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Thread: [STORY] A Golden and Fearless Ambition

  1. #201

    Join Date
    Oh aye.
    Left wing. Didnt even look there...

  2. #202

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    Captain's armband, a speaking part, I must be doing something right

    Cracking write-up, and some good results. No goals conceded in 3 matches since you switched to the more defensive set up, just need those striker fly-boys to pull their fingers out!

    Hahahaha !

    I know, scored for fun, lately turning into Heskeys

    Zan missed it again.

    But I have a long memory and will see if he enters for AYTN 5... Coming October 2013.
    Stop advertising your story on mine

    Word of advice to AMC ..... Don't become a Canadian singer !

    Good to be back in the squad after that suspension. Looking forward to holding some silverware before the season is out.
    Trying to start a new meme on here, hope it catchyes on (hasn't so far )

    Also, your giving me quite a headache, your guy is WAY too inconsistent

    You played the last two games, wato...

    Zbing seems to be getting hacked a fair bit

    Glad to have scored and on a run of games at the moment!
    Glad to see someone paying attention

  3. #203

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    The First Journey
    Chapter Six:
    A December to Remember!

    I followed the small man, as he took me toward a large door which had a built-in steps so that he could reach the handle – how sweet of Ikea to do that! As I pushed open the door, I was confronted with the image of a small man awaiting me.

    Midget Leader: Ah, Niko! Nice to finally meet the legend himself!
    Niko: It's has been too long....

    I said, smirking to myself as I heard what I had said.

    Midget Leader: Indeed it has. My name is Derek Winston Arf, but most call me Winston or Arf for short.
    Niko: So Arf for short?

    I said, smirking once more as I noticed that his name with initials meant: D.W.Arf.

    Winston: Yes, but let's not ignore the reason why you are here. Myself, and my fellow assassins, have came to the conclusion that it is best to our interests if we put an end to this rivalry between ourselves and you. Too many have been killed on both sides!
    Niko: Both sides? I am still here! I kick your tiny asses everytime you 'try' and kill me!
    Winston: I have meant your allies? The ones called AMC?
    Niko: Nah, I’m used to them. Sometimes they can be quite trivial, sometimes stupid, and sometimes quite canonical! So you see, it's really myself as the ultimate bad-ass!
    Winston: Allright then. Let's reserve the 'winners' and 'losers' titles, and get down to business. After all, this is only a small matter!

    I snickered once more.

    Niko: Sure, we don't want to jump into conclusions or assumptions now! I am kind of short of time, and need to spend a minuet of time away from my job!
    Winston: Indeed!

    He agreed, ignoring all my little jokes with my speech.

    Winston: I am not going to beat around the bush – but there is a clan of personal who disagree to our truce. They want your blood! They once fought you before, do you remember a group called Midgets Are Really Kwl?
    Niko: MARK? Yeah. They after me? Idiots! They have to be really small-minded to go after me with my track record!
    Winston: Yes, they are indeed! So, I want to make sure you are aware that I am not responsible for these attacks? They are being ordered from a different crazed Midget!
    Niko: Gotcha Ya!
    Winston: Okay, please let my assistant down!

    He said, as I grabbed the little man who was walking towards the desk. All I wanted was a pot of gold!

    Niko: Sorry, I thought MARK was trying to do a sneak attack!
    Winston: Good to see your instincts are alert!
    Niko: Yep, they are always alert!
    Winston: Good. Now, let's leave that at that. Do you have any questions?
    Niko: Yes, I actually do.
    Winston: Please ask me them! I am willing to answer any questions you might have?
    Niko: Do you go for a large portion for your meals at MacDowells? Or small portion?
    Winston: What?
    Niko: It's something that I have always wondered! Also, do you use high chairs when you are eating there too? You know, since the tables would be too hard to sit up for!
    Winston: I meant questions about the group or the possible attacks!!
    Niko: Well, you should have said! Now I have all these questions in my head, about how you small guys deal with living in a normal dudes world!!
    Winston: Please get out if you haven't got anything related to ask!

    And so I left, the tallest person to have visited the base since it was mistaken for an orphanage by the local Catholic priest. (Man, how many times have I used that joke to describe things?)

    After leaving the building, I took a taxi to my house – hearing that Riley had saved the day by getting another coach out to save the team, and then being applauded for threatening the owner of Fiat for making a s bus!

    My home seemed to grow on me, as it did with Babe who seemed to be living there more then me. Though of course, there was the problem of the 'security' living in the bungalow in the garden. As the days came closer to the date of Christmas, my living room soon started to be decorated like Santa Claus's sex dungeon!

    After a few days of R&R with Babe, I soon was on task with choosing the team for the next match, one of two of title contenders! The first being at home against Forest Green, which I decided to use a somewhat sense of stability by using the same squad that earned a win over Cambridge:

    Saturday 22nd December 2012
    English Conference Division
    Newark v. Forest Green

    (Kowalinho '17)
    MoM – Kowalinho

    The team was once again improving on the display attacking, with seven shots on goal, 4 of which was actually on target! Which meant, we had at least got about 50% on target, though it was an even half in both halves – with neither sides making any changes! Kowalinho and Zbimg were beautiful in connecting with the midfield and forwards runs, as Eejit once again impressed as the defensive man!

    But it would be Henderson and Kowalinho who would be taking the accolades of the saviours of the game, as Henderson's perfect 30 yard pass from the half-way line dropped to the feet of Kowalinho, who skilfully skimmed the goal keeper before finding the net on the 17th minute. It was his seventh goal of the season, and it was a scorching piece of form for the lad that had his heart onto the foundations of love!!

    As I entered the training ground on Monday, I was shocked by a piece of news that I was hearing from the captain I had been using!

    BobMem: I do not think I can reach more of my potential at this level, I feel I need to leave in order to get to a level where I can be tested!

    Swallowing my urge to punch him, I shouted back instead!

    Niko: I only ask of all the lads to fight it out for one fing season! And you, you are meant to be the source of leadership! An inspirational figure! And, you spill this s onto me? And two days before the Hereford game? You are lucky Hemphill is still on the mend, and that I can't sign another centre back! We have given you more then you had before the season, and now...
    BobMem: So you won't accept my request?
    Niko: No! You are a Newark Athletic player! You are going to be for the rest of the season, and then we can talk more based upon the club's stance at the end of the season. Okay? I will forget this whole piece of s, if you are willing to wait?
    BobMem: Okay boss!!

    It was a dilemna I didn't want at this point, I had the 'plan' set for Yermolai, which meant I had to delay my second plan a little later.

    It was later that night, Christmas Eve. The lads had a little training session as I felt they needed an hour or two so I can see the best eleven for the task, but the party was set! It was held at the meeting room of the stadium, the sense of threatening doom no longer lingered as Babe's obsessive decoration converted the room with deckings of tinsel and stupid flashing lights, lights so bright it would make Stevie Wonder see their colourful annoying flashing sequence. It was set, Cerina had gift-wrapped the parcel, Kowalinho had given out posters which said 'Party for all Chicks' with the added 'No Fat Chicks Allowed' on Theo Eejit's orders!

    He opened the gift, as the 'Dreaminator' stood giving out the 'special' sunglasses. It kept saying it was 'cool' and 'fresh' for us to wear them inside on Christmas. Yermolai grabbed the device, which looked more like a fing pencil mixed with a vibrator then anything technologically brilliant!

    Yermolai: What is this? It is not Vodka! Is it a Vodka dispenser?

    He said, Cerina urged for him to press the button, as he did suddenly a beam of light flashed out of the little vibrator-pen, and soon the worst nightmare occurred!

    Bieber: You better watch out!
    You better not cry
    You better not pout
    I'm telling you why
    Santa Claus is coming to town

    The high pitched voice sent the crowd into hespanics! As another large white ball suddenly emerged out of nowhere, and suddenly a naked man emerged on his knees.

    He got up, as the Bieber stopped singing in shock.

    Naked Guy: Where is Andrew Matthew Connor?

    Suddenly the large group of people disburse like the river Nile and Moses, with the new janitor being in the middle of the long whole in between the two groups.

    AMC: That's me?
    Naked Guy: Andrew Matthew Connor, follow me if you want to live!
    AMC: What?
    Naked Guy: I said, follow me if you want to live! I am sent from the future from an hour from now, to stop you being killed by the Canadian music serial killer, Bieber!
    AMC: But, he is right there!

