the other one either tonight also- or tomorrow/Monday. Post-season review will be up soon after and then i will play into the next season.

    Hope you understand lol

  18. #368

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    The Second Journey
    Chapter Nine:
    Biting the Bullet

    As my lump of shit seemed to be getting more famous every single day, the days coming past meant that soon I would have to deal with some shit. April was the month to end all months, which defined if we would be able to do the double or not – and as the pressure mounted so did the responsibility that I had to make sure that we MET the demands this season, and make some historic moments for the club.

    With that defeat against Gillingham last month, it also meant that we needed to make sure we made NO mistakes between now and the final kick of the season against Dag and Red on the 4th of May.

    With play-offs already certain, it meant at least we still had a chance to fall back on if we did fail – but yet again, that will not please me especially after leading the league for so much of the season!

    To ensure that the likelihood of failure wasn’t large, I made one change – Zbimg for Van der Voom.

    Saturday 5th April 2014
    English Third Division
    Yeovil v. Newark

    The beginning was fast and straight Zbimg made my choice of him starting a good one as he nodded in 2 minutes in from a Hemphill low driven cross. It was that connection that kept the attacks free and ever-flowing, despite the amount of chances Yeovil tried to create.

    The first half was our dominant period, and the second half, where Van der Voom came on for Vasily and playing in the center with Wato came Hemphill. Van der Voom’s presence was surely felt as second on he already tested the goalkeeper, only to be denied by an astonishing save!

    Yeovil started to find their feet finally around the hour mark – but never threatened as much as manager Gary Johnson hoped, only contributing to the game by finishing The Eejit’s season with 14 minutes left on the clock. He had twisted his ankle with a collision with Woods, enforcing Hernandez to come on so Betsch could play as the defensive midfielder for the last moments of the game.

    In his absence, the team started to fight back into the game for another goal, and it came as Wato layed off for the captain to find retribution for his fallen comrade and smacked in a goal with 10 minutes left.

    He was afterwards awarded the Man of the Match award, which he deserved, showing his influence on the lads and his versatility to adapt to a role he hadn’t played before.

    And with those three points we had hit another merit:

    Now we promoted some of the fans hoped to see some of the ‘other’ players, but once again, promotion wasn’t the goal! So for the next I only made the change I had too:

    Clayton came on for the man who would be missing for the last six games of the season, The Eejit, and he himself hadn’t been bad this season and could play that role for that period – I thought.

    Saturday 12th April 2014
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Exeter

    Attack, attack, attack!

    They were the words of both sides as we both wanted to take the lead and the three points in the first half – but many of the shots were either wide or so God awful that the keepers only had to whistle and the wind would blew the ball away.

    But that didn’t stop Pat Baldwin from heading in the ball into the back of the net from Gibbs freek-kick and shocking everyone in the stadium, especially as it seemed to be a routine save for Shepard!

    Second half came, Zbimg off and Kowalinho on, hoping it would make a urgent reply to the goal – which it did, as Kowalinho’s presence allowed space for Henderson to run towards the goal as Betsch crossed it in and header in the equaliser!

    After that, the team died down, but Exeter carried on looking – searching – for the second, which we seemed to be able to handle. But unfortunately their persistence earned them a glorious opportunity as Sercombe’s cross was delightfully nipped in by Parry.

    Two defenders had scored against!

    And to make matter worse, a counter attack sliced us up with Scot Bennet one-on-one with Shepard and stabbed us in the heart as he turned the Canadian and scored. Another defender.

    What made it worse, was the fact that Gillingham took advantage of this and used it to fuel a 4-1 home thrashing of Northampton to cut the point deficit to only five points!

    We were fully being tested as the next game came, on the eve of my 27th birthday, and Hemphill’s 20th, and in training the guys tried to ease my stubbornness with a birthday cake.

    Which I promptly grabbed and chucked in the bin, angry I turned round to the lads ready to set them straight!

    Niko: Tomorrow is not the time to start celebrating – we have nothing to celebrate! Wait till the end of the season for the celebrations, but that is only possible if you guys get your heads out of your asses and remember what we are actually doing here! We are not SOME football club, we are history makers! And, with a performance like that against Exeter, we won’t be making history for the right reasons – but for the wrong. We are building towards an empire, not just some unknown club! And, every single one of you needs to remember that!

