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Thread: [STORY] It's Fergie time

  1. #301

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    I can see why you're happy with Clarke in goal. Yates looks decent too and I'll be following the fortunes of Graham

  2. #302

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    Clarke is the obvious pick, but Burgess is the one that I'm interested in.
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  3. #303
    ebfatz is offline Social Media Bod
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    Well, they are young. I give you that!

    Any quality among them remains to be seen. Some of them look decidedly mediocre.

  4. #304

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    I reckon Lewis might do a job for you...

  5. #305

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    Off to a Flyer

    Going into the new season, the squad of 25, with an average age of 18.72, were desperate to get going and show the Paisley public that my speech was more than just words. The squad of average age was important as, assuming worst case and every player had a birthday before the end of the season, we would still be under the magic 20 by the end of the season. That being the case, I didn't have to make any changes mid-season and a settled squad could be established.

    Not that any of the squad were involved in the home League Cup opener with Peterhead. Despite none of the players having signed professional forms, St. Mirren ran out winners with the only goal scored by Jamie Donnelly from an Andy Wallace cross. It wasn't long before we were out of both cups. Queen of the South progressing via penalties in the Challenge cup after they lead 3-1 with 12 minutes to play and Albion Rovers taking advantage of the week team with a 2-1 win in the 2nd round of the League Cup.


    The League was always the priority and my target of 18 points from each of the first 3 rounds of games would leave me in the hunt for the run in. We did rather better than that. Dundee held us to a 2-2 draw in the opening fixture and Kilmarnock 1-1 at their gaff. The other 7 games were all wins. That is a haul of 23 points out of a possible 27 and put us 4 clear of Livingstone who themselves had broken away from the pack. It was not just the wins, but the manner of getting them. We put 4 past Airdrie, 4 past Morton, 4 past Falkirk and 4 past Rangers.

    This was a team on a mission.



    I wonder what would have happened last year if I'd had the courage to start Jonathan Rankin more often. He has certainly made a point with 14 goals in his 9 starts, although I'm not convinced by his goal celebration.


    Mark Nicol has chalked up another 6.

    Of the new boys, Shaun Clarke (average 7.56) and Terry Burgess (average 7.00) have been the standouts although it is early days and some haven't been given much of a chance yet.

    Just one more addition to the squad, 18 year old James Murphy who would start out in the reserves although I'm sure he would get his chance before the end of the season. The average age is up slightly to 18.96.

    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  6. #306

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    Clarke performing to expectations! Great start to the season, Rangers are struggling!

  7. #307

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    I can't believe that Fat Sally hasn't been sacked yet. Can't be long. Their current side is rank !
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  8. #308

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    Great start indeed mate, always liked the look of Rankin and he's definitely reaping the rewards of regular action.

    The less said about Rangers the better!

  9. #309

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    Killer run

    There was a big moment for Jonathan Rankin to celebrate. The middle goal of his hat-trick against Airdrie marked his 50th goal for Saints. Amazingly he has brought up that mark in just 36 starts with a further 28 appearances off the bench. Legends like Ruud van Nistelrooy, Gary Lineker or Harry Bow could only dream of such a record. Clearly he knows where the back of the net is and I thought he would grab a few, but his goal scoring has exceeded even my wildest my expectations.


    Mark Nicol is just one goal away from hitting the same landmark having made 53 starts for the club.

    Another record that was broken was our undefeated run in the league. It went to 12 games with wins over Dundee, Dumbarton and Morton. Dundee and Morton were both hit for 5 ! The run was finally ended at home to Kilmarnock who led twice only for Rankin to level both times just seconds after they scored. I had already reminded the ref of his duties several times when they scored again with the last kick of the ball.


    It was a sad end to the game. One of our supporters was so distraught at the run coming to an end that he ran onto the pitch and straight to scorer Kurtis Guthrie before the stewards could stop him.

    Stewart Petrie: What is that Angry Mad Cretin doing ?