    The naked guy turned round quickly, as if a bowl of Steroido's was behind him.

    Naked Guy: Oh no! I am too late! They have sent me too late from the future to this present! Quickly, everyone go down!
    Kowalinho: Okay!

    Said Kowalinho, as he started to get underneath one of the girls skirts that was standing next to him, to which he slapped pretty hard. But it was too late!

    Bieber: You know you love me, I know you care
    Just shout whenever, and I'll be there
    You are my love, you are my heart-

    Suddenly he broke out into song, and as soon as he did, AMC's head exploded!

    Niko: Oh My Gaw! Justin Bieber killed AMC!
    Naked Guy: That b!

    But as soon as that happened the saviours came, and boom! Headshot!

    Archibald: Well, those stairs was really a farce wasn't it Gregory?
    Gregory: Yes, indeed it was! Especially when your genitals are rotten for shagging dead corspes!
    Archibald: Blimey! You have it too, Gregory?
    Gregory: Yes I have, Archibald! I may have a rotten taco beater, but it certainly hasn't rotten it's appetite!
    Archibald: Haha! Marvellous! Glad to hear that, Gregory, we need as much sauce as we can get – two Canadian white meat for Christmas dinner? Splendid!
    Gregory: Indeed, Archibald!

    They said, as everyone cheered as they grabbed the dead bodies and walked out of the room. As it quitened down, I went over to 'Dreaminator' about the whole back-fire.

    Niko: What the hell was that??
    Dreaminator: It was a malfunction!
    Niko: Meaning?
    Dreaminator: It was meant to erase the mind, but instead it read his mind to transport something that he wanted in his life, he couldn't get!
    Niko: So your telling me, my billionaire boss is a fan of Canadian horny teenager?
    Dreaminator: Yep.
    Niko: I think I have enough leverage over him now. You can go!

    I said pushing him out of the window by 'accident', to which Theo was confused about.

    Theo: What was that about?
    Niko: He knew too much, so he kind of fell out of the window.

    As I said that the other Eejit came over.

    Eejit: Whaur is th' burds at? Ah want tae buck, an' bevvy, while wearin' mah lynx!
    Theo: Same here man! Whoo!! Women! Marmalade and Chocolate spread!!
    Eejit: Whit th' buck is wrang wi' ye? Ah saw ye eat some marmalade aff a women's cheb! ye shoods use lynx, kimmers come callin' an' fallin' at yer duir.
    Theo: Hey, don't start on me!
    Eejit: Whit ur ye gonnae dae abit it? flin' marmalade at me?

    As they started to argue, I slowly crept out into the herds of players, when suddenly I had a telepathic moment with Kowalinho! Or so I thought. A woman, an image of one that was right in front of me, scorched my mind! A girl that seemed to be everything Kowalinho had wanted, was right there! At the same party as him! But, before I could do anything, she vanished!

    I searched hard, but all I could find was a yellow umbrella that she had left.

    I brought it over to Kowalinho, who had an instant reaction.

    Kowalinho: Oh My Gawd! That is, how should I say this. This is what she had when I saw here!!
    Niko: She was here! I know because I had some crazy psychic s happening to me!
    Kowalinho: She was here?
    Niko: Yes!
    Kowalinho: She is in Newark??
    Niko: Strangely, I think I have seen this here before. In the office.
    Kowlainho: She works here?
    Niko: Seems so!
    Kowalinho: I... I...

    He then suddenly fainted, as Vasily started hoovering around, just staring at Yermolai, as he slowly wiped a tear from his eye at the spot where Bieber was shot.

    Niko: You all right?
    Vasily: Yeah. I just...
    Niko: You missing home? Your Russian right?
    Vasily: I am half-Russian, half-English.
    Niko: So you were born here? Guessing your mother was Russain and your father was English, right? See, I am Croatian. Funny thing is, all my life I feel like Finland was home. Then Belgium, now I guess I have to get used to England.
    Vasily: Я не знаю, мой отец.
    Niko: I am sorry to hear that.
    Vasily: You understand Russian?
    Niko: I know a lot. I am like a genius.
    Vasily: I know very little, but my mother made sure I knew some in case I met them.
    Niko: Have you tried?
    Vasily: Я попробовал, и я думаю, что нашел его.
    Niko: That's good. Go and speak to them then! He might miss you as much as you miss them!

    He then smirked, but let just sipped his drink before leaving.

    The party started to die down as the count down to Christmas was about to finish. Myself and Babe retired home, knowing that we weren't fing around anymore – we had become something else. We spent the night talking, and it all became clearer and easier.

    The next day, Boxing day, we all had to shake off the festivities as the biggest and hardest match of the whole season came to ahead! Hereford are the biggest threat to our title contendership, this match would help build us or break us. Making changes was ensured! Clayton, Ediz and O'Toibin were called into the side, as Kowalinho, Eejit and Vasily dropped to the bench. Wato would play central, were he thrived so well so far this season!

    Wednesday 26th December 2012
    English Conference Division
    Newark v. Hereford

    (Zbimg '75)(Sloan '90)
    MoM – L. Zbimg

    A brutally entertaining match which only lacked goals! 7 shots on target, and only 3 off – the addition of Ediz helped add a strong threat – but Hanford was constantly on alert! As was Shepard, who made it clear he wanted to keep his clean sheet run continuing! The attacks were swift and decisive, with only the right wing lacking in the finishing product! Clayton, Hoolihan, Baz and Liam were strong, as the captain showed a disheartening performance, which annoyed me!

    But it was the decision to play Wato in the centre that helped us, making attacks constantly with lobs and through-balls, to which one of Zbimg was able to latch onto, and score what felt like the most important goal ever scored on the 75th minute! It was clear for the last fifteen moments – hang on! But, on the last kick of the game, a Hereford corner was taken short to Carruthers who did a low cross into the box, and the unmarked Sloan powered the ball into the back of the net – a world crashing goal, which devastated the cheering home fans.

    Walking away with a point felt like a heartache, though, performance wise it felt fair. It meant that in two meetings, we had drawn Hereford twice. A rivalry had begun, and it had put more pressure on us to win our last game of 2012 – against Woking.

    Woking – a team which we won 3 months earlier against on the exact date, 29th September, in a 2-1 battle at home. Both goals had come from the wingers, Henderson and Hemphill. Feeling that I needed to make only one change – Hemphill for Henderson. Henderson had proven himself clearly in his absence, but due to his assists and his set pieces ability, he offered more to the team play, and made it clear for me that he was the best option!

    Saturday 29th December 2012
    English Conference Division
    Woking v. Newark

    (Williams '58)
    MotM – S. Beasant

    A devastating defeat.

    The attack was... sublime. With the introduction of Hemphill to the creativity, there was over 17 chances made, 12 of which were on goal! Hemphill's crosses, corners, dribbles – O'Toibin's late runs – Wato's through balls – none were taken by either Ediz or Zbimg, or Kowalinho or Van der Voom (who both came on as I got desperate!). The chances were there but the finish wasn't, and everytime it looked certain for a goal, Man of the Match Beasant was there to kick us in the face!

    We had a game more then Newport, who sat in second with one point! Or Hereford, who had a two game advantage in which if both won meant they would have the same amount of points! After the final whistle, I walked out of the stadium, leaving Riley to do the business of the final talk and the media crap. I just...

    I wanted to escape. I returned home with one goal on my mind, but discovered a letter awaiting for me.

    “Meet me at hotel – Ling-Ling”

    Decoding the stupid map, I was able to find the room number, the hotel, to seek what he had wanted.

    Ling-Ling: Nikoravski! Why do you not trust us? Why are you hiring peopre to protect you?
    Niko: Not me!
    Ling-Ling: Kimmy is angry, Nikoravski!
    Niko: I don't fing care! Go and eat a fing dog!
    Ling-Ling: Don't tempt us!
    Niko: Do it then! I have too much s going on too care about a fing crybaby!
    Ling-Ling: We can hurt you!
    Niko: Try it then!

    He then started to do a stupid dance

    And soon he summoned a 'beast'

    Ling-Ling: Nikoravski, meet Dogzirra!
    Niko: What the hell! You have got to be fing kidding me!
    Ling-Ling: No! Fear the power Dogzirra!