    I screamed at the lads, who stood in silence. Frustrated I stormed off to the cafeteria for lunch, in hope that maybe that speech would cause the right response for the Aldershot game.

    I made changes with Van der Voom playing on the right wing, Hemphill replacing Vasily who was on the bench, hoping for the same result that occurred two weeks – I wanted to go into the Vans Trophy Final with a win in the back pocket!

    Monday 14th April 2014
    English Third Division
    Aldershot v. Newark

    But that wasn’t meant to be – or otherwise, this was an act of retribution by the lads for my outburst as we were stunned with the level that Aldershot stepped up to!

    They matched us man for man, and with the experience of Glen Morris in goal, put enough pressure on our strikers to make them seem like lost dogs! And no matter how many chances we created, they were ready.

    (Couldn't find one of Chris Hope, so i thought this was a suitable image - the smug look!)

    Chris Hope had organised his men to hold on for the second half to then deliver what the home fans wanted – and they duly took it! But, one man went against that – Guy Madjo took the opportunity of our battered and confused defence to snatch his twentieth goal of the season.

    And despite how many chances that Henderson, Zbimg or Wato attempted – nothing was good enough. Come the half-time whistle, I tried to pump as much enthusiasm out of the tired legs as I could – even taking Van der Voom off for O’Toibin so that Henderson went on the right and he could slot into the left did nothing!

    And, for the second game running, we were forced to watch as Baz had to cut short his season and game – making me put on Hernandez, with also Kowalinho coming on, hoping for something to click, but instead….

    …We were stopped by a stab in the back from fate, as defender Troy Brown sealed the three points for Aldershot – and another glorious opportunity for Gillingham to take another three points off the deficit.

    I returned to the training ground bemused and scared for the next game against Portsmouth.

    I spoke with my assistant….

    I spoke with one of my head coaches…

    I spoke to another one of my coaches, and they all told to do one thing.

    I would have to bite the bullet as do something that I said I wouldn’t do.

    I would have to play BobMem.


  19. #369

    Join Date
    Kraków, Poland

  20. #370

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    The Second Journey
    Chapter Nine:
    Biting the Bullet!

    After taking on the task of actually taking everyone’s advice, I returned back to my office ready to call up the man who had been exiled for the past four months from the first team, ever since publicly announcing his future departure to Liverpool in the summer window.

    But now, I had to call him up in hopes he wouldn’t be bitter and would be helpful to the merits of the football club – especially as anything won here, would also be on his CV, and it wouldn’t hurt to see two league titles, one cup and another cup final along with signing to a Premier League giant such as Liverpool.

    After spending five minutes to rehearse possible sentences to say, I finally rang him up. He agreed to coming down to the training ground and to do a one-on-one meet up with me, personally, in the cafeteria for about an hour.

    Soon the time went by, and with the plate of cold pizza it was time to get down to the business.

    Niko: Right, let’s get straight to business here! I know we are not the greatest of pals, but right now I am stuck in a desperate situation where I need someone to come into the team and organise on the pitch. The Eejit is out. And no-one seems to be able to control the defence they you did earlier this season and last - If you help us out from now, it will add more value to yourself – when you can walk into Liverpool off a potential double!

    He sat there as I spoke, knowing he had all the power, he finished his cold ham and pineapple slice of pizza, and started to sip away at his flat drink of Diet Coke. Tension starting to boil, my leg started jolting as he took even more time to do a simple action.

    BobMem: Fine. As long as you don’t try anything!

    He said simply, before getting up and leaving.

    Niko: Right – but you have training in the evening! I want to make sure you are Roddy can still play with one another!

    I shouted as he headed for the exit, I was simply acknowledged by a middle finger as the future Liverpool man nonchalantly just had established himself once more as a member of the Newark Athletic first eleven – and my stomach churned as I acknowledged it.

    The dreadful day had finally arrived!

    The goal of meeting in the final had finally come – and now, all we had to do was beat Portsmouth and it will be fully guaranteed!

    This time around – I didn’t mess around with the team selection; I chose what most would call a ‘predictable’ team, well except BobMem who would partner up once more with Hoolihan which was a formidable alliance in the first half of the season – and I found it kind of suitable that it would commence once more for last couple of games!

