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Thread: A Narrative of Zan - Chapter 1: The Motherland Calling....

  1. #126
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    Nothing, England

    “Took longer then it should’ve...”

    Waking with what felt like a month’s worth of drinking could give you, dizziness shrouded my vision. Trying to think back to how I got into this situation just left me with even more dread. The sharp claws of the throbbing headaches dug deeper into my brain as I tried to look around. This was one hell of a hang-over - if that was indeed what it was.

    Putting all my strength into one leg, I was able to push off a stable wall, to finally stand up. Though somewhat lopsided, and after a few exaggerated breaths, I was able to take a quick tour of the room.

    It felt like I was transported into a realm of cheap, shitty horror film. And with the experiences I had gathered already in my short time in the Isle of Zan, this wasn't something I would want to deal with for long!

    With every ounce of strength left in my still drugged body, I stumbled on my knees, climbing up the wall impersonating Elvis when he saw a crowd of gushing women. Breaking multiple sweat, my drugged carcass was crutched by the outing of the abandoned house. Each room I went through, more and more the drug had started to wear off.

    And when I finally went outside, I found a rather odd sight before me.

    Johnny: What the fuck!
    Pig-Fellow: What the fuck!

    A pig-human hybrid soon emerged from nowhere. In blue overalls, he seemed to be as surprised to see me as I were to him. But the grotesque creature before me shock me to my core.

    Pig-Fellow: You Northern! Why have you come to New Pork City? Was not the relocation of my people enough for you lot? Now the false king has taken to his Bastard son to do his bidding!

    Saliva dripped from his off-shaped jaw, his bent teeth sticking out of his mouth, allowing for the rotten edges on full display. My shock silence only revered him more.

    Pig-Fellow: Speak you Clean-Heathen! You bare your face upon the holiness of the South with no reason why? Speak as the heir of the fictitious Mud-throne!
    Johnny: I was in Zandon. Catching a bus, then I got drugged. Woke up here. I swear, I know no more. I just want to go back….
    Pig-Fellow: Drugged? Bus? You clean, stalking bastard! I should slaughter you and eat your entrails for delicacies right here, right now! But, by the Order I am not allowed. You must follow me to speak with our Mayor. He shall judge your future, Spotless-Spook!

    Not knowing any of the context of the names he had called, I followed suit with the bittered creature, which meant walking through the town. Feeling like a sideshow attraction more of the creatures had came out to see me walk through the town.

    Walking through the centre of the town, I felt each eye of the residents following my every step. I was the buffet for the Fat American Convention in this town, and as I passed by two in particular, I felt the uneasiness as I overheard there conversation.

    Pig 1: He's the bastard! The human from the North! Long nosed freak!
    Pig 2: Worshipping the thing you roll in? So pigheaded!
    Pig 1: Hey, Hogrid! What's a Northerner to a Southerner?
    Hogrid: What, Pigsley?
    Pigsley: A boaring long nose!

    I heard them snorting away at there own jokes, as I was ushered into a large hall. Inside more and more fiendish stares came my way. Some more humanoid then I would've expected.

    But that wasn't going to improve the sight that was I was about to meet. The Mayor of this whole weird ass place was awaiting for me at the end of long hallway. The long distance made it feel like death row as jeers and poor pun insults were shouted at me by the workers and gathered citizens. It all got worse as I entered the office, forced to take a chair and face the swine in front of me.

    My face painted a picture of 1,000 Google images of horror. The mayor was more odd looking then the other piggy-people I had seen or encountered thus far, but that did nothing to help the matter. On the desk I saw a golden name plate that read ‘Mayor Abraham’.

    Yet another name that is pig-related…

    Abraham: So the mighty Zan Man’s son has come for an unexpected visit to the people his forefathers try to genocide! New Pork was a thriving city that rivalled the capitals of this Island, and your family decided to rid the competition. So Mr Arses, what are you going to say to make sure our suspicions is that you aren’t some spy?

    With the heat of a whole diplomatic incident possibly on my shoulders, all I could do is the Canadian.

    Johnny: I’m sorry, eh. It’s aboot time we left dis all in da past.
    Abraham: True. This is another generation of the Swine here, but how can we make sure your not telling porkies? You trying to sizzle me, boy? To fry me up?
    Johnny: I assure you Mayor, I have had no intentions of malicious to you or your fine city. I was just abandoned here after a civil dispute in the capital. I want nothing but peace, between yourselves and my family. I am not trying to hog the limelight!

    He leant back in his chair in deep thought, brown mucus – or so I presumed it was – seeping through his mouth hole.