    The 'Dogzilla' started to bark at me, in repsonse I kicked it as hard as I could, and it went flying out of the window, from the sixty stories that the room was in. I then punched Ling-Ling in the face and walked out.

    Niko: I need a fing cigarette!

    I got outside, as a large crowd gather round the remains of the 'Dogzilla', I lit up and walked out to the bus-stop where I would get home and finally be able to do what I had been waiting to do for so long.

    It was New Years Eve, everything I had planned was about to happen. I went to a nice resturant with Babe.

    And then afterwards, we walked alongside the river-side of the Trent, as the moonlight shone down onto the water, reflecting onto our faces. As the echoes of the countdown filled the atmosphere, I stopped and looked at Babe.

    Could I? Would I? Would I be able to find what I had been looking for so long?

    As we entered the place where it would all happen, images of the first six months in Newark kept playing in my mind, from the first game – the dramatic 4-4 draw against Hereford, to the first time I had met the Korean jokes, to when my expensive white t-shirt was soaked in blood – it all pointed to one place, and to one person – her. As we stepped closer, the guitarust was set and ready, playing our song – Wicked Game. He strummed it, she stared in shock of what was happening.

    Fireworks lit up the sky, like she lit up my living room with Christmas lights. The stars were blinded, like I was when I met her. As the strong breeze of wind crushed against our cheeks, the boat passed-by with choir singing the verses and stopped as the golden light drifted downward.

    Babe: What's happening?

    She asked, as I fell onto my knee. All my courage was being ripped apart, as I dug into my pocket and grabbed the box – the potential Pandora's Box of my life. Will I be able to do it?

    Babe: Niko?

    She questioned, as I questioned myself.

    Is this right? I mean.....

    Then suddenly...

    Let This River.....

    It all happened suddenly, and was over quickly. The heart of Gold, laid on her finger – and another tale was to be told....


    ************************************************************************************************ English Conference - Saturday 29th December 2001 ************************************************************************************************ ================================================================================================ 2001/2 Table ================================================================================================ Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1st Newark 23 9 2 1 24 7 5 5 1 21 13 49 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2nd Newport 22 6 3 1 14 5 9 0 3 20 8 48 3rd Hereford 21 6 3 2 26 17 7 1 2 21 12 43 4th Luton 22 4 3 4 12 13 8 2 1 27 13 41 5th Forest Green 21 6 2 3 17 14 5 3 2 15 10 38 6th Grimsby 21 8 1 1 22 10 2 6 3 13 13 37 7th Woking 22 6 3 2 19 12 4 4 3 19 18 37 8th Stockport 23 6 1 5 19 15 3 6 2 20 18 34 9th Barrow 22 6 3 2 16 8 3 2 6 11 17 32 10th Mansfield 22 4 4 3 13 11 4 2 5 13 14 30 11th Kidderminster 22 5 0 6 15 17 4 3 4 18 21 30 12th Telford Utd 22 4 3 4 21 18 4 1 6 11 16 28 13th Cambridge Utd 23 5 0 6 16 20 2 6 4 9 11 27 14th Gateshead 21 3 2 6 15 19 4 3 3 14 13 26 15th Southport 22 3 2 6 12 15 4 3 4 16 16 26 16th Ebbsfleet Utd 22 3 6 2 11 11 2 2 7 11 19 23 17th Wrexham 22 3 6 2 16 14 2 2 7 15 27 23 18th Hyde 23 3 5 3 24 22 2 0 10 14 27 20 19th Lincoln 22 3 3 5 15 17 2 2 7 10 20 20 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20th Braintree 23 2 2 7 14 24 3 3 6 16 21 20 21st Macclesfield 22 3 5 3 20 19 1 3 7 10 26 20 22nd Alfreton 23 3 3 6 14 25 0 3 8 9 22 15

  4. #204

    Join Date
    Ribble Valley
    Eejit once again impressed as the defensive man!
    He then gets dropped and we don't win again. WTF !

    Love to know where this story is heading. Love to know if you know where this story is heading.

  5. #205
    ebfatz is offline Social Media Bod
    Former Holy Trinity Member
    Stories Mod

    Join Date
    Catch up complete.

    So glad Bieber went down. Hate that guy!

    Oh and Niko and marriage? I don't know.

  6. #206

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    I got dropped too and we lost Same for Kowa, I notice. Scored the goal and then gets dropped too

  7. #207

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    Quote Originally Posted by Mark View Post
    I got dropped too and we lost Same for Kowa, I notice. Scored the goal and then gets dropped too
    Hemphill for Henderson. Henderson had proven himself clearly in his absence, but due to his assists and his set pieces ability, he offered more to the team play, and made it clear for me that he was the best option!

  8. #208

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    Quote Originally Posted by The Eejit View Post
    He then gets dropped and we don't win again. WTF !

    Love to know where this story is heading. Love to know if you know where this story is heading.
    your giving me quite a headache, your guy is WAY too inconsistent

  9. #209

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    Quote Originally Posted by Mark View Post
    I got dropped too and we lost Same for Kowa, I notice. Scored the goal and then gets dropped too :lol:
    Ediz has a work permit, and being both Turkish and American, means he can't get an English citenzenship. To fight for this, i have to play him from time to time so that i can have him for the next season, or can sell him if the right amount of money comes calling at the end of the season. Changes are also built upon form from the last game, fitness, and general rotation - your guy wasn't brilliant in the game before Woking, and with Hemphill being the top assists, it made it clear for me to play him instead.

    Rotation means that players have oppertunities to showcase their skill, and with that form continue it into the next selection. Ediz is also the second top goalscorer behind Zbimg also, that kept swaying the pendulum

    At the end of the season i am expecting most of the 21 players to move, hoping to hold onto at least six or seven which will be the back-bone for the next season. BobMem has already shown a desire to leave, and another player, who will remain anonymous for now, asked to leave in the next chapter.

  10. #210

    Join Date
    I'm the pantomime villain!

    BOO, HISS me!

    *Thinks the club is a stepping stone in his career
    *Shouldn't think thoughts like that if he doesn't want to alienate the fans and the manager
    *Thinks the manager should pick the best XI. People who choose FGN nationalities will get what they deserve!

  11. #211

    Join Date
    Krakσw, Poland
    Should i be worried about my love future? Remember that girl should be from my dream not from your nightmare

  12. #212

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    The First Journey
    Chapter Seven:
    New Year to Shine!

    After the New Year celebrations, everyone at the club seemed optimistic about the next month, looking to get back into game mode and take both the Cup and the League by storm. Me and Babe decided to keep the engagement a secret for now – as she starts the wedding arrangements already!

    Trying not to be subdued into the planning, I told Babe to just order what she wants, as I found escapism into my job. And it wasn't long before we went from celebrating the New Year, to focusing on getting a win in a New Year! For the game, I wanted to bring a team of consistency into the side, with the same eleven starting, like they did against Woking. Due to the importance that we played in the morning, when Telford faced Hereford in the afternoon, it meant we had to win this!

    For this I decided to use the same eleven that had faced Woking just a week ago. One change would be that John Wood would be called to the bench, after an absence due to injury, replacing the dropped Van der Voom.

    Saturday 5th January 2013
    English Conference
    Newark v. Braintree


    Later we all watched as the unlikely victors Telford was able to win 1-0 against Hereford, giving us some breathing room at the top of the table. But I didn't want the lads to get too confident, as we had an away game at Hyde just around the corner. For the game it was the same team, but with Eejit reinforced to help defensive duty – his no-hesitation style would help breakdown attacks.

    Saturday 12th January 2013
    English Conference
    Hyde v. Newark

    (Wato '27, Zbimg '44, O'Toibin '48, The Eejit '52)
    O'Toibin injured 78th minute
    MoM – L. Zbimg

    It was a terrific performance which showed no players having an off day – the celebrations were a bit mute after the injury too O'Toibin – but it seemed he would only be away for 2 weeks after our Physio look at him in the locker-room. Despite the terrific team performance, it would be Zbimg who would make the headlines in Newark as he played as good as I have ever saw him! He kept going deep to help build attacks, or to run with the ball and have a power-shot with the rebound to lay for people such as Wato in the 27th Minute.

    Consistently we attacked, pressuring the home side to only 4 shots on goal, 50% missing and hitting the target, and it was because of this we was able to dispose Poole by Hooliahn, who played it perfectly to The Eejit who crossed it in which earned the second goal of the game as Zbimg charged up to beat Marshall in the air to header the ball into the back of the net with less than one minute till the end of the half.

    In the second half, was started off senastationally, Wato earning a corner which Hemphill took perfectly as O'Toibin headed it in for his fifth goal of the season, three minutes played of the second half. Hemphill then played a speechless long ball over to The Eejit who, espite being told to stay deep and help defend, charged forward and headed the ball to silence the home fans – and to seal another seal of 'F YOU!' to the title contenders. Nothing occurred afterwards, except for the forced change of Henderson for O'Toibin, but we didn't really need to do anything else, only to ride the game out like being hit on by a sexually frustrated married woman – it was just going to happen at some point! And better me then anyone else- I mean us!!

    After much bickering from Kowalinho, I was forced to help track down his 'dream' girl, by enquiring about the yellow umbrella of the worker at the offices of the club, of course I was sent in replacement of Kowalinho, who rather just lust in case of having a meltdown after looking at her. To track her down, I did the simple thing and arranged a meeting with the office manager.

    Hot Totty: Hello Mr Bergstrom. You said you wanted to talk with me about an urgent matter that might put someone at risk?
    Niko: Yes, at the Christmas party, I noticed a woman with a yellow umbrella, I was just hoping if you could identify her and give me her forms of contact?
    Hot Totty: My word! I only heard of your up-coming nuptials recently, and already your after some skirt that isn't me? How dare you! I have known Babe since I arrived in Newark, about a couple of months ago, and I am shocked about that!!
    Niko: WHAT??!
    Hot Totty: What are you talking about? I am threatening you, that I will tell Babe about your enquiries of my employees and the possibility of you sleeping with them!
    Niko: Wow! I am trying to be informed to help with other matters! If you are truly are Babe's best friend, then you know that she is gathering a group of female employees of each branch of the club's structure to do a viral video of Justin Bieber's 'Baby', as a tribute to his recent demise!

    I bluffed to myself, hoping her relationship wasn't as close as it could have been. A moment silence.

    Hot Totty: Shit! How wourd know, Nikoravski?
    Niko: What the hell?
    Hot Totty: Is my disguise, I thought it wourd be foor-ploof!
    Niko: What is going on?

    The woman then jumped onto the desk and pulled her skin off to reveal the same image that had been haunting my sight for a while....

    Ling-Ling: It wasu me!!!
    Niko: Great.
    Ling-Ling: Get leady to die!!

    And with that he did the dance once more...

    Before a sudden emerged creature retruned.

    Ling-Ling: Nikoravski get kirred by Catzirra!

    Before I could kick it out of the window, the door flung open and Shepard emerged holding a gun.

    Shepard: Sorry I’m late! I was in the middle of some calibrations.
    Ling-Ling: No mattel, who you ale! Catzirra, wirr kirr arr!

    And with that, Shepard aimed his gun at the A Marginally-big Catzilla, and shot him.

    Ling-Ling: Oh my Buddha! You kirred AMC-zirra!
    Shepard: Ungrateful b!

    Shepard shouted looking at me, before holstering his weapon as Ling-Ling started to sweat more then a guy being asked by Luiz Suarez to go to his house for dinner.

    Shepard: Niko, do you not know what could have happened here?
    Niko: I would get to kill a cat? And add it to my list of animals killings!

    I joked as Shepard shrugged off the joke, as he walked over to the shaking Ling-Ling.

    Shepard: You are being hunted by very dangerous people Niko. People you don't want to piss off, like this guy!

    He said pointing to Ling-Ling, who proceeded by waving his hands out in front of him, before jumping out of the window.

    Niko: I guess the problem just sorted it self out then!
    Shepard: Doubt it, now, why are you here anyway? Why aren't you with Babe helping with the wedding arrangements? She keeps telling me how much stress she is going through planning it! I do not like to be the shoulder to cry on, when it isn't the whore I am sleeping with!
    Niko: Okay, I get it! I am here because I needed some information that would help bring morale to my team, by helping one of my players self-confidence. I was here asking for the identification of an owner of a yellow umbrella, whom I saw at the Christmas party. I have been told by this play that the owner is their 'true love', and wants to arrange a meet on Valentine's day next month at the Castle around midday. Said he would be wearing a red hat, with matching red trousers and blazer – I asked him why would he want to look like something she's used to seeing once a month.
    Shepard: Well, I am willing to help you by arranging this meet with the owner of the 'yellow umbrella' – but I need to know first – is this a code for a umbrella organisation whom is now up against you? Or have surveillance you?
    Niko: What the hell?No!
    Shepard: Okay. I should go.
    Niko: Shepard.

    I said nodding as he left the room in his usually suave way – God what a renegade!

    After that ordeal being dealt with, I then retired back home, where I was greeted with a car with a large bow on it....

    Niko: Not a Smeggy Smart!

    I said as I walked over, reading the note left on the bonnet.


    In order to make sure you won't sue, I have made some contacts have given you a state-of-the-art car, a Smart car!

    Be thankful, and keep on worshipping like everyone else does!

    Prime Minister Simon Cowell
    Asistant-to-the-Asistant-to-the-Asistant of the Manager of Disnae England
    Niko: Great! So I can even get a good compo deal!

    I moaned, scrambling up the abhorred note and thanking it towards the grass. Which felt towards the shoes of a random clown.

    But as I closed my eyes as I scratched my confused brow, suddenly the clown shoes and the rest of it all had disappeared. I took a deep exhale, as I turned to be confronted with another strange image.

    Geek: He is still waiting for you. Huginn and Munnin are everywhere. The phoenix will rise from the destruction you have built. You can't escape fate!

    I stared into these geeks eyes as they spout all their shit at me. What?

    Geek: Please sir listen!
    Geek 2: We speak only the truth! Being an DreamCast Witness!
    Niko: What?
    Geek: Yes, you have heard the holy MiDi music from the 2.1 Dolby Speakers of the End Game.
    Geek 2: The End Game!
    Both Geeks: Gotta Be with Them All!
    Niko: Okay....
    Geek: Please do not feel threatened! We do not harm, but want to press your minds Power button, and insert the disc of knowledge! To be sure, we can Save on the Memory Card of life.
    Geek 2: The Holy Memory Card!
    Niko: Okay, if you give me the basic bullshit, then you will fuck off my property?

    They just smiled like a retard in a shiny shop, which I took as a yes, either way they continued spouting their shit.

    Geek: Life has levels – stages of different difficulty – to test out belief into the system!
    Niko: Levels? Difficulty? Is this a fucking cult preach, or a video game sales convention?
    Geek 2: This is the belief of the DreamCast Witness religion!
    Geek: Yes – indeed it is! The wise knowledge!
    Geeks: Princess isn't in Another Castle!
    Niko: Okay, so how does this 'system' work?
    Geek: You first go through the challenges on Easy, and when completed Normal, then Hard, then Harder, then Harderer, then Sega – which is the top.
    Geek 2: But each difficulty has many levels that the 'Player' has to complete.
    Niko: 'Player?'
    Geek: DreamCast Witnesses do not feel the need to be called 'Believers' or 'Followers', we are apart of an Onlive connection with reality!
    Geek 2: Connection!
    Niko: Right... So how many levels are there? And what level are you guys?
    Geek: There are over 150 levels on each difficulty, I, myself, am a Normal – 99, in which I completed Easy only last year after six years trying!
    Geek 2: I am a level 15 – on Easy – been a DreamCast Witness for nearly a decade....
    Niko: Right, so what is the shit bout social crap like?
    Greek: It is simple – you are not apart of it! All food must be liquid form, so that your hands never leave your Belief controller, medical treatments are only allowed it suffers with your ability to pray to the Holy Console. You are only allowed four hours asleep. You are only allowed to come outside if you need the new, updated Holy Console, in which you need to Friend other Players, such as yourself, into our Connected community.
    Greek 2: Mine is currently installing the new Patches of Confinement. Think his has been tempered by the evil Antagonist!
    Niko: The anti-DreamCast?
    Greek: Yes! The embodiment of EA!
    Niko: RIGHT! So what is the whole bread and butter then? You know, the 'end prize' of it all?
    Geek: Once you had levelled to the highest, and paid for the Downloaded Level of Contention – your name will be engreaved in the holy Credits!!
    Greek 2: Credits!!
    Geek: In which your Avatar will be gifted the Codes of the Holy Console, and will have Unlimited Resources in your New Life Plus.
    Geek 2: Respawn!
    Niko: You know, this was quite funny at first – but now, it's just a waste of my fucking time! Now, fuck off my property!!
    Geek: Don't you want to Play the Game of a Lifetime? To be able to Witness the beauty of ones mind over soul and body – substances of corrupt and regret? Of emotions and relationships?
    Geek 2: Of sex?
    Niko: You see, I am not some unsociable dork that spends all his time wanking over images of some sort of video game character showing cleavage, and spend your time endlessly spending your days within four walls playing games whose protagonists become your escapism, their team-mates are your 'mates', their love options become your 'lovers' – a sad waste of a life which could be something grand! And you come here, and ask if I want that?
    Greek 2: Yes....
    Niko: Well I am sorry, I have friends. I have a job, I have a fiancιe who I am going to spend my whole life with – I think that is grander then having a name in some stupid credits!
    Geek 2: But what about the Codes?
    Niko: Be like everyone else, go on the internet and fucking get them for free!

    I turned around and entered my house, slamming the door shot as I looked towards a rather shocked Babe.

    Babe: What was that about?
    Niko: You won't want to know!!

    After helping her choose some stupid flowers, and other stupid things about the wedding, we called it a night – with the next day for me to venture onto the second 'challenge' of this season – which I wasn't sure was going to be 'Easy', Normal or Harder. For this away game against Guiseley, I decided to choose the strike force that I had used in the previous FA Trophy games, Van der Voom and Kowalinho, who seemed to be in a happier mood since I told him of the arranged meeting with his beautiful girl. With the injury of O'Toibin, I decided that due to the promise that he had, and due to the low level of the opposition, I used Zannit on the left wing, with Vasily coming in to replace the tired Wato.

    Saturday 19th January 2013
    English FA Trophy Third Round
    Guiseley v. Newark

    (The Eejit '8, Hemphill '90)
    Van der Voom '85 injured
    MoM – F. Hemphll

    Oh My Friggin' God! What a fucking boring game!!

    Don't get me wrong, the begging of the game was brilliant! Within ten minutes we had a goal, Eejit being fouled by Holland who was cautioned, which Hemphill took the free kick perfectly for Eejit to score 2 in 2 games, but afterwards the team seemed sorted to be more attentive to the hot chick in the stands then the game!!

    Don't get me wrong, if I could get the choice of scoring again Guiseley or with that, I would hit that faster then moving Babe out of the room when John Terry entered! But, the shooting was uninspiring! As much as Zannit's contribution to the game – who has now been named as the first one to be sold come the summer window!

    Come the interval, I put Wato on for Vasily, whose contribution was instantly felt, missing the target just over three minutes coming onto the pitch – but yet again there was nothing. 65 Minutes played, Henderson comes on – but didn't really add anything but defensive work rate. But when Van der Voom took a knock, that was when it just got hilarious as John Wood's second appearance for the club was to play as a striker!! Fortunately, Kowalinho was more alert up-front, when he was able to do a tremendous through ball for Hemphill for him to round the goal and seal the Man of the Match award, as well as a kick up my ass for not playing Kowalinho sooner!!

    I told the team to wake up for the next game, a home game against Southport – and despite them not really being actual title contenders, if we loose this game – then they could have a significant amount of damage to our cause! For this, Henderson was playing at the left wing, as Zannit was now exiled from competeing in the first team, as well as Zbimg to replace the injured Van der Voom, in which Clayton and Ediz added to the bench after the full five choices were reinstated.

    Wednesday 23rd January 2012
    English Conference
    Newark v. Southport

    (Kowalinho '3)(Turnbull '42, Bolland '90)
    Kowalinho sent off '86
    MoM – BobMem

    A woeful day at the Fearless Palace. Kowalinho and the lads seemed set to make another simple thrashing, Henderson's cross met with the foot of Kowalinho's boot just 3 minutes into the game! But, the chances just got worse and worse afterwards! Wider, and wider – it seemed like the lads thought they were playing rugby and going for fucking conversions!

    The game was utterly boring, 10 shots in whole for both teams combined, which six were us. If it wasn't for the defensive partnership of BobMem and Hoolihan, I would have thought the back of the net would take more balls then Miley Cyrus's mouth! But Bolland's chipped ball still found it's way to Turnbull who scored his fifth of the season 42 minutes on the clock.

    The Eejit taken off after a disappointing performance with Clayton coming on, who showed how it was done! No disrespect to Eejit, his recent performances have been sensational, but his consistency lacked all season! As the game continued, the lads seemed more defensively strong, so I told them to hold off and go for the draw, attacking with counters if possible to try and nick a goal – but the eager and aggressive Kowalinho felt a free-kick was too harsh on the 85th minute – pushing their Oscar winning defender Ruby over and leaving us with ten men in less than four minutes to play. On game Wato for Vasily, hoping he can bridge the gap between the void in attack and midfield without hurting the defence – but in the end it just didn't work. Lesham was giving to much time on the wing, and drove the ball inward for Bolland to tap into the back of the net for his first goal of the season. And straight after the whistle was blown. A huge dent now laid in front of us.

    Newport was next, the second in the table and only a short amount of points to change that. Another loss or a draw would mean the advantage we once had would be shattered! But before that, the draw for the Fourth Round of the FA Trophy occurred, in which we would play:

    Farnborough, another easy feat to face in a month which it's significance seemed to hinder a lot more then before! Farnborough had beaten both Braintree and Cambridge to face us, meaning that we shouldn't write them off – but I just wanted to turn my attention to the next game!

    The atmosphere was grim – so tense, as if a dead body was in the corner of the room. We had beaten them earlier – 1-0 at our ground – but that's when the sense of belief rang into the lads heads. When the team wasn't wrung onto the expectations they had set with a high flying start – where the eyes of the jury wasn't formally set, as the judge clutched onto his hammer, not ready to adjudicate the fate that we were to face!

    We were the young guns, facing the more mature and harden veterans. The manager was 43 years old, 18 years older then myself – about the same distance between himself and the average age of the whole team! Old enough to be Henderson's father (a massive 28 years difference!), just making the pressure sink worse. For the team selection, I wanted the best I could! Liam came in for Hernandez, Wato come on for Vasily, hoping that those changes could spur the lads into over-drive and bring inspiration into their feet!

    Saturday 26th January 2013
    English Conference
    Newport v. Newark

    (Charles '65)(Wato '18)
    MoM – I. Yakubu

    Not going to beat around the bush – the match was so anti-climatic it felt I was watching the ending of Unbreakable again! The tense build up, the feeling of the whole season riding on us – to be displayed by a piss poor performance that wouldn't even make the most drugged up Brazilian commentator to stay awake.

    To say there was a specific collection of players that performed well enough to just be able to be given that accolade, with the star players being Eejit and Zbimg, with honourable mentions of Hemphill, Wato, Baz and Shepard – along with sub Ediz who replaced the lacklustre Henderson on the 69th minute (Theo Eejit's favourite number) and made more of an effort then the others. If it wasn't due to the alertness of Wato to pounce of the rebound off a Zbimg's shot then we wouldn't have been able to score the goal.

    The atmosphere as Charles scored on 65 minutes was like being soccer-punched in the stomach. My ribs hurt, and my head just went blank. I couldn't have done any more then I did. The draw was due to the players, and just them.

    The next day, was the day in which I wanted to punch someone!! I was in my office as usual towards the end of the month, and after all the games being played, when the now-egotistical Kowalinho dropped a bombshell.

    Kowalinho wanted to leave? Yermolai himself rejected it, because it was so shocking!

    Kowalinho: Now I have found my 'dream' girl, I do not need to be here! I know Arsenal are scouting me, and that is the kind of club I should be playing for, now I have my dream girl, I should be playing for a dream club!
    Niko: After everything I have done for you? Professionally as well as personally?
    Kowalinho: I am, how can I say this..... Sorry. I have ambitions for a bigger club, and I do not think Newark is big enough.
    Niko: Come near the end of the season, I will look over the options I have. If you feel the same way, and are determined, plus if Zbimg, Ediz or Van der Voom are willing to stay then we will try to work something out.

    He exited the building, leaving me in an ounce of confusion. Out of all the players, all the strikers, I would have thought Lorenzo who was scoring goals for fun, or Ediz who was being played rotationally, or Van der Voom who was being dropped like a Geek with a weight. As the month came to an end, I awarded The Eejit his Young Player of the Month award, and started to plan for what was becoming a dramatic last few months of the season.

    ************************************************************************************************ English Conference - Saturday 26th January 2013 ************************************************************************************************ ================================================================================================ 2012/13 Table ================================================================================================ Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1st Newark 27 10 2 2 28 10 6 6 1 26 14 56 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2nd Newport 27 7 5 1 19 9 9 0 5 22 13 53 3rd Hereford 26 6 5 2 29 20 8 1 4 24 16 48 4th Forest Green 27 7 3 3 19 15 6 4 4 19 16 46 5th Grimsby 25 10 1 1 27 13 2 8 3 18 18 45 6th Luton 26 5 3 5 13 14 8 3 2 29 16 45 7th Woking 26 8 3 2 24 15 4 5 4 22 26 44 8th Stockport 26 8 1 5 25 17 4 6 2 21 18 43 9th Barrow 27 7 4 2 18 9 5 2 7 16 20 42 10th Mansfield 27 6 5 3 21 16 5 2 6 14 17 40 11th Telford Utd 27 6 3 4 23 18 4 3 7 15 21 36 12th Cambridge Utd 27 7 0 6 19 21 2 7 5 10 13 34 13th Macclesfield 27 6 5 3 33 22 2 4 7 18 31 33 14th Wrexham 27 5 6 3 20 15 3 3 7 23 33 33 15th Kidderminster 27 5 2 7 24 28 4 4 5 21 25 33 16th Southport 27 3 3 7 15 19 5 3 6 20 21 30 17th Ebbsfleet Utd 26 4 7 2 13 12 2 3 8 14 23 28 18th Gateshead 27 3 3 8 16 22 4 3 6 16 19 27 19th Lincoln 26 4 4 5 19 20 2 3 8 14 25 25 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20th Hyde 27 3 6 4 27 29 2 0 12 15 33 21 21st Braintree 27 2 2 9 17 32 3 3 8 17 25 20 22nd Alfreton 27 3 4 7 17 29 1 4 8 11 23 20

  13. #213

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    Sorry for delay, hope to get the other one done ASAP.

    Enjoy and comment, as always loved reading your guys replies

  14. #214

    Join Date
    Ribble Valley
    When is my Scotland cap coming ? 2 goals and (I think 2 assists) I think they'll be calling him Leonel Who ? before the season is out !

    *Thinks Kowanlino is a big girls blouse that who's too big for those clown shoes

  15. #215

    Join Date
    * Hopes Kowalinho will learn from his mistakes !

  16. #216

    Join Date
    Gets his girl, gets sent off, costs the team a point and wants to leave? Get that bad man out of here

  17. #217

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    Dropped in to say i am currently writing the next two right now (Feb and March are always connected together), one half hopefully put later this evening, with the other half being finished for tomorrow/sunday or Monday some point. It depends largely on other things that might occur due to Uni shit. Season nearly ending, so maybe a few surprises might be on the cards?

    Stay Tuned

  18. #218

    Join Date
    Great! Let's finish the opposition ! Crazier story around, keep it going!

  19. #219

    Join Date
    Krakσw, Poland
    * Prefers Spain or Italy than London
    * If not needed will move out... but if really needed will stay
    * And i'm not making problems about girl, you make my story like Ted from HIMYM

  20. #220

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    The First Journey
    Chapter Eight:
    Love nor-

    With the sudden and shocking revelation of Kowalinho's decision, it made my working relationship with him to be somewhat hesitant. How could a man be friendly to someone who is telling them he is willing to draw an arrow on his back? But before I could even annonce or discuss the team who would be playing February, I was ushered to Yermolai's office to discuss the transfer policy for next season.

    Yermolai: Ah, Nikolavski! It has seemed to be a long time ago since I first had you in my office, and weeping like a pesky inhuman baby! Too think that I have such power in my hand, to wield if you fail me is grand!
    Niko: Look Yermolai, you wanted me here to discuss about next season's transfer policy?
    Yermolai: Yes indeed. You are someone who doesn't beat around the bush, right? Ha! Anyway, we predict that most of the players that we have now will leave, with both Bobmem and Kowalinho wanting to go sooner then later – both important players – but with that means you have to gain replacements, and ones that will play to the next level – of course we will not be in this league, come next season correct?

    He finished with a question, staring down at me with a glass of vodka in his hand.

    Niko: Hopefully not. So, what's your point?
    Yermolai: Well, I want to have to not invest large amounts of MY personal money into this club, that is what! That is why, you must only sign players on Bosman. And can only buy players if the club can gain an investment over £5 million, in which you can spend 1/5th of. So if you can £10 million, you can have £2 million, £12 million, you can have £3 million. But! I do want some heritage at this club! I want some players to stay here!
    Niko: You do know I have rejected bids from club for players already? Sulonen has been touted to go for ages, and because you won't, one of my closest players at the club is now pissed at me!
    Yermolai: Nikolavski. You make friends, which turn to enemies, which are killed by other enemies – like a certain old friend/foe of mind, you murdered in cold blood!
    Niko: Whatever. I got it, now can I go back to managing this football team. I have two competitions to win, and it isn't going to be easy if I am camped up here for the next year.
    Yermolai: Okay.

    He replied, sitting in his chair like a pimp as he drank his Vodka. But as he laughed at my hurried stature, something was going to happen soon. I could feel that something was looming in the air which he, nor me, would be expecting. When I was finally able to get back to work, Kidderminster wasn't exactly a fortress team – as we had already beaten then 1-3 in September, but with the FA Trophy Fourth Round just next, with the extreme likelihood we could be facing either Newport or Hereford in the next round, I wanted to put out a side which would warrant a good thrashing!

    Despite his plea to leave the club, I decided to carry on using Kowalinho as he is the third most lethal striker we had – and with the re-introduction of O'Toibin, who comes back from injury – it was the exact team that had faced Kidderminster in September, only more desired to win!

    Saturday 2nd February 2013
    English Conference
    Newark v. Kidderminster

    (BobMem '9, Zbimg '55 '74)
    MoM – L. Zbimg

    A spectacular performance from the top goalscorer who earned his fifteenth and sixteenth goals of the season! Fuck Kowalinho, who has yet to score even ten! If I could keep Lorenzo and Ediz, then I am set for next season!! Beautiful creative attack, as reminded of the first months of the season. It was as if the clock had been reset, the team seemed to be rejuvenated!

    Hemphill's corner helped BobMem to seal his first goal of the season, as he used his jumping skills to power the ball into the back of the net for the first goal! For the rest of the half, the chances came in intervals between one another but each attack had attacking flow that would make the River Trent look like a puddle of spit!

    And the source of the attacks? It was the captain! Constantly being a menace with his set pieces and great passing, one of which was passed to Kowalinho who laid it simply for Zbimg who thrashed a volley into the back of the net: an assist for Kowalinho and the fifteenth goal of the season! For his second, it was O'Toibin who did the assist! Collecting the ball from The Eejit from the half-way line, dribbling into the open space on the wing and floated the ball in for Zbimg to header into the back of the net. Maybe his could hit the 30 goal mark if he can score more? That I what I thought, as drool started to fall from my lips with that thought.

    Though the fans sang his name – Lorenzo and co were set on the next task, well expect Kowalinho who had a match ban against. Ediz was on the bench with Henderson and Wood to make the three man bench, as Van der Voom played alongside Zbimg – meaning that both forwards would be left-footed!

    Saturday 9th February 2013
    English FA Trophy Fourth Round
    Farnborough v. Newark

    (Winn '52)(Van der Voom '2 '57, Zbimg '5 '74)
    The Eejit Injured '39
    MoM – L. Zbimg

    Once again it was another sensational performance from Lorenzo who sealed yet another brace. Van der Voom should he still has some contention for a starting position within this season, and maybe could have a larger role come next season? But to be honest, it wasn't as narrowly one sided as I would have wanted, nor expected.

    From the get go the team worked well with one another, Baz and Eejit passed the ball through the oppositions midfielders which gradually fell to Wato who did a nice lob towards Van der Voom, who stabbed the first dagger into the back of the net, with just two minutes on the clock. It then took another three minutes for Zbimg to cheekily chip the ball over Matic for the score to be 2-0.

    Nothing else important happened except the injury to Eejit, who was replaced by Henderson, with Wato dropping further into the defensive area, Hemphill playing central as Henderson sat on the right wing. Unfortunately, Hemphill, who had a good first half, couldn't seem to break into the mould of the new position, and his effectiveness wasn't as strong as it normally was on the right hand side of the pitch.

    Surpringsly, it was Farnborough who took the first blood in the second half, with a ferocious right footed shot from outside the box, which not even Buffon could have saved! Ashley Winn gave his non-league side some kind of false hope – idiots! As it took only five minutes for Van der Voom to latch onto Zbimg's cross and make it 1-3. It was another 17 minutes before Henderson found Zbimg, to make it four goals in two games.

    After this, I wanted the lads to be straight on point the next game, with Eejit out for the next month and with the draw coming just the next day, I wanted to have a comfortable two months so that when it came to my birthday, I will be able to relax in a nice manner in which means I could actually celebrate a nice and calm birthday!

    But it wasn't that easy with Babe stressing over the wedding which was going to be dated in July.

    Babe: (On telephone) What? Now I wanted to have red ones, so that it matched the red roses – which Niko gave me for our first date because he said: “it reminded him of my hair!” Of course I want to be romantic. It's my Wedding! No I don't want to be dressed as a Lady Gaga tribute! Why? Because I am not a piece of meat, and I don't want to wear a piece of meat on my Wedding day! Okay. Yes, it was nice to speak with you, Nana. Can't wait to see you either. Bye.

    She fell exhausted onto my lap after throwing the phone, as I watched what British people called 'daylight TV' – someone called Jeremy Kyle? On it was some of the weirdest actors in the world, trying to portray some kind of sick and freakish characters in which are like a Greek tragedy – the evil one comes on and exits one side, while the good one always comes on the other side.

    Jeremy: Hello I am Jeremy Kyle, like you didn't already fucking know that you pieces of fucking scum! I judge you because I am rich and your not, your little hobo-bitches! Right, the lowest form of life we have on today's show is a monstrous c! Hey, you fucking slags can't think that – because you haven't got the cue cards, or the dildo up your arses like I have! Now, let's bring out this AMC!

    The fans jeer him, let they know him as the presenter sits in a chair which looks like it is made of out of human bones, with the 'leather' pillows looking to be made out of human skin.

    Jeremy: So, what is the fucked up meaning of your life?

    AMC: Right, I admit cheating on my bitch, right?
    Fans: Boo!
    AMC: Shut up! You don't know me, you don't know me, right? You fucking wankers, go suck a moles tit, tight ass shit fucks.
    Jeremy: Hey! Only I get to shout and abuse the audience, you speckled of dust of rotten sperm! Know, shut the fuck up your zombified minions of my stretched asshole! Let that pile of vomit spout it's utter scum!

    The crowd went suddenly silent, as Jeremy turned round and nodded to the guest.

    AMC: Well, yeah I admit it. But you know why I called in? It's because that shit that was in that cup, which I thought was literally shit, right? Wasn't actually shit! So I had these two girls, who I have been banging for like, like a really long time, right? And it took me ages to convince 'em to eat this shit, but when they did, it wasn't shit, it was chocolate fudge!
    Jeremy: That whore! Now tell these morbid fucks why that is so bad AMC? WHY IS IT SO BAD??!!
    AMC: She once had a love child by chocolate spread, but lost in during birth.

    He said holding back tears like it was something sane to hear about. At that moment, the door bell rang. Pushing the now sleeping Babe off my lap, and substituting my lap for a nice plumpy cushion, I stalked my way over to the door, where I saw a peculiar image.

    Niko: And what the hell is the reason why this is outside my door?
    Niko: (thinking) Maybe this is the Koreans next attempt to try and hurt me, with Barronzirra!

    I quickly grabbed my keys and attempted to burst the balloon, but no matter the amount of force I pushed onto the throw, it bounced back, as if it was smirking at me – what the hell was this?

    Then there was a note.

    You can burst every bubble, No matter how hard you try.
    – Him
    Niko: What the hell does that mean?

    And then suddenly I felt a little deja vu, and suddenly an annoying sounding band started to emerge from my cemented driving way.

    Nickelback: And this is how you remind me
    This is how you remind me
    Of what I really am
    This is how you remind me
    Of what I-

    And then suddenly they stopped when they saw a green object being thrown their way.

    Chad Koregor: Ah, what's this then? An apple?

    He said to himself, how in the world this guy got Avril Lavigne I don't know! As he bit into the 'apple' it exploded and kill him and his stupid Canadian band-mates with a toxic gas. Lurking in the bushes emerged the usual problem makers.

    Archibald: Oh lucky Gregory, we have enough to feed the whole family!
    Gregory: Can I have the heart of that blonde one, Archibald?
    Archibald: Indeed you can. I am guessing your going to give it to your Valentines.
    Gregory: Oh, you know me so well Archie!
    Archibald: I bet I can guess who it is as well!

    He said, as the more metrosexual posh hunter came closer, but before he could utter a single word, his head suddenly exploded all over the more closest homosexual posh hunter.

    Archibald: Gregory? Is that your brain that's all over me, or are you happy to see me?

    He said, in a twisted joke, as he fell onto the floor grasping the remains.

    Archibald: Oh my Gawd! The irony is somewhat clear when I start to think about this!

    As he screamed that, the gunman started to emerge from the side of the house.

    Shepard: Niko.
    Niko: Shepard.
    Shepard: Looks like I came here just in time. Would've come sooner, but was in the middle of some calibrations.
    Niko: Look I wasn't in any danger, okay?
    Shepard: Really? I just was able to watch the security cameras, and not only is Babe not had her period yet, but she could have been kidnapped or harmed if they were a more strategical operation.
    Niko: Wait. How did you know she missed her period?
    Shepard: I have cameras all over your house – and I mean ALL OVER. Anyway, what matters is that I am here and I am assuming direct control of the security of you and your fiancιe.
    Niko: But I’m Croatian, not Canadian? They only hunt, shag and eat Canadian corpses! Seems like you have bad intel.
    Shepard: Damn, loose ends!

    He said, before shooting the crying man, who had started to feast on his former lover.

    Shepard: There you go, that should deal with it. Put the bodies in the Body Waste Bins tomorrow, and it's done. I should go. Niko.
    Niko: Shepard.

    I said nodding back to him, as he walked towards his small secluded little bungalow, leaving the smelling corpses for me to deal with.

    Niko: Meh, the neighbour's dog will probably just eat the corpses, get poisoned by the toxins and then die. Would show that bastard to not to shit on my lawn!

    I said, walking into the house, pushing over the animal balloon in the process, and being able to catch the last part of the TV show.

    Jeremy: So are you going to tell him, or should I, you whore. You little five pence an hour prositute, who has had some many STD's it like nuclear fallout zone down! No wonder your chocolate baby died!
    Woman: Okay, okay! AMC I have been lying to you all this time! You have thought that I was a woman but in truth I am not. I'm....

    She then pulled off her false skin to show a true horror.

    Louie: I'm Louie Spthencthe!
    AMC: Right, what the fuck, right?

    AMC then turned towards the jar of Chocolate spread beside him.

    Jeremy: Hey, you fat little cockle of a scrotum! I do not tolerate any 'ism's' on my show, that isn't being said by me!
    AMC: Ah, go fuck yourself Jeremy! Right?

    He said grabbing the chocolate spread, and throwing it towards him, in which he dodged and one of the audience members caught, throwing it back at him, which went straight down his throat. Louie seemed quite turned on, as he chocked on the large chocolate object in his mouth.

    Jeremy: Oh My Gawd! Chocolate Spread killed AMC!
    Monotone Audience: That B!

    After that, I just turned it off and just went to bed.

    Of course I still had three games of the month, all of which I wanted to win and hoped that Newport would finally fuck up to give us breathing space in the league! For this, Kowalinho replaced Van der Voom, Clayton replaced the injured The Eejit as Hernandez and Sulonen joined Wood, Ediz and Henderson on the bench.

    Wednesday 14th February 2013
    English Conference
    Grimsby v. Newark

    (Pearson pen 22' '53)(O'Toibin '74, Zbimg '84)
    MoM – D. O'Toibin

    A disappointing result on paper but a good and fair result in the overall game, where some crappy defending and individual performances let down the whole team. For the first 20 minutes it was a good back and front game, open end to end, like Paris Hilton on a Saturday night, but only one minute later Liam pushed too hard onto Cook in the penalty box in which Pearson stepped up to the plate and easily gave Grimsby the lead. The whole performance was a demolition at the back, as they attacked off counters and the nerves of the players – for the first time, they were the ones under pressure this month. It was the same thing, Grimsby attack, attack and attack – with us have the odd moment with possession.

    Half time came, and Ediz comes on, with Kowalinho coming off (I guess his mind was more orientated on the 'meeting' tomorrow then the game!) to try and turn the game around, but the outlets were keep trying but it wasn't a complete team effort. And Grimsby once again took advantage of this by going past O'Toibin on the wing, and crossing it over to Pearson who was as free in the box as Tom Cruise's closet. He then powered home what seemed to be the sealer, but I didn't give up hope.

    64 minutes, the one change I had mulled over at half-time, Sulonen for Wato, who had his worse game in a Newark Athletic shirt, and instantly there was a change of pace, and a change of fortune. O'Toibin has found a friend! Someone he could work off in the centre, and he started creating attack after attack, some failing, some so close to getting that vital goal. And he finally did, as the Hemphill low cross surged into the box, he charged in field and slid into the ball to poke it into the back of the net with fifteen more minutes to play. And ten minutes later, O'Toibin was the one crossing the ball into the box with Zbimg being the one to seal the equaliser and the so vital point gained!! Man of the Match was well deserved for the little Irish winger, who has only improved as the season went on.

    The next we were told who we would face in the Semi-finals of the FA Trophy, all of the teams were in the Conference and it would be played over two legs which would make it a more difficult test of the teams endurance and strength. Newport, Hereford or Stockport awaited, and we got.....


    Due to it being the days of love, I decided to take Babe to a nice meal at a restaurant called ZiZi's. The restaurant which just so happened to be the opposite of the Castle, where Kowalinho would finally meet the 'dream girl' who had made him go for the 'ambitious' side of his career, and it just so happened my reservation wasn't for another half an hour, enough time to stalk about the situation.

    I watched as the nervous Polish striker awaited for the girl with the yellow umbrella, as instructed. He waved to every passing girl, and then pretended to scratch his back when they didn't wave back – subtle... not! But after an hour wait, the yellow umbrella emerged from the large crowds, and as the vision of the face emerged, I was shocked!


    The next game was Mansfield at home. Wanting to carry on the form, changes were needed to be made to ensure that we wouldn't have a repeat result of last time! Ediz was called in as Richie Rich dropped to the bench, as was Wato with Sulonen taking his place.

    Saturday 16th February 2013
    English Conference
    Newark v. Mansfield

    (Ediz '58)
    MoM – L. Zbimg

    It was a simple one goal win, with Lorenzo taking the plaudits by gaining himself an assist as Ediz scores his first goal in a while! The fact we have 6 shots on target and 6 off, showed that the team was exhausted and lacked the attention to make it really count when it mattered! But, it was a three points and was one game from the end of the month.

    What a turbalent month, and to end it off I would have to face could-be Trophy finalists Stockport, which made it more important that we would win, as well as the perfect performance. Wato came in for Sulonen, with Vasily marking the bench. It was the same team otherwise that won the least game against Mansfield, so I was ready!!

    Saturday 23rd February 2013
    English Conference
    Stockport v. Newark

    (Nolan '21)(Zbimg '24 '41 '73)
    O'Toibin Injured '39
    MoM – L. Zbimg

    We started off really late getting into the game, allowing Holden to find Nolan to get the first blood before O'Toibin did a beautiful curling cross to Zbimg who equalised on the 24th minute, just three shy of the opener. And we threatened more through Wato, but his shot was blocked. But then tragedy struck as O'Toibin was taken down and had to be taken off, which he was replaced by Henderson. He had helped us back into he game and Hemphill seemed to be in No Man's Land, but luckily Henderson was on tune as he lobbed the ball forward perfectly for Zbimg to score his second.

    And from leaning from the consistent failures of attacks in the second half, Henderson dribbled past one player in the counter for a beautiful throughball to the unmarked Zbimg who seal his hat-trick! And sealed the three points!!!

    We had done enough this month for being undefeated with myself getting my third Manager of the Month award, Lorenzo Zbimg getting Player of the Month (following the one he won in September), and O'Toibin getting Young Player of the Month meaning that with Eejit's win, we had back-to-back Young Player of the Month awards for two of our players! Wanting to carry on, I hoped that we could remain undefeated into April – but only time could tell.

    ************************************************************************************************ English Conference - Thursday 28th February 2013 ************************************************************************************************ ================================================================================================ 2012/13 Table ================================================================================================ Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag Won Drn Lst For Ag Pts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1st Newark 31 12 2 2 32 10 7 7 1 31 17 66 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2nd Newport 31 9 5 1 24 11 11 0 5 28 14 65 3rd Hereford 31 6 7 2 30 21 9 1 6 31 22 53 4th Luton 31 6 3 6 17 18 9 5 2 35 21 53 5th Grimsby 31 11 4 1 34 18 2 8 5 19 21 51 6th Woking 31 10 3 2 30 16 4 6 6 27 34 51 7th Forest Green 31 8 3 4 24 20 6 5 5 20 20 50 8th Barrow 31 9 4 2 23 12 5 2 9 17 25 48 9th Stockport 31 9 1 6 28 21 4 7 4 22 22 47 10th Mansfield 31 7 6 3 22 16 5 2 8 15 21 44 11th Telford Utd 31 7 3 5 27 22 5 3 8 18 23 42 12th Cambridge Utd 31 8 1 6 24 24 3 8 5 12 14 42 13th Kidderminster 31 6 3 7 28 31 5 4 6 23 28 40 14th Wrexham 31 7 6 3 23 16 3 3 9 24 37 39 15th Macclesfield 31 7 5 4 35 25 2 5 8 20 34 37 16th Ebbsfleet Utd 31 7 7 2 22 16 2 3 10 14 26 37 17th Gateshead 31 5 3 8 18 22 4 4 7 18 22 34 18th Southport 31 3 3 9 15 21 6 3 7 23 24 33 19th Alfreton 31 4 4 8 22 32 2 5 8 15 24 27 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20th Braintree 31 2 3 10 20 38 5 3 8 23 27 27 21st Lincoln 31 4 4 8 19 28 2 3 10 16 30 25 22nd Hyde 31 3 7 5 27 31 3 0 13 18 38 25

  21. #221

    Join Date
    Krakσw, Poland
    * Thinks he can stay at club for next season
    * Need to focus on training

  22. #222

    Join Date
    Brilliant update! And a first goal for BobMem!!
    Just can't seem to shake Newport, surely they have to f*ck up sooner or later?

  23. #223

    Join Date
    Yeah Newport are annoying cunts. Some nice metaphors once again, and I have to admit I can't ignore the fact that I'm awesome !!! Premier League scouts must be sneaking around the stadium, take care of those !

    Will you let us have a look at our atts at one point ?

    Brillant, keep it going !

  24. #224

    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    Quote Originally Posted by Baron Zbimg View Post
    Yeah Newport are annoying cunts. Some nice metaphors once again, and I have to admit I can't ignore the fact that I'm awesome !!! Premier League scouts must be sneaking around the stadium, take care of those !

    Will you let us have a look at our atts at one point ?

    Brillant, keep it going !
    At the end of the season, where people come in (spoiler ) and go.

    Niko will state his points of each player with a list of who he wants to stay in one of the next chapters (haven't started the next one yet: high on legal high Rapture and drunk for the last two nights so it would be like listening to a drugged up Peter Griffin ).

    So yeah, and your guy is one of the few players i want to keep, though i think Van der Voom would relish in the role of the first choice striker if your guy was to leave.

  25. #225

    Join Date
    Good to see I'm playing well from the bench. Lucky escape for kowa with that bloke

    And AMC's death was bizarre!

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