    Sunday 20th April 2014
    English Vans Trophy Final
    Portsmouth v. Newark

    The atmosphere was tense as both teams walked out of the tunnel, myself and Lambert tried to remain calm and collected – but the atmosphere had built a large amount of hype for the game, and even the handshake between myself and Lambert at the start felt as if I was shaking the hand of God.

    And Boom!

    Off it went with the Pompey searching off the get go for the early goal, Whitehead going past the defenders like he was aiming for the World Cup Final goal! One-on-one with Shepard…


    Anxiously the Pompey faithful cheered on, wanting something to go in for them – but instead, it was the Red and White side that was screaming as another brilliant save from Robert Green denied Clayton from scoring what would have been the first goal!

    Still annoyed by the acrobatics of Green, Clayton allowed his rage to take-over momentarily, making a rash challenge on Etl to see the first card of the game – a yellow luckily!

    More time went on, and still there seemed no way for us to fault Green’s amazing performance, the fans could only watch as they thought they were getting another dish of reality handed to them.

    But then, Hemphill’s corner fell wonderfully onto the head of Vasily – once more Green did another spectatular save, and with less than a minute left in the half, it seemed we were going to end it all level….


    The half-time team talk suddenly had to be changed. As the lads caught their breath back, I started to improvise my speech.

    Niko: That was a nice taster lads. A nice little showing of what we can do without even trying, and I am pleased – truly I am – I am pleased! But. Am I amazed? Nope. Am I in awe? Hell no. Do I feel like I am seeing a club that is fighting for a domestic double?
    Really, they are? No, I do not! So, let’s stop being mean men! Stop being the cock-tease, and just slap that floppy sucker in their faces and piss all over their noses – because I know we can do better than that!

    The room chuckled.

    Niko: We are the club on the up! We don’t care about the little shits like they do – we only care about winning, women, and making history. So let’s go out there and win more, get ready to shag more – and less make some fucking history!

    I screamed – and the lads screamed back, with something different than I hoped.

    All: For the pussy!!

    They all charged back onto the pitch, and even though it took a little longer – the chances kept coming!

    Kowalinho with a nice improvised volley….

    Side netting.

    Hemphill with a nice header on…..

    Gathered by Green.

    It seemed that the chances were coming, but we couldn’t finish them! Walking back to the touchline as we gathered the ball in the centre of the pitch, I wanted to see if I had anything written down that would allow us to break into-

    But then, all of a sudden a large roar exploded and I spun round. The images were clear as day….



    Running around the stadium faster than Usain Bolt, I chucked my blazer into the fans section, before being ushered back to the touchline by the officials, who gave me a stern telling off.

    But I didn’t care, as the chances came knocking as Wato was 30 yards out, then passed it to Hemphill on the wing – and he set himself up, with all eyes on him….


    Agony came afterwards…

    Hemphill was forced to come off after a serious knock after what seemed like a usual challenge. He had to be taken to the hospital – and Henderson had to come on for his cameo as around three minutes was left on the clock.

    Portsmouth took the opportunity to score one back via Brian Howard, who scored his fifth goal of the season – but he didn’t celebrate as the game was already over, we had won the English Vans Trophy!

    One medal wasn’t awarded out, and I would give it to Hemphill later on – as for mine I did what I thought I had to, I chucked it into the crowd for my wallet, car keys, house keys, mobile phone and the other important stuff I had left in my blazer when I chucked it into the crowd earlier.

    After the game, the lads celebration was delayed after some news – Hemphill had twisted his knee and would be off injured for the rest of the season. What I decided was that the day after the Dag and Red match, we would celebrate, belatedly, my birthday, Frasers, Vans Trophy win and, hopefully, the league title together.

    But it also meant that we could say goodbye to BobMem, and another favourite defender of mine, Roddy Hoolihan:

    It seemed Kowalinho and BobMem wasn’t the only people to be contacted by Ama Peach, and she had ‘persuaded’ him to leave the club also. Being as I said I would let anyone go on two terms: 1. you would leave at the end of the season and 2. for the right price for the club. Despite wanting more, £1 million was the maximum I was able to get from Birmingham for Hoolihan – and so would leave at the end of the season with BobMem.