    Abraham: I will believe this time, but this won’t be a pignic. You won’t be trotting out of here freely. If you truly want the two of ours families to be close to one another then you have to agree on one thing.

    Cautiously I nodded, not wanting to anger the mayor and just wanting to get out of the Southern Isle of Zan as soon as possible. But soon this was a decision that became unwise. Abraham called over Pig-Fellow, whispering into his ear before he went out of the room. As soon as the doors slammed, Abraham turned my attention back towards him.

    Abraham: Well Johnny, if that’s okay to say, if you truly speaking about brining our family into the same pen that I propose a business venture. You see, I have a daughter. She is seen as the pig of the litter and every one in the city is after her. But I hold her dear, she is my shoat beauty you see.
    Johnny: And you want me to be a match maker?

    I said instantly, not wanting to her the supposed deal he was about to mention.

    Abraham: Not entirely. I want you to marry her, and thus our families will be tied together. And, we would be royalty, making all your families history insignficant. Of course, I am not going to ask you to marry her without at least seeing her pork-chop in person!

    Iggy was then called into the room, and for a second I felt like I was in some kind of game show.

    A rather normal looking attractive woman walked through the doors, with the only object being that she had a snout instead of a human nose. But that wasn’t the true issue! I am/was/still are married to my wife!

    Johnny: I am blessed to me her, and she really is something. But Abraham, I am already in a committed relationship. I cannot, unfortunately, marry your daughter.

    With that being stead, the peaceful talks turned into an act of war, as Abraham ordered for me to be executed. With a quick eye and an early lead, I leaped through an open window and outside. Running for the life of me, I was able to turn round a corner to avoid the passing mob of Swine – the term Abraham had used to describe his people- and catch a momentary breather. But in the end, I was still stuck and with no sign of any escape back into the safer Northern part of the Isle.

    With no hope left I heard a rustling sound coming from the sewer, and I couldn’t believe who would’ve been my saviour/

    Breakfast Clown: Do you want some Wheet-a-Bix, Georgie?
    Johnny: Oh yes, you bloody saviour. Anything. Just not here. Back in Zandon, take me back and I'll eat as much cereal as you want me too! Just take me away.

    With a gleaming smile, Breakfast Clown helped me down and onto his Poo-Boat.

    Somehow he had convinced the other passenger – a random Frenchman – that the boat made from faeces was infact chocolate. A problem that had soon realised after the Frenchman became somewhat peckish.

    But in the end, it had worked. I escaped the clutches of the Swine pig people by using my Breakfast obsessed Clown physio’s boat made of poo in the sewers of the Isle of Zan, and safely arrived back with a belly full of cereal, and a forewarning of never talking to people waiting for the bus.

    In what took a longer then it should’ve, it was back to the football. My escapdees into the dark and dastardly New pork City wasn’t anything to distract the lads from keeping their terrific form from breaking down.

    From the routine Eastleigh victory in the previous game, it was back to the usual fodder thrashing of Aldershot. A 4-0 home victory, with a von Krondor hat-trick and Fourtwotwo header carrying the form on as we heading to York.

    Only a swap of del Mundo as the partnering striker instead of being on the right wing with Cavdenish was the only change, but still we lost two points as York equalised late on from Fourtwotwo’s strike on the hour mark. The 1-1 draw was only highlighted by the terrific display from Yorath on the left-wing as he earned an assist and the Man of the Match award.

    With a large amount of options, and cames coming thick and fast, I thought a little rotation would allow for more players to impress and make a stake at first team action.

    Duque came in at right-back with youngster Bjorn Wiffabiggun not needed, as Andre returned to full fitness. Ray kept his centre-back position with Cruijff-Zidane partnering him instead of Mohsen was rested after an average performance. Shamarsson was called upon for the DMC role as the much sought side position was again rotated.

    But the biggest risk was Von Krondor given a rest for a partnership of Steve Pyro and Del Mundo up-front. With an idea that we don’t look to constantly rely upon the Dutch-born star for goals always, I hoped that Pyro or del Mundo could make a star claim.

    The decision was bad however.

    A poor attacking display meant that del Mundo was taken off – as well as Yorath, who was replaced by a fully fit Henderson – and with his inclusion, von Krondor earned a Man of the Match performance off the bench.

    A game with an explosive six minutes saw us take the lead through AJ on the 53rd as he latched onto Cruijff-Zidane’s lobbed forward for a rounding of the keeper and into the back of the net. The away Guiseley then equalised just three minutes later, as Hurst finished a nice quick counter as he skinned Cruijff-Zidane before a low driven shot into the corner.

    But it was on the 59th minute that von Krondor headed in the abrasive Duque’s cross to restore our lead. With his 10th goal of the season, it seemed destined for the 20 year-old to be our main star. All I could hope was that he would remain injury free and that the other players wouldn’t mind…

    The victory made us keep in the race with the Cowley brother’s Lincoln City, with only goal difference separating us.

    Knowing that the chase could last all season, I decided that some more changes could influence the gap to hopefully more of a distance. Either with an eventual point advantage or more dependant on the amount of goals we scored. Von Krondor was chosen to start with del Mundo, Henderson to play right-back as Ray was dropped after another average performance for Martins to play only his 4th game in the campaign.

    Luckily our opponents were Gateshead, who seemed to be fighting relegation based upon their form thus far this season. But with them being at home, I couldn’t take any precautions!

    But with a two goal lead at half-time (Yorath, von Krondor), I was confident that this would be the start. Ending eventual 1-3 winnners as Fourtwotwo capped a perfect performance, and Shamarrsson asisting two of the goals himself, it was still down to goal difference as Lincoln picked up another win.

    Our 18+ goals comapred to their 13+ meant their was only five goal between us from second. We had to push on and hope they would drop points….

    Or the next game as we were hosting Lincoln at our stadium!

    But in the downtime between the games, I was instead surrounding with bids from Premier League teams, newspaper journalists questioning and even a badgering jab inside my head that something was up.

    From winger Yorath, to defensive midfield maestro Shamarrson, there were links of them leaving the club. Some for small amounts that would make a beggar feel ashamed, some for amounts that would get a banker erect.

    Hoping no heads would be turned by the specualtion, it was an unchanged side that would look to make the mark against Lincoln.

    It was a dream start for us, as 5 minutes in von Krondor latched onto Cavendish’s low cross to drive it in for the early leader. Both of the brothers seem unamused by the quick display of talent, which was nearly double 2 minutes later with a lovely move from Yorath, Fourfourtwo, Cavendish and von Krondor, which left with a shot just inches wide.

    But any chance came half-baked as they never offered any challenge, until the half-hour mark. And that came from an unlikely alliance. With a corner earned from an earlier chance, my free-choice for corner takers came to Cruijff-Zidane being the one to take it.

    A lovely lofted ball into the box from the defender was founded by another defender who was free as a butterfly in the box. With a jump like it was out of a ballet, Martins smacked the ball into the back of the net to end the first half with a two-goal advantage to us!

    With jubilation coming into the second half, the final whistle left us with disharmony. A terrific and solid performance in the first half, was absolutely ruined by a determined Lincoln. With a brush fo a first chance from the kick-off, they levelled through Muldoon.

    His 5th of the season was just an awakening for the Lincoln side as they tried for more, breaking the deadlock 13 minutes later when young forward Jenk Acar scored his 7th in 9 games thanks to a nice headed pass by substitute Everington.

    Despite playing with three striker for the final 15 minutes, we were unable to take a hold in the second half and finished the game with two points dropped.

    There was still no gap, and there still was a chase. With more and more speculation mounting up, all I can do is hope that the players can see out at least the season. But, with speculation did mean recognition for the lads. And when I came to open my emails the day after, I was shocked to see some good news on the international scene.

    Though only 7 players would be called up, it meant at least that they had finally been chosen based upon there form. I searched on the internet to see what names specifically was called up to congratulate them in person, but they weren’t who I thought they would initially be…

    A few names deserved to be called-up, the likes of CM Adventurer, Same Version and C-M Cruijff-Zidane had played well, but not enough to be called over the likes of Fourfourtwo or even von Krondor. Both of whom where no doubt our star players this season!

    But with all the transfer speculation, and with such a large team not being rotated – with the new youth signings showing promise too – I decided to go to the big guy with the problem in hope that he could give me a good advice….

    ZanMan: If they want to leave they can! In January, those ungrateful bastards will have an open opportunity to leave if you feel fit the price is good and that we aren’t getting scammed. Any offer will be discussed with the player. But your the boss, son.

    I decided to keep to my fathers advice, no player would leave till the January transfer window but only after my consultation would I allow them to move. With that now a bit more off the mind, we played the same team against another relegation battler in Macclesfield. It would be a tough run of games for the Silkmen as they faced Lincoln City last game, but was able to get away with a draw. Hoping that this time wouldn’t be the same result for the away side, I hoped another victory would gain us a point advantage….

    It wasn’t the best start for us, as Macclesfield took the game to us straight away. Chancing our young defensive unit with an early chance within the first few minutes, which actually got them a goal!

    Holroyd latched onto Annoh’s low pass in open space, and had a clear chance on goal. His 3rd of the season, the away fans had hoped for there third win of the season! And it did look that way as they kept the lead into the break.

    But not one to write off anything, I made no changes to the team and told them to just push forward and use their talents.

    Seem that was what was needed for the goals to come flying!

    It seems Fourtwotwo had taken the call-up snub to heart and make it a target to make all eys on him! And he certainly did with a hat-trick, whereas von Krondor did his routine – score goals.

    Unfortunately, as we scored goals for fun and took another win, Lincoln also took a win. Though not as clinical, they won against Guiseley 1-0 and made the gap still only two points.

    The end of the September month which was left with another tangy flavour in my mouth. The kidnapping and the Swine people did leave a mark on me, especially nearly being forced to be in a semi-beastiality relationship, but I have had to learn to move on from these strange occurrences, after all, football is the main goal here!

    And what a month it had been for us. A continuation on from August, with no hiccups, our glorious start has been fruitful. Though attention has been made by other clubs, no-one has specifically made it known they were wanting a move away, and that is what matters!

    Two awards came our way, a second consecutive Player of the Month for AJ von Krondor as he continues to out-perform his teammeates week in and week out, and a Young Player of the Month for Evander Shamarsson as he became a solid player in the defensive midfield role. Which can be seen as a deep-playing play maker with 5 assists in 8 games!

    All I could hope is that for the following months, the football would remain the key element and nothing would come to bite me in the ass….
    Last edited by ZanSnake; 03-02-18 at 08:48 PM.

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  3. #127
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    Nijmegen, Netherlands
    Good to see you've met my family!


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  5. #128
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    Can we see some player stats you mad fucker?

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  7. #129
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    . Not conceding cause I am the best keeper in the World. Muahahaha . Good results. Let's do the Invincibles. We believe in Zan.
    Youtube channel: infonator07
    Twitter: info0

    Donators welcome

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  9. #130
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    Nothing, England
    Quote Originally Posted by trunky View Post
    Can we see some player stats you mad fucker?
    Got players attributes last page, stats like motm, average rating are normally at end of season review. I'll do one mid season if that's kwl?

  10. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZanSnake View Post
    Got players attributes last page, stats like motm, average rating are normally at end of season review. I'll do one mid season if that's kwl?
    fair enough mate, just wanted to see how much I had been well I was doing...

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  12. #132
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    weekly updates = weekly drug taking!

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  14. #133
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    hahaha great write up, the breakfast clown really saved your bacon!
    gratz on the POTM AJ and YPOTM for me, delighted
    Bonus were now 2 points clear, woohoo

  15. #134
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    A hat-trick!

    Hat. Trick.

  16. #135
    Join Date
    Nothing, England
    “Continuing on….”

    With the games coming thick and thin towards the end of September, October seemed a little different for us. Soon after the awards were given out – myself not included – we were soon included in the Qualifying Round of the FA Cup.

    With that it mean our game in league against Tranmere was re-scheduled for next month, meaning we would have a two week period of rest before we would play another game.

    While it would be rest for the players, for me it would be time to requite myself with my surrounding and what had been going on during my absence. The first of which was an article written by a newspaper that I hadn't yet encountered.

    The articles based upon two opinions: one from the weirdo Fourfourtwo and another from someone I had never met before, Noodle Man. Demonstrating a lack of journalistic integrity to print something to just accuse someone….

    My first instinct was to grab my coat and walk down to the headquarters of the newspaper and get some answers! But, when I looked outside my double sided windows and saw the weather, I felt it would’ve been better to let it slide this one time.

    As the flashes of lightning shone up my studio flat, I sat aloof on my leather sofa watching the television. Hoping that the distinct Zanish shows would keep me away from the horrifying storm outside, I flipped each channel looking for something; anything to take my interest!

    But, nothing could distract from the flashes and roars that was occurring from outside. It was mother nature’s war with the Earth, and I was nothing but an unwilling witness hidden inside. A witness that was shit scared of the power of a single bolt, or a the shake of a large roar. Times like these would be one cuddled up with the missus.

    My astraphobia – which is the name to a phobia of storms like this was – was exceptionally bad. She would always be the one able to calm me, looking after me as if I was an ill patient and she was my nurse.

    For the first time in a while, I felt alone. Really alone.

    After my night of solitude in hell, luckily it was time for international football. Bartley’s men were facing Holland in another tough fixture for the new inational team. After tasting defeat against Spain – with none of our players I might ass – surely Bartley had learnt from his mistakes and ready to be more attacking?


    And as predictable as it would playing players in a old fashioned role such as sweeper, plus a lack of any understanding of what the fuck he was doing, Holland toss aside the team.

    A thrashing commenced, and once again, questions around Bartley’s managerial ability soon raised within the British newspapers, whereas in the Zanish ones: they were more bothered by which brand of weed was the best to try.

    My motherland….

    After the temporary tempting of the international game, it was still another week away till our Qualifying game against Kidderminister. With nothing but rejecting attempts from bigger clubs to poach our young stars to do, I decided that maybe I could spend a few days back home with my wife, especially with how lonely I had started to feel. But that meant getting permission from my father, as my boss, for the time away. I thought he would welcome it…

    ZanMan: You want to leave mid-season for a getaway? Leave this club for your own ‘thrills’? No! You are to stay and train. No drinking binges. No getaways. From what I've read, you’re becoming a liability.

    He said, smashing another empty bottle on the floor. Though he drank when I first got here, it had increased massively over the past few months.

    Johnny: Father, I am only asking for a few days. A day and a night even, or even for her to come here. Don’t you want to meet your daughter-in-law?
    ZanMan: She is no Zan. Therefore she has no purpose. Your marriage is void because…

    My drunk father stumbled with his mouth as he tried to finish his point. Fuelled with another gulp, he continued on.

    ZanMan: Well….. I am the Zan, so I say void, it is void! I would rather see you marry a Swine then to see you with her.

    My anger started to boil over. The drunk wasn’t me, but him. The man who ruled this country was nothing but a drunk. An arrogant drunk who couldn’t go the next minute without another beer in his stomach.

    Johnny: I am sorry to bring such shame to you, Sir. I will learn my place and be gone.

    I turned my shoulder from my drunk father, faintly hearing what sounded like a sob, I slammed the door to continue the purpose I was brought her to do.

    Continuing on from where we left off, I lined up the same team who played against Macclesfield over two weeks before. For a man to man alike, I was hoping for another impressive result and that with more wins, that maybe my father’s head would be outside his arse and allow me to go away for the Christmas period at least!

    The unchanged side started off the typical starts, continuing on our impressive attacking flair which resulted in a goal within 3 minutes. On the right hand side, Henderson and Steele connected well for a floated ball to the charging von Krondor. Unselfishly, von Krondor played the ball out to draw out the defenders to then deliver a low cross to the free Cavendish, who fought with tooth and nail to brush his diving head onto the ball and into the net.

    But Cavendish wasn’t done just there, and neither was his team-mates. As after 17 minutes, a simple thrown in became another opportunity for another….

    With second goal, we took our foot off the gas and the home side had more chances on the ball. Fortunately, the defence was all concentrating and was able to see out the first half, then second half, to see the result go our way.

    Though in the end the result was on our side and we looked impressive in both attack and in defence, it wasn’t shown brilliant on the accuracy of the amount of chances we created. Plus it seemed a few of the lads needed to learn the off-side rule…

    But in the end, it was nothing to complain about as we gotten the result that we wanted and pushed on in what can be seen as nothing more then additional pay day. It all adds to show up my father that I deserve to see my wife.

    Though the presence of a familiar ‘escorting’ characters didn’t convey full trust by my father on me.

    Shady Guys: Under strict orders to make sure your ass is on the bus straight away. No piss breaks. No phone conversations. Nothing!

    It seemed my father had realised that I could always nip off at an away game to see my wife and had now made sure that wasn’t possible. With my new stalking crew following my every whim, we pushed on with the month of October.

    The first of which was the draw for the First Round of the FA Cup:

    MK Dons.

    They are fight for the title two divisions up and with Nicky Maynard bagging in goals, will definitely be a slight improvement of opponents for us.

    And with another fortnight before our next league game, it was back to the same regime of training and waiting, while the brain numbing loneliness was taking it’s toll on me. So I decided that I had to make an effort to either contact her – which in turned failed for all the times I tried – or to fill my time with something within the Isle of Zan.

    With so much of the Zanish wild-like around me, which I had never spent time to explore, I thought it was time I had to get myself out there to see the sights of the place I was calling home. But first I grabbed my whistle, in case certain people tried to kidnap me again.

    I started off by visiting a prime tourist location of the Northern part of the isle called ‘Northern Point’. It wasn’t the best named location, but it was oddly beautiful. Taking pictures on my crappy mobile phone, I decided to follow the edge round. I soon noticed that it carved into a step pathway into a valley. Taking caution in the wind, I followed the pathway. After around half an hour, the pathway ended to a cave. But this wasn’t any ordinary cave, it was special.

    With no other option as the clouds started to gather above me, I slowly crept into the dark, strangely carved cave. Only lit with the poor flash-light on my phone, I followed through, hoping that there would be an exit the other side.