    His question was soon answered. From his rucksack he pulled an Uzzi and let off a 10 second round. Just to be certain, a knife was in his hand and Guthrie was stabbed 8 times before having his head severed by a machette. It is fair to say that it was the end of Guthries game and he would need a few weeks on the physio table after that.


    Petrie: Oh My God ! AMC has killed Guthrie !
    Me: Bastard ! That's not part of this plot.

    Gutted to have lost, I looked back through the records, it is now 18 months since we last scored in injury time. More significantly, 65% of our goals this season have been scored in the first half, with 59% of those conceded being in the second half. We really do need to play for the full 90 minutes.

    Despite this anomaly, the only other points dropped were in a 3-3 draw with Livingstone where Steven Fotheringham came on as a substitute and picked up 2 yellow cards. He is another player who has been a bit of a revelation with 8 assists in his 6 starts and keeping Jimmy Canning out of the 1st team for a while.

    22 points from the 9 games you might be wondering how big the lead is and are we yet in an unassailable position ?

    Spoiler!
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  10. #310

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    Wow, I'm surprised to see Dunfermline so close. It's always a pain in the arse when you've had such a great season but there's still another team doing so well too.

    Hope the young lads can hold out

  11. #311
    ebfatz is offline Social Media Bod
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    Two horse race already.

    Fergie for the chop if they don't make it up this season?
    He'll have to keep the chairman on side if he's to stay.

    Which means no more compromising positions?

  12. #312

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    Respectable league position is the only expectation from the board. I don't think that my position (compromised or not) is at any risk. Just writing the next update, probably to be posted tomorrow, which does involve a "compromising position" and AMC disappearing down Fanny's cleavage
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  13. #313

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    Not again !

    No change from the next set of fixtures. Kilmarnock beat Airdrie with a late goal while we held on for a 3-2 win over Dundee. Canning and 2 from Rankin had put us 3 up before the usual second half colapse. Next up, the top of the table 3 pointer.

    Before that, we were preparing for the arrival of attacking midfielder Scott Thompson on loan from Celtic. He had played 3 times for their first team and while I liked his pace and goal scoring ability, I thought there was work to be done before thinking about putting in a permanent offer. Even at 19, his age was against him !


    There was plenty of paperwork to prepare and Francesca and I were working out who needed to do what. There was a knock on the door. It was physio Ryan Findlay.

    Him: Just need to check that bowl of fruit I left for you earlier.
    Her: Why ? What's wrong with it.
    Him: Been reports of some Amazonian Man-eating Caterpillar that was imported with some bananas
    Me: Is it dangerous ?
    Him: Man-eating creatures usually are. This bowl looks allright. You're safe.

    There was a joint sigh of relief as Findlay left the room. And we got back down to work. Sometime later, as we were putting the final touches on the contract, ready for Scott to sign, I notice something large, black and hairy crawling over Francesca's shoulder.

    Don't move ! I shouted, but before I could get there, the creature had dived down into her cleavage. I ripped open her top trying to find the terrifying beast

    I may have been in the process of saving her life, but if anyone had opened the door at that precise moment, they might have got completely the wrong impression.

    NSFW
    Spoiler!


    Stuart Gilmour opened the door.

    Stuart Gilmour: What the bloody hell is going on here !
    Me: It's not what you think !
    Him: This had better be good
    Me: It's not like that. I saw a caterpillar …..
    Her: …... It was heading down my bra …..
    Me: …... It's a man-eating one …..
    Her: …... We weren't …..
    Me: …... I wouldn't ….. Look ….. got it !

    I held up a 1 inch long, black, hairy caterpillar by the hairs on it's back, avoiding the dangerous looking fangs protruding from it's salivating mouth. I threw it on the floor and stamped on it 3 times until black caterpillar blood was starting to pool on the floor.

    Francesca: Oh My God ! You've killed the AMC !
    Me: Bastard ! Tried to kill you !

    Gilmour: Look, I don't know what's going on here, but if that was an act, it was almost convincing. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but there had better not be any more incidents. Alex, if that paperwork is done there is no excuse for not being with the squad. We have an important game on Saturday. Francesca, you take that lot over to the solicitors. I'll be watching you 2 very closely from now on.

    After saving Francesca's life, beating Kilmarnock was a bit too easy. Goals from Rankin and Nicol, finally getting his 50th, both within 4 first half minutes was enough. This time, although we didn't score any more, there was no fight back, and we had a five point lead. Wins over Airdrie, Morton, Falkirk, Rangers and Ayr plus draws with Livingston and Dumbarton made it an unbeaten series and with 68 points, it is already more than Partick Thistle and Morton had when they won the league. It is just 5 and 6 points off the totals from Inverness and Dunfermline when they beat us.

    Sadly, it wouldn't be enough this season. Following our victory, Kilmarnock won their next 7 to close to within just a single point going into the final 9 games of the season. This was never going to be easy.


    Just a footnote on poor Rangers. Fat Sally has spent nearly £1m this season on new players. That is 3 times more than Kilmarnock and over 60% of the entire spend in our league. They also have the 6 highest paid players in the league. Hope they are ready for a second division campaign !!!!!
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  14. #314

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    St. Mirren to go up and Rangers to go down!

    Still astonishingly close at the top! It's a shame that you beat Kilmarnock but the gap has not improved after that. Still got the faith though

  15. #315

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    Still delicately poised! Never liked that Guthrie anyway if it's the same one who was at Southport either last season or the one before.

  16. #316

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    It gets even closer

    Leading up to the final crunch game between the top two, our unbeaten run was ended. Airdrie and Dumbarton didn't pose too much of a competition, however our wins were matched by Kilmarnock who thrashed Morton and Livingston. We still had our one point lead, however it was Dundee who took advantage of some woeful finishing by the normally reliable Rankin and Nicol. Dundee scored 3 minutes from the start and three minutes from the end of the match, and in between it was Rankin and Nicol blasting the ball left, right and high of the Dundee goal. Basically anywhere but on target.


    It is a surprise for both strikers to have bad games together. Usually one or other manages to find the net, with Rankin now chalking up 33 in 30 games and Nicol 24 from 29. The main supply route has been captain Scott Craig with 14 assists so far, and he is on target to break his club record of 20 set last season. All 3 have been the subject of 7 figure bids however with them all on contract for further year, the curtain has been drawn on the transfer window and they will all remain as Buddies for this season. Craig and Rankin are both happy at the club, but having finally won his U21 cap, Mark Nicol thinks he is destined for bigger things. I suspect I may loose him in the summer. I did try to get in a defender from Hearts just on deadline day, but failed to complete the deal on time, so I'll revisit that in the summer too.

    With that loss, the first in 16 league games, I was expecting to go into the head to head behind our challengers. I knew that they were 1 up at lowly Airdrie. It may not count as a proper Fergie Time goal, but in the dying seconds, Airdrie had their first attempt on target and somehow David Connoly's week effort squirmed under the goal keeper. The game finished at 1-1 and we had kept our lead by the smallest of margins.


    Five games to go after the head to head. Whoever picked up the 3 points would have a huge advantage.
    Last edited by Kingsley; 11-09-13 at 10:47 AM.
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  17. #317

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    Calling it now, you to win the league on GD.

  18. #318

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    Another close tie towards the end, City and United all over again

  19. #319

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    That's what I said last season, AMC Didn't pan out though

    Feeling the tension now!

  20. #320

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    Quote Originally Posted by AMC View Post
    Calling it now, you to win the league on GD.
    I couldn't possibly comment, but I played the games today, and I do know what happens

    Any predictions on Rangers and Fat Sally ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mark View Post
    That's what I said last season, AMC Didn't pan out though

    Feeling the tension now!
    Tension ! I was bricking it. Unbelievable that it could play out the same way 3 years running
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  21. #321

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    Is the second relegation spot a playoff? If so they'll survive the playoff, Ally will probably stay as the club is more than likely semi pro now and coupled with a low rep, the board won't have high exectations.

  22. #322
    ebfatz is offline Social Media Bod
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    Prediction:

    The Buddies by a point.

  23. #323

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    The Game

    In the home dressing room at St. Mirren Park, Paisley

    Me: Ranks, Scotty, Alan, Pets. You boys have been here the longest.

    Jonathan Rankin, Scott Craig, Alan McLaughlin and Robert Petrie all nodded.

    Me: You can remember what it was like when we lost to Inverness in the run in. How did it feel ?

    Silence

    Me: Not too fucking good ! More of you suffered the same with Dunfermline last year. Not too fucking good again ! Any of you want the same again ? Any of you ? If you do, get up now walk out that fucking door and get on the fucking bus and fuck off. I don't want to feel like that ever again.

    No body moved.

    Me: Right then what are we going to do about it ? I'll tell you what we'll fucking do …..

    We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in Paisley,
    we shall fight on the road and at home,
    we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our goal, whatever the cost may be,
    we shall fight at Kilmarnock,
    we shall fight at Livingston,
    we shall fight at Morton,
    we shall fight at Falkirk,
    we shall fight at Ayr;
    we shall never surrender
    and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this club or a large part of it were subjugated and loosing, then our fans beyond the dressing room, guarded by the stadium stewards, would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the SPL, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of St. Mirren.

    Right then. Get out there and beat this crowd of tractor drivers. This is for St. Mirren. This is for your destiny.

    It is fair to say that my speech did it's job. From the kick off, Nicol chipped the ball right for Rankin. He moved forward, skinned Creaney, barged past Perry and tried a low drive which beat the out stretched hand of Allan McGregor. 34 seconds gone …. 1-0.


    Killy kicked off but their attack was soon broken up by a punt up the park and Callum Reid won the aerial battle playing it wide to captain Scott Craig. He advanced down the right wing, whipped in a cross, Rankin was waiting. 4 minutes played …... 2-0. It was his 35th of the season.


    Kilmarnock were shell shocked and just couldn't put a foot on the ball. Soon the ball was back in their penalty area. Rankin had a sight of goal but couldn't quite steer it past McGregor. Corner. Taken short to Canning who chipped it in for Nicol. He had no where to go so nodded back to Rankin who fed Flynn on the opposite flank before continuing his run to collect the return from Flynn. Nicol was unmarked. Ranken found him, neat lob. 10 minutes played ….. 3-0. It was his 25th of the season.


    This was all too easy and so we took our foot off the gas a little. We were always firmly in control and although we created little, it was gone the half hour mark before Killy had any sort of effort on goal. Rankin and Reid could both have added to that tally before the interval, but I was far more happy than Killy player/manager Allan McGregor as the teams went down the tunnel for a well earned break.

    I don't know what McGregor said to his boys in that dressing room, but it must have been good. The heavens had opened and puddles were starting to form on the pitch when Max Write got the second half underway. Anthony Marenghi had a pot shot from well out. Clarke was behind it, but the ball was so wet that he couldn't hold on. Kevin Thompson pounced – 3-1. Not again !

    Marenghi drove forward, fed Walters who crossed and amid the sleeping defenders Phil Airey lept to burry a header past Clarke. 3 minutes of the second half played ….. 3-2.

    Fight ….. Fight …... Fight …... Fight

    I was prowling the edge of my technical area, barking orders.


    End to end play now with both keepers tested, both by the weather and by the attacks which were becoming shoot on sight rather than composed in any way. As we passed the hour mark, I felt that the storm had been weathered. Conditions were heavy and so fresh legs might make the difference. Flynn, Craig and Canning had run themselves into the ground so Gray, Fisher and Fotheringham took their places. Allan McGregor made a couple of changes of his own and it was a while before it settled down again.

    Into the last 10 minutes and it was clear that Killy had just held something back for a final onslaught. Wright sent a snap shot over the bar. Airey headed wide. The 4th official announced 3 minutes of injury time as McGregor sent a clearance deep into our territory …..

    To be continued
    .
    The artist formally known as The Eejit

  24. #324

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    ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

    THE TENSION!!!

    ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!

  25. #325

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    FFS I'm trying to keep me blood pressure down over here!

    Great work...

    ...now hurry up with the update!!

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