    However, his last game wouldn’t be now as due to under-21 international games, Hoolihan, Baz, O’Toibin and BobMem all were away from selection, meaning Van der Voom, Liam, Hutchinson and Hernandez would be replacing them for the important game against Plymouth.

    With our success in the Vans Trophy, it allowed Gillingham to cut the deficit completely down and still on top with a point advantage, but played one more game then us. It meant, also, that this could potentially come down to the last game of the season if both us and Gillingham won all our games – options which might actually occur!

    So, let’s get this going.

    Wednesday 23rd April 2014
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Plymouth

    Carl Fletcher’s side had already been successful into the play-offs, with the eyes gleaming onto the third automatic promotion spot; it was certain this wasn’t going to be an easy game. And it certainly wasn’t as 16 minutes in Cowan-Hall headed into the back of the net for Plymouth.

    We replied just shy of 3 minutes – Clayton assisting Betsch with his first goal for the club as making it all level again. But that didn’t last too long as Wato adding to his spectactular goal in the Vans Trophy Final with a wonder goal into the top corner – 2-1 with 26 minutes on the clock.

    Guerreri made it level again, five minutes after, showing why having either Hoolihan/BobMem in defence was definitely needed – but thankfully not this game as in stoppage time, Henderson was able to sprint on through onto goal but was tackled badly by Margan and a penalty was awarded which he stepped up too and simply slotted into the back of the net to finished the half 3-2 in our favour.

    The second half, the lads got a bollocking for the shit defensive, and Zbimg came on for Kowalinho – and out they came, and in went another goal as Wato scored his second – thanks from a nice cross from Van der Voom – and once again show his Lampard-esque quality to score from the heart of midfield.

    The Similarities will always continue!

    We weren’t done there!

    Henderson add a fifth –and his second – with a terrific solo goal on 71 minutes meaning the final score was 5-2, and we were now tied top with Gillingham – but we ‘on-top’ due to a better goal difference. Wato took back the Man of the Match award for his terrific performance.

    Onward for the next game and it was against York away – this time the lads who were off for the Under-21’s were back and Zbimg played to give Kowalinho a rest.

    Saturday 26th April 2014
    English Third Division
    York v. Newark

    It wasn’t the best of games to say the least – York took the first goal from John Smith’s nice goal from centre-midfeild with 21 minutes played, it took O’Toibin twenty-four minutes to reply, thanks to an another assist from Wato.

    But, luckily, we were able to find the net once more! After two changes, Henderson off for Van der Voom, and Clayton for Liam – so that Betsch could take his place as DMC – Zbimg scored his 15th of the season with five minutes to go to seal the three points, and as Gillingham also won, meant we had to seal the deal on the final day of the season!

    No changes made – and it seemed the best setting for some of the players. BobMem and Hoolihan had one last chance to say good by – as did Kowalinho, whose arranged transfer to his ‘big club’ happened, but maybe not the same team as he hoped…


    It was the best chance to win the title in a dramatic fashion and it was the right weather for the game also, as the fans sang:

    “When we were nothing there,
    We fought to be alive,
    Now we are over here,
    Seeing with our eyes,

    The Warriors, We’re Fearless!
    The Warriors, We’re Fearless!

    Going through the leagues,
    Fighting for every game,
    Scoring with ease,
    Newark Athletics’ the name,

    The Warriors, We’re Fearless!
    The Warriors, We’re Fearless!”

    Sunday 4th May 2014
    English Third Division
    Newark v. Dag & Red

    With the brilliant atmosphere made by the support, the lads went out there with determination and huge smiles – wanting to end the season with the double!

    And the chances just didn’t seemed to come as Dag & Red had chance after chance, and keeping hold onto the ball for as long as they could, hoping that could protect from the on-slaughter that Plymouth felt a few weeks ago!

    Getting annoyed with what they were seeing, the fans started to let us hear what they wanted.

    “We want the Double!
    We want the Double!”

    They chanted and clapping in between, putting more pressure on the away team which allowed Hernandez to nick it and advance with the support of Vasily, who then lobbed it forward for Zbimg!

    HE SCORED!!!

    Which of course prompted the now infamous chant as he ran over to them at the corner…

    “We can’t say your name!
    We can’t say your name!
    Hey, yo, Lorenzo!
    We can’t say your name!”