    Another half an hour venture, my heart was beating a drum solo and sweat had soaked my skin. My battery started to drain, so the light had dimmed slightly. With hope running out, life handed me a chance as the cave opened up.

    Within the half an hour of exploring the sun had come out and shined what awaited me.

    A door to a home, and just a few yards from there was a mail slot with a name of some sorts.

    Johnny: ‘G of the N’? What the hell does that mean?

    Not wanting to go back through the way I came, and with adrenaline rushing through me with my discoveries, I charged over and knocked on the door. A few seconds wait, and dread started to sit in.

    What if there’s a serial killer in there?

    What if it’s a secret society of the Swine?

    Or turnip-people!?

    My thoughts scared me half to death, and my instinct was to leg it back to the entrance I came from. But before I moved an inch the door flung open and my eyes popped out of my head.

    Gimp:muffled noises
    Johnny: S-s-sorry, I didn’t get that…

    I said nervously, as the weird man in front open the zip that muffled his mouth.

    [B]Gimp:[B] Sorry, I forget about sometimes, whoopsie me! Hahaha. Anyway, I was trying to say, Hello! How can I help you?
    Johnny: Sorry I was just passing by. Must’ve got the wrong address, sorry for disturbing you…
    Gimp: Ha! Aren’t you a funny one! You entered the cave right? You penetrated to far to turn back now, laddie. Now let little old Gimpy help you out!
    Johnny: Now, it’s fine.
    Gimp: I don’t want to take that, and I take a lot! Come on in, you must be lost and confused.

    I slowly crept into the cave apartment as the Gimp instructed, and was in utter shock as I saw his home.

    Gimp: Make yourself at home, I'll just get some drinks for you.

    He left me alone in his living room as he exited out, feeling his instant trust allowed myself feel less hard done by. As I walked around the room, it was obvious that this man was very popular but really isolated. As he came back into the room, with drinks in tow, I decided to finally get to know someone from Zan!

    Johnny: Thank you. Sorry about earlier, i’m just on edge lately.
    Gimp: If I was the son of the Zan I would be too. Your a hunted man, a bear of sorts. In more ways then you think…
    Johnny: You know who I am?
    Gimp: Of course I do! Not every day you get royalty come calling to your back door… Well, any door actually.
    Johnny: Well that’s the first proper welcoming I have had since I got here. I am sorry, but I can’t say I have a clue who you are. I just wanted to get out of the flat for a while and stumbled myself here.

    A little chuckle replied with a gulp of his tea. After a nice sully sigh, he opened his mouth once more to finally respond.

    Gimp: Well I am infamous, I guess. You see, I am the Gimp of the North. But let it be written on record… somewhere since I get find any pens in here… My nipples cannot do what they say they do! Poor perky nips. I say, some of the things they say is outrageous sometimes!
    Johnny: Can’t say I have heard of you myself… Remember I am not from here…. So local gossip isn’t anything i’ve come across. I just do football, nothing else really.
    Gimp: Well spank my ass and call me whatever you want, ‘cause that is the best thing I have heard in a while! To have a conversation with someone that doesn’t ask, ‘so were you a naughty child and so you need to be punished as an adult for all the naughty things you did’ again, I could…

    With that said his anger smashed the cup of coffee in his hands. Visibly bleeding I offered to help clean up, but the Gimp just waved it off, grabbing another he made ‘in case it happened’. With his second drink, we chatted away for an hour before he let me out through the ‘other’ entrance which was a ladder to the Northern point.

    The Gimp turned out to be the first friend I had made in the Isle of Zan, which made me more optimistic of exploring further in the future.

    But after the pleasant meeting with the Gimp of the North, it was time for the training. The sessions had become tense since the ‘news article’ came out about me, especially between myself and my assistant manager Wyatt Wylder. It came to the point that I had to call a team meeting with all the back-room staff to try and sort it out.

    Johnny: Right lads. I know that there is some distrust from some of you due to some false news being spread about me missing a training session. I tried to see if we could work past it, but unfortunately, this has become a situation.
    Wyatt: I think it is more down to you not coming in, because you were having a drinking binge! Without inviting us!
    Johnny: First off, you created your career by getting hammered! And secondly, like I said, it is false! I was actually kidnapped and abandoned in a Southern city that homes a pig-human species called Swine!
    To: Eu odeio todos vocês! Estou secretamente deixando este clube de merda, foda-se a todos!
    Johnny: Wait, what did To say?

    Only one man was seen as the translator, that being the former journeyman striker Cherno Samba.

    Cherno: Why are you guys looking at me? I never been in Portugal! Hell, this fucker just said, “Fuck you all! Fuck the manager! Drunk bastard!”
    Johnny: Well, nonetheless. I am your boss, and I am telling you the truth. The place is called New Pork City! Check the maps!
    Wyatt: What maps? Google hasn’t shown Isle of Zan on their since the whole Blurry island shit kicked off.
    Johnny: Well then, what about Breakfast Clown! He got me back. He can vouch!

    It seemed he wasn’t in the meeting, meaning everyone had time to sharpen their pitch forks. But an idea came to me! I marched out of the office and into the training room showers, and with the rest of the coach staff in tow, I stood over the drain to summon the Breakfast obsessed beast.

    Johnny: Wyatt! I can’t believe you don’t eat breakfast! It is so, like, important. Obsessively so!

    Wyatt looked at me dumb-founded and soon noise emerged as soon did my planed summonce.

    Breakfast: Hey, you’re gonna like it down here Georgie!
    Wyatt: What the hell! My name is Wyatt! And plus, I always eat breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day…
    Johnny: Not important. Breakfast, explain to these guys how you saved me from the Swine.
    Breakfast: Me and Georgie floated away from the bad piggies. They don’t float down here. They swim.
    Johnny: See! If this insane clown tells the truth, now you guess must believe him as much, or even more, then the shite that’s written in the newspaper!
    Breakfast: I’ll see you in your dreams.

    A dreaded silence fell.

    Breakfast: You all are welcome down here. Bring some friends, Georgie, if they eat their Breakfast, they get a red balloon!
    Wyatt: Look, okay you made your point. I dunno about the others, but I was just annoyed that’s all. If you let us leave now, we’ll be cool.

    I agreed as Breakfast Clown stayed there watching us. With eye contact formerly matched between himself and To, it seemed the Portuguese had something to say to the costumed man in the shower drain.

    To:Você parece estúpido, palhaço do palhaço. O café da manhã é para perdedores, brunch para a vitória!

    Firm words spoken to him – I presumed – Breakfast Clown repositioned himself.

    Breakfast: Não há um balão vermelho para você - Georgie. Você flutuará aqui, você deve todos flutuar.

    Surprised by Breakfast linguistic skills, we all headed out of the shower and started training for only the second game of the month and first in the conference. Another away day meant another accompaniment with my new favourite guys, the Shady Guys. Tight-lipped as ever, the ride over was quiet and uncomfortable.

    The opposition was Braintree Town, a team that looked set to stay within the league. Hitting around mid-table, the team wasn’t pushing on for the title and promotion or falling enough to be considered as potentially in the relegation battle. For us, it was a perfect opportunity to be re-introduced into the league football!

    With eyes on danger-man Jack Midson, we pushed on from a failed attack in the first few minutes with two shots going wide from the striking partnership.

    The same attacking prowess was on display, but the same problems was there to see too. Chances were going wide. Being saved. Or, even being blocked. And this was within the first 10 minutes!

    But it was the old saying: “try and try again; eventually one of your players will score off a parry!”

    It was a reactive goal from the left-winger from von Krondor’s missed chance, allowing for the pouncing winger to snatch his 3rd of the season. And what I had originally thought was the first for a few more to come, became a perfect start of a frustrating game.

    Despite a last minute goal from substitute del Mundo, we crafted chances throughout the game and held off anything Braintree had to offer. It was a demolition job without anything being knocked down.

    With another disappointing amount of chances not taken, it was time for some harsh changes to try and encourage better results! If not, my father wouldn’t see me as a success and couldn’t see my wife!

    Only one defensive change as Henderson was pushed to the winger position so Duque was called in to do a job on the right-back position. Tran Manh was called in to rest Fourfourtwo, with both strikers being changed completely to hope that they had their shooting boots on.

    It started off well, as opportunities were made but once again they weren’t finished! And, to add salt into the wounds, Southport scored with their first shot on target!

    10 minutes on the clock, and a simple play for possesion by the home side result in a lovely crafted attack which resulted with veteran Gary Jones crossing the ball in and – with a bit of flair – ended with Ashley Grimes heading in his 6th of the season….

    ..or so they thought, as the assistant referee had seen Jones offside in the build up. With the heart attack moment quickly subdued, I had thought we would push on with the offside being motivation to go get one for ourselves.

    But no.

    A simple foul which lead to a free-kick, allowed Gary Jones to line up a wonder goal in the making. With 16 minutes on the clock, he repaid his team for his offside gaff by given them the lead – officially.

    It winded us. As we never posed a threat to the home sides defence for a while. Though Adventurer and Tran Manh was easily bossing the midfield, neither could really make a mark further. With no hope within me for anything in the first half, two pesky wingers decided to combine to turn the tide.

    A low cross from left winger Yorath was found at the back post by right winger Henderson with just five minutes of the half to play. Changing my planned half-time talk, it was still all open for anything in the second half!

    The second half was more of the same, except with one chance taken as Pyro’s powerful shot was saved allowing Tran Manh to pounce and score on the rebound, giving us the lead and the eventual win.

    Though it more or less the same, with Southport getting less chances but taken what they had, we were more deadly on goal with what we got.

    Less chances made but with more accuracy with the actual shots on target was a much better statistician to look at. And that’s despite our most in form player having ten-minute cameos towards the end of the game.

    It was a hopeful sight as we marched into November top of the table.

    Unsurprisingly we took the lead with 5 points advantage as Lincoln fell to defeat with a 2-1 loss at Wrexham, mostly thanks to a red card and the resulting penalty in the 55th minute to act as an equalizer and then a rebound goal from midfielder from Carrington.


    Within all the haste a shocking email came to my inbox one morning as I sat in my office, eating my mid-day cereal.

    Our Portuguese scout had took his bags and had left for a Premier League team in the same role, it seemed that he was still upset from my news report and took it personally. I felt a little betrayed but, in the end, I didn’t real use the scouting set-up as the number of Zanish players were near-enough none.

    With the twilight of the year coming to the end, and after avoiding any typical tricks on Halloween, it was coming towards the festive period. Christmas certainly around the corner – though as someone who had worked in retail, Christmas started two months before!

    So with the road to Christmas starting, it was time to rotate the squad and try to make sure that each game was accounted as stage to impress the big man, after all, that was the hope for myself.

    One week into the month and it was a home match against Tranmere, which with the reinstated von Krondor and Fourfourtwo, we was able to see off a 1-0 result the former with the goal set up by the latter.

    Three days later, we were thrust into our next home against Woking. Woking would be considered a play-off position team if they were able too, but instead would be a high and decent team within the league. Taking points away from title rivals Lincoln City meant they were a definite threat, and so it would be the same team again.

    The result was the same again, but with a twist!

    It took the second half for anything substantial to happen, and when it did, it happened quickly. On 59 minutes, Woking took the lead through Ugwu, latching on a free ball after Adventurer's tackle on Andrade.

    With our 15 game undefeated streak on the line, my mind was on edge. But just 5 minutes later, Henderson crossed the ball into the box for del Mundo to headered in his 5th of the season. Feeling an urge, I took off Fourfourtwo who hadn’t been himself for Tran Manh and put on Cavendish for Henderson – despite his assist.

    With del Mundo now on the right, Cavendish partnered von Krondor up-front with fresh legs and mind of Tran Manh supporting behind. 13 minutes on the pitch, they both combined to score the winner!

    Tran Manh’s lofting corner found the head of leaping Cavendish who powered in his 5th of the season, and us another three points!

    For the second time this season, Woking tasted defeat to a Zanish football club – the other being a defeat in the Qualifying Round of the FA Cup to BranFlake’s FC (0-2). Ecstatic with another terrific performance and a great comeback from the lads, my head was in the clouds!

    So much so I nearly missed some important information coming our way, the first being the draw for our opponents for the FA Trophy 2nd Round:

    A competition I was aiming to win and add to the club’s new trophy cabinet, Darlington 1883 was our opponents. The non-league side had an okay side, offered a chance of upset especially after our FA Cup match against MK Dons a week ahead. Ryan Noble offered the biggest threat to us, meaning maybe a stable defensive partnership would be preferable for the game….


    Though not prolific, all he needed was a chance and he could have a good go!

    But yet again, this wasn’t the only news that came through as Maestro del Mundo became an international player after being called up and played in San Marino’s 1-2 defeat against Liechtenstein. Starting the game and playing over an hour, del Mundo was a presence up front with 40% of the team’s shots on target due to him!

    With his second game in two games, del Mundo had a terrific week and with our next game being against MK Dons in the FA Cup, it was all going to be even bigger. The Road to Christmas was on!

    Surely, any interruption or break would ruin our run. Would it?

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  18. #136
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    As mad as a bag of frogs.

    Great to see us top and also some sort of stats.

  19. #137
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    5 games, 5 wins well done. Crazy write up what goes on in that head of yours

  20. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by trunky View Post
    As mad as a bag of frogs.

    Great to see us top and also some sort of stats.
    Trying to incorporate a bit more for you guys

    Hopefully next one will be better inserted

  21. #139
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    Adoring this

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