    To say that the plebs on the SkySports team had dissed it, the fact that nearly 6000 people were chanting it with such passion was nice to see.

    The end of the half was nice to see also, as Dag & Red just wouldn’t allow us any time on the ball.

    Second half and Dag & Red went on the attack, which after 11 minutes earned them a goal as Woodall volleyed in the equaliser to score his twentieth of the season. Vasily then replied four minutes with the lead again, thanks to the awesome assist off Zbimg, who seemed to thrive from the support he was getting!

    But guess what?

    Boom! Another equlaiser as left winger Green equalised fifteen minutes later….

    ..which was cancelled out by a goal from the man of the moment Zbimg, who knocked in a nice heel from O’Toibin’s cross to give us the lead – which we were able to hold onto! And what a goal it was!

    As the final whistle came, I was surrounded by the lads and chucked into the air!

    As the celebrations began, the mantel was being built, I walked over to the fans – who in return started to sing my name.

    “Niko Bergstrom!
    We love you!
    You killed Cowell,
    And slept with half the town!
    And Niko!
    We still love you!”

    Despite some of the stuff they sang, it was a nice sentiment to be loved by a club – for once – as the moment arrived to celebrate the fact – WE HAD WON THE THIRD DIVISION!!

    Champagne went every where! But we didn’t care because at this moment, we had done the double – yes, not THEE double but A double at least!!

    The bus around town was scheduled, as some of the lads we still drunk from the night before.

    But it was only going to get worse as the stadium was soon turned into party central, where even the new marmalade God worshipper came!

    Niko: Wouldn’t have thought you would have came? Since you follow a tube of marmalade now!

    Theo: Of course I would! There is chicks here!

    He said, the only thing I would hear from him all night. Soon I bumped into a happy Yermolai.

    Yermolai: Niko, you have done it! Congrats! We are getting one step closer to the Premier League, no? Keep up the massive work – and I wouldn’t have to kill you! Though, no disappearing next time.

    Yeah, thanks – and hey, you got my name right!

    Yermolai: Oh, I am sorry – congrats Nikolavski! I have been drinking since yesterday! Vodka!!

    He screamed as vodka started to fall from the ceiling. The party started to die down as some people left around midnight, but I was soon able to push a large majority over to mine to continue!

    There was one woman who I spent the whole night chatting to, though her face started to blurr with every passing drink – until a cartoon of a kitten with his poor over it’s cute face was shown in mind. And the next day, it felt like hell.

    Looking over to my smashed window in my room, the sunlight burnt my retinas. Sleeping on my side, I turned onto my back and looked up to my ceiling which had a nice drawing of The Eejit with a Lynx can with a speech bubble of gibberish.

    Niko: God – it’s going to be expensive to get that off the ceiling!

    I said, as I groan was made out of nowhere next to me.

    Niko: What? I slept with someone last night?

    Oh God! Trailling through the memories I still had – I couldn’t remember who it was! Was it Sona? No. I hadn’t heard from here for weeks, months. No. It couldn’t be? Yermolai!

    No, in second thoughts he went back home after the vodka was all gone.

    Instead of guessing everyone I knew, I just pulled off the devout to shit my pants as to the identity.


  21. #371

    Join Date
    Kraków, Poland


  22. #372

    Join Date

    Right you fucking losers, I'm off. Good job Nico had the sense to call me back in, else you bunch of amateurs never would have done the double. Liverpool 'til I die!!

  23. #373

    Join Date
    Zbimg coming back to life!! And what a nice chant! Great achievement winning the league Nikolavski!

  24. #374

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    Oh, btw guys because it's going to be a different format next season - expect a very LARGE and DETAILED final chapter of the season to connecting over-joining story-lines and other things soon. Basically the answers that hadn't been answered about Niko, reflecting on some key moments in his personal life in the last two years and a LARGE nod to the ORIGINAL ending that was going to be for TEJ - which will also continue into the next season - as well as the future of the story.

    Basically, all story - non-football related, but hopefully something to get excited about. Also, short post-review of the season by Niko, next seasons kits to be posted some point in the week. Alot to do for the next couple of days - finally the Snake venom is running through for the first time in a long time.

  25. #375

    Join Date
    Kraków, Poland
    Will be some stories about ours journey at liverpool or Ipswich